Friday, January 27, 2012
Before anyone gets worried, it's not me who's HIV+. But first, here are some pics from wooflicious in support of Sean's Dogably Pawfect Saturday.
Thank you, all, for the fantastic advice and support I received on my previous post about not cumming .... your concern is overwhelming! I will take all the excellent advice to heart. It was a hard post to write but I felt I had to be honest about the problems with my mid-aged gay adventure and not just write about the fun stuff.
In the meantime, I had another coffee date and continue to be messaged on pof.com mainly by guys in their mid-to-late 20s. Some of them have messaged me multiple times.
I've received much advice on online hookups and consensus seems to be: "Don't be over-eager in your responses to these online propositions." You'll come across as needy and be dropped as quickly as a hot potato. So... I'm being really disciplined and wait for them to message me and then only responding after a day or two.
I've now received a couple of messages from yet another a 25 year old "looking for a woman" but wanting to hook up with me. He looks like a major hottie, 6'-2", 185 pounds, athletic build with some university. Now when he says, "Do you want to hook up?", I responded, "Well, I might." **yawn**. Note: I didn't actually type 'yawn' but I put that in for your benefit, to convey the lack of interest I was trying to put across.
I also added that if he wanted us to do anything, he'd need to message me with a time and place for us to meet to discuss things face-to-face. So far, he hasn't moved onto phase B.
Another attractive 29-year-old guy (self-described as a cub) also messaged me thinking that I was a "bear." I send him a "Thanks, but no thanks" response and a self-pic to show him I wasn't a bear. He liked my pic and now wants to meet me for a beer to talk about hooking up, but with no specific time suggested.
While it is flattering to be messaged by these twenty-something guys, some older online friends have found out that some of these younger guys are escorts (or former escorts) who will, at some stage, ask for money. This hasn't yet happened to me yet but has happened to them.
This week, I chatted online a bit with a 46-year-old guy; very polite, well-travelled, educated and intelligent. At our coffee date last night, he seemed very fit (he goes to the gym, a lot) but was not particularly handsome. I forgot about that very quickly as we had a most interesting conversation. He moved away from our small town to get a bachelor's and master's degree. His career took him to a couple of major cities but moved back home to care for his ailing parents, he said. He certainly had possibilities as a hook-up.
Then, he told me that he was HIV+, having contracted it in 1989 at the age of 24. Wow! I apologized for being a coward or ill-informed, but I told him that I just wouldn't be intimate with someone who was HIV+. I just couldn't imagine being that into someone, to want to take that risk.
He was enormously discouraged (and I think, a bit depressed) and but said that I wasn't unusual. There was no one in town who would consider having sex with him. He had a major discussion with me about safe sex to ensure I was practicing it correctly, all the time. He stressed the "safe sex" point over and over and also said that although he makes full disclosure, there are HIV+ guys in town who do not. A sobering thought!
Although he said his health was perfect, he wouldn't wish his situation on anyone.
In the end, we agreed that it might be nice to pursue a platonic friendship. He has no friends in town and I only have a few; certainly no gay ones. Given my busy schedule with work and the kids, I said that I might be available for a couple of times a month. We said we could do things like go to the gym together ($2:00 night on Thursdays!), have coffee, go skiing or see a movie.
To that end, I invited him to an "international film festival" being held next Sunday evening which he accepted. Another unexpected turn on my gay journey...
at 6:44 AM