Monday, May 16, 2011

Support from the In-Laws

The Hairy-Chested Male
I asked my oldest how did she think her mother was doing.  The reply: "Oh, there are the usual mood swings, the cycles of up and down, but generally, Mom is much happier than she was before."  I couldn't have said it better myself! 

I got a phone call  from my mother-in-law who lives out of town.  This was our first contact since she was told that our marriage was over and that I was gay.   I love my mother-in-law dearly;  she has always treated me like a prince.  She's consistently treated me with more love and consideration than by anyone else in my life, including my own parents.  I had been wondering what she thought of me now.

She phoned to find out how I was doing.   My mother-in-law then told me that she loved me and  that she holds me in the highest regard.  She said her [high] opinion of me would never change regardless of what happened between me and her daughter  She would never think any differently of me.  My MIL added that I was invited to a family reunion in August and all my sisters-in-laws, brothers-in-law and a whole passel of nieces and nephews all wanted to see me.  ( doubt that I will go as it's over a thousand miles away)

My MIL knows how hard I worked for decades, raising my children with very little assistance, coping with some difficult spousal behaviour all the while.  She went through exactly the same thing with her ex:  (my ex father-in-law whose behaviour turned out to be a family trait)  She's been there, done that!  No one else can truly understand what its been like for us.

It was a very emotional moment for me, a rarity. Although I truly am confident and happy about everything, I am very much on the "edge." I'm feeling a little more fragile than I'm comfortable with.

I was absolutely confident that my children would love me no matter what.  I was reasonably sure that my parents would be okay with me being gay.  But this unequivocal vote of support from my mother-in-law was quite unexpected.

I must be luckiest, formerly closeted, middle-aged gay guy in the world! 

Inwood Daddy


  1. Nice of you to share the positives with everyone. I think you follow So Cal guy too, and once everything turned out good for him, he quit blogging! It's understandable though, but still, would be nice to ride along on the good times, as well as the bad.

    Best to you Buddy B.


  2. Yeah! It's going great! And when we feel a little down, we can just remind ourselves of all the positives aspects that we have experienced so far.
    This is quite a ride your are in now, it'll get bumpy some times but on the overall I'm sure you won't regret it. It does get better!
    And we should not forget how helpful the Internet is in this whole process. We are not as isolated as we were.
    Take care!

  3. Unconditional love is all we can ask for in life. I'm glad that, despite some rocky times, it's all working itself out for you. Stay strong!

  4. That sounds like an incredible MIL. And very encouraging for those of us afraid of what our in-laws or older relatives will think of us older married guys leaving their sisters/daughters.

    And you are definitely lucky - but just wait till you find your guy.

  5. you are most lucky indeed to be so loved by everyone. some of my gay friends have been subjected to horrible treatment by their families after they came out. really really sad.

    smooches, honey!

  6. PS - I want BOTH of those guys in today's post RIGHT F-ING NOW!

  7. Jack: the route that SoCal Guy is apparently taking is one that definitely would not work for my wife and me. I wish him all the best and often wonder how he is doing.

    Deep Blue & D@vid: there have been a few "downs" which have been relatively short-lived. Somehow, we have worked through each challenge. The biggest shock to me has been the great many more "ups", the excellent progress we have made, the agreements reached, how well the kids are doing ....

    Paul: she is fantastic!! She has at least one other relative who figured in mid-life that she was a lesbian and that worked out just fine. In general, I think that there is widespread acceptance of LGBT folk in Canada which was cemented in the legalization of same-sex marriage 10 years ago.

    Paul, about finding my guy! Thank you for that nod to the future! It may take years to find Mr. Right, but you know, I think that part of my Journey will also work out just fine.

  8. anne marie: Yes, I know! My bloglist is filled with guys who have been treated appallingly badly by their families for being gay.

    I am exceptionally lucky because every relative of mine has been unequivocally supportive of me being gay. They are very special, compassionate people and as well, I am a very special person deserving of this consideration. (just to sound immodest here.)

    Ultimately, the main reason for all this acceptance is that Canada has a long history of support for LGBT people, from Trudeau decriminalizing gay sex acts in 1968 ("The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation.") to the legalization of same-sex marriage 10 years ago. All of these fostered a climate which being gay is "normal", which of course, it is.

    anne marie: the guy in the second pic makes me ache in a good way. That "peek" is just irresistible, more sexy than a full monty view would have been.

  9. When good things happen to undeserving people, it's called good luck or good fortune. You are not one of those people. You have earned the good things that happen to you, and luck has nothing to do with it.

    I think you are a remarkable person who's been through so much in the last few months, and come out shining. And through it all you've consistently been the happiest fucker in the blogosphere. Seriously, I wish you could send some of it my way ;-)

  10. True dat brother - your lucky stars are aligning!

  11. Cubby: thank you for those kind words! I have so much to be thankful for, the biggest life-defining one was not dying of cancer at the age of 20. Everything that has happened in the nearly 30 years since then has been a wonderful gift.

    Coming out as gay was like being reborn as a new person. Everything that has happened since, especially the acceptance by my children, parents, in-laws and even my wife has only enhanced this feeling. Even the awful times, the screaming, the bitterness and hatred now serve to make my "present" that much sweeter.

    I sometimes feel guilty feeling this way. The majority of gay guys (especially the middle-aged, closeted variety) seem to have such devastating, horrible experiences when finding their way down the gay path.

  12. SteveA: Thank you! I hope my 'lucky stars' keep on aligning right up to the time I find 'Mr. Right' and beyond.

  13. I am so happy to hear the news of the love and support your Mother-in-Law and extended family has for you. We struggle so much in most of the U.S. with this issue, on many levels.

    I am not ashamed to say that I also struggled with this, until I became close friends with several gay men and women, on a very personal level. This brought me a greater understanding and allowed me to grow and become a much wiser person, for which I am very grateful.

    I do all that I can now to encourage other's to be accepting, and to open their hearts and minds, to gay men and women. It is a long road ahead, but if we all work together, especially as a Nation in the U.S., there isn't anything we can't do. :)

  14. I was reasonably sure that my parents would be okay with me being gay.

    I never doubted.

  15. Life in the Queue: thank you for you kind words and your optimism about the future. If everyone was a tolerant, intelligent and open-minded as you, imagine what a different place the USA would be for LGBT folk. Fantastic post on your blog yesterday, by the way. Wow! I look forward to reading more.

    Ur-Spo: thank you! Your parents (and family) sound fantastic! ... you write of them so lovingly!

  16. Most all has been written before me, but I will only add that you are some powerfully strong, and positive personalities in your life, both family and extended family.

    Many of us, as you mentioned, have had horribly negative family experiences when coming out, so it's a great pleasure to read of their positive support for your journey.

  17. that should have been "have some powerfully..." Sorry.

  18. The Cajun: thank you! We are an incredibly stubborn, determined lot, characteristic of our ethnic group. That's where the "powerfully strong, and positive personalities in your life" comes from.

    Not always easy to deal with on a day to day basis when everyone is right, all the time. But we can always count on each other to do the right thing.

  19. Besides the incredibly sexy photos you post . . . I enjoy the expression you give your thoughts and feelings. I too, was surprised at some of the responses I got from relatives and friends after they learned of me coming out and my wife and I splitting. Never did I expect such loving support from some "unlikely" sources! And I know without a doubt, that my family and I are all far better and happier. I am also one of the fortunate ones whose children and siblings have grown even closer today. Living a lie is just not good!!! It's amazing how good life is when we no longer carry a big 'dark' secret! Keep on!!!

  20. ArichNY: thank you for that wonderful, inspirational story!


Please tell me what you're thinking!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...