Monday, November 28, 2011

Wrestler bulges and a missed opportunity

Last month, the university in my town hosted a major collegiate wrestling tournament featuring top wrestlers from across Canada. For the $5:00 price of admission, anyone could watch these grunting, sweating testosterone-filled specimens of manhood at close range.

In the permanently horny condition which I'm in right now, I'd probably ejaculate spontaneously in my pants, just watching these hot young men wrestle with their cocks and balls bulging in their singlets, spandex straining over their lovely ass cheeks and thighs. I know I would thrill to see them laying their beefy hands all over each others' bodies and occasionally get a glimpse of an unplanned wrestler's erection. Imagine the fun I would have had, scoping out their bulges to see whether or not they were cut.

But, sadly, I didn't see any of this.  I deeply regret not going.   I had three reasons for not going.  Actually, the first two were excuses and the last was a reason.

#1 Excuse:  I was sore and exhausted after a difficult week at work and faced a weekend of working around the house and moving furniture. It would have been difficult with my spinal problem to sit on the wooden benches.

#2 Excuse:  I had all the kids with me and somehow, could not come up with an acceptable excuse to be absent for most of the day, "Sorry kids, you'll have to fend for yourselves today ... I'm going to go look at some wrestler's cocks wrapped in spandex."

#3 Reason:  I hesitated about going to the wrestling tournament because I'd be seen by dozens of people I know. Although I am out to my wife, kids, family, most friends and many colleagues, I am not out to the wider community in our small town.   There would have been no satisfactory answer to the inevitable question, "What are you doing here?"  It would be a natural question, especially when everyone knew that I hadn't the slightest interest in wrestling and knew none of the wrestlers.   Attending such as event, alone, drooling over the sexy men, would have been the gayest thing I've ever done... er.. except maybe for sucking cock last summer, described here and here.

It would have caused tongues to wag and suddenly, I wasn't in the mood to deal with it.   If the wrestling tournment returns next year, I promise, I'll be there in the front row!  As a consolation prize, here are some lovely wrestler bulges from

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Impure Thoughts

kenneth in the 212
A Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends and readers!  (Over 60% of the readers of this blog are American, 10% Canadian and the rest from everywhere else in the world.)  I hope you have a wonderful weekend with those closest to you and reflect on the positive things in your life.

Several days after my crying spell at work, my wife and I talked on the phone.  She apologized for triggering the incident but said that maybe it was a good thing for me to release my emotions at this point.  I agreed.  A melt-down like this never happened to me during our marriage;   normally I am very even-keeled.  In contrast, my wife described herself as "passionate" .... crying and screaming were near-weekly events.  Sadly, this "passion" did not extend into the bedroom.

The booty-licious intern  continues to get me all hot and bothered at work.  He is slightly chunky but I think a few extra pounds on a young man just enhances his lusciousness (can you describe a man as voluptuous?).  On an old fart like me, a few extra pounds just looks like fat.

Between his insanely-curvaceous bubble butt and beefy thighs, I wonder how he can even get his dress pants on.   The seams running up his inner thighs are practically singing, they are so tight. 

Yesterday, he sat on the staffroom couch in an open-crotched pose with his knees spread wide open at a painful angle.  Was this pose needed to give himself more ball room?  Compounding my agony, he jiggled his legs up and down (Restless Leg Syndrome?), creating a hint of movement in his crotch.

At the risk of sounding like some sicko, a twisted voyeur, I actually moved to the couch opposite him to better enjoy the view.  I think I was actually salivating at the sight of this beautiful young man... is that possible?

It was nearly impossible for me to discuss professional matters with him while all these impure thoughts were racing through my head.  Thank goodness that no one could read my mind.... at least I hope they couldn't.  Who am I kidding? ... my thoughts were probably written all over my face.  Slurrp!

Our sexy intern resembles this guy but with scruffier facial hair and beefier thighs.  Yum!

Thursday, November 24, 2011


My wife has broken down in tears and had to leave work countless times over the past two years. On Monday, it happened to me for the first time ever.

Since the kids moved out of my house two days before, my emotions had been pretty raw. I had mainly been alone the whole time with the dogs. In our decisions about the division of furniture, I had previously agreed that my wife could have a couple of very nice antiques which had been wedding presents.

With some trepidation, I opened an e-mail from my wife in the staff lunchroom, surrounded by colleagues and interns. It was a page-long e-mail, remarkable for its kindness and generosity. She offered me numerous items which I had previously said could be hers; our best mattress (because of my spinal problems), the new computer and one of the "wedding present" antiques.

She said:  "Since we got them on our honeymoon and I think you should have at least one of them. After all, we both got lots out of our marriage and on the whole it was pretty good and we have three beautiful/handsome children."

My eyes welled up and within seconds, I was weeping uncontrollably.... a rarity for me.  It was first really positive comment after years of poison, criticism, hatred and verbal abuse.   An acknowledgement that there were was some good things in our marriage.   I showed the e-mail to my best friend at work who insisted that I was in no condition to remain.  I fled the crowded building leaving many of puzzled and concerned colleagues in my wake.

I went out and drove around in my car for a couple of hours crying uncontrollably the whole time.   Such is the nature of our jobs that we cannot just leave.... there has to be someone in our place every minute doing the work so colleagues and interns filled in for me.   In the end, I took the entire next day off as well. 

Two days later, I felt able to phone my wife and thank her for her kind words.  We both ended up sobbing uncontrollably yet again over the phone.  It was just too intense but agreed that our crying spell was a good thing.

It really is very difficult and complicated ... this business of falling out of love with someone and getting divorced.  What makes it worse  (or perhaps better,  I suppose) is that we still care for the other despite all the hurt and the erratic behaviour.

Monday, November 21, 2011


We've done a great deal of work in moving stuff between the three houses yet much remains to be done.  The important point is that my wife and I are continuing to work together in a highly cooperative, friendly manner.  That makes everything so much easier!

In the past several week, we've also had a sudden flurry of people wanting to view the house.  It's just a question of finding a buyer who is a perfect match for a very special house.
I spent over 40 years never once noticing another man's ass, at least, not that I remember.  Since coming out as gay, I've developed a keen interest in them, not to say obsession.  I have no idea why or when this transition happened.

At work, one of our new interns wears well-fitted dress pants dragged tight over his voluptous, curvacious bubble-butt.  Mesmerizing ...and highly distracting when he's at the photocopier.  It doesn't hurt that he also has beefy thighs which strain the inseam of his pants, a handsome scruffy face and a nice smile.  I just can't tear my eyes away from his beautiful ass cheeks and imagine myself kneading them as one would knead great puffy mounds of bread dough.  I'll admit, it is high time for me to get laid again.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Moving Day

This week has been insanely busy.  My wife and I exchanged many e-mails and phone calls finalizing the division of our "stuff"... and boy, we have a lot of it!  We've got antiques, leather couches, appliances and "big boy's toys" coming out the wahzoo.   I can say there wasn't a single item we disagreed on.  I was frankly astonished by my wife's kindness and thoughtfulness throughout.

I haven't seen behaviour like this since we were newlyweds.  Sadly, it's too little, too late.  She's burned too many bridges with former friends, neighbours, my entire family and even (to a much lesser extent) me and kids to ever fully recover in their eyes.

Today, the big move begins.  Much stuff from the waterfront house is being moved to my wife's new little house in town along with selected items from the house which we are selling.  I will have no involvement with this part of the move at all... the doggies and I will be doing a disappearing act.  On Sunday, I will be moving a great deal of my stuff, most of it in storage all over the place, into the waterfront home.

I won't actually live in the waterfront house until our other house sells.  We have concerns about it being left vacant while it is up for sale.  Potential buyers continue to look at the house at a slow but steady pace.  The response has been very positive but so far, but the "perfect buyer" is elusive.  Our house requires a family with children who are willing to live out in the country and are very well off, as the house is a bit "high end."  My wife is very confident that we are close to a sale. I'm very much less confident about it, but time will tell.

Nothing else to report, so how about some eye-candy?   All pics from

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Queer Meme

It's been a long time since I've done a meme, so here's a fun one from Dr. Spo.  I've eliminated a few questions as the original was very long.

1. How old were you when you knew you were gay?
It really started when I first got access to online porn. I was about 35 but it took a few years for me to acknowledge that I was really only looking the studly men.  I decided that I was "bi" about ten years later and only truly proved to myself that I was gay last summer (aged 48) with my first hookup.
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex?
In the first year of our marriage, my wife and I had sex daily without fail ... often twice on Saturday and Sunday.  By the time the third baby arrived, this dwindled down to almost never.

3. Who was the first person you came out to?
When my wife discovered gay porn on my laptop nearly two years ago, I told her that I wasn't "100% straight."  I told her I was gay about nine months ago.

4. Are you out to your family?  Yes.  Everyone.

5. Do you want children?   My three kids are my proudest achievement in my life.  I would have wanted a fourth but not any more.  Frankly, I don't have the energy needed to raise a child properly. 

6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends?
The majority of my online friends are gay.  I have several gay acquaintances but most of my real-life friends are straight.

7. Have you ever been in a sling?   No and I'm not in hurry to try one out.

8. Have you ever done a 3-way?   No, but I'd love to, but with some energetic, hot, aggressive and experienced guys.

9. Have you ever dressed in drag?   Would you date a drag queen?   No and No.... I'd prefer the rugged, outdoorsy, sporty type.
10. Cher or Bette?
I used to like Cher, but her plastic surgery gives me the willies.  It's Bette Midler all the way!

11. Been to Fire Island?  Saugatuck? Key West?  Ft. Lauderdale?  Palm Springs?
No.  No.  No. No. No. .... but I'd love to.  Are there any sugar daddies out there?

12. How many Madonna CDs do you own?  None. 

13. Name of your first love?  My wife.

14. Do you still talk to them?  My wife and I communicate most days, more by phone, text and e-mail than face-to-face.

15. Does size matter?    As Goldilocks discovered, I'd one which was not too big, not too small but just right.   (I meant my partner's cock, not his bowl of porridge.  I think mine is just fine.)

16. Biggest turn on?  Sexually aggressive and self-confident.

17. Biggest turn off?  Poor hygiene, arrogance, obesity

18. Ever been harassed due to your orientation?  No.

19. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you?   I wave my hands about when I talk in a limp-wristed way.

20. Ever been to a pride rally?    Yes

21. Would you marry if you could?  Yes I can get legally married to a man in Canada and I plan to, when I meet Mr. Wonderful.

22. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?    Rich and Smart.  Beauty fades but dumb is forever.

23. Do you sculpt your eyebrows?    No, mine are perfect just as they are.

24. Do you trim your body hair?   No, I love my fur.  But I did shave my shaft and balls for my first hookup.

25. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?  No, but I've done different people, two days in a row.

26. Ever been to an orgy?  No, but I'd consider it.

27. Which character in “The Women” best reflects you?  I've never seen it.

28. How may ‘ex’ do you have?   When my divorce is finalized (I hope within a year), I will have just one.

29. Do you believe in fairies?  No.

30. Do you have any tattoos?  No. I find most tattoos ugly, but if I had to get one, a nice little Canadian maple leaf would be great.

31. Do you have any piercings?   One pierced ear with a diamond stud.

32. Would you date a smoker?   Maybe, if he was Mr. Wonderful.  He would have to do all his smoking outside because of my asthma.

33. If you are male, do you know many lesbians?   About three or four acquaintances but none of them good friends.

34. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV?   No one, actually.

35.  Are you part of a gay organization?  No, but I plan to volunteer at our town's only Queer organization once I am settled in my new home in the new year. 

36. Is your gym cruisy?  I never go to a gym, but in my town, I'm pretty sure its "no".

37. Grinder or Scruff?  I wish I could afford an I-phone.  I'd be on Scruff in a second!

38. Are your best years behind or in front of you?  Having come out and ended a desperately unhappy marriage, I would say "ahead of me", despite concerns about my health and finances.

39. Ever been in love with a straight guy?  A few crushes, but "in love", no..

40. What gay gene did you miss out?
Good grooming / fashion sense.  I sometimes wear my shirts inside out at work (all day!) by accident. I often wear mismatched socks.  My hair usually resembles a rat's nest because I don't always brush it before I head out in the morning.  Nearly everything I wear is from thrift shops or is a hand-me-down.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Testicle Tuesday (very NSFW)

On Saturday, my wife takes possession of her new house.  A very big step forward for the whole family.   Some friends will help move a  mountain of her stuff from the waterfront house and a few items from my house.

I wasn't asked to help with the move.  My wife might have been concerned about about my spinal problem.  The real reason probably was, as my daughter put it, me being there "would rain on Mom's parade."   Very funny and perceptive!

Thank goodness that I won't be involved in the move!!  My wife can get extremely bossy.... which is made doubly annoying by the fact that she does very little work herself.  

Knowing that my wife is disorganized and highly A.D.D., my daughter asked, "Could you look into what Mom has to do to rent a U-Haul truck and then send her an e-mail about it?  She'll probably try to get one at the last minute and none will be available."   I  did the detective work, e-mailed my wife about it and she phoned to very nicely thank me.

I was to meet with our banker to arrange a mortgage in my name for half the value of the waterfront home.  My wife then said she would wait until our house sold and I could pay her then. Starting this week, we will, separately, look after all expenses for each our new homes.  The expenses for the third home (up for sale) would be split between us.

I said we would be facing a serious cash flow problem very soon, but she said, "Don't worry,  it will all work out."  It this the same woman I was married to for 21 years?... the one who had a hysterical over-reaction to every problem?   I think the reality of her exciting new life start to sink in.... finally.

I anticipate a couple more potentially difficult conversations this week.  As my daughter says, "Every conversation with Mom is difficult."   We will be making the final decisions about the division of our "stuff" .... leather couches, tables, electronics and the like.  After 21 years with a joint account, we need to have our finances completely separated by Friday such as bank accounts, payroll deposits, credit cards and bills.  The biggest hassle will be in getting her to actually do anything, once we've agreed upon it.

I'm sure there will be many more disputes along the way (hello ...alimony discussions!!) but these are becoming fewer and farther between.  Somehow, we've been able to come to an agreement eventually on everything so far.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Tarot Card Reading by Dr. Spo

Dr. Spo (the dear!) very kindly offered a Tarot card reading for any of his blogger fans.  Frankly, I thought it was all a bunch of quackery but since Dr. Spo has an interest in it.... well ... that gave Tarot a whole new level of credibility for me.  As he explains, "It is like looking into the mirror, not into the future."

So... here is my first Tarot card reading.  Dr. Spo's comments are in black;  my responses are in blue.

#1- Queen of Imps   A card about holding onto fiery passions or work related topics.  Yet, it is a positive card in either, so it seems to say while you are passionate/hot headed, you are doing OK.    

Yes, I am doing very much more than "Okay"... despite my divorce drama, my present mood can be described as "euphoric", quite a bit of the time.    I would agree with the "passionate" label as I have deeply held convictions on many things.  I generally keep my cards close to my chest, so my passions are not always as evident to an outside observer.

#2- Judgment - major changes are happening in your literal home.   No kidding.   No kidding x 1000.

#3- 2 Pumpkins - a quandary card.  Are you trying to decide something at work? which way to go?  If not, it points to ‘you are about to have to make some decisions’ particularly about work. Sorry, my work life is the most stable thing in my life right now;  an oasis.   However, I've been thinking in recent weeks that I will have to work a few years longer than that than my 2019 retirement date... which really sucks!

#4- Wheel:   So much is turning over and around in your relationships with others, and current relationship are turning too. Nothing is staying still in this department.  Another no-brainer I suppose, but this is what Tarot is, often a mirror to the soul.    

My relationship with my three children and my parents has evolved, but it's never been better.  Recently, my relationship with my wife is evolving in an extremely positive way.  I think we just might end up being highly supportive friends and co-parents.

#5- King of pumpkins - Another royal card, and in the same suit. You have a ‘pair’ of royal pumpkins. viz despite it all you have good material/concrete assets within you, balanced, on which to utilize.  

I'd agree with that.... I have more inner resolve / strength than anyone I know.  (if this smacks of bragging, please forgive me .....)

#6- Page of Ghosts  - new emotions and feelings. In the negative position, it warns of not running amok with your emotions at this time.

Good advice!  Just last night when I was alone  (the kids were with their mother), I was so concerned about that my financial future that allowed myself slip into despair and negativity.  Not helpful at this time!   For me, these negative emotions only emerge when I'm alone.  I rarely blog about these moments, but I did shed a few tears over my situation and wondered if I had the strength to go on.

#7- King of Imps - another ‘king’ and this again in passion/work.  You are doing OK.    
Thank you!  Damn, I'm good!

In summary: first of all, you have a lot of ‘royalty’ which often means literal people. So be mindful this reading is more about the people in your life more than the psychological components of your psyche. For example; the King of imps may literally mean‘you are going to meet a passionate and good man” and won’t that be something!?     
Well, I am more than ready to meet Mr. Passionate! That would be something indeed!!  Bring him on!

This read seems to say despite all you are going through/about to go through/changes, you have the inner strengths to do so. Darn tootin' I have the inner strength!  You said it, baby!

Dr. Spo, I will keep you posted as to how this Tarot reading stacks up against future events.  Thanks again!

Our of respect for Dr.Spo's PG-rated blog, I was determined to have a post with no half-nekkid guys at all.  In the end, I just couldn't do it.  Bring on the hot guys!   Weight: 190.1 pounds.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Sexy Talk with Explorer Jack

Yesterday, I had the greatest pleasure in talking to Explorer Jack who documents his sexual adventures on his blog One Hookup at a Time.  Very exciting!

We've had a brief online friendship, reading and commenting occasionally on each other's blogs and sending the odd e-mail. A few days ago, Jack proposed that we record a conversation to post on our blogs.

We agreed in advance to limit our recorded conversation to several minutes in case the readers of our blogs have short attention spans.  Jack was so charming and funny ... I would have wanted to talk to him for an hour.

We also planned to ask one sex question each which was the greatest fun of all.  There is so much more I want to ask him, all sex-related of course

Jack is a most remarkable individual.  He's the same age as me (late 40s) and works hard to maintain his slim,  killer body ... a rarity for guys our age.

What is more unbelievable is that he only started hooking up with guys at the age of 47 and has quickly become the Hookup King with hot guys of all ages, even young 'uns.  He just blogged about his 64th hookup in (I think) about two years.   I admire him for his courage, drive and sexual energy.  Inspirational!

NOTE:  the sound quality on my end of the conversation is terrible!  Sorry about that!  I promise we will iron out these technical difficulties for our next sexy talk.

Sorry!  Video has been removed.  You snooze, you lose!!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Slept with a Hairy Male between my Legs

Sadly, the male was of the four legged variety rather than one with three legs.  This is my oldest daughter's little dog, the brother of our other  little dog who was gravely ill last month. (but has since had an amazing recovery.)  My daughter is at university thousands of miles away so her doggie takes turns sleeping with other family members. 

He only will sleep under the covers between my legs with his head pressed firmly against my bulbous groin region.  Sweet!   Instead of cuddling with a dog, I so look forward to one day cuddling with a nice, furry man who loves me.

The viewing of the house has been slow, to say the least.    I think we need to lower the price a bit but so far, this hasn't happened.  We are at a critical stage in our division of assets so I don't want any arguments to jeopardize our deal.  Next week, we are to visit a lawyer to transfer the deed of our waterfront home solely into my name and finalize the deal on my wife's new house. 

Since our other house hasn't yet sold, I will have to arrange financing to buy my wife out of half of its value... and we've agreed on a reasonable price.   My wife feels that we can manage the payments on all three houses until we get an offer..... Hmm..... maybe, but not for long.  Stressful!

(I wish that cute guy was
French-kissing me!)

She also apologized for forcing the sale of our house before it was truly ready to sell and before my daughter and I wanted to move.  After two years of turmoil, she just needed to get settled.  

I said that I could understand that.  The apology was nice, but her constantly changing her mind over where she was going to live a lot of turmoil and stress.  I also said that she had better be prepared to accept a lower price for it because of the forced sale.  

She also said that I could meet with a realtor of my choice to prepare to list our house, should we decide to do this in a few weeks.  A another little bit of progress!.  I'm not to keen to fork out $25,000 to a realtor but if that's what we need to do to sell it, then a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

We're still thinking about it.  We just need to keep pushing ahead.  There's no turning back now!

*My weight:  191.0 pounds.

*I plan to post my weight as a record to myself  and to provide a bit of online motivation.
For RG:

Monday, November 7, 2011


Don't worry, I know I'm not a fatso, despite what the BMI Calculator says.  I just like attention-getting titles on my blog posts.

On my last post, wcs asked, "What do you attribute your gain to?  Stress?  Not getting enough exercise because of the back issues? And do you have a plan for losing it?" 

My weight gain (+30 pounds in six months) started when I was immobile for five weeks in the spring with my spinal problem. Since then and until recently *, I've had to limit even basic activities such as walking or standing or I got numbness in my feet which spread to my knees.

* My spinal symptoms are much improved since Hottie Physiotherapist has been doing me once a week.....  well, I mean, I wish he was doing me.

I've been finding my divorce journey (but not the gay part of it) increasingly stressful now that we're dealing with real estate.  Big bucks!  I am anticipating a very serious "cash flow" problem very soon and have been waking up in the wee hours with worry.  This is very unusual for me.  Although we have our agreement and a sequence of events mapped out (with lawyers, bankers etc), I know from experience that  erratic behaviour and anger issues can cause a conflict to arise at any time.   This is the most stressful thing at all. 

Normally, my stress relief involves exercise: cross-country skiing, snowboarding and running, especially training for a marathon.  None of these are not possible right now although I hope to start cross-country skiing again in about a month.

So, comfort eating is the order of the day and I don't feel guilty about it at all.  My other strong inclination for stress relief involves vodka and whiskey so food seems a safer choice.

When this house sells and I'm settled into my new house, I'll be able to shed at least 75% of the weight gain easily enough by the usual methods. I'll use portion control, cut back on meats and fats severely and go heavily into beans, whole grains and veggies and drink plenty of water.

The best place for me to exercise will-power is at the store by not buying high-calorie treats such as chips, ice cream and alcohol. Similarly, I rarely eat in a restaurant, fast food or otherwise, so it is easy to avoid high-fat, less-healthy restaurant food.

Around my new home there are excellent hiking trails so walking will be a daily event.  I plan to get a swim pass at our local university pool and do lane swimming on alternate days just as my doctor ordered.  I find lane swimming as boring as hell, but there are compensations.

If the timing is right, I'll be swimming at the same time as the Speedo-clad university swim team.   Such beautiful young men .... with amazing flat stomachs and sexy long legs!  As an extra bonus, the change rooms and the showers are all open concept.  Sausage fest!

I hope I can be discreet when I watch the soapy water running between those shiny ass cracks or dripping off the flopping cocks.  More likely, I will come across as some pervy old man.  I'll need to brush up on my locker room etiquette before I go. 

Locker Room Etiquette for the Gay Man

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Five on the fifth: movement

UK Blogger Steven Chapman has a monthly feature called "five on the fifth." He says:

"Take 5 photographs on the days leading up to the 5th and publish those on your own blog and then add the link to my blog,  State of the Nation UK so that others can see your images.

This month's theme is MOVEMENT.   Driving through town, I had difficulty in deciding what to take pictures of with my cheap camera.  Our town is criss-crossed by numerous creeks and large rivers.  My take on the theme is "moving water."

It hasn't rained in nearly two months;  these rapids normally go from bank to bank.

This little creek is trickling over some of the oldest rocks in the world.
We're on a major body of water, technically called a "strait", complete with ocean-going ships.

A light breeze moving the water on this slough behind my house. 
Pronounced "slew", it is a western Canadian term for pond.

This has to be the most boring set of five on the fifth pictures ever. Online exhibitionist that I am, how about a mainly-nekkid moving water picture taken in the shower?

This is what being +30 pounds overweight looks like ...
all gained in the past six months.  Tub-o-Lard. 
The front view was just too painful to look at, let alone post..

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Outed myself at work

A month ago, I blogged about a former colleague,  working at another location, who already had heard that I was gay.   Since then, we've exchanged several e-mails with filled with support and good advice.  Well, this week, I outed myself to many of the people I work with.  As I expected, it turned out to be a total non-event.

After eight months, it had finally become known in my workplace that my wife and I are getting divorced.   I didn't tell anyone about my separation before because (1) I didn't need emotional support from anyone;  I was generally very happy  (2) I wasn't going to trash-talk my wife and (3) I didn't want to my wife to hear I was gossiping about her... it would have made everything much worse.

While everyone was highly supportive of me, some had heard through the grapevine about my wife's occasional erratic behaviour at her workplace.  She has had to leave work many times with the odd sobbing spell and has generally being pretty snappish to those around her.

I had a faint sense that my colleagues weren't particularly sympathetic to my wife's emotional distress in what should have been a very routine separation / divorce.   In defense of her, I told many of my colleagues that ours wasn't just any divorce.

I made a snap decision and I told them that I had come as gay to my wife nearly two years ago.  I tried to convey to them how shattering this news would be to any woman, let alone someone with as much past emotional baggage as my wife.  I think they now understand the depth of her distress and anger .... and how devastated she must be.

I now regard my gayness as something to celebrate.  All my colleagues picked up on that and were hugely supportive and happy for me.  Most commented on how much happier I've been in recent months (despite our divorce drama) and how relieved I must be to have it all out in the open.

My closest colleague, Ken, is a guy who is highly "gay-aware" and sympathetic, having lived on the edge of Toronto's Church - Wellesley gay village for years with his girlfriend, attended many Gay Pride parades and had many gay friends from his former life as a competitive swimmer.   I asked Ken, "Did you have any idea at all that I was gay?"  He said, "no" .... absolutely not"  He said that he did not have the slightest inkling of it.  I don't quite believe him .... I think I have a pretty gay-sounding voice.)

To contrast, another colleague who (also works closely with my wife) and I discussed our respective divorces.  Recently, her husband told her, out of the blue, "I don't want to be married to you anymore."   This launched a nasty, adversarial divorce battle.   While she was completely devastated by her husband's announcement, I tried to explain to her that my wife's sense of betrayal and anger was far worse.   I told her that I was gay.

She responded, "Oh, I know!"   I said, "So my wife told you?"

She said, "No, I've always known, right from the first time we met ten years ago.  I always sensed that you were two-spirited ......  that you had an understanding of both sides.   I thought that it was a very special quality in you."

 I thought, Wow!   "A very special quality in you."   If only all the bigoted, gay-intolerant people in the world could see our gayness this way.   She is a very special lady.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Testicle Tuesday (NSFW)

Before I admitted I was gay, I gave no thought whatsoever to other guys' testicles. Now, I find them quite appealing, fascinating in fact, but not wrinkled and hairy old man testicles. (Sorry about that!) Since they're where a man's testosterone and sperm are produced, I think they are at the core of a man's sexuality.

I do wonder about some of the "low hangers" that some guys have. Wouldn't they run the risk of sitting down on them or otherwise having their balls get in harm's way?  Wouldn't they start to get sore, flopping around like that?

When looking at porn, one of my all-time favourite things is a rear view of a hot guy having intercourse with a woman... the slap! slap! slap! of his balls as he thrusts away. I'd love to be able to watch that in real life.

Yes, I look at straight porn occasionally. There is something very appealing to me, still, about "penis in vagina."  The gay Gods can strike me down now!!   Try as I might, I still cannot bear to watch guys having anal sex. It just seems so unnatural!

Things continue to go reasonably well between my wife and I. She was getting a bit snippy with me over the phone the other day and I stopped the conversation. The next day, she went out of her way to apologize in person and to explain what she meant.

The house viewing can only be described as "slow".... some close calls but no takers just yet. I would have wanted to hire a realtor to get it over with, but my wife wants to hold off for a while yet.
Next week, we will lower the price to bring it into a more affordable range. Right now, we are in the process of advertising more widely rather than just the one real estate website we've listed with.  It will sell eventually ... it's just a matter of price.


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