Friday, December 30, 2011

Christmas Dinner at my Ex's

EDIT: I just added these two pictures for Dogably Pawfect Saturday. We just came back from cross-country skiing with our little dogs; they get the greatest pleasure of running free down the trail as we zoom along.

SURPRISE #1:  The Invitation
A day after our actual Christmas dinner at my parents' house, I went to a second Christmas dinner at my wife's new house.   She's invited me so hesitantly, as though she thought I would say "No."  She said that the kids would like it if I was there.

I was shocked to have been invited .... I didn't think that I would ever see the inside of her house in my lifetime.  It really speaks to how friendly things have become between us that I was invited at all.

I arrived with one of the kids who'd been staying with me, carrying the dessert I'd offered to bring, feeling as nervous as a virgin on his wedding night.  Luckily, she'd invited some close friends who served to act as a buffer against potential unpleasantness.  There was none.  It was great to have her look at me without hatred and bitterness in her eyes and to have a normal sort of conversation.

I had mixed feelings looking at some of my favourite pieces of furniture (owned by her prior to our marriage) in their new surroundings and seeing the sweet little dog she acquired since our separation.   I reminded myself sternly that it was all just "stuff" and was nothing I couldn't live without or easily replace.  In fact, her small house was crammed with far too much "stuff" which just adds stress.  Watching my wife cook the turkey dinner (she rarely cooked during our marriage), I suddenly realized that I missed her set of professional-grade cookware (also owned by her prior to marriage) far more than I missed her.
My side yard this morning

I felt an overwhelming sadness at the fact that my kids were starting to consider this place "home" .... and this most definitely excluded me.  It strengthened my resolve to make our new waterfront home just as much a home for them.   Layered over that was an admiration for my wife who, despite all the drama and emotional difficulties, was starting to move towards an exciting new life.

SURPRISE #2:  The Present
In the weeks prior to Christmas, I'd been asking the kids if their mother was getting me a Christmas present but they didn't know.  I doubted that she would.   As our marriage deteriorated over the years, her Christmas presents to me became meaner and meaner.  For our last Christmas together (last year) her present to me was a door lock, to replace the worn-out lock on our front door.  Whoopee!!  

To be on the safe side, I brought her a modest, non-personal gift..... a house plant in a clay urn for a total value of $25.00.

In return, my wife transferred $1,000 into my account from a very modest inheritance she's received with the instructions that I MUST buy a  laptop computer, my first new computer ever     She might have motivated partly from guilt or pressure from the kids because  I'd been using the bashed-up family laptop (8 years old) while she' had a new Mac.     Still, I was overwhelmed by the gesture and by her generosity.

The next morning, I joined the 5:30 am mob * at the Future Shop's Boxing Day "door crasher sale" and got a great deal on a laptop.   Since I had money left over, I picked up an external hard drive for each of us.  All I can say is, "Wow!." 

Of the many hundreds of people lined up for the sale, the largest demographic consisted of tousle-haired, scruffy-faced, absolutely adorable young men in their 20s and 30s.  They were all in amazingly tight(ish) jeans or track pants.  Do they have any idea how irresistible they are?   They were there to scoop up bargains on gaming systems and flat-screen TVs.  I was just consumed with impure thoughts the whole time..... an unexpected bonus at that God-forsaken hour.

My backyard


  1. " I was just consumed with impure thoughts the whole time..... an unexpected bonus at that God-forsaken hour."

    I imagine that it helped keep you up -- in more ways tham one. ;-)

  2. That is an awesome backyard. Why are you up so early?

  3. Will J: Thanks for commenting! These young straight boys are so oblivious... thank goodness they don't know that there is a creepy old fart like me, lusting after them and standing right behind them.

    MiddleMan: Thank you for your comment! It's not that early here... must be something to do with the time zone differences or my computer settings.

    My house is in a semi-rural area backing onto a vast wilderness area, outside of an extremely remote, smallish town. You'd have to love the outdoors and wildness to be happy here which I do.

    Unfortunately, it is far from the centre of gay activity in Canada like the big cities are. On the positive side, there are a large percentage scruffy, bear-ish, outdoorsy types of guys listed on the gay sites here... just my kind of man.

  4. anne marie in phillyDecember 31, 2011 at 5:03 AM

    I raised a cosmo last night in a toast to all my gay boyfriends everywhere. may you have a wonderful 2012, buddy bear!

    PS - none of that nasty white stuff down here yet. but it sure looks pretty on your lawn!

  5. Glad to read that you had a nicer than expected time and that your wife and you seem to be adjusting after a bumpy time.

    Also glad you'll have a laptop vs. an 8 year old computer - didn't know computers lived that long.

    Lastly, that is a beautiful shot of your backyard, but one I prefer in photos. Still no snow here in Boston and I'm more than happy about that as temperatures today hover in the low to mid 40s.

    Happy new year and have a happier and healthier 2012.


  6. what lovely winter scenes!
    May 2012 be so f-cking fabulous it makes your eyes cross!

  7. I am so jealous. Here I am at the ski resort and the temps are warm and the slopes don't have the snow you have in your YARD!! Maybe I will have better luck next weekend. Hope you and all the readers here have a great 2012!

  8. It's really great that things are going so well between you.


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