Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Slowly Healing

Just a quick post to let everyone know that I am doing fairly  well.  Although I am not pain-free, my pain is significantly reduced from last week.  The strength in my arm on the affected side is gradually returning;  at one point last week, I was not able to use my arm at all.  Scary!!

As long as I do nothing at all, I feel myself getting steadily better.  On occasion, this has been difficult to achieve as I've had all the kids with me for most of this time.  Friends, neighbours and my parents have all pitched in to help as driving is the one thing which really aggravates my condition.  Living in a rural area, this is sometimes impossible to avoid.

I've had the odd set-back in my recovery, but mainly I'm progressing forward.  I'm just being impatient with the slowness of the healing;  a symptom of being middle-aged, I guess!

I would like to thank everyone again for all their best wishes.  It means a lot to me!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Guys that Get Me Hard


I often find it hard to find online photos of hot older guys as most sites feature pretty boys in their 20s.  This site is full of guys of the type I like.  This guy is closer to my age and is super hot;  salt-and-pepper facial hair, lightly furred, beautiful thighs, slim hips and an amazing torso.   As well, who can resist the open-crotched pose and white short shorts with an added bonus:  a lovely visible penis line. 

Thanks again for all your support, concern and excellent advice.  Since I am not alone in the house, there will be no half-nekkid pics of me today.  Sorry about that!!

A common theme emerged from everyone's comments such as:   listen to your body, take the time to look after yourself and let others take care of you. 

  • "perfect time to rest and relax before moving forward in your new life."
  • "stop and take a breather."
  • "your body is forcing you to get the relaxation you desperately need!"
  • "the release of stress can do wonderful things for your body." 
  • "don't go be a stupid man trying to do things you can't do while you're injured"

True to form, I foolishly ignored all this advice.  I felt so much better on Friday that I prematurely cut the pain meds by 50% and did a few things around the house such as empty the dishwasher.  Big  mistake!!  By bedtime, my pain had increased significantly;  I was pretty darn uncomfortable!  

I've learned my lesson!  I'm back on the full dosage of my pain meds and promise to remain completely immobile for at least the next several days.   I am feeling somewhat better again  and but only if I remain inactive.  I won't be tempted into doing anything I shouldn't while awaiting the MRI.

The kids have been fantastic and, without complaint, have been looking after every aspect of running the household including grocery shopping, yard work, mowing the lawn, cooking, doing laundry and washing dishes. My wife and I taught all the kids these skills from a very early age.  We believe that children who are multi-skilled develop an early sense of independence and self-confidence.   I think that the kids are enjoying doing these chores even more without a parent hovering over them, offering unsolicited advice.

The kids have also been waiting on me hand and foot, cooking and serving my meals, doing my laundry, nagging me if I get up off the couch, and yes, even emptying my pee can.*   Too much information, I know!

* Once time in Louisiana, we ordered pecan pie.   The waiter, a flamboyant young man said, "Daahhlings! ... a PEE-can is something you keep under the bed.... we pronounce it puh-CAHN'.  (stress on last syllable)


Friday, May 27, 2011


I would like to thank everyone for their support, advice and best wishes.  You have all been amazing! 

I debated a bit before posting about this injury.  In my real life, I rarely talk about my medical problems except with closest family and friends.  Also, this blog was meant to be anonymous and it just seemed like such a personal thing to be posting online for the world to see.

I felt I had to post about this if only to continue an honest story of my journey.  It would have been pretty fake to continue posting as though everything in my life was completely normal, when it clearly it isn't.

I'm having another great day doing nothing but lying on the couch with my dogs, napping, eating, watching DVDs and surfing online.  My work colleagues have been fantastic!  A colleague has stepped in to do a portion of my job as my job is too complex for the "temp" to do completely. 

I am feeling incrementally better as time passes.  My use of pain meds is much reduced and the anti-infammatory drugs are doing their job.  The underlying cause, the degradation of my neck vertebrae, is a problem which will not be easily solved.   I'm fairly sure that the MRI (in a few days) will show that I won't be needing surgery right now.  However, I do have grave concerns about the future state of my neck.  What will my neck be like when I'm 60?  When I'm 80?  What will my options be?  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it and will certainly seek the most expert advice before proceeding.

I am to spend another week or so on bedrest.  I just need to be very careful not to do anything which will aggravate my neck and set back my recovery.   

The best thing about an incident like this is that it forces you to worry less about the things you might normally worry about, such as my separation, coming out and future financial problems.  Your health is the only thing that really matters;  everything else is relatively unimportant and generally will work itself out.

Just to prove to everyone that I'm feeling better, here's a half-nekkid pic of myself taken moments ago. Thanks again for all your best wishes!

Thursday, May 26, 2011


Lil Abner comic strip character Joe Bftlspk 

I've hit a speed bump on my gay journey but hope that I am now slowly on the mend.  About five days ago (Day 1), I woke up with a severe pain radiating down one arm, shoulder and back.  I dragged myself around that day, but by Day 2, I was competely bedridden, popping Tylenol and Robaxin like they were Jube-Jubes but they weren't helping.  I thought it was a pulled muscle.

By Day 3, the pain worsened and I had numbness in my hand and foot on the same side and realized something was seriously wrong.

My doctor came over to my house ( okay, okay... he's my neighbour and friend... Canadian doctors don't do housecalls!)   He quickly diagnosed an extremely serious disk problem in my neck and told me spinal surgery might be needed. Back story:  I've had serious osteoarthritis in my neck since the age of 34,  an after-effect of radical surgery and radiation treatments on my neck done when I was a cancer patient 25 years ago.  This latest occurrence wasn't completely unexpected.

After he left, I suddenly became overwhelmed with everything that had happened over the past five months:  coming out to my family, my marital breakdown, crushing workload at work, a million jobs to do around the house and finally the prospect of surgery and now this unrelenting 24-hour-per-day pain.  I imagined spending the rest of my life in a wheelchair or in chronic, unmanageable pain.  I imagined my gay sex life being over even before it started.  It was too much!!

At that moment, my estranged wife phoned to find out what our doctor friend said.  At the sound of her concerned voice, I broke down and started to cry uncontrollably.  I couldn't escape the pain, I couldn't drive a car, could barely walk....it was just too much!!!  My wife immediately offered to come over and help out, but I said thank you, but no.  I just could not have her here.... I just couldn't.

The kids were hanging around, gravely concerned, as they had never seen their father sobbing uncontrollably.  When I stopped crying thirty minutes later, I explained to them and to my wife (on the phone) about the situation. The kids have taken over completely the running of my household and have been waiting on me hand and foot ever since.

X-rays on Day 4 confirmed a "moderate to severe" degeneration on two vertebrae in my neck but we already knew that.  Most likely, these vertebrae were causing pressure on my spinal column or a spinal nerve, causing the relentless, excruciating pain.

My doctor friend arranged for me to see a specialist doctor on Day 5.  Since I didn't have an appointment, I spend the two hour wait lying on the waiting room floor in excruciating pain.  I spend the entire consultation curled up in a fetal position on the examining room floor, gasping with the intense pain while the doc asked his questions.  The excellent doctor prescribed the maximum possible pain relief and heavy-duty anti-inflammatory drugs (to reduce swelling of the disk).  At work, my colleagues have been working hard to ensure my replacements have everything they need to do my job.

Right now, Day 6, I am on 100% bed rest, but very comfortable and  nearly pain-free. I've had a great day, free from job worries, tucked up on the couch with my dogs, eating, buzzed on pain pills and watching DVDs.  Not a care in the world! (at least I'm trying hard to convince myself that is the case)   I am confident that the anti-inflammatory drugs are doing their job. I can feel them at work!   In fact, I've now cut back on my pain meds by 50% (I didn't like the spaced-out feeling) and still feel fine.

Next step:  an MRI on Day 7 or 8 will tell us if there is actual disk damage which will require surgery.  Otherwise, drug treatment will suffice for now.  I'm pretty sure that I won't need surgery next week, but time will tell.  
I just needed some eye-candy to look at.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"You look hot!"


Recently I was out with my kids and ran into a young man who had been my client for a couple of years.  I hadn't seen him in about five years.
He was about 23 and had been on a football scholarship at a US college.  He was the most gorgeous physical specimen; amazing ass, brilliant blue eyes, muscular, shaved head with a pretty face.

Although he was a very masculine'football jock' and indeed, had a girlfriend when I knew him years ago, I constantly wondered if he had an interest in guys.   He had always been locking eyes with me and seemed to have an intensity about him whenever we spoke.   If he was gay (and I'm not at all sure that he was), then I'm sure that he sensed my latent gayness as well. All the gay boys (or those who were probably gay) always seemed to figure me out.

We chatted for a minute about his football career and  I complimented him on his weight gain (he'd been a skinny kid.)   He confirmed it was needed for football.   He then flashed a beautiful smile and said to me,  "You look hot!"  *

There was a long pause with his brilliant blue eyes still locked on me; I didn't know what to say,  Gosh, he's a former client!!!..... hmmmm..... while he waited for my reaction.  I said "Thank you......... but why are you telling me this?"   I then said I had to go and practically ran away.  My kids waiting for me;  that was my excuse. 

Check out this video on the hot Turkish oil wrestlers!.
I know he was dead serious but wondered why he told me that.  Looking back, I think he was just being flirtatious. Another possibility is that he was one of those straight boys who likes to tease, who likes to get gay guys all hot and bothered.

I am accustomed to receiving the occasional compliments in my real life, but this one was a first!!    The first I've received since I've admitted I was gay and from a hot, very young man.  It freaked me out a bit  (okay, a lot);  first, he was a former client ** and second, he was less than half my age.  I'm older than his parents, for Pete's sake!  

* I was wearing a tight black T and black skinny jeans with my coolest shoes.  I think I did look pretty darn hot, for a middle-aged guy.    

** fraternizing with former clients is allowed only if the client is an adult and one full year has passed since the client relationship ended.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Proust Questionnaire

The Proust Questionnaire became popular when French writer Marcel Proust took it in 1890.  It is designed to reveal the 'real you.'  This version appears at the back of Vanity Fair Magazine where celebrities provide their publicist-approved answers.
  1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
  2. Being in perfect health and hanging out in my own home, surrounded by my children and dogs.  Second choice:  skiing anywhere in the Rockies, the Swiss Alps, the Andes,  New Zealand....
  3. What is your greatest fear?
  4. Dying a gay virgin  (but I've already decided I'm not going to let that happen.)  Second choice:  having someone in my family (children or parents) die of a lingering, painful illness such as cancer. 
  5. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
  6. Procrastination.
  7. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
  8. People who are blindly accepting and judgemental, like those fundamentalist religious types.
  9. What is you greatest extravagance?
  10. Not a thing.  I'm pretty frugal!  (That's boring, I know)
  11. On what occasion do you lie?
  12. To avoid hurting someone's feelings over something that really doesn't matter or that they can't change. 
  13. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
  14. My ever-thickening waistline.
  15. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
  16. I would make myself about 20 years younger but only if I could keep all the self-confidence and life experience I have right now. One reason to do this would be to once again live without all the aches and pains of middle age such as those caused by my arthritis.
  17. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? 
  18. I would very much like to marry a husband who was sweet, sexy, adventurous, kind and who loved me unconditionally.  About my children:  I wouldn't change anything!   About my estranged wife: I would like her to be truly happy.
  19. What do you consider you greatest achievement?
  20. Raising my children mainly by myself under (sometimes) difficult circumstances and having them become fine, responsible citizens. Nothing else I do could be more important.
  21. If you died and came back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
  22. A bicycle seat.  Second choice: a wrestling singlet.   See pics above and below.
  23. What is you most treasured possession?
  24. I don't have any "things" or "stuff" which I am emotionally attached to.  Owning property, my own home, is extremely important to me, however.   I would say my children but they are not my 'possessions';  rather, they are independent people. 
  25. What do you regard as the lowest depths of misery?
  26. To have no one who loves you or cares whether or not you live or die.
  27. Who are your heroes in real life?
  28. My grandmother, widowed as young woman, who raised young children from infancy by herself through the Depression, through WWII in an occupied country and then immigrated as a single woman with her children to find a better life.
  29. How would you like to die?
  30. Surrounded by loved ones, probably in a hospice and with perfect pain relief.  I would need plenty of advance notice so that I could properly settle my affairs and say goodbye to my family.
  31. What is your motto?
  32. Don't sweat the small stuff, but keep in mind, everything is small stuff, except for your health and the health of your family.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Spandex, revisited

Me in spandex ski tights.
I've rearranged the pics in last week's  "Spandex:  God's Gift to Gay Men" poll in the order of popular vote.  Wrestler Tommy Rowlands (my fav) in the grey singlet topped the poll.  The pic of me in black spandex tights, front view, captured the third last spot!  Thank goodness I didn't come in last place! What a humiliation that would have been!!

Recently, my youngest was a competitor in a  bike race of 13-14 year olds.  About half the boys wore spandex cycling tights or shorts. While I thought it was great that they had the self-confidence to wear spandex,  I kept having to avert my eyes to avoid looking at them.  Ick!!.  Their outfits were so revealing!  Awkward!  As most were younger than my own children,  I just didn't want to be forced to look at all of their jiggling bits.

The cycling coaches, however, were the most perfect specimens of manhood.  They were all  real men in the 35 - 50 age range with beefy cyclists' thighs, furry legs, amazing calves and bubble butts.  They all, to a man, filled the fronts of their spandex shorts admirably .....  and caused a definite stirring in my nether regions.

Although I understand this is a problem elsewhere, I never see fat, out-of-shape people in the grocery story or at Wal-Mart unfortunately dressed in spandex.  Maybe this is due to the cold climate,  a Canadian sense of reserve or the fact that I live in a small, fairly conservative town.

As a middle-aged man, I only wear spandex during athletic competitions or for training.  Even at these events, unless I actually have skis on my feet or am on my bicycle, I cover up quickly.   However, most of the guys in the 45 - 70 age range who I see at local events wearing spandex are very fit.  After a lifetime of cross-country skiing and  biking, their legs and butts look fantastic in spandex!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Happy Birthday, Sean!

Sean and the Sassy Spo-Shirt

Sean Breen, my sweet, funny, empathetic, endlessly-supportive friend is turning 40 today.  The idea for this post came from D@vid who has already posted a fantastic tribute to Sean.

For several years as a gay but in-denial married man, I secretly and guiltily read blogs written by gay guys.  I never dared to "out" myself by commenting on anyone's blog, even anonymously.  Although I knew I was attracted to guys, I never even considered myself in the closet;  I was a married father with teenage children, for Pete's sake!  I wasn't gay!!

I had several blog favourites, but it was Sean's blog which struck a chord with me the most.  He was so honest and passionate about living life on his terms.  At times, Sean seemed almost vulnerable, yet was so very brave in putting his fears and insecurities "out there" for the all the world to see.

In November 2010,  Sean announced he was stopping his "Undie Monday" feature due to lack of participation and put out one last call for submissions.  I thought, "My gosh, what if no one submitted a picture?   That would be so sad!"  I was so concerned about Sean's feelings getting hurt that in an impulse, I quickly snapped a out-of-focus pic of my pasty-white, flabby, unattractive torso * and send it in.  My first blogger contact ever and most certainly my first-ever undie shot!

* I don't think that any more!  Sean and many kind online friends quickly convinced me that my negative self-image wasn't accurate.

He thanked me for the pic and added,  
Such is the power of words that Sean, in that single phrase, provided me with the encouragement I needed for me to begin my present, incredible gay journey.

His response prompted me to pour out my story, fears and insecurities in an e-mail to Sean.  Thus began incredible, extensive e-mailed conversations during which Sean convinced me that I was indeed an extremely sexy, desirable guy and that where ever I fell on the spectrum of sexuality was okay.  He taught me that everyone's sexual path is different and each one is to be cherished.  Sean convinced me that sexuality was something to be celebrated and that living one's life with honesty, fully and joyfully "out" was the only option.

Eventually, with Sean's encouragement, I started my blog and began to embrace the changes in my life.  In the (occasionally) tumultuous months which followed, he provided constant support, encouragement, an education in all matters gay and concerned ear for me to pour out my fears.  In the terrible nights after my wife and I separated permanently, Sean was the only person to whom I confided my fears, despair and anguish about the impact all of this would have on my family.  Through it all, he constantly reminded me that living an honest, open, "out" life was the only way to true happiness.

Thank your for your incredible support and encouragement buddy!!  I will never be able to repay you for all you've done for me.  Embrace your 40s Sean;  the best time of your life is ahead of you!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Support from the In-Laws

The Hairy-Chested Male
I asked my oldest how did she think her mother was doing.  The reply: "Oh, there are the usual mood swings, the cycles of up and down, but generally, Mom is much happier than she was before."  I couldn't have said it better myself! 

I got a phone call  from my mother-in-law who lives out of town.  This was our first contact since she was told that our marriage was over and that I was gay.   I love my mother-in-law dearly;  she has always treated me like a prince.  She's consistently treated me with more love and consideration than by anyone else in my life, including my own parents.  I had been wondering what she thought of me now.

She phoned to find out how I was doing.   My mother-in-law then told me that she loved me and  that she holds me in the highest regard.  She said her [high] opinion of me would never change regardless of what happened between me and her daughter  She would never think any differently of me.  My MIL added that I was invited to a family reunion in August and all my sisters-in-laws, brothers-in-law and a whole passel of nieces and nephews all wanted to see me.  ( doubt that I will go as it's over a thousand miles away)

My MIL knows how hard I worked for decades, raising my children with very little assistance, coping with some difficult spousal behaviour all the while.  She went through exactly the same thing with her ex:  (my ex father-in-law whose behaviour turned out to be a family trait)  She's been there, done that!  No one else can truly understand what its been like for us.

It was a very emotional moment for me, a rarity. Although I truly am confident and happy about everything, I am very much on the "edge." I'm feeling a little more fragile than I'm comfortable with.

I was absolutely confident that my children would love me no matter what.  I was reasonably sure that my parents would be okay with me being gay.  But this unequivocal vote of support from my mother-in-law was quite unexpected.

I must be luckiest, formerly closeted, middle-aged gay guy in the world! 

Inwood Daddy

Saturday, May 14, 2011


The Daily Drool
Unable to blog or comment during the recent Blogger downtime, I felt a bit at loose ends. As I get deeper and deeper into the blogging world, the thought struck me:  "Am I becoming a Blogwhore?"  I certainly hope not!

I might be showing some of the symptoms.  While size queens focus on length and girth, blogwhores obsess about other statistics.    hmm... I've been blogging for 4 months, 3 days and, I've had 15,698 page views and 8413 site visits.  So that works out to +2,100 visits per month and 1.9 pageviews per visit.  And 602 comments work out to ..... 

Blogwhore:  noun.  A person who participates in all or most of the following:
  • Spending large amounts of time posting entries on his/her blog about things no one other than them cares about.
  • Tries any way possible to get others to read his blog.
  • Posts comments on every blog he comes across in hopes that other bloggers will find and comment on his blog.
There are many sub-varieties of the species such as the activist blogwhore and pop culture blogwhore.  If I am a blogwhore, I might fit into the slutty blogwhore category.

As a blogging virgin just four months ago, I remember feeling the trepidation as I published my first little post.  And the excitement of my first comment!  Wow!  Ten pageviews!!!

The readership of  my blog increased rapidly, but I quickly discovered that a provocative title is the surest way to double your pageviews.  Spandex:  God's Gift to Gay Men or Boxers or Briefs  are good examples of this.

In the "serious" category, posts directed at men in the closet such as "Options for married closeted guys"  were sure to generate the largest numbers of pageviews.  Another sure way to increase page views and enthusiastic comments is by posting half-nekkid pics of myself in undies or a jockstrap.  .

I can't wait to see the reaction to future posts such as, "Sucked my first cock"  or "Lost my gay virginity."  (note:  these events haven't happened yet, but when they do, I promise, you'll be the first to read about them.)   And to my concerned friends, when this does happen, I promise I will be safe, sensible and most likely be with someone I know and trust.

I'm thinking about pageviews today because it's been a highly unusual few days in the life of my blog.  In the past two days, my blog has recorded over 1,300 pageviews, where the average day would see about 150 views.  

Somehow, my blog has been listed on Hunkhunter.com's Thursday's New Links blogroll.  My innocent little blog is listed amongst tasteful titles such as Crazy Bisexual Trio and Jackers -N- Whackers.

While I normally welcome increased readership, I was really alarmed at this turn of events.  How did Hunkhunter come to list my blog on their site?   My site has been swamped by a steady stream of visitors from around the globe including some countries I've never heard of!   Wild!!!  I assume that this traffic will slow down soon when my blog is no longer "featured" but gets buried in the tens of thousands of sites listed by Manhunt.

I saw a shirtless young guy in his early 20s with abs exactly like this in town yesterday.   I thought , "My gosh, look at that!"  (I nearly drove my car off the road, gawking at him)   He was much slimmer and less muscular than this guy but to me, he was living proof that abs like this really do exist in real life.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My younger self

This excellent idea for a meme came from Blobby's Blog, Tuesday, May 3rd, who got it from Erik Rubright who got it from Sunday Stealing

1. Depending on your age, go back 10, 15, 20, or even more years.
2. Tell us how many years back you have traveled and why.
3. Pretend you have met yourself during that era, and tell us where you are.

4. You only have one "date" with this former self.
5. Answer these questions. 


Background Information: Numerous online friends have commented about how "together" or "serene" I seem to be throughout my coming out as a gay man, the breakdown of my marriage and the tearing-apart of my family.

I would not want anyone to think that this has been easy!!!    I can put all this into perspective only because I have survived a far more devastating crisis in my life.  By comparison, my present drama is 'tiny taters.'  I was very hesitant about posting about my experience as a young cancer patient as it is so highly personal. The life lessons I learned were profound and have affected every aspect of my life since then.

Okay, as we start, what year is it and how old are you?
I was 20 years old, 25 years ago in 1986.  I had just been diagnosed with a  very aggressive form of cancer.  Throughout the next year, the cancer metastasized and was described as a "massive involvement."   I would end up having numerous recurrences, radical surgeries, about four months of horrible treatments and every diagnostic test known to mankind.  At the major, big-city cancer centre where I was being treated, my doctors told me that they had never had a patient with my type of advanced cancer  who actually survived in the long term.  (ie:  they considered me to be terminally ill)

1. Would your younger self recognize you when you first meet?
Maybe not.  Now, I'm over 25 pounds heavier* and with a face that's a lot more worn-out.  Prior to my cancer, I was a fresh-faced blonde twink.... just a boy, really.   *You've seen  pics of me at present;  just imagine how skinny I was!

2. Would your younger self be surprised to discover what you are doing job wise?
Yes!   I was painfully shy at the time and could hardly conduct a one-on-one conversation.  I would never have imagined that I would be speaking in front of large groups of people daily and loving it.

3. What piece of fashion advice would you give your younger self?
Stop wearing your old clothes from grade 10 and 11 and get some 'big boy' clothes!  Try to find some clothes that fit;  you have a fantastic, lean body so you should make the most of it.

4. What do you think your younger self is most going to want to know?
  • That I would live to see my 21st birthday.   It seemed an utter impossibility, then.
  • That I would celebrate every birthday as a precious gift and that I would regard being allowed to grow older as a blessing.
  • That I would graduate from university, have a successful career, get married, have and raise children and live to be middle-aged.
  • That twenty years later, I would regard my cancer experience as the best thing that ever happened to me.  I was extremely lucky to be so gravely ill at 21.  Unlike an older person, my character was still malleable enough to be profoundly improved without me becoming embittered.  Unlike a child, I was mature enough to fully appreciate the life-changing nature of the experience.  (a therapist explained this to me)  Unlike an older cancer patient,  I would be able to benefit from this life-changing attitude for many decades to come.
  • That surviving a life-threatening illness would be the largest factor in shaping the my character and my attitudes towards how I live my life.  It taught me that except your health and the health of your family, there is NOTHING that is worth getting stressed-out about;  everything else will work itself out. 
  • That after twenty-five years, I still think about my cancer experience every single day but in a positive way.

5. How would you answer your younger self's question?
What is the question?  My answer to everything is usually "Yes!"  I would tell him that life is wonderful and to seize every opportunity; say "yes" to every adventure and reasonable invitation which comes your way.

6. What would probably be the best thing to tell your younger self?
  • I would tell him that he is an extremely handsome young guy with a perfect body.  I didn't figure this out until decades later... at which point, sadly, I was not nearly so handsome.
  • I would not tell him, "You are gay!!".   I would ensure that he understood that there was a spectrum of sexuality from 100% straight and 100% gay and  wherever you were on that spectrum, it was all okay.   
  • I would tell my younger self that his journey was meant to include getting married to a gorgeous, voluptuous woman (think Jayne Mansfield), being passionately in love with her (including physically) for many years, conceiving and then giving birth to and raising wonderful children.  I am now on a quite a different and exciting journey but nothing will ever top the adventure of those early years.
  • I would tell him that one's sexuality and attitudes towards it evolve constantly throughout your life and that is okay, too.
  • I would tell him that in less than 15 years, Canada would grant full marriage rights to same-sex couples and full protections in every aspect of life.

7. What is something that you probably wouldn't tell your younger self?
I probably wouldn't tell him about all the pain and distress I caused my wife by coming out as gay in middle age and splitting apart my family.  The dread of anticipating my present family crisis would have been terrible for a young person to have to live with.

8. What do you think will most surprise your younger self about you?
  • That I am still alive in middle age.  Despite the usual middle-aged health complaints and aches / pains, it would be a surprise to find out than I'm generally very fit and healthy.
  • That I am very happy right at this moment, despite the major life crisis my family is going through. 
  • That I can be extremely sexy and an outrageous flirt, given the right audience.

9. What do you think will least surprise your younger self?
That my core values are exactly the same.  I am the same calm, thoughtful, well-planned and highly responsible person who looks after his family and can always be counted on to do the right thing.

10. At this point in your life, would your younger self like to run into "you" from the future?
Yes!!  I know I'd serve as an excellent role model for my younger self.  I am a very good person to talk to as I'm an excellent listener and offer thoughtful, intelligent observations.  I also can be very funny and, at times, outrageous.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Spandex: God's gift to gay men

Here is an "all eye-candy" post with no serious content at all.   Now that our frigid winter is over, our town is full of Spandex-clad hotties riding bikes and running, training for all manner of athletic competitions.   Is there anything better than an athletic man in spandex?  Singlets, shorts, skinsuits, tights, Speedos .... I love them all!

While it is great looking at online pics of spandex studs,  I can say from experience that being a participant in an athletic event surrounded by sweaty, panting spandex-clad men is infinitely more rewarding, be it running, cycling or skiing   However, nothing, and I mean nothing, beats participating in a triathlon where the men emerge from the water in their spandex tri-suits glistening wet, clinging to every bulge and curve..... Most of these pictures came from the following sites:


Please take the poll at left:  which spandex hotties are your favourites? I've rearranged the pics in order of the poll results, starting with the most popular.

#7:   Grey wrestling singlet ...(50%)

#2:  Wet and extremely clingy blue/green tri-suit. ...(42%)

#9:   Amazing blue spandex ass ...(36%)

#10:   http://hardinmyspeedos.tumblr.com ...(34%)

#5:  Jockstrapped footballers in white football pants ...(23%)

#8:  Rowers in blue spandex ...(23%)

#6: Black spandex shorts ...(15%)

#3:  Buddy Bear in Ski tights + UnderArmor shirt ...(13%)

#4:   Gluteus Maximus in black tights ...(11%)

#1:  Blue and white tri-suit ...(3%)

Friday, May 6, 2011

Five on the Fifth

Stephen Chapman in his blog “The State Of The Nation UK”, has a monthly feature called “Five on the Fifth” in which bloggers may participate by posting five photos on their blog and exchanging links with his.  The five pictures, taken in the days leading up to the fifth of the month, may be random or may follow his suggested theme, which this month is “Clothes” or “Happy”.

All are invited to participate.

My theme is clothes. It was a pleasant changed of pace, posting pics of me that are not bare-assed or somehow showing lots of skin.  Four of the five pictures were taken this week.

Our first sunny, balmy weather of the spring (6 C, 42 F!)  As if by magic,  the summer boys wearing shorts and girls in Daisy Dukes suddenly were out in droves.  Those of us who live in cold climates wait a very long time for the slightest bit of "warm" weather and take full advantage of it when it arrives.

Here's me relaxing by the slough (pronounced "slew") behind my house in my favourite camo shorts.  Slough is a western Canadian term for pond or swamp.  I won't be able to do this much longer.  In several weeks   there will be swarms of mosquitoes sucking the blood out of you.

My favourite look:  black Tee, jeans and boots.

Off to work!
Sleeping in boxers tonight

March 25:  Spo-shirt

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


The title doesn't refer to me.  Considering the uncertain situation we're in, I'm relatively happy;  just putting one foot in front of the other.

In the afterglow of our major achievement the other day about keeping our assets intact, I think the finality of it all has sunk in for my wife. There are plenty of other things causing stress as well.  

It has been a very difficult few days for her.  I think maybe a full-blown case of depression as settled in. The slightest trigger seems to cause an emotional breakdown. This downswing in her mood will pass eventually; these cycles have been going on for most of her adult life, although they have been far worse in recent months.

We discussed all this during a very emotional phone call.  There's very little that I can do in the face of such distress, especially when the opportunity for professional help is refused.  I said, "I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry I put through  this.   I'll regret it forever."

Her response:  "Don't blame yourself.  It's not your fault... you didn't know.  You just didn't know."
I got misty-eyed at that response and again while typing this.  This was the first hint of forgiveness from her, the first acknowledgment that she now believes me what I told her. Another major step forward, I think.
When I got married, I didn't know I was gay... I just didn't know.   I would never have put anyone through this pain deliberately.

I discussed this conversation with my oldest who promptly cancelled some plans and arranged to be driven to her mother's house to spend the night.   With great compassion, my daughter instinctively understood that her mother needed her there.  There's nothing like having the emotional support of your children to give you hope for the future.
http://yummyhairydudes.tumblr.com/ -NSFW

Monday, May 2, 2011

Large Tony Revealed!

Here in the Great White North, it is a dreary, cold morning;  lightly snowing and several degrees below freezing. In May!!!!  Luckily,  something arrived in my inbox that brightened my day.

A dear online friend  (I'm not sure he wants me to use his name) pointed out that Large Tony who writes the blog West of Mayberry really does earn his nickname handsomely.   I posted about Tony previously.

For those who wondered what he would look like without the AussieBums,
luckily for us, Tony is a bit of an online exhibitionist. Check out Tony's very NSFW tumblr site .

Apart from his magnificent cock which appears in nearly two dozen pictures,  he is a fantastic physical specimen in other ways too..... slim hips, flat abs,
nicely muscled arms and thighs and lightly furred. A must see:  Tony shows us all the proper way to wear a kilt.   Fantastic!

Next step for Tony: wouldn't he look breath-taking, wet, in this pair Aussiebum swim briefs in white or ice blue?


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