Tuesday, April 22, 2014


This is a random thoughts post which I wrote yesterday evening after a fantastic four-day Easter weekend.

1. I cooked Easter Monday dinner for my parents and two of my kids:  spiral-cut, glazed ham, roasted veggues (potatoes, squash, sweet potatoes and carrots) and a spring mix vinagrette salad with shaved parmesan and candied pecans.

2.  My son and I spent the rest of the weekend working hard on our never-ending house renovations which I started one year ago (pictured here) and we got a lot done.

I'm determined to get our Great Room (in realtor-speak) finished before summer, complete with natural gas fireplace, my first flat screen TV, new wood flooring and the walls painted some rich, dark colour, probably a dark navy.

3. I am proud that son is so skilled at all trades; auto repair, welding, carpentry, plumbing and wiring. And if he doesn't have a particular skill, he quickly figures it out. His combination of multi-trade skills, intelligence, creativity and imagination is unbeatable.

His shop teachers shake their head in amazement when they tell me about his latest accomplishments at school and refer to him as the "Superstar of the Tech Department."  But he and I have been doing this sort of work all his life, so it only comes naturally to him.

4.  I was not able to spend some sweet sexy time with my Sweet Brazilian Dude this weekend but he messaged me numerous times, sometimes calling me "Handsome Daddy" and saying about himself:  "I'm a bad boy."  lol We're planning to get together early this week after school. 

I am being called "Daddy" with increasing frequency by the young guys on Grindr and it amuses me. I like the playfulness of the young guys in their use of the term and I wear my Daddy label proudly.

5. But sadly, my days of being a day-to-day Daddy are quickly drawing to a close. My son (17.5 years old) has been accepted into a highly competitive commercial diving / underwater welding programme which is located around 3,000 km (2,000 miles) from home. He applied several months ago but I never seriously considered the possibility of him going away so soon ..... and so far.  But it's starting to look like it might happen.

This means that both he and my middle daughter will be away for most of the year for school. Our oldest daughter, now 22, has a busy life revolving around her culinary training school, her cook's job and friends.  I'll see her as much as possible but it certainly won't be every day.

With this new reality, I may run the risk of loneliness.  Perhaps it will be time for a regular LTR or boyfriend?  In any event, I will be able have guys over to the house whenever I want and even for regular sleepovers.  Every cloud has a silver lining....

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Lawyer Dude, continued

ItToday's pics are of beautiful, muscular man thighs which so remind me of my the sweet Brazilian boy who's been sharing my bed in recent weeks.  I asked him, where did you get your amazing thighs?

He replied:  "I played soccer all my life.  Of course!  I'm Brazilian!"  I can't get enough of massaging them, running my hand up them and being in between them when I suck his cock.

This is a continuation of the LLawyer Dude story, last post.     Lawyer Dude and I had one of the liveliest, gayest, funniest and most interesting conversations I ever had.  Topics were wide-ranging including our sexual histories and coming-out to travel, movies, politics and our marriages.

He was indeed a mover and a shaker and had served as legal council for both the Ontario and federal Conservative parties.  As a result, he was on a first-name basis with numerous important politicians including cabinet ministers and past Prime Ministers.  I said:  "Really?" with some disbelief so he got a photo album and showed me a slimmer, late 80s version of himself posing beside then Prime Minster Brian Mulroney.  He was a junior legal counsel on the conservative campaign bus

The effect of his joint wore off and I asked him why he felt the need to smoke up just to meet me. He told me that he had anxiety issues and occasionally took a zanax to deal with them.   

I was finding him increasingly cute, irresistible even, mainly because of his sparking personality, but this came to a crashing halt at the view of his shrivelled, puckered ass.  Every one of the fit, 70 year old men in my locker room had better looking asses than him!  It was just gross!

I told him how much pleasure I get making other men cum and often have difficulty in receiving pleasure myself.  Lawyer Dude said that was his experience exactly.  He explained:  when closeted men, gay or bi, are attempting to have sex with their wives, the only way that they can get aroused themselves is to give their wives pleasure.

All of their partner's moaning and writhing is now we get aroused, not by the physicality of the woman herself.  He said that is just the way we're wired, how we developed in our sexual responses and now, we just do the same thing except that we get aroused by pleasuring men.

I can't say that this is typical of ALL closeted men but it matches my experience perfectly.  What a

Lawyer Dude also took the greatest delight in all my stories which I've posted on this blog; of the back seat blowjob interruptus22 year old virgins, the spanking dude and of sex in a garden shed.  "I love it!  You are making up for lost time!  You want to experience it all!"

He added that he could not imagine me in an LTR or marriage with anyone in his fifties;  I was far younger in my exuberance and spirit of adventure than anyone my age (51).

You need to find yourself some 40 year old who is as adventurous as you. I know lots of them!  Just let me introduce them to you!  I said:  "I don't want to live in Toronto."

We talked non-stop from the moment I arrived at 7:00 pm to well past midnight.  My hotel was an hour away by transit, so it would be a very late arrival indeed.  Lawyer Dude suggested I stay the night and leave for work from his place.  He asked:  "Would I like to sleep in his bed with him?....... hopeful pause..... or on the couch?" 

I said firmly and with no regret:  "The couch."   I had an extremely good sleep and left at 6:45 a.m.to arrive just in time for work.  I left him a note thanking him for the excellent conversation and the dinner he ordered in for me.

I added that although we weren't boyfriend material, I hope that we could become good friends.

Lawyer Dude sent me several messages the next day on Grindr:

I had a great time last nite.  BTW, thank you for the note.
Yes, I definitely want to be your friend too. 
I know I'm not your type sexually.
I really enjoyed our evening.  Really.  After u left I jerked off like 4 times.

I don't know if our friendship will continue, but we have exchanged a few messages on Grindr since I've returned.  It's up to him, really.

The final pic was taken a moment ago in my front yard;  we're having a late spring blizzard!  Sean, do you recognize the shorts?  Will winter ever end?

Thursday, April 17, 2014

A sleepover with a high-powered Toronto lawyer.

My main entertainment while riding on a Toronto streetcar or bus (other than checking out the hot guys)  is to monitor the men on Grindr or Squirt and receive sporadic messages from them. This is how I met the Hungry Spaniard from my last post.

Both of these sites use a GPS system to arrange the guys by their proximity, so the profiles continually changed as I travelled across the city.

On my second day in Toronto, I was messaged by a 54 year old lawyer as I was heading from downtown to my airport hotel on the TTC.  He wasn't particularly attractive but was extremely persistent with many questions:

What are u doing in Toronto?
Are u single?
Are you a principal or vice principal? 
Do you have a lover?
Do you want to see me?
Are u free tonight?

Push, push, push.  He continued to message me sporadically throughout the week.

 I would love to get to know you better.
Just meet and chat.
But no sex guarantees
Don't want to fuck up a potential friend or lover.
But I smoke.  Is that okay?

I cancelled two hookup dudes (one at 5:30 pm and other other at 10:00 pm) and headed out to visit him at his condo in a trendy downtown neighbourhood. 

And, by the way, I had NO INTENTION of having sex with him. I found him deeply unattractive but he seemed extremely interesting and well worth a coffee date.  

The condo complex was very high-end but his apartment was messy with much clutter, stained carpeting and windows filmed with tar from the cigarette smoke.

Lawyer Dude was a bit heavy but had a charming smile and was extremely hospitable.  But something seemed to be "off" in his manner of speaking and behaviour. 

Lawyer Dude:  Do you notice something different about me?
Buddy Bear:  There's something really odd in your manner: do you have Aspergers' or something?
Lawyer Dude:  (defensively)  Why do you think I have Aspergers'?
Buddy Bear:  I'm really familiar with it:L  I've had many Aspergers students.  There's just something really weird about the way you're speaking.
Lawyer Dude:  I smoked a joint just before you came in.
Buddy Bear:  Really?
Laywer Dude:  Yes, I was really anxious about meeting you.
Buddy Bear:   Hmmmmmm

What followed was the most interesting gay conversations I've ever had which lasted over five hours.  During this time, he provided me with some amazing insights about my own gay development and behaviour which I found highly insightful and accurate.

He told me his complicated story:  many years of gay denial, an overbearing, Jewish mother, career and financial success, marriage at 28 to a Jewish bisexual woman with whom he enjoyed M-F-M-F foursomes and their seven rounds of unsuccessful IVF treatments.

He and his wife eventually divorced and he's since had two LTRs with men but was presently single and looking for a boyfriend, rather desperately I thought.  He didn't believe in gay marriage and thought it was impossible for men to be monogamus.

Throughout, he was extremely attentive, bringing me coffee and sweets, later a beer and then ordered a meal for me when he found out I hadn't eaten in eight hours. I called him the ultimate Jewish Mama.

He was intelligent, charming, perceptive and very funny.  I was starting to find him rather cute, sexy even.  

Then after several hours, he stood up and announced:  "All my friends know this about me, even my women friends;  I'm very comfortable with nudity" and proceeded to take off his clothes.  OMFG!  Toothpick arms and legs and an enormous beach-ball sized belly.  But the worst part was his ass which was literally not there;  it was just a wrinkled pucker of skin.  I've never seen anything so deeply unattractive in my life, ever!   I had to avert my eyes.

I said:  "I grew up in a Finnish family where we had fully naked family saunas several times a week.  My favourite place to go in Toronto is Hanlan's Point Nude Beach.  NO ONE is more comfortable with nudity than me.  But this is just too fucked up."  So he put on a robe.

(this story will be continued on my next post on Saturday morning)

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

A hungry, closeted Spaniard

My second day in Toronto was a busy one.  I met my friend Jeffrey (author of the novel Shirts and Skins  and the blog The Gay Groom) for coffee in the Village;  always enjoyable!  Be sure to check out Jeffrey's Youtube video, below.  He is charismatic, charming, handsome and in excellent voice.

Then I had a 90 minute tantric massage with fellow blogger Rick who has a tantric massage practice.  I probably will not blog about it, certainly not without Rick's permission, but his massages are always pleasurable.

My visit was doubly pleasurable because it was followed by a fantastic dinner with Rick and his husband, both charming hosts with an lifetime of experience in all things gay.

I learned so much during our lively conversation, especially when Rick (at my request), showed me his favourite cock stroking techniques using a carved wooden dildo as a model. ;-)

After the massage, I was left with several thoughts:
  1. I have so much to learn about giving pleasure to a man.
  2. I have even more to learn about receiving pleasure.
  3. I am more determined than ever to seek training in tantric massage myself;  soon!
Soon after leaving Rick's condo, I was messaged on Grindr by a blank profile:
Blank Profile:  Very adorable.
Buddy Bear:  I don't talk to blank profiles.
Blank Profile:  33.Bi married curious guy here. One son.  U seem to be very close.
Buddy Bear:  Yep.  Standing on the corner of Bloor and Yonge. What do you want?
Blank Profile:   Love passionate, cuddly fun.  I want to meet you.
Buddy Bear:  Okay.  Where?
Blank Profile:  I am driving.  Wait outside Tim Hortons on Yonge north of Bloor, east side.  I will flash lights.

Two minutes later, I jumped into a SUV;  the driver was gorgeous:  sad, hungry brown eyes, brown hair, Latin, with beefy thighs which filled out his jeans beautifully.  He resembled the hot men pictured in this post.

He parked on a quieter side street one block away.  It was just after dark but we were near one of Toronto's busiest street corners so there were plenty of passers-by.

He was deeply troubled and told me his whole sad story.  Born on the island of Majorca but now a Canadian citizen, he fooled around with men as a teen but ended up marrying a woman.  The social, family and Catholic Church pressures were just too much to bear.   "It's just a mess... my family will be ruined.  But I love my son more than anything in the world.  I need to be with a man, not just like this but all the time."

Hungry Spaniard:  And the worst part of all is that I'm alone. I can't talk about it to anyone."
Buddy Bear:  Baby, you're not alone.  You're talking to me.  And there are a million men online who are in the exactly same situation as you.  (note:  I was rubbing the bulge in his jeans and was rewarded with a stiffening cock.)
Hungry Spaniard:  I'll have to go on like this forever. It will kill my wife if she knew.
Buddy Bear:  Maybe she needs to know. It will be worse if she finds out at 55 like my wife. She is young enough to start a new life.  You will destroy yourself by keeping this hidden. And eventually, you will get caught.  Wives always know that their husband doesn't really want them.
Hungry Spaniard:  I love my wife.
Buddy Bear:  Your attraction to men will get stronger and stronger as you get older.  It will not go away.  Do you know that?
Hungry Spaniard:  Yes I do.

Suddenly he looked over with hunger and lust and lunged at me and kissed.  He was a fantastic kisser (of course!)...like a drowning man trying to save himself.  Hot!

He quickly unzipped both his jeans and mine and offered up his beautiful, fat, hard cock.  I applied silicone lube* and tried out my new repertoire of Rick's cock massage moves.  He gasped aloud in pleasure: "No one's ever done that to me before!"

* Total slut that I am, I was going around Toronto carrying my lube and other sex supplies.  lol

We made out with an insane intensity for about ten minutes with frequent interruptions as pedestrians walked by.  Finally, I crouched between his legs as he sat in the driver's seat, covered his lap and my head with my jacket.  I finished him off with a blowjob as he cried aloud.  It was a gusher!

Hungry Spaniard:  I have to go.  My wife's waiting for me.
Buddy Bear:  Hey baby, handsome guy!  I wish you all the best.  Now I'm going to have to worry about you.

With that, he gave me a sweet smile, the first of the evening, we kissed one final time and I disappeared into the night.

I texted him on Grindr:  
I wanted to say how much I enjoyed our encounter.  Passionate and intense!  But I was sad to see how troubled you were about your sad situation.  Courage is needed!  Your family will get through this!

I strongly suggest that you go to a therapist to talk it out. It will be very helpful to you but he will be ask the toughest question of all: "What do you want?"  Not what does your wife or son want, but what do YOU want.  Good luck!

Hungry Spaniard replied:
It was a real pleasure meeting u, your so sexy, handsome
Thanks for the wonderful time and also good advice.
Appreciate all,


Sunday, April 13, 2014

A 19-year old gay virgin, continued

I'm back from an amazing eight days in Toronto!  Some of my experiences might even be described as "life-changing" in a small way and I will blog about these in the days to come.  I met numerous extremely interesting gay men, most platonically,  who I expect to remain as long-distance friends. 

The behaviour of the big city gays on the hookup sites squirt.org and Grindr  was a challenge.  There were many more flakes, players and "all-talk-no-action" guys than I ever experienced in my home town, but that story will appear in another post.
Sp here is the continuation of the story of the 19-year old gay virgin.  By the way, Virgin Boy, at 19, is younger than two out of three of my children.  Gulp!

After a short chat, Virgin Boy asked if he could come over.  He wanted to lose his virginity, NOW, before he lost his nerve!!!  He lived some 45 minutes away (in good weather) and I questioned the safety of the treacherous, ice-covered highways.

He assured me that he was a good driver and armed with my address, he set off.  I followed his progress using the Grindr GPS:  30 miles, 20 miles, 2000 feet etc.  OMFG!  I couldn't believe that he's actually coming!

Virgin Boy looked like every other hunky hockey-playing young man:  handsome, blue-eyed, 5'-11", broad shoulders, narrow hips, juicy ass, lean and lightly muscled.  He had masses of shaggy blonde hair;  sort of a teen boy version of Farrah's 70's hairdo.  Virgin Boy was absolutely gorgeous and visibly trembled as we shook hands.

At my suggestion, we got comfortable in bed with our clothes on.  I find it very awkward getting undressed in front of a stranger and the mutual removal of clothing is the sexiest foreplay. 

We drank our beer and I gently asked him about the history of his same-sex attraction and he gradually relaxed.  From a very early age, he knew that was attracted to men but as a masculine dude, was certain that none of his friends or family had any idea about him.

He had never even been touched by a man so as we talked, I ran my hands all over to ease him into it gently;  inner thighs, chest, belly, bulge and jawline.

I eased his jeans off to reveal tight turquoise boxer-briefs tented with a huge hard cock and sporting a big, slippery, wet spot at his cockhead.

Virgin Boy (soooo embarrassed!):  Oh my God!  I'm leaking!  Oh no!
Buddy Bear: (laughing) You're a cum factory!  Dude, that's good thing, believe me!

I quickly got both of us naked and we got right down to business.  It was all sweetness!  Virgin Boy was a pretty good kisser and, unlike any other lover I've had, followed my lead every step of the way.  I sucked his cock and he sucked mine. (I could barely feel it!)  I gave his cock and balls a silicone-lubed massage and he insisted on doing the same to me.... OMFG!   It felt sooo good!

As things headed up, he became more and more aroused and vocal:  "Fuck me!  I want you to fuck me now!"  I lubed his ass and gave him a one-fingered prostate massage while he moaned and writhed.  SO HOT!   It was obvious that he will be a devoted bottom one day, but I said:  "Dude, not today, another time.  You're really tight... I don't want to do that to you right now; not on your first time.

After about 30 minutes, I said that it was time for him to cum.  I sucked his beautiful fat, uncut cock, ramming it into the back of my throat as he moaned and caught his breath.  Finally, he let loose with a gusher of nasty-tasting, bitter cum. (Smokers have the worst-tasting cum.  It was the only think not perfect about Virgin Boy.  lol)  A Big Gulp!

He collapsed back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

Gay Virgin (in a small voice):  Would it be terrible if I said I can't do this anymore?
Buddy Bear:  Baby, no problem!
Gay Virgin (with glassy eyes):  But you didn't cum!
Buddy Bear:  Erik, I can jerk myself off in ten seconds.  But it would be ridiculous to do that right now.  This is all about you!  It's all about you, sweetie!
Gay Virgin:  But you didn't get anything out of this!
Buddy Bear:  I enjoyed every single second with you, right from when you got our of your car.  It was all good!  Quit worrying about it.
Gay Virgin:  ... okay..... (and then in a little boy's voice)  Tell me about how your coming out went.

I told him the story while I stroked him gently;  he remained motionless and looked like he was about to cry.  I emphasized a few points, paraphrased here:

  1. You will come out on your own terms, whenever and to whomever you want.
  2. I feel lucky to be gay and one day, I hope you will feel the same.  You're just starting your life.  You're handsome, smart, have a hot body and a beautiful, fat cock. I'm so envious! You're going to get more sex that all of your straight friends put together. 
  3. Gay men are warriors;  I've never met a gay who didn't have courage.  Virgin Boy said: "I don't have courage."  I replied;  "Baby, when you need it, you will have the courage you need.  I promise."
  4. You are very lucky to be living in Canada and in our town:  you'll get nothing but support.  No one in your life will think anything different when you tell them you're gay.
After a long while, I said that he really should be driving home;  it was past midnight on a school night!  He got dressed, I walked him to the door and shook his hand.  He literally ran to his car and sped off into the night.  I followed his GPS progress in reverse:  1,000 feet, 10 miles, 30 miles until he got safely home.

I sent him one final message on Grindr:
"I wish you all the best, Erik.  You're an intelligent, courageous young man and I know everything will work for you in time."

He responded:   :)  Thank you.

Friday, April 11, 2014

My apologies!

I was touched and horrified when Sean "Just a Jeep Guy" texted yesterday to say that some of my blog readers were concerned about my absence from the Blogosphere.

Thanks for your concern, everyone.  I've been having a fanulous time!

I've been in Toronto for the last seven days on a work-related assignment.    I've been extremely busy with the work and much gay extra-curricular fun, most of it not involving hooking up.

But I've had no free time and extremely limited access to a private computer for blogging.  I'll be blogging from home again on Sunday.
And as to that 19 year old virgin, I was writing that post on an airport stopover using my Smartphone.... a huge pain in the rear.  I finally gave up but didn't realize that I inadvertently published the unfinished post.  I will continue that sweet story as soon as possible.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

A 19 year old gay virgin

For the past several years, I had a strict rule about not hooking up with any guy who was younger than my oldest kid (who just turned 22)

But just a few days after breaking that rule with Sweet Brazilian Boy who is 21, I doubly broke my rule by 19 year old gay virgin who was younger than TWO of my children.  I'm going to rot in hell for sure!  

The boys pictured in today's post resemble the Nervous Young Dude, as I will call him, and are from the Hey Sweetie! photos of great eye-candy blog, Artistry of Male Soul Food.

Three evenings ago just as our spring blizzard / freezing rain storm was winding down, I was messaged on Grindr from a completely blank profile.

With very little prompting, the messager revealed himself to be an 19 year old who had graduated from high school last June.  He was super nervous about messaging me on Grindr but was horny as hell and decided it was time to lose his gay virginity. 

Was I into younger guys?   Hell, yes!  Did I have any beer in the house?  He'd need one to relax a bit.  I sure do!  I asked him, "Where did you go to high school?"

This post is continued A 19-year old gay virgin, continued.


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