Sexytime with a 22-year-old gay virgin

All pics from menkissingmen.tumblr.com/

I'd chatted on pof.com several times with a sweet 22 year old aboriginal guy, "Trey."  He was from a remote First Nations community (no road access) in the far north and hadn't been in our "big city" long.   He'd made many online dates to hook up with guys but kept chickening out.

I asked, "Wouldn't you be better off with someone your own age?"  He didn't want to hook up with anyone his age;  he might know them and he wasn't ready to come out yet.   I was the only older guy who'd responded to his chat requests.

I sent Trey a couple half-nekkid pictures of me to sweeten the pot, this one and that one   These pics have been met with universal approval by gay guys online.   Trey said he was too shy to send his picture but he assured me that he wasn't ugly!   I didn't need his picture:  how can you go wrong with a 22 year old construction labourer, 5'-10" and 156 pounds.  Sweetness!!

Early Monday morning, Trey messaged me saying that he wanted to hook up with me, right then!  He wanted to do it before he before he changed his mind. I admired his courage but said I had to work all day ..... I told him to message me after work.

At five,  Trey messaged me to say that he still wanted to do it.   He added:


here is just one thing.. i know i would be nervous meeting u and going into ur house.. and during the drive i might be a lil quiet and shy :P sooo im saying that when we do get there that... when we undress and get naked.. that you.. come to me and slowly undress me how about that?? :P

"Slowly undress him?"  Sweet!  Trey asked if I could wait for thirty minutes because  he wanted to have a shower first.  (Good personal hygiene!!  Woot!  Can this get any better?)     He said that I should just cruise down his street and he would jump into my car.

Are you sure?  I said that a young aboriginal boy shouldn't just be jumping into a middle-aged white guy's car.   What if I was an axe murderer!!   Sexual exploitation of young aboriginals, both young men and woman, is rampant in Canada with mostly middle to upper-class white men as the exploiters.

He said that we'd chatted for several hours and he would trust me that I was an honest person.  I said, okay, fine,  but please remember that all men are not like me... there's lots of weirdos out there.

I cruised down the street (four blocks from my parents' house... yikes!!) and spotted a 'gangsta' dude in black jeans and hoodie.  He got in the car and said with a smile, "You see, I am a real person after all!" and then we drove in silence to my house.   At my house, he was visibly nervous so I suggested we cuddle in bed with our clothes on.  At his suggestion we watched a bit of porn on my lap top.  Before long,  Trey had relaxed and was grabbing his package through his pants.

I pulled off his shirt and rubbed his nips (rock hard!), then I unbuttoned his jeans, s-l-o-w-l-y unzipped his fly and pulled his pants off.  (the excitement... to see what was in those jeans, like unwrapping a Christmas present!)   His underwear was tented, so I pulled them off to reveal a beautiful, big, uncut hard cock  and a lovely set of balls.

He had a beautiful body, dark-skinned, smooth and slim.  The next hour was "intense" as Trey took charge ...., it was all slobbery, cigarette-scented (ugh!) kisses, licking, tonguing  and ass-play.   I said to him several times, "Are sure this is your first time?" and "Where did you learn how to do this?"  He just laughed.  I think he learned it all by watching gay porn.  Relentless energy!! 

At one point, I was thinking, "Oh, my God!", as he had one finger partly up my a-hole and was giving my cock a merciless hand job with the other.   Since we were the same size and I out-weighed him by 30 pounds, I was able to match his aggression and energy and, I hope, gave back as good as I got.  Wow!!

I did my best with a blow job on him, but frankly, his cock was too big for me to handle.  He grabbed his cock, I applied lube and he whaled away on it for a very long time.  Finally, he gasped, "I'm cumming.   Take it!!!"   What a thoughtful young man!  I grabbed his throbbing cock, finished him off and then wiped up the cum splattered everywhere.

Afterwards, we lay naked, full length body contact, limbs entwined until I was certain he had fallen asleep.  Again, sweetness!  After, I gave him a massage, starting with his neck and back and paying special attention to his ass and inner thighs.  Any excuse to keep my hands on him.... I just couldn't resist. 

Two hours later, I dropped him off a block from his home.  He looked at me with a smile and said, "Thank you!  That was nice! " and vanished into the darkness.

It ain't easy being sleazy (NSFW)

For a change, here are some pictures of some sweet, naked guys from flaccid affairs.

My special friend and I continue to get together on a regular basis.  To me, each encounter seems better than the last;  more relaxed with a deeper emotional connection and a bit of a shared history.  I continue to make slow progress on that other matter I discussed and am slowly getting used to the idea of back door sex.

Despite my limited availability, I am continuing to seek hookups with other guys.  I`m still getting a steady stream of messages from a wide variety of guys on pof.com and have not responded to the vast majority of them.   Who has the time?  

Right now,  I am messaging and chatting with several guys with the aim of arranging a coffee date or hookup.  The guys can be grouped as follows:


The Flaky 20-Year-Olds: They all claim to be "seeking a woman" on their profiles but will message me multiple times, "Wanna hookup?" Some will send pictures of their cock; one guy even sent a picture of his asshole (ewww!).    All are very appealing but I am determined not to seem over-eager.  When I finally say, "Okay, I am available any time this weekend," that's the last I hear of them.

Despite the difficulty with this age group, I wouldn't say "no" to a hookup with 20ish guy.   I think I just need to get it out of my system.... just the idea of having a sweet 20-something cock in my mouth is pretty exciting.
 

The Lonely 40 and 50ish guys, seeking a soul mate:     Their profiles all say "seeking a LTR" and "not interested in a random hookup" which is the exact opposite of what I'm seeking right now.  Yet, they continue to send me messages.

Many of them seem fantastic guys with heartfelt profiles and pics of them doing activities which I love:  hiking, skiing, cooking and camping.    I haven't contacted any of them.   I cannot start a LTR right now;  it's too soon (emotionally) for me and I'm not yet out of my marriage.   A simple "just friends" outing such as going for a hike will not remain "just friends" for long, I fear.

The Married Guys:    Maybe it's the nature of my profile, age and inexperience, but this is the largest group of guys who have responded to me.  All are aged 35+.   Some have no experience at all but are wanting to explore their increasing M2M attraction while others have a great deal of experience.  One guy, "Big Al" (very handsome!) has contacted me several times.  He entertains guys in his own home regularly when his wife leaves for work .   I am staggered at the risks that some (but not all) of these guys take in (1) being found out and (2) passing some disease onto their wives.


The experienced and "out" guys who always knew they were gay:
This category includes the HIV+ guy with whom I am having a platonic date tonight.   He`s a most interesting guy but deeply discouraged about every aspect of his life.

I haven't hooked up with anyone in this category recently, but I'd like to..... I'm sure that I really could learn a few things.  I have chatted quite a bit with a sexy, experienced 30 year old who says he prefers older guys ("more stable, less drama"),  finds my pictures "smokin' hot" and my inexperience a plus.   He is worried because he is ten pounds overweight.   I said, are you f*cking kidding?  Do you think any middle-aged guy will worry about a few extra pounds when a sexy, sweet 30 year old wants to take him into his bed.  You're gorgeous, absolutely perfect!!

I plan to set up a platonic coffee or beer date with him soon.  (I'm sure he`ll agree.)    He`s very intelligent so I plan to ask him about all sorts of gay topics and won`t mention a hookup at all.  If he wants to hookup with me, I plan to make him beg for it.... I`m not kidding!

HIV +

Before anyone gets worried, it's not me who's HIV+.   But first, here are some pics from wooflicious  in support of Sean's Dogably Pawfect Saturday.

Thank you, all, for the fantastic advice and support I received on my previous post about not cumming .... your concern is overwhelming!  I will take all the excellent advice to heart.   It was a hard post to write  but I felt I had to be honest about the problems with my mid-aged gay adventure and not just write about the fun stuff.

In the meantime, I had another coffee date and continue to be messaged on pof.com mainly by guys in their mid-to-late 20s.  Some of them have messaged me multiple times.

I've received much advice on online hookups and consensus seems to be: "Don't be over-eager in your responses to these online propositions."  You'll come across as needy and be dropped as quickly as a hot potato.  So... I'm being really disciplined and wait for them to message me and then only responding after a day or two.

I've now received a couple of messages from yet another a 25 year old "looking for a woman" but wanting to hook up with me.   He looks like a major hottie, 6'-2", 185 pounds, athletic build with some university.   Now when he says, "Do you want to hook up?",  I responded, "Well, I might."   **yawn**.  Note:  I didn't actually type 'yawn' but I put that in for your benefit, to convey the lack of interest I was trying to put across.

I also added that if he wanted us to do anything, he'd need to message me with a time and place for us to meet to discuss things face-to-face.  So far, he hasn't moved onto phase B.

Another attractive 29-year-old guy (self-described as a cub) also messaged me thinking that I was a "bear."  I send him a "Thanks, but no thanks" response and a self-pic to show him I wasn't a bear.    He liked my pic and now wants to meet me for a beer to talk about hooking up, but with no specific time suggested.  

While it is flattering to be messaged by these twenty-something guys, some older online friends have found out that some of these younger guys are escorts (or former escorts) who will, at some stage, ask for money.  This hasn't yet happened to me yet but has happened to them.

This week, I chatted online a bit with a 46-year-old guy;  very polite, well-travelled, educated and intelligent.  At our coffee date last night, he seemed very fit (he goes to the gym, a lot) but was not particularly handsome.  I forgot about that very quickly as we had a most interesting conversation.   He  moved away from our small town to get a bachelor's and master's degree.  His career took him to a couple of major cities but moved back home to care for his ailing parents, he said.   He certainly had possibilities as a hook-up.

Then, he told me that he was HIV+, having contracted it in 1989 at the age of 24.   Wow!   I apologized for being a coward or ill-informed, but I told him that I just wouldn't be intimate with someone who was HIV+.  I just couldn't imagine being that into someone, to want to take that risk.

He was enormously discouraged (and I think, a bit depressed) and but said that I wasn't unusual.  There was no one in town who would consider having sex with him.   He had a major discussion with me about safe sex to ensure I was practicing it correctly, all the time.  He stressed the "safe sex" point over and over and also said that although he makes full disclosure, there are HIV+ guys in town who do not.  A sobering thought!

Although he said his health was perfect, he wouldn't wish his situation on anyone.

In the end, we agreed that it might be nice to pursue a platonic friendship.  He has no friends in town and I only have a few;  certainly no gay ones.   Given my busy schedule with work and the kids, I said that I might be available for a couple of times a month.  We said we could do things like go to the gym together  ($2:00 night on Thursdays!), have coffee, go skiing or see a movie.

To that end, I invited him to an "international film festival" being held next Sunday evening which he accepted.   Another unexpected turn on my gay journey...

To Cum or not to Cum

All pics from http://guyscuddling.tumblr.com/. 

After our amazing coffee date, we have had three fantastic, lengthy intimate encounters.  These occurred in my home in the marital bed! (I still need to get my head around that one.)

The intimacy was incredible, both physical and emotional.  He is a bit older and more experienced, gentle, understanding, considerate, funny, charismatic, sexy as hell and has the libido of a man twenty-five years younger.  

He says I'm am amazing kisser and he certainly is as well!   He says I give the most amazing blowjobs .... fantastic ones!  (and just between us girls, I have to agree.  Damn, I'm good!!)   So what's the problem in this shangri-la of gay sex?   I haven't been able to cum while having sex with a man.  Not ever.

To put this in context, it is important that I describe my sexual history.  It would normally be embarrassing to reveal all these details, but, what the hell,  only two of my readers have ever met me  (Hello Cubby and Greg!), so here it goes....

I was an extreme late bloomer sexually;  I masturbated for the first time at 23 and lost my virginity to my future wife at 28, a few months before we married.  During the first year of marriage, my wife had sex 7 - 9 times per week and I loved it!.... absolutely wallowed in it.  This gradually dwindled down to no sex at all, due to the stress and exhaustion of having three children under the age of four.  The biggest reason for our sexless marriage was my emerging attraction to men although I didn't recognize it at the time.

However,  I've never had problems cumming with my wife or by myself during all those sexless years which followed.    My problem is:   I haven't figured out how to cum during man-sex.

During my previous two encounters with men, both attempted blowjobs but I didn't cum either time.  These would have been the first blowjobs I'd ever received, as my wife refused to attempt one.

This was understandable;  as a 48 year old gay virgin, I was exceedingly nervous with Hottie Nurse.  In any event, his blowjob technique would never have worked on me.  (a lollipop lick here, a cock head nibble there,  a tongue flick over my ball, all separated by long pauses.)

My second BJ encounter with Stoner  Dude, in a apartment reeking of cat pee, lasted all of 30 seconds.  His technique of gnawing on my cock head caused me to shout out in pain and sent my legs into spasms.

In one of our three encounters this week,  attention was paid to my cock head during the blowjob which became irritated and painful. When I wank off, I usually don't touch the cock head at all.  In the next encounter, my cock just became desensitized after several hours of heavy petting.  In both cases, I was nowhere near to cumming.

All the turmoil which going on in my mind is clearly not helping.  These include  an extremely serious crisis involving my wife (but having nothing to do with me), job demands, my medical concerns, financial worries, the on-going stress of constantly "showing" the house to sell and the newness of engaging in man-sex.

Throughout, my friend has has been kind, helpful and open to communication.    We decided that near the start of our next encounter, I should just wank off in my usual, no-fail manner, with him watching and assisting if possible.  Just before the very end, he might even take me into his mouth.    I'm hoping that this 'cumming success' will help me over this hurdle.

I described my problem while online chatting with a mid 40s guy staying at a local hotel.    He offered this comforting comment:
"I am familiar with not being able to come. I find that a challenge sometimes, but primarily with someone new.  I need to feel safe and comfortable with someone and sometimes that just doesn't happen up front ... especially if I hold off coming too soon and the "urgency" is gone. Anyway, I expect with all the things you have going on in your life that it's your head not letting you cum, not your privates. Things will settle for you and return to normal - stay positive."

Online Flakes (NSFW)

Actual pic of a sweet 34-year-old, described below.

Jaysonstreet's comments on my last post so accurately summed my feelings about my recent experiences that  it seemed as though he was there in my brain.  He obviously has had experiences similar to mind.   He said:

The experience you had ... reveals how repressed you had been and hungry for the kind of sexual and soulful all body experience you have long sought in your imagination. The kissing and caressing is for many men who are trying out their male urges perhaps the most stunning revelation.  It shows how deeply you need and want to have that closeness and intimacy with a man - and can get a kind with someone that soars up there higher than most of your significant life experiences.   

Dr. Spo's cautionary note is also something I've been thinking of, "Keep in mind intimacy hurts and is damn scary."  There is a possibility of me falling in love with someone who is not immediately available.

In just over a week of posting a profile on pof.com (without a picture), I've had over 15 guys send me messages, the majority of which I haven't responded to.  Here are a few which I would never hook up with:

• A persistent guy my age described himself as carrying a "few extra pounds."   Repeated requests for a picture revealed that (1) "a few extra" translated to about 400 pounds.   (2) I've already met him through my work and had no idea he was closeted but married.   Pass!
• A work colleague, who retired 12 years ago, didn't know who he was sending his picture and message to.   He is a  nice-enough nice, quite attractive for a guy closer to my father's age, but.... it ain't happening!
• A 19-year-old  attached a picture of his twinky body and beautiful cock.  To him, I replied, "Thank you for the message.  You look great but I will not hook up with someone who is barely legal."
• A okay-looking and sounding guy who was exactly my age seemed lonely and had interests which exactly matched mine.   On his third e-mail, he revealed that (1) he is less than 5'-0" and (2) he has had a boyfriend for ten years but wants someone to "play with" on the side.

And then there were "the ones that got away."  The biggest surprise has been the relatively large percentage of young single men (in their 20s and early 30s) who list on their profiles "Man seeking a Woman."   These young men send me messages such as, "Wanna hook up?"   and express a desire to "experiment" with a guy.  Many claim to have girlfriends but still want to explore a M2M attraction.  Yet, when I message them back, saying I do indeed want to hook up with them, they invariably don't respond. 

One sweet 34-year old man was from another city but was living a couple of months in a fancy hotel, paid for by his company. He initiated a conversation and chatted with me for several hours, quizzing me intently on when I first noticed an attraction to men and about my sexual experiences with them.  His stories of his emerging M2M attraction sounded so much like mine, 15 years ago.

When I said that (at that time) I had only given two blow jobs in my life, he unexpectedly responded, "Would you like me to be BJ #3?"   I said, "Are you serious?"  He said yes and sent a picture of his cock..... the magnificent one pictured above, time-dated to the exact minute we were talking.   Just the thought of wrapping my lips around that baby made my mouth water.   Beautiful!

Since it was past midnight and the kids were with me, we made a firm date for the next day.   Since then, he hasn't responded and I've stopped sending him messages.  This is one "miss" I really regret.

What happens with all these "straight" 20-something men wanting to experiment?  Are they chickening out?  Having second thoughts about being with a middle-aged man?  Are they just kids playing games with us older gay guys?  Who knows?

Both pictures below are from http://mysexymen.blogspot.com.

We're planning a 3-some.....

Intimacy

All pics from http://menkissingmen.tumblr.com.

I've just experienced one of the most exciting and overwhelming weeks in my life, save the births of my three children and my own wedding.  I am still trying to process in my own mind all that has happened and what the future might bring, if anything.   I constantly remind myself that it has only been just one week ....

I'm certainly not ready to blog about it other than to say that after three evenings together, two at my home, I've experienced intimacy which went far beyond the mechanical.  It was intimacy unlike anything I've ever experienced, even with my wife during our 20 year marriage.  Tonight, sleeping single in a king-sized bed suddenly seems very lonely.   Sadly, geography, work and family commitments will prevent us from seeing each other whenever we'd like.

A few other updates:

1.    Given a strong family history of prostate cancer, I had my first-ever PSA test last month.  The 6.9 result was slightly high.  A follow-up test had a result of 5.0, still a little high.    Another more definitive test of the ratio of free PSA over total PSA had a value of 0.13.  This was in a "grey area" but is very close to the < 0.1 value which would strongly suggest cancer.   It is nothing to panic about, but the tests will be repeated in April along with a digital exam.

I told my family doctor that I was just beginning my "Gay Slut Phase" and it was of primary importance that any treatment for prostate cancer not affect my ability to have get erections or have sex.   She understood completely and said that the "old school" invasive and debilitating surgery was far from the only option.  In fact, doing nothing might be the best option. Other treatments might include the implantation of a radioactive pellet(s) in lieu of traditional surgery and externally-directed radiation treatments.

2.   Today I saw a leading oral surgeon in another city for second opinion on my wisdom teeth.    The concern was that the radiation treatments I received on my jaw and neck as a cancer patient 29 years ago might have caused "radio-osteonecrosis" of my jaw bone.  This would make a simple wisdom tooth removal a potentially risky procedure. 

This second specialist shared this concern and referred my case to Canada's leading cancer centre.   I don't have to travel there;  rather, all my X-rays and radiological reports will be sent for a third opinion.   This is good news:  I am confident that in the end, I will be receiving the best possible advice.
 

Learning Curve (NSFW)

All pics from http://oneblowjobaday.tumblr.com/

It's been the most momentous week so far in my gay journey.   The enormity of it all has been just overwhelming and I need time to process it all.  In the meantime, here a few random thoughts and impressions.

• I am shocked at the number of married, closeted men who are actively seeking M2M sex.  It's like a hidden sub-culture which I never knew existed in our small community.  The vast majority of men who wanted to hook up with me fell into this category... however, it may have been related to my age, the wording of my online profile and my ass pics.
• I still cannot understand why so many young men (late 20s) seem to be seeking sex with men like me who are decades older.  I have no interest at all in having sex with a 70-year-old.  (no offense to those great guys!)   Many of these young men selected "Men Seeking Women" on their pof.com profile yet express to me a desire to "experiment" with a man.
• I'd forgotten what was like to have a intimate partner, to hold close, kiss and whisper to for hours on end.   It was what I was craving the most for the past ten years or more and didn't even know it.
• The whole business of the giving and receiving of ass play, rimming and being a top has been the hardest thing for this former "straight" guy to get my head around.   I need to get comfortable with the sexual possibilities down there and forget its primary function as a poop chute.
• With much help from a patient and understanding intimate partner, we've been preparing for me to bottom.   While I know that there is much pleasure to be had in doing this, so far, I don't see it ... "discomfort" is the operative word.  I had a sudden wave of nostalgia for some uncomplicated heterosexual vaginal sex!
• Despite much passion and amazing physicality, it has been far from smooth sailing in the bedroom.   The whole issue of "to cum or not to cum" will be dealt with in my next post.

Preparations

Who knew that having a gay slut phase took up so much time?  It's been all-consuming, but very rewarding.   My first week getting of my feet wet in the online hookup scene has been very exciting, by my standards, anyway.

My experiences so far have left me very confident in my desirability, both physically and with respect to my personality, as viewed by other gay men.  In the past year,  I've received many, much-appreciated compliments from my blog readers based on the many half-nekkid self-pics I've posted.  However, it was still a shock pleasant surprise to receive a similar reaction from gay men "in the flesh."

This pic shows my preparations for the upcoming week(s) .... I have feelings of excitement, anticipation and trepidation.  I must have courage!  There is no turning back now!!

Here is a small sampling of the gay sex-themed books to be found at our public library.   Not bad for a smallish, remote, blue-collared town!    Would public libraries in some of the more conservative parts of the USA even be allowed to have such a collection?  By the way, I know this 1992 edition of The Joy of Gay Sex is somewhat dated, especially in its discussion of HIV/AIDS.

I'm sure this Andrew Christian Freshman Car Wash advertisement has been viewed by every gay man the world over, but I had to include this uncensored version. It is so much hotter than the edited YouTube version.   I got very aroused watching this.... it's insanely hot!!  I loved the jiggle action, the soap dripping off cocks and the sexy models fondling each other.   I only wish I was there to watch the fun in person.
Click here:  andrewchristianvideos.com/uncensored-car-wash/video.html

Two coffee dates

All pics from wooflicious.tumblr.com/ .

My first coffee date last week was with a guy who's bear411 profile said he was as a 60 year old Italian, 6'-0", 225 pounds.  We chatted for a couple of hours;  he was very persistent and complimentary about the way I expressed myself, my intelligence and my ass pics.

I had fun playing 'hard to get.'   On the second day, after much circling around and hinting, he finally proposed a coffee date and if that went well, a hookup at his house.  His picture was attractive enough, although he was pretty big ... I'd be squashed like a bug!

At the donut shop (his choice .... a bit tacky), I didn't recognize the older man who approached me ...... he was considerably shorter and older-looking than his profile suggested.   The pic must been from a very long time ago or it might have even been of someone else.  Why do gay guys think  that being dishonest is a good start to an encounter?

Still, we had a highly enjoyable conversation as we had many interests and acquaintances in common.   It was great to talk face-to-face to a older gay guy about his life .... a first for me.   I wasn't particularly attracted to him but I thought that he was "do-able" and he was sure to know his way around a man's body.   My main concern was his bad breath wafting at me from across the table.   I figured my cock wouldn't mind a bit of bad breath especially if he was really good at sucking it.

After an hour, I said, "So, what now?"  He said that we would not be going to his house.  "You're not "bear-ish" enough.  I thought from your pictures that you'd be more muscular."  WTF??  I was worried about being too chunky and here is someone who thought I was too skinny!  Also, I had posted several nearly-naked, recent pictures of myself ... how could he not have known that what I looked like? 

He was very nice about the rejection.  He leaned across the table and whispered, "When I was younger, I used to wank off to pictures of John Goodman!!  We both laughed at that... too funny!  He added that he found me a very intelligent, personable and that I could carry on a conversation well.

He said that at his age, he was no longer interested in hooking up with guys that he wasn't attracted to.   I did appreciate that bit of honesty and we parted company.  Chatting with a couple of local guys later, I found out that he tries to hook up with every new guy who appears on the online sites at least once and then moves on ... it's sort of a game with him.

Coffee date #2 leads me to a dilemma.   Blogging about casual hookups is fine, I think, but I've always disliked the habit of many bloggers who provide intimate details of a budding, serious relationship.  I think it is disloyal and even dishonest to the guy you are seeing to have a third party (ie:  all the blog readers) participating in the relationship.   This just get worse later when the blogger starts talking about his complaints and relationship problems with the online world when he should actually be discussing them with his partner.

I'll say this:  the two hours we spent together flew by and were remarkable for the honesty, understanding, mutual admiration, sharing of common experiences and lust.  It just felt very special, I think for both of us.  

Strap-on dildos and size 11 cha-cha heels

 Some of the responses to my online profiles have really shocked me.  I hadn't the slightest idea of the sexual interests which existed in this boring little town.

The most persistent guy (8 messages) claimed to be a married heavy-equipment operator living nearby, aged 32, married and very deeply closeted. He proposed an initial meeting in a large auto-parts store where we were to "signal", but not speak. Forget that idea! His pic revealed a sweet, slim body. He said later that he shaved his pubes, balls, cock and ass. I asked him, "How do you shave your own ass?" ... which he ignored.

After receiving numerous e-mails full of spelling errors, I asked him, "What do you want?" He outlined the usual activities and then added that he's never had a guy's cock in his ass .... he wanted to do that with me. I asked, "Don't you have to practice with a dildo first?" He looked pretty small and with my... er... girth, I just didn't think it would work.... especially since we were both anal virgins.

He responded: "My wife uses a strap-on dildo on me all the time .... feels soooo good. I just want to see what a real cock in my ass feels like."  His wife has a strap-on dildo...really? OMFG... REALLY!??! He messaged me the next day, "I hope I didn't freak you out about the dildo" and I haven't heard from him since.

Another hot guy (36), outlined the usual range of things he would do with me.    He then added that he was into trannies and cross-dressers. He would bring an outfit for me to wear, if I wanted. Problems:

1. I wouldn't fit most dresses as my shoulders are so broad... and an off-the-shoulder gown just wouldn't suit 
2. Do they even make cha-cha heels in size eleven? 
3. I'd be the ugliest cross-dresser in the world. 

I ignored his message. Why would think he that I would ever be interested? .... my profile indicated very clearly my 'plain-vanilla' tastes.


There were about eight other responses from married, closeted guys who seemed to be fairly normal.  Most liked my profile pics, especially the ones of my ass.  Some shared their own similar experiences and expressed elation at finally discovering their gay side. Others were supportive and still others admired my courage, saying they were deeply closeted and "trapped" in their marriages. I haven't responded to any of them... I might never respond. Who has the time?

I've also chatted many times this week with a sweet guy my age. Last night, we had a webcam chat.... what a hoot... we had such a fun conversation!

Married and closeted, * he is the father of four adult children and first hooked up with a guy last summer. His experiences so closely paralleled mine, it was like we were them same person. Each of us had many questions about the other's gay journey and present life. We have a coffee date at a bistro in our town's most expensive hotel tonight. Classy!

I'll tell you all about it in my next post!

* the fact that he is closeted might be a deal-breaker.  Now that I'm finally out of the closet, I don't want to be dragged back in.

Gay Hookup Sites

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Dogably Pawfect Saturday

It's another Dogably Pawfect Saturday, created by Sean of Just a Jeep Guy DC.    The combination of sexy guys and cute dogs just irresistible!

I`d like to thank everyone for all your fantastic comments after my last post.   Your support was just overwhelming!     I may have over-reacted to the PSA result which might not mean anything..... so I won't tell my parents or children about it for now.

I've had numerous  random guys contact me with their prostate cancer success stories.  One common theme was "full removal is far from the only option."

I had another blood test yesterday to measure the ratio of "bound PSA" compared to "unbound PSA" which should provide a more definitive result.  We'll see how it goes!   However, I do remain quite concerned about some symptoms "down there." 

My son (pictured above) and I went cross-country skiing today with our two little doggies. We go to a nearby Nordic skiing centre with some 50 km (30 miles) of groomed trails. We are very lucky that dogs are permitted on about 10 km of trails, off-leash.   When the dogs figure out where we're going, they just go wild with excitement.   They just love it!

All pics are from http://wooflicious.tumblr.com/

'306' - a short gay film

For me, the most exciting thing about blogging is the fact that visitors from around the world read my blog and look at my pictures. About 70% are from the United States. Recently, my Canadian traffic has increased somewhat when I listed on Queer Canada Blogs.   Cool! I'd like to get more Australian readers but I'm not sure how to accomplish that.

Recently, I received a e-mail from Hilde Orens, a Belgian producer, writer, author and blogger who lives in London. She wrote:

"I wanted to send you a link to a video, a short gay film (not porn) .   It's called '306'; written, directed and produced by film maker Elliot London. Set in Chicago, IL, this 11 minute short film shows a day in the life of a young man. Without a single word spoken, '306' is full of emotion and shows us exactly how Eric (played by Brian Estel) feels at all times. Beautifully shot and great acting."

I loved the video and found the main character just adorable.  (Edit:  I meant physically adorable in the first half as we watched him get out of bed, get dressed, go to school and shower.)  I felt some tension as I wondered what he was so pensive about, like something bad was about to happen to him.

I found the violent scene at 6:10 very hard to watch and the ending very jarring.  I guess that sort of thing really does happen in real life? .... a disturbing thought. 

"306" Short Gay Film from Elliot London on Vimeo.

PSA Test

My brother (52) has had a rough go of it since his prostate cancer surgery last month.  He's been back to the hospital three times with bleeding and a post-operative infection.  He now seems to be doing better, finally.

It is too early to tell if he will still have the ability to get an erection or have orgasms.  We would never discuss such things but I probably would be able to find out from our father.

Fourteen years ago, our father also had prostate cancer which was treated successfully   Both of these events place me in the "high risk" category.

After much parental nagging, I had my first-ever PSA test recently (I'm 49).  Yesterday evening, my doctor phoned with the news that my PSA result was 6.9.   At this point, I kind of tuned out of what she was saying. It went something like this;   anything above 4.0 warrants further investigation, so she wants to me take the PSA test again....blah, blah, blah..... also wants to test for "free PSA versus bound PSA" blah, blah,  blah ....  must phone to book an appointment for a digital exam.... blah, blah, blah.... will consider a scan test of some kind......blah blah.

I know that the PSA tests are quite variable and not the greatest predictor of prostate cancer.  However,  I've had various worrisome signs and symptoms over the past several months.   I just attributed these to being a middle-aged man but now, I'm not so sure.   I just have a really bad feeling about this.

I've already had my life-threatening bout with cancer 29 years ago and have been dealing with the after-effects ever since.  Been there, done that... many biopsies, numerous major surgeries,  countless diagnostic tests, several recurrences, radiation and chemotherapy treatments, +100 appointments in cancer clinics.   Believe me, the worst part is that I know the drill all too well!

Just the thought of heading down that route again is tremendously discouraging. 

How many more challenges must I deal with?  I didn't sleep at all last night and now am having difficulty hauling my sorry ass out of bed.  Somehow, taking a few nekkid self-pics and writing this post cheered me up a bit.  (Is that fucked up or what?)  Thanks for the distraction, my dear online friends!    My daughter is coming over to go skiing with me and both my daughter and son will be here for several days.  I need to get my ass in gear ASAP.

One positive note:  the possibility of having prostate cancer has strengthened my resolve to get my ads posted on a few online gay hookup sites ASAP ..... I better start having regular sex with men while I still can.

The Third Leg (NSFW)

http://largetony.tumblr.com/

Here is a shout out about a sexy new blog, The Third Leg.

Large Tony of Tennessee, who I previously blogged about here and here, has just started his third blog.  I think Tony is the coolest guy ever and I fully understand and appreciate his exhibitionist streak.   It takes one to know one! ...  but sadly, I do not have  a magnificent body like his to show off.

Tony writes:  
I felt like it was the perfect time...  to move on to something with a broader scope, in hopes that it will make me a more active blogger.  I will continue to write full on posts, because writing is what I am about. But I will also include stuff that I run across and would like to share, whether it’s photos, videos, quotes, web sites, news, etc.  Think of it as a Largetony Magazine.


Let's encourage Tony in his new blogging venture.  Please, check it out!  Tony,  a sweet, thoughtful, romantic and clever young man,  writes beautifully;  full of wit and insight.


I can't think of any other reason us gay guys would be interested in him, do you?

http://largetony.tumblr.com/

http://largetony.tumblr.com/

Resolutions for 2012

I wish everyone reading this has a healthy, happy, financially-secure and sexually-satisfying 2012 in which you are grateful for the blessings in your life and where you find contentment in the "present" moment.

I've never done New Year's resolutions before but will do so this year, with the goal of maintaining the momentum of my incredible journey.

For 2012, I plan to:

1. Maintain my health and fitness goals.    I will continue to see Hottie Physiotherapist and my cute 34-year-old Italian massage therapist* weekly to continue the amazing improvement in my spinal health. I will continue my slow loss of weight (ie: fat) but hope to increase my muscle strength and mass.... but I'm not sure how I'll do this. I have been increasing my cardiovascular fitness by cross-country skiing several times a week but hope to add lane-swimming at our local university pool.  I find lane-swimming boring as hell but the frat-boy scenery might be a good motivator for me to actually do it.
*I haven't yet blogged about him. 


2. Volunteer at one but preferably two LGBTQ organizations in town.  I already know the people to contact in this regard.  One organization needs volunteers to help at big events such as our Gay Pride week in June or our LGBTQ Film Festival.   The other organization provides blanket support to LGBTQ folk in the community, but is located on campus of our local university so most of the clientele would be of university age.
   
   I hope to volunteer at the university-based organization but am concerned that I will look like some lecherous old perv (which is what I actually am) who is only there to hookup with the hottie frat boys.  Tricky!



3. Continue with my sexual exploration as an extremely inexperienced gay man. I will keep a lookout for "real life" opportunities to meet gay guys such as through mutual friends, work colleagues or social events. Realistically, I may have to use some online sites such as Adam4Adam, Bears411, SilverDaddies and the like to arrange some safe hookups. (any others you can suggest?) Although the pickings are slim, there are some interesting guys listed there including a number of 40ish married or divorced gay guys with kids.
   
   Frankly, the prospect of arranging online hookups in my town absolutely terrifies me, but I'm not sure why since I've had success with online hookups before. I think what is terrifying is the remote possibility that I might meet Mr. Right or to have Mr. Right want to purse a LTR with me. I am just not ready to into another relationship; I'm just too battered and bruised right now. 
   
   By far the best advice came from Michael of Michael-in-Norfolk  who told me, "Be judicious in who you pick. As I found out from a disastrous relationship, sometimes being alone is better than being with the wrong person."



4. Continue to push ahead with our separation / divorce.  Although we've reached an astonishing degree of civility and cooperation and have largely separated our assets without conflict, there are numerous challenges ahead. These include finding money to support two kids away at university by September (at $18,000 a pop), providing financial support for my wife when she retires next June and paying the bills / mortgage at my new waterfront home. First step: we need to find a buyer for this house!
   

The last word on my hopes for 2012 comes from that dear man, Dr. Spo, who said,

"May 2012 be so f-cking fabulous it makes your eyes cross!"