After our lawyer-mediated session on Monday, there was silence from my wife for two days. No texts, e-mails, phone calls or messages relayed by the kids. Normally, we text or e-mail many times each day. I knew that it would take my wife (and me) some time to recover emotionally from our mediation.
The mediation was just was so insanely intense and after 2.5 years of never-ending turmoil, it represented one of the final steps before our marriage was over. For me, it was a mixture of sadness mixed a feeling of excitement: "I've escaped!" For my wife, I'm sure there was no anticipation of an exciting new life ahead of her, just anger, bitterness and sadness.
Just last week at my workplace, a young woman who works closely with my wife exclaimed, "She loves you, you know! She loves you!! Can't you two work it out? " That broke my heart because maybe there was some truth to it. I didn't want to tell her that we couldn't remain married; I was gay and couldn't love my wife the way she deserved. I excused myself and found a private place to shed a few tears; those raw emotions again!
In the mediation post, I didn't mention that my wife was also refusing to pay her share of a separate, $1,700 fee payable when we file for divorce with the courts. This evening, I received this e-mail from my wife:
"Hi. I will pay half the divorce. At the time I was trying to keep from crying and that just seemed to come out as a way from preventing the tears. __________"
"Thank you. The mediation was the most stressful thing I've ever experienced but I am proud of both of us for getting through it." .....Wow....