Monday, December 22, 2014

Coming out makes you a better parent

Please read this interesting post on being a closeted, gay parent.

Michael writes the blog Coming out in Mid-Life and was the very first gay blogger who I read (along with Kelly of Rambling along in Life), many years before I knew I was gay.

Michael was also the first gay blogger who I e-mailed about my desperate situation.   I still recall my fear and excitement, heart pounding, when I read his thoughtful, experienced and supportive response.  His experience was like a beacon of hope for me, a light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.

I'll let the article speak for itself, but a few points jumped out at me:

Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed:  "I believe these marriages* are toxic. (* closeted gay men married to straight wives.)  Marriages are based on honest communication, intimacy on a physical and emotional level, and fidelity. A gay husband isn't able to provide this to a woman in a sustaining way, as his urges to be with men heighten as the years go on."

"The evidence also suggests that a large number of gay men are married to women."

Buddy Bear's response:  I agree wholeheartedly with this, based on countless requests for sex which I've received from married men in the past four years.  There are far more gay or bi men married to women out there than anyone could possibly imagine!

I must add that I had never done anything sexual with a man before marriage and had never fooled around with men during my marriage, either.

I have also told dozens of young men who I've hooked up with, such as the Hungry closeted Spaniard, that their attraction to men will only get stronger as the move into their mid 30s and beyond. 

Many of them think that they can fool around with men while having a girlfriend on the side.  I tell them: "Don't do it!  Don't ruin the life of that young woman!"

Michael:  "I certainly was not a happy person while in the closet and that unhappiness and self-hatred had to spill over into my parenting.

Despite all of the turmoil, I like to think that I am now a far better parent and, I hope my children have learned that they need to live their lives to make themselves happy, not please parents or societal expectations. "

Buddy Bear's response:   During the eighteen years of my marriage, I believed that I was the best Dad in the world, and I still think this.  I must point out that I do not think that I was truly closeted back then: I was just in the deepest denial about my attraction to men.  In fact, I was completely unaware of the possibility of "men -on-men."

My entire life, apart from my teaching job, revolved around my kids and around our home.  I did virtually everything with and for them without much help from my wife:   grocery shopping, cooking, helping them with homework, teaching them countless skills ranging from welding, cooking to house wiring, car repair, carpentry and knitting.

Our fondest memories involve me taking them and gangs of their friends on a million outings such as skiing, hiking, camping, shopping, kayaking, swimming and countless school events while my wife stayed at home in bed.

Having said that, it must have been obvious to the kids that our marriage was lacking true intimacy and physical affection.  This situation only worsened as my wife's bitterness towards me became more entrenched and more obvious to outsiders. 

In the end, I felt trapped in a desperately unhappy situation which I could not escape, exactly the sort of "toxic" marriage which Bonnie wrote about.  And in fairness, my ex-wife was equally unhappy, trapped in a loveless, sexless marriage.

My next post will be on my relationship with my children right now.






Friday, December 19, 2014

Fun in the snow


It's been an incredibly busy week;  I've been attempting to get ready for Christmas on the home front but I've lots to do at school as well, extra-curricular and otherwise.

This week, our Outers' Club had it's final expedition of 2014 with a snowshoe expedition in a nearby wilderness park.   With 15 students participating, it was so much fun!

The setting was identical to the picture at right:  beautiful snow-covered evergreen trees and a thick blanket of snow on the ground.  But, sadly, we didn't see a naked hunk with an erect, curved cock like this dude.

Today, two of my kids will be flying, collectively, several thousand miles with numerous changes of planes to come home for Christmas.  I can't help but constantly check weather reports and the arrivals and departures information for the various regions they'll be travelling through.

Air travel can be quite tricky in some parts of Canada at this time of year with a good chance of freezing rain / snow throwing airline schedules into chaos.  And with the airlines fully booked, there is little chance of rescheduling cancelled flights. 

Masculine perfection:   my favourite type of man!
It's fun to get regular text updates from my daughter throughout the stages of her journey:   bus, train, plane and car.   But my son is another matter;  he's not a great communicator so we'll be lucky to receive a single-word text or two all day.

Christmases are very different in a divorced family, of course, so this holiday is a bit bittersweet.  But my kids are adults so I don't think anything could top the excitement of Christmases when they were little kids.

My middle daughter divides her time evenly between  my house and my ex's.  ("I don't want to play favourites between parents.")

But she'll be busier than ever with her family obligations, visiting Grandma and Grandpa (my parents), her friends and her older sister who is living in her own apartment.

As to my son, I think he'll be living with me most of the time but since he's not a great communicator, I couldn't swear to that.  In any case, he'll be spending 90% of the time with his girlfriend (a lovely girl!) and other friends.  Eldest daughter will spend a good part of the holiday cooking in restaurants so I will mainly see her at major family dinners.

Christmas dinner has always been held at my parents' house but these have become infinitely more relaxing in the past four years with my ex-wife NOT in attendance.   My ex was in conflict with most of my family (her fault entirely) and could be quite rude at times, making Christmas dinners during my marriage quite stressful for me.

And I'll be cooking for my own special family dinner at New Year's;  something I love doing

So..... with this mixed up schedule, I probably won't be able to have Gentlemen Callers share my bed very much over the next two weeks, although there is always the possibility of going to his house for some sweet sexytime.

I don't think that I could last for two weeks without some sweet sexytime with man;  naked skin-on-skin contact, kissing sweetly or aggressively or sucking a nice hard cock.  Now, I feel like I'm going to explode if I haven't had intimate contact with a man at least a couple of times per week.

It reminds me how sad and lacking the last +10 years of my marriage really were: sexless and without physical intimacy of any kind. 

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Wrestler Spandex Bulges

Just a quick Sunday morning post:  I have much to do!   In fact, I'm keeping my phone switched off so I don't get any offers I can't refuse from my sweet, sexy men.

This week, two of my kids will be coming home from school and my house looks like a disaster area both in terms of housekeeping and with regard to  my renovations which are going nowhere at all.

Although my kids know that I hook up with men, I do want to ensure that haven't left any sex supplies scattered about the place: condoms, lube, anal vibrators and the like.

As well, I want to bring a slight touch of Christmas inside by setting up tree which we'll decoratelater with cookies (some store-boughten some home-made*), candies and childhood Christmas ornaments.

*I have the ingredients to make chocolate cherry cookies using a recipe from my buddy, J|effrey, The Gay Groom.

--------------------------
I've had two really late nights in a row, helping out with a big music event at my school followed by a hookup with Jim, the 39 year old Aboriginal dude with erectile difficulties.

Jim texted me earlier this week just to chat.  After much small talk, he asked:
"Would you consider coming to _________ (his northern First Nation community)  to visit me?"

My immediate thought was: "Yikes!!!!  Does he want to introduce me to his mother????  His entire extended family live in his very small, isolated community some four hours drive away.   The whole place would be a-buzz with my arrival, I'm sure.

I immediately thought of the excellent advice given me by Pulsebeat as a comment:

 "You need to let him.know.   My best bud and I are still so close because I was honest with him. We had a very heartful conversation; we were honest. I was not looking for a relationship, he was. Now we are still very close, like brothers. We share very intimate details of our encounters.   I just think its better for everyone.

I explained (via texting), very carefully, that I had just emerged from a 18 year old marriage and a stressful coming-out / divorce and I was NOT interested in getting serious with anyone.

He backtracked immediately and said that he didn't mean that!  He was just looking for a 'friends with benefits' arrangement. 

I didn't believe him completely but accepted his words at face value;  I said I'd consider visiting him but not soon. ..... maybe in the spring when the weather is warmer.   

Then, on Friday night, Jim texted again, asking if I'd like to spend Friday evening with him in his hotel room.  He was in town again for yet another meeting. Since I was volunteering at my school, I told him that I wasn't available.  He responded:  "Please come after it's done;  I don't care how late it is!"

So, I turned down an invitation from my colleagues to go out for beer and nachos and instead, showed up at Jim's hotel room at 10:30 pm and left at 1:30 am, too tired for words.   As well as being sweet and intelligent, Jim is a passionate, attentive and responsive lover but most definitely Hungry Bottom.  Who knew!

Jim is a very large dude.  He had bariatric surgery four months ago and has so far has has lost 100 pounds with a 100 more to go.   His is not the sort of body type which I would normally find attractive but I had no trouble maintaining my erection with him mainly due to his passion and responsiveness.

But sadly, his erectile difficulties persisted this time, off and on, but in the end, we both had very satisfactory endings. 

  



Thursday, December 11, 2014

Country Boys

Famous blogger Dr. Spo has a feature called "Curious Things Around the House."   This post could be called "Things on my Bedside Table, as it looks like right this second.

It is Thursday morning and I'm in bed, enjoying a second cup of tea but I must get out of bed ASAP or I'll be late to school.

Last night, I had another sweet visit from the skinny, 27 year old Aboriginal dude, a Supermodel lookalike. and I'm soooo tired.

From left to right:
  1. DVD remote control
  2. Milk for my tea
  3. Remnants of a bottle of vodka.  Supermodel dude drank about 1/2 of it last night.   :-(
  4. Lube. two part bottles.
  5. Condoms
  6. Small gold ring forgotten by SuperModel lookalike
  7. Tea kettle;  it lights a ghostly blue when it's on!
  8. Can of loose tea: Earl Grey
  9. A cup of proper tea
  10. A candle holder given me when I left my old school, representing the tight bond we had in our department.  I love it!  I always use candles as mood lighting when I entertain a gentleman caller in bed.


Do you remember the handsome, hunky country boy I sucked off in his garage last October?   Well, in an exciting new development, he messaged me this week:  he is no longer living with his fiance and her two children but has just moved into his own apartment.

Country Boy invited me over two nights ago and we had a fantastic time in the comfort of his bed rather than a freezing cold garage.  He was horny as well, insatiable, eager to explore and more handsome than I ever thought possible.

But I think Country Boy deserves a post of his own; details to follow.


Monday, December 8, 2014

Man ass

The title of this post is taken from a Tumblr site, Man Ass, where today's pics came from.  I've been topping a great deal lately and as a result, I am becoming more and more obsessed with guys' asses.

I just love that rear view of a hot ass with thighs spread and cock and balls In proud display, especially in real life.

Here's a quick and very random early Monday morning post:

A:   Right now, I am cuddled bed with my two dogs tucked in close on either side, drinking a mug of Earl.Grey tea (brewed at bedside), listening to a howling wind and a pounding surf outside; another winter storm.

B:   In my last post, I talked about my hookup with Jim who was having problems with his erection.   Jay commented: "You probably helped him more than you can know."

Will also said:  "Men want sex but they also want to know that they can be fully functional and present in the encounter. You gave him that and he won't soon forget."

I didn't tell the full story: when it was clear that his erection wasn't happening, Jim was distraught: "OH NO!  IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!" which he repeated several times.   He kept pulling my hand away from his cock;  he was so embarrassed and humiliated.


Finally I said: "Dude!  I don't care if your cock is hard!  We're having a fantastic time!  You can still get pleasure from a soft cock,"  and he allowed me to take his boxers off and eventually, I did get him hard.

Jim returned to his home town some 500 km away but he's been texting me regularly about his day-to-day activities such as his excitement about an upcoming potluck dinner.  He'so sweet!

He also said that he is actively looking for a job in my town.  Jim hates the nepotism and chaos of his management job which (he says) is typical of Canadian First Nations governments.

But he seems to want more from me.  First, he hinted at being invited over for dinner.  Then he told me he would be in town in two weeks: "Maybe we could spend the weekend together at your house?"

I replied, truthfully:  "Errr..... two of my kids will be back home for Christmas" and he abandoned the idea for now.  But I am a little concerned that he is imaging an "us" in his future.  I wasn't THAT attracted to him but don't want to see him getting hurt again.
 ---------------------------------
C:  The 27 year old Supermodel look-a-like and I had another sweet encounter on Friday night.   He is an insatiable Hungry Bottom and champion cuddler.   As I drive him home, he said: "I know you're not ready to get serious with anyone, but when you are, please keep me in mind."

Yikes!  I would NEVER into a relationship with him;  I didn't mention before, he had a deeply troubled upbringing complete with substance abuse issues and jail time.  Apart from that, he's 25 years younger and way too "femme" for my taste.

He wanted to come over again on Sunday but I said "no."   Three times in one week would be too much, I think!

 ----------------------------------
D:  On Sunday afternoon while shopping in town, I received text from the guy at the top of my "A list",  the Hunky Construction Worker.   Jamie is now 39:   sexy as Hell, lightly muscled, lean, playful, horny as hell with a beautiful thick cock and sadly, a live-in girlfriend.

In the past year, he's always refused to kiss (he was "too straight") but this time, he grabbed my face and kissed expertly the whole time I was there.  Such a surprise!

It was my hottest encounter in a long time!   But he wanted me to top him for his first time and I had to say "no."   No condoms or lube, it would have happened on his uncomfortable couch but mainly, I was afraid his girlfriend would come bursting in on us just as he impaled himself on my cock.  lol

I told him: "I'll fuck you as much as you want but it's only happening in my bed."
I suspect that I like Hunky Construction Dude or the Sweet Brazilian Boys so much is because they are NOT pushing for a relationship with me.


Thursday, December 4, 2014

Top ten reasons NOT to hook up

I hugely enjoyed the many sweet times I've have with sexy, horny men, but I still entirely rely on guys making offers for sex on the various sites: Grindr, pof.com or squirt.org.

I just couldn't be bothered messaging guys for sex;  it would be too much effort to message perhaps 20 guys just to arrange one hookup.

Although I NEVER initiate chats, so far, I get more offers than I can accommodate.  Of the offers I do receive, I turn down about 80% of them.   Here are top ten reasons why I turn down offers for sex, in no particular order.
  1. He wants to be raped,  tied up, spanked or peed on.  Such requests are made more often than I ever would have imagined.
  2. He's a "total top" and refuses to do anything else.  I rarely bottom these days.
  3. He does not kiss during a casual hookup.
  4. He's a married guy, but I do make an exception if he's extremely hot and / or in his 30s.
  5. He's under 21  (but I've broken this rule several times)
  6. He's either a former student, had attended my school or is "the father of..."
  7. He's an old, really fat guy*.   By "old", I mean my age, +50.  
  8. The offer comes later than 11:00 pm.  Us old farts need our beauty sleep!
  9. He's 58 or older.  (I'm not saying I wouldn't hook up with older; but so far, I haven't)
  10. He comes across in the chat as total asshole or someone who is "all chat, no action."
*  I have a terrible double standard: I hook up with heavier guys in their 20s and 30s all the time and enjoy them a lot.  But I find older guys in that condition extremely unattractive.

As a result of this lazy approach to hooking up, some weekends, I entertain gentleman callers three nights in a row and the next weekend, I have none.  This week, I had late night hookups two weeknights in a row and right now, I'm exhausted!

Hookup #1 was with an Aboriginal dude, 38, who has a management position with a First Nations band several hours to the north.  We had been texting for weeks and finally, he was in town for meetings.  Jim was quite handsome,  a bigger dude (350 pounds) but he carried it well.

We chatted in his hotel room for well over an hour, drinking the wine I brought and chatting about all aspects of our lives, careers and sexual histories.  A year ago, he had been cheated on by his life-in boyfriend and had been badly hurt.

Jim was soooo shy and eventually told me:  "I have a very hard time in asking for what I want, sexually."  But I waited it out until he finally got brave enough to make the approach.

He turned out to be extremely passionate, a great kisser but refused to take his shirt or boxer shorts off.  After some time and much persuasion, I got them off!  I love lying on top of a heavier guy as long as he's not completely jelly-like:  it's like lying atop of a warm, wonderful waterbed.

Jim hadn't been able to get an erection in his last several times with a guy.  It was a vicious cycle and he was obsessing about it which only made things worse. But after a very long time and thanks to the many cock massage techniques taught to be by Rick of Torn Jeans, he ended up with a beautiful erection and a nice orgasm in the end.

As I left, he looked like the cat who swallowed the canary.  Clearly, he was very pleased with his regained erection and also added:  "That was the first time I've ever had my shirt off in bed with a guy!"  Too funny!

Jim and I plan to see each other again.  I certainly would hook up with him again but I'd rather have him as a casual friend.

The very next night, I was messaged by a 27 year old hottie on Grindr who was just too sexy to say "no" to.   Alex was 6'-2", 130 pounds, skinny jeans dragged tight over the thinnest legs I'd ever seen, a flop of streaked hair over one eye with the rest fashioned into a "man-bun" in the back.  Alex was very swishy and flamboyant: not my usual type of man.

He was was strikingly handsome, with high cheekbones of and almond shaped eyes;  hotter than any Super Model. It turned out that his father was aboriginal and his mother was German and his exotic features combined the best features of both.   I'm coming to prefer aboriginal men over uptight white guys.

He turned out to the sweetest, funniest, most cuddly man I've ever shared a bed with.  As well as the most passionate and vocal.  Not to going into too many details, I pounded his skinny ass for what seemed like an eternity and in every which way. I ended up feeling like the best top in the world!

The downside to Alex: he doesn't have a car and lives 30 km away.  That's a lot of driving for me!  But he wants to see me again:  we'll see.




Sunday, November 30, 2014

Sweaty balls

Two of my classes are made of what could be called "troubled youth.".... generally, young men aged 14 - 17 who come from horrible family backgrounds including poverty, hunger, crime, and substance abuse.  But we have so much fun in class!  My Educational Assistant and I try to make it a warm, safe, welcoming place for them to come.

One student in particular, Harley, is a very shy, hunky Aboriginal dude whose alcoholic mother (we hear) drinks away their entire welfare check.   So Harley comes to school hungry every day and only eats food provided by our Breakfast Club and lunches shared by teachers.

Last week, Harley reached into his front jeans pocket and pulled out some unwrapped Gummi worms (candy)  and offered them to me and some of the other boys in class. Such generosity!

Never mind that the Gummis were covered in pocket lint and God-knows-what, I ate mine and thanked him graciously.  It was such a great gesture that I could not have turned it down.

(As an aside:  once you've taken a random stranger's cock in your mouth, you become a lot less concerned about germs in general)

Just to tease the boys gobbling up their Gummi worms, I said:  "Hmmmm..... I wonder when was the last time Harley washed his hands?   Just  imagine where they've been all day!"

The boys said  "Ewwwww!"  but kept on eating.  Another boy, thoughtfully sniffed his Gummi worm:  "Hmmm.... it smells like sweaty balls!"  lol!  We killed ourselves laughting. So funny!

--------------------------------------------------
Later that day, I was at our city-owned fitness facility in the sauna feeling like some pathetic, old perve, checking out some buff straight dudes, around 18 years old.   The dudes were wearing boxers which they had first worn into the shower.  (everyone is  required to cover up in the sauna for hygenic rerasons)

One dude in particular was most spectacular specimen I've ever seen:  5'-10", lean, buff, sharply defined muscles and of Italian descent.  His pale blue boxers clung so his pink ass cheeks were clearly outlined and in front, OMFG, an thick, eight incher flopped.  Just spectacular!

Hunky Dude's Friend:  "This place sucks. The sauna at the ____ Fitness Centre* is way better.  (*a high end private gym).   They have a sauna AND a steam room.

Hunky Dude:  I never go into the steam room there, man.  It smells like sweaty balls!"

So funny!   Two references to "sweaty balls" in one day!   Go figure!








The Italian dude's body resembled the dude, above left. But Italian dude was MUCH younger, more handsome and fantastically endowed.

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