Friday, December 30, 2011

Christmas Dinner at my Ex's

EDIT: I just added these two pictures for Dogably Pawfect Saturday. We just came back from cross-country skiing with our little dogs; they get the greatest pleasure of running free down the trail as we zoom along.

SURPRISE #1:  The Invitation
A day after our actual Christmas dinner at my parents' house, I went to a second Christmas dinner at my wife's new house.   She's invited me so hesitantly, as though she thought I would say "No."  She said that the kids would like it if I was there.

I was shocked to have been invited .... I didn't think that I would ever see the inside of her house in my lifetime.  It really speaks to how friendly things have become between us that I was invited at all.

I arrived with one of the kids who'd been staying with me, carrying the dessert I'd offered to bring, feeling as nervous as a virgin on his wedding night.  Luckily, she'd invited some close friends who served to act as a buffer against potential unpleasantness.  There was none.  It was great to have her look at me without hatred and bitterness in her eyes and to have a normal sort of conversation.

I had mixed feelings looking at some of my favourite pieces of furniture (owned by her prior to our marriage) in their new surroundings and seeing the sweet little dog she acquired since our separation.   I reminded myself sternly that it was all just "stuff" and was nothing I couldn't live without or easily replace.  In fact, her small house was crammed with far too much "stuff" which just adds stress.  Watching my wife cook the turkey dinner (she rarely cooked during our marriage), I suddenly realized that I missed her set of professional-grade cookware (also owned by her prior to marriage) far more than I missed her.
My side yard this morning

I felt an overwhelming sadness at the fact that my kids were starting to consider this place "home" .... and this most definitely excluded me.  It strengthened my resolve to make our new waterfront home just as much a home for them.   Layered over that was an admiration for my wife who, despite all the drama and emotional difficulties, was starting to move towards an exciting new life.

SURPRISE #2:  The Present
In the weeks prior to Christmas, I'd been asking the kids if their mother was getting me a Christmas present but they didn't know.  I doubted that she would.   As our marriage deteriorated over the years, her Christmas presents to me became meaner and meaner.  For our last Christmas together (last year) her present to me was a door lock, to replace the worn-out lock on our front door.  Whoopee!!  

To be on the safe side, I brought her a modest, non-personal gift..... a house plant in a clay urn for a total value of $25.00.

In return, my wife transferred $1,000 into my account from a very modest inheritance she's received with the instructions that I MUST buy a  laptop computer, my first new computer ever     She might have motivated partly from guilt or pressure from the kids because  I'd been using the bashed-up family laptop (8 years old) while she' had a new Mac.     Still, I was overwhelmed by the gesture and by her generosity.

The next morning, I joined the 5:30 am mob * at the Future Shop's Boxing Day "door crasher sale" and got a great deal on a laptop.   Since I had money left over, I picked up an external hard drive for each of us.  All I can say is, "Wow!." 

Of the many hundreds of people lined up for the sale, the largest demographic consisted of tousle-haired, scruffy-faced, absolutely adorable young men in their 20s and 30s.  They were all in amazingly tight(ish) jeans or track pants.  Do they have any idea how irresistible they are?   They were there to scoop up bargains on gaming systems and flat-screen TVs.  I was just consumed with impure thoughts the whole time..... an unexpected bonus at that God-forsaken hour.

My backyard

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Cooking with Buddy Bear

I will post in a couple of days about attending an enjoyable Christmas dinner at my wife's house and the extravagant present she gave me.  Right now, I want to tell you about the great time my children and I had today.

Today, the three kids and I had our  fantastic "Christmas morning," opened our presents and ate a special breakfast.  Their actual Christmas morning was spent at their mother's house.

We were all so happy and relaxed.... it was just perfect!  In recent years, our Christmas mornings  had become fairly tense affairs due to our on-going marital problems.  These tensions, of course, became considerably worse (x 10) when my wife found out I was gay, two days before Christmas 2009.  No kidding!

Since it was a bit nippy out (-22 C), the kids' skiing plans were cancelled.  Instead, we spent the morning lazing around watching movies.  I spent the afternoon cooking the East Indian feast pictured here.  We were having ten people for dinner including six teenagers ... just family and closest friends.   I invited my wife but, as I expected, she thanked me but declined.  It would be have been far too emotional for her to come into the home where we lived for over 20 years, the home where we conceived and raised our children.   I understood completely but sent her all the leftovers.

The meal was so delicious, I just had to share it with you.  Over the past twenty years, I've received extensive training in East Indian cookery from my neighbour and work colleague, a sweet lady from Bangladesh.  Rajni assures me that my limited repertoire of East Indian cooking, under her careful tutelage, is perfectly authentic.

Aloo Gobi (potatoes and Cauliflower)

Butter Chicken - Makkhani Murghi

Red Lentil Dal

Naan Bread

Basmati Rice

Cucumber Raita

Vanilla Ice Cream (not an authentic Indian food) with canned Mango Puree

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas Dinner (s)

As usual, my three kids and I had Christmas dinner at my parents' with our extended family (excluding my wife.) In a pleasant but shocking turn of events, my wife then invited me to Christmas dinner with our kids at her new house the next day... wow! I never thought that would occur in my lifetime.

Early Christmas morning, my brother ended up back in hospital with yet another complication from his prostate cancer surgery 3.5 weeks ago. My mother was distraught and devastated at still more bad news. We both cried over the phone a bit; me for her pain and for my brother's ordeal.

My kids were opening presents at my wife's house but my wife sent my daughters to my parents' to provide comfort and complete the meal preparation. (My wife does have a strong compassionate side to her.) As it turned out, the problem was just a continuation of the previous complication so he was discharged by late afternoon. He showed up at Christmas dinner with his wife and son and was able to eat a great dinner.

I admire his stoicism, courage and uncomplaining nature during his terrible ordeal. I just have so much new-found respect for him.

Dinner with my three children, parents, brother and all our 80ish relatives was fantastic. I had a nice buzz on from the rum and eggnog my uncle mixed for me, probably a quadruple. The dinnertime conversation included all the exciting news from the past year (who died, who got cancer and who went senile) and a shocking revelation about a failed turnip crop where the seed package contained a mixture of white, yellow and Swede turnips. A conspiracy theory involving the seed houses was suggested as the cause of this mix-up.

Dinner was absolutely delicious, the usual "English food" such as roast turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes and all the "must-have" Christmas favourites from the Old Country ranging from my favourite vegetable dish (carmelized Swede turnips / rutabagas mashed and served as a baked casserole.)

At the opposite end of the eating spectrum was a dish which was a mixture of beef liver (boiled until grey and tough, then ground up), rice, allspice, raisins and corn syrup. Every year I steel myself to eat a tablespoon of it... it serves as a good test of my gag reflex. This is an acquired taste and watching my older relatives enjoy it so, I am determined to acquire the taste for it one of these years.

In the end, it was a wonderful evening;  it was great to see my brother seeming somewhat okay.  It was so much more relaxing for me without my wife there.  She didn't get along with anyone in my family so such events in the past were pretty tense for both of us.  I never could trust her to speak to my family in an appropriate manner.

I'll blog about my feelings about being a dinner guest in my wife's house on my next post as this one is long enough.... it was a surprisingly pleasant evening! (It is Testicle Tuesday, don't forget)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

A Nekkid Merry Christmas

Yes, these two pictures are me in all my chunky glory. 

Recently, there have been many online pics of hot naked guys wrapped in Christmas lights, such as these Christmas hotties.   I thought it looked way cool and decided to give it a try myself.

After eleven months, my blog has just passed 50,000 visitors.  Wow!!  I'd like to thank each of you who visits my blog,  whether you are a regular commenter, online friend, lurker or one of the great many who just come to look at the pictures of sexy men.  Thank you all!

Thank you for your unfailing support, fantastic advice and concern expressed in comments and in private e-mails.   I deeply appreciate you coming along with me on this journey.... it would have been a isolating and desperately unhappy experience without you.

I wish everyone a very safe, happy holiday.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Foreskin Friday

A few more lovely foreskin pictures as blog decoration. They all came from

A bit of drama this week but thank goodness, none of it involved me directly.  My wife had a screaming fight with our 15-year-old son on Sunday and he phoned to say he was moving back in with me "permanently."  After a lengthy discussion with my sobbing wife who also wanted him "out", he's been with me all week.

We strongly feel that all the kids would benefit from spending time with each of us.  Also, just between us girls, I wouldn't actually want him with me full-time.  After a cooling-down period, my son returned to my wife's house for the weekend.

My wife has never been able to cope with the occasional sullen behaviour of a teenager.   I reminded her that she was the adult in the situation and that a little self-control  would go a long way.  Her problem is that she is always has to be right and always has to have the last word.   I told her that our daughter finds it stressful being in the same house with them  .... she is constantly being called upon to referee their disputes. When they're not actually fighting, they are constantly provoking each other until a fight does break out.  Neither of them has the sense to know when to stop.

By contrast, my son and I rarely fight;  he gets more cooperative, talkative and friendly with me as time goes on.  However, we rarely talk about emotions or personal matters;  instead, we talk about his latest welding project or what we should do to fix the carburetor on the ski-doo.

During these times of stress, my wife continues to harp on the fact that my being gay is "damaging" to our son and causing the conflict between them.  Grow up!!  For the first time since I came out to him 10 months ago, I asked him, "Does it bother you that I am gay?"  He said that he couldn't care less.... it makes no difference to him at all.  He also added that all of his friends think that I am the coolest Dad ever.  (I don't know if they know I'm gay...  probably not)

None of this drama has affected the warm relationship that now exists between me and my wife.  We have many phone, text or e-mailed conversations every day and they continue to be full of compassion and concern.  I don't understand this transformation but won't complain ... but it certainly makes the process of getting divorced go a lot smoother.

Tonight, both daughters are with me.  The birthday girl (17 years old) is night skiing with a gaggle of friends at a ski resort about two miles away.  In three hours, they will descend upon the house for food and a movie-night sleepover.   I must sign off .... there is much to do, much to do!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Sexy Talk with Explorer Jack, Part 2
Yesterday, I had my second exciting conversation with that hookup-king, Explorer Jack.   I posted about that conversation here, but we removed the Youtube link after a couple of days.

I find Jack a very smart and funny guy who has a great laugh.    What I appreciated most about Jack was his brutal honesty and frankness during our conversation.  It was fantastic talking to a guy exactly my age who is just starting to explore his sexual attraction to men;   I feel we are kindred spirits.  If Jack and I weren't separated by many hundreds of miles, I know we would be firm friends in real life.

This time, we spoke by means of Skype and were able to see each other. I saw Jack's torso from the chin down and Jack saw my mid-section, with me wearing my sexiest white bikini briefs.   Sadly, we could only figure out how to record the audio of our conversation and not the video.   Better luck next time!

This conversation is very long (15 minutes) and I cannot imagine anyone but the most devoted Buddy Bear and/or Explorer Jack fan who would be willing to listen to the whole thing.   I've provided an index if you want to skip ahead to some of the juicier parts of our conversation:

Here is the youtube link to our conversation:

1:06  Jack discusses the differences between a 20 year old cock versus a 50 year old.
1:53  Buddy Bear talks about the best part of his hook-up with Hottie Nurse  (hint:  it wasn't the sex)
3:34  Jack talks about his sexual experiences with women.
6:03  Jack discusses his concerns about losing his bottom anal virginity
6:55  Buddy Bear discusses his underwear choices for our Skype chat
10:02  Buddy Bear and Jack discuss the joys of  going "full frontal" on sexual webcam chats.
13:02  Buddy Bear discusses the hookup possibilities in his small town.
13:50  Jack expresses regret about not hooking up with men before the age of 47.

Hey all you experienced gay guys out there, do you have any advice for a couple of 49-year-old bottom anal virgins?  We need help!

Monday, December 19, 2011


These days, my wife and I communicate daily, often many times per day, either by phone, text, e-mail or the odd conversation through our car windows in a parking lot.  We have much to talk about;  raising three teenagers is busy at the best of times and we also talk about our jobs, house-selling issues and the division of our "stuff."   Despite all this contact, we rarely see each other face-to-face for any length of time.

In the past two months, her tone in these conversations has been kind, funny, thoughtful of my feelings, compassionate, helpful and oddly hesitant.   She's been so sweet with me that is is nauseating.  I just don't get it!

After one such conversation, I turned to a colleague (who was within earshot of my end of the conversation) I said, "Fuck... if I'd have known that she would be this nice, I would have divorced twelve years ago!!)    It's the truth.

It is a stark contrast from some of  my posts from 11 months ago when my wife finally realized that my gayness could not be just "wished" away.  She just moved out of the house permanently but the kids stayed with me.  I hadn't yet come out to anyone but my wife had already known about my attraction to men for about a year. 

It was pretty painful reading... it was a pretty bleak, desperate time.   In fact, some of the crazy behaviour was just too upsetting to blog about and I had "un-posted" several posts I had written at that time.

After she moved out,  I was on the receiving end of much abuse, sobbing, screaming, throwing of furniture, name-calling, slamming-down of the phone and threats to burn down my house with gasoline.  There'd be a lull of a few days, then the abuse would start up again.   You must understand that at that time, she felt that she had lost "everything" in her life in one fell swoop... the husband she once loved and thought she knew, marriage and her home.  Worse of all, she thought she had lost all of her children, the most important things in her life.  The devastation could not have been more complete.

Yesterday, we worked together for about 4 hours;  she was the head volunteer running a community charity event and they were short their mandated quota of workers.  She asked my daughter and I to work at the event as well.  I actually had no desire to work at this event and would have much preferred to spend the Sunday afternoon wanking off working around the house.  I did it to spend time with my daughter, keep the peace, and to help raise a few thousand dollars for a worthy cause.

As we arrived at the event, I was very stressed-out especially when my wife seemed highly distracted and wouldn't look me in the eye.   I later thought that this was mainly due to the demands of her job at that time, particularly difficult for a person with A.D.D.   Later on, we did speak in more friendly manner.  During the event, she brought me something to drink and thanked me profusely when I left. 

I would never have thought we could reach  this state of friendliness.  It's like a love-in.  Good friends and colleagues who know both of us are now predicting that we will end up as good friends, maybe even best friends, one this is over.  I'm still a bit doubtful about that... we'll see... but they may be right.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Dogably Pawfect Saturday

February 2011:  Our little dog to the left looks terrible as 
he doesn't get a haircut from September to April each year.  
He needs as much hair as possible in our frigid climate.  His 
brother, to the right, needs a doggie coat to manage outside.   
He sheds his fur and so doesn't seem to develop a sufficient 
winter fur coat on his own.

It's another Dogably Pawfect Saturday, created by Sean of Just a Jeep Guy DC. I find the combination of sexy guys and cute dogs just irresistible.

My daughter flies home today for the holidays.  She's been at second -year university over 2000 miles away, so her visits are few and far between.

It'll be fantastic to see her again and have a cooking partner who is as interested about it as I am.   She'll want to spend time at my waterfront house (with me) as she just loves it so.  Her little dog will be so excited to see her.... that's him on the right, in the picture above.

My other daughter and her friends went skating yesterday evening and I tagged along as well.  It was -20 C (-4 F).... pretty darn cold especially when you factor in the howling wind!   We will be halving a "warm spell" this week so the daytime temperatures should be approaching the freezing point.  Balmy!

All pics from

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Gay Blade

I've been skating on the pond behind my house several times a week and will continue to do so until our first big dump of snow.  I love the crisp air, solitude, the wilderness setting and the exercise.

I'll be very brave and post a video clip of me skating but I'll remove it after a while if I feel too "exposed."  As you can see, I'm not much of an ice skater although I played hockey until I was about 12. 

I like the look of the sun is shining through the trees.  This far north, the sun is very low in the sky even at 3:30 in the afternoon.

I  didn't notice it at the time, but I like now I persevered, attempting the trick four times before I got it.   Sort of "The Little Engine that Could."  I'm like that with everything in life, I think.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Ontario Government Mandates Gay-Straight Alliances

Bullied kids, LGBQT and otherwise, are always told to "tell an adult" about being bullied. But what is a gay kid to do if the bully is the administrator of his or her Catholic high school? It is a situation which exists in Catholic schools across Canada.

Canadian comedian Rick Mercer has a regular feature where he  "rants" on his CBC TV showThis one from 2007 was rebroadcast in October 2011 and recently went virual when it was posted on the  "It Gets Better"   website.  In it, he says that it is not enough to tell bullied gay kids in high school that "it gets better", given the suicide rate among gay teens.  More decisive action is needed.  He ends the video by saying that gay public figures to be more open about their sexual orientation and serve as role models to gay youth.

Maybe this is the decisive action which he's talking about:

On November 30, 2011, the province of Ontario passed tough new legislation designed to crack down on homosexual bullying in schools. The legislation aims to impose tougher consequences, including expulsion, for “bullying and hate-motivated actions.”   All of Ontario’s Catholic and public schools will be required to set up gay-straight alliances if students request them.   Read more about it here:

I'm sure all the Catholic bishops and school administrators will have their panties in a bunch over this one.

In Ontario, Catholic schools are publically-funded from JK to grade 12.  The problem was that the Catholic bishops in Ontario do not permit GSAs in the Catholic schools because they “imply a self-identification with sexual orientation that is often premature among high school students.”   Brave LGBT teenagers (and their supporters) across Ontario are constantly being harassed and suspended by Catholic school administrators for doing things as simple as wearing a Pride button to school.

It is typical of the Catholic schools that they have to be forced to do the right thing through legislation and court challenges.  It was only a few years ago they were taken to the Supreme Court (where they lost) because they tried to prevent a gay student from taking his same-sex date to the prom.  I find the Catholic hierarchy the worst hypocrites of all .... they are probably too busy lusting over cute altar boys to do the right thing.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Dogably Pawfect Saturday

It's another Dogably Pawfect Saturday, created by Sean of Just a Jeep Guy DC. All pictures are from .

It is late Saturday morning and I just arrived home from my drunken caroling adventure in relatively good condition. Over 50 colleagues rented a tour "party" bus after work. Fuelled by much alcohol and food, we raced around town for +8 hours, making frequent caroling stops. It was the most insanely fun time ever.

I thought it was very sweet that young 30ish organizers of the event included stops at the homes of a great many of our retired colleagues. The retirees were thrilled to be serenaded by the motley crew of drunken former colleagues, screaming Christmas carols from their front lawns.

Normally, I never drink at work events as even a couple of drinks will put me under the table and make me feel sick for days afterwards. Given the tumultuous year I've had, I decided to get pissed-drunk at an early stage in the evening.... I needed to let loose.

It was the safest possible environment to do this. My colleagues had never seen me in this condition and so kept a close eye on me so I wouldn't do anything dangerous or end up in jail. I don't regret getting so drunk, but next year, I know I'll have more fun not drinking at all.

I had planned with a colleague to take an inappropriate picture of me to post on the blog. It would have been a picture of me standing at the back of the carolers mooning the camera.

Sadly, it didn't happen.  I didn't want to do this during daylight hours as our professional organization frowns upon such behaviour.  But as soon as it got dark, the temperatures dropped to -15... too cold to linger outdoors.  Darn!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Foreskin Friday (really NSFW)

All pics are from

Like over 90% of Canadian boys born in the early 1960s, I am circumcised. I never gave it the slightest thought for the first 45 years of my life.... not once!  Only since coming out as gay, I've become retroactively annoyed ... no, pissed off .... that I'm cut, especially since my European father's wasn't.

Now, I look daily at online pics of beautiful, uncut penises and have been up close and personal with a couple of them.  I think an uncut cock is super-hot.

A 2002 report stated that "the genitally intact male has thousands of fine touch receptors and other highly erogenous nerve endings—many of which are lost to circumcision, with an inevitable reduction in sexual sensation experienced by circumcised males."  Grrrrr!

Thankfully, circumcision is no longer paid for under Canada's universal health care system, so today, fewer than 10% of Canadian baby boys are circumcised.  In my one and only visit to a gay strip club, all the beautiful 20-something Canadian boys were uncut.  In countries such as Finland, circumcision rates are now approaching 0%.

A work colleague in his late 30s is going to be a first-time father to a yet-unborn baby boy.  He told me that he and his wife were planning to get their son circumcised.  I said, "WHY???   Why would you subject your son to a medically unnecessary procedure?"  and then I discussed the loss of sexual sensation his son would experience from the quote above.   I hope I convinced him not to go ahead with it....   

About 40 of my crazy, fantastic work colleagues and I have rented a tour bus and are going drinking Christmas caroling starting at our workplace at 4:00 and ending about 12 hours later.   Enroute, we'll make a dozen or more stops for caroling and much eating, but most of the drinking will be done on the bus.  As the evening progresses, the quality of singing takes a sharp nosedive as the inebriation silliness increases.  It is the funnest time ever!!   My preparations so far:
  • Finlandia vodka (750 mL bottle)
  • Fruit juice mixer  (for the nutritional benefits)
  • Santa hat
  • Kids spending the night at their mother's
  • An "I don't-give-a damn,-I-need-to-let-loose" attitude
  • Car parked at our end location, so I can drive home by noon on Saturday
  • Camera to take at least one incriminating picture for this blog, but only one.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Wisdom teeth, that is....  I was referred to the only oral surgeon in my town recently to get a wisdom tooth removed. Routine procedure, right?

The surgeon was concerned about the radiation treatments I received on my jaw and neck as a cancer patient 29 years ago. The 5700 rad dose of radiation, he felt, would have caused  "radio-osteonecrosis" of my jaw bone and severe damage to the capillaries and nerves. This could lead to a dangerous, uncontrolled bone infection if the wisdom tooth removal didn't go well.

He is recommending that I go to the nearest major Canadian city such as Calgary or Vancouver and to receive six weeks of Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (one hour per day, five days per week) and also have the oral surgery done there. WTF!!! I've never heard of such a thing.  I don't have the time or the money for this!

I'd assumed that HBO was all quackery or the latest fad, reserved for the likes of Michael Jackson and Tim Tebow (shirtless pic).    But apparently, it is a reputable medical treatment for bone infection.  Who knew?

I am going out of town to get a second opinion from another oral surgeon and will be asking my family doctor about it tomorrow.   There's no need to rush into anything.

If I do go, I need six weeks accommodation in an expensive city which I cannot afford.  Hmmm..... I wonder if there is an older, experienced gay sugar daddy in one of those cities who can help me out.   Free room and board in exchange for six weeks of sexual favours?  I'll even do all the cooking, nekkid.  I'm in!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Five on the fifth: winter weekend

Steven Chapman says:

"Take 5 photographs on the days leading up to the 5th and publish those on your own blog and then add the link to my blog,  State of the Nation UK so that others can see your images.

This month's theme is WINTER WEEKEND.   We've had a week of temperatures in the -10 to -20 Celcius range (at night) and a scant six inches of snow, so it finally seems a little bit wintery here.  Winter is my favourite season as all the recreational activities which I enjoy the most are winter sports.

On Saturday, my little dogs enjoyed skittering on the ice on a little pond behind my house.   I love the action in this shot.  Too bad I dropped my camera in the snow and smudged the lens.

Sunday:  Ice Capades, here I come!

I get the greatest pleasure when skating on natural ice in a beautiful setting.  We get very few opportunities to do this as the pond ice is often too cracked and bumpy for skating or it is soon covered with several feet of snow.  About three centimeters of snow fell overnight, but the skating was still great.

Sadly, I skated alone as both kids were at their mother's house, so these are both self-timer shots.  My kids and I will skate a bit next week after school and work.

I plan to skate as often as possible as time permits.   I could use the fresh air and exercise and I just love skating in the outdoors.   
My son and I went to my waterfront house for the afternoon.  We moved some of my stuff out and brought some of my wife's stuff to her new home. 

Had I snapped the picture about two seconds sooner, this would have been a picture of a buck (male deer) with an impressive rack of antlers. He was eating the dried apples still clinging to the tree in my back yard.


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