Monday, January 23, 2012

Online Flakes (NSFW)

Actual pic of a sweet 34-year-old, described below.

Jaysonstreet's comments on my last post so accurately summed my feelings about my recent experiences that  it seemed as though he was there in my brain.  He obviously has had experiences similar to mind.   He said:

The experience you had ... reveals how repressed you had been and hungry for the kind of sexual and soulful all body experience you have long sought in your imagination. The kissing and caressing is for many men who are trying out their male urges perhaps the most stunning revelation.  It shows how deeply you need and want to have that closeness and intimacy with a man - and can get a kind with someone that soars up there higher than most of your significant life experiences.   

Dr. Spo's cautionary note is also something I've been thinking of, "Keep in mind intimacy hurts and is damn scary.There is a possibility of me falling in love with someone who is not immediately available.

In just over a week of posting a profile on pof.com (without a picture), I've had over 15 guys send me messages, the majority of which I haven't responded to.  Here are a few which I would never hook up with:

  • A persistent guy my age described himself as carrying a "few extra pounds."   Repeated requests for a picture revealed that (1) "a few extra" translated to about 400 pounds.   (2) I've already met him through my work and had no idea he was closeted but married.   Pass!
  • A work colleague, who retired 12 years ago, didn't know who he was sending his picture and message to.   He is a  nice-enough nice, quite attractive for a guy closer to my father's age, but.... it ain't happening!
  • A 19-year-old  attached a picture of his twinky body and beautiful cock.  To him, I replied, "Thank you for the message.  You look great but I will not hook up with someone who is barely legal."
  • A okay-looking and sounding guy who was exactly my age seemed lonely and had interests which exactly matched mine.   On his third e-mail, he revealed that (1) he is less than 5'-0" and (2) he has had a boyfriend for ten years but wants someone to "play with" on the side.
And then there were "the ones that got away."  The biggest surprise has been the relatively large percentage of young single men (in their 20s and early 30s) who list on their profiles "Man seeking a Woman."   These young men send me messages such as, "Wanna hook up?"   and express a desire to "experiment" with a guy.  Many claim to have girlfriends but still want to explore a M2M attraction.  Yet, when I message them back, saying I do indeed want to hook up with them, they invariably don't respond. 

One sweet 34-year old man was from another city but was living a couple of months in a fancy hotel, paid for by his company. He initiated a conversation and chatted with me for several hours, quizzing me intently on when I first noticed an attraction to men and about my sexual experiences with them.  His stories of his emerging M2M attraction sounded so much like mine, 15 years ago.

When I said that (at that time) I had only given two blow jobs in my life, he unexpectedly responded, "Would you like me to be BJ #3?"   I said, "Are you serious?"  He said yes and sent a picture of his cock..... the magnificent one pictured above, time-dated to the exact minute we were talking.   Just the thought of wrapping my lips around that baby made my mouth water.   Beautiful!

Since it was past midnight and the kids were with me, we made a firm date for the next day.   Since then, he hasn't responded and I've stopped sending him messages.  This is one "miss" I really regret.

What happens with all these "straight" 20-something men wanting to experiment?  Are they chickening out?  Having second thoughts about being with a middle-aged man?  Are they just kids playing games with us older gay guys?  Who knows?

Both pictures below are from http://mysexymen.blogspot.com.
We're planning a 3-some.....

13 comments:

  1. How long ago did you last talk to your 34 y/o? It may just be that he's not available to respond, but will.

    My suggestion is to keep a few on the back-burner and not get too excited about any one. For some reason, excitement is like an anti-pheromone in the dating world: it drives potential dates away. I've never understood it, but it seems to be true. Granted, my thoughts only come from my remembering dating women, but I think this is probably not too dissimilar.

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  2. Wow Buddy,that pic does increases the heartbeat..LOL..you should try to message him one last time..who knows,you could get lucky..and you're moving to threesome?!wow..I'm happy for you..so does that mean you have lost your anal virginity?..just curious..Hormones(sigh)..Have fun mate!!
    -james

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  3. Based on my own extremely limited recent experiences, I've had to redefine my definition of 'needy.' I don't know if it's online dating in general or gay dating but if you display ANY degree of eagerness, THAT'S being needy. For example, if you agree to chat with someone on-line and he's a no show, it's inappropriate to email and say, "Sorry we couldn't chat. Let me know if you'd like to reschedule." It's almost as if being polite is no different than being needy.

    As near as I can tell, the unwritten rule is to send one short email. Until the guy replies, forget about him. I'd think (and hope) that Canadians would be nicer, but as I said, perhaps being abrupt is the norm for online dating.

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  4. anne marie in phillyJanuary 23, 2012 at 4:04 PM

    I'll take the man in the first pix for $1000, alex! sweet mother of pearl, THAT is f-i-n-e fine!

    (for a fleeting second, I was hoping that magnificent manhood was yours)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hope you are not getting too overwhelmed with all this input. In the end, you will have to experiment and through trial and error figure out your route.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  7. I'll try to be less eager (or not at all) when I responded to online advances from guys I judge to be desirable. I don't think I've been needy by normal standards, but perhaps am guilty of producing too much information. The gay online world is very different from what I'm used to:

    Mack: it's been a week and he's deleted our message history, so I'm not expecting to hear from him. He's not the only fish in the sea, but his cock was just so beautiful! Also, he initiated everything in our messaging and chatting.

    Two Lives: I intend to follow your advice as I am sure you are correct. Generally, I've found a lot more "Canadian small town politeness" from the local guys on the gay hookup sites than I expected.

    Dr. Spo: wise advice indeed! You might know me enough by now to know that I only proceed when I am comfortable in doing so.

    Berlin Boy: I won't link your site to my blogroll as I like mature men my age, not boys that don't look legal. Thanks for visiting, however.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  9. The hookup sites are full of men who'll make contact and extend the possibility, then disappear or, the more polite ones perhaps, send a message saying not interested. I have had some very nice encounters over the last two or three decades, and one or two gentlemen are still at least peripherally in my life, so good things do happen. Just insulate yourself against rejection, as I believe you're doing successfully, because there's going to be a lot of it -- remember, it's NO reflection on you, but on them.

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  10. Hey Buddy, I've been enjoying your story and your blog and your most recent proactive forays.

    As "the king" of internet hookups, I've learned (the hard way) that on-line social behavior isn't anything like normal society behavior.

    In the real world, if someone doesn't respond to you, answer your question, or simply leaves a conversation, it's considered rude, unacceptable behavior.

    On the internet, simply disappearing is the polite term for saying, "thanks, but no thanks."

    It took me a long time to realize that and accept it, and now, for the most part, practice it myself. Take your 400 lb admirer for instance. How can you politely tell him, "I'm not interested, you are too fat for my tastes. Good luck out there tubby." Of course there's no polite way to do that, so saying nothing at all is the easiest thing to do. For both parties. Right?

    As for the guys that hit you up and want to experiment, then disappear, I suspect that you are an unwitting participant to their fantasy world.

    I had so much man sex in my fantasy world before I ever hooked up with a real guy, it was amazing. When you are experimenting with same sex attraction, it's common to go on line, look at gay porn, visualize yourself as one of the participants.

    Chatting with someone else on line, say a nice guy like you on POF, is just more internet fantasy. To someone who is not yet ready to take it to the next level, you are just another step along the path to experimentation. Try not to let it bother you, and realize that us bi-gay-whatever guys progress down this path at different speeds, and sometimes take small step, and sometimes big ones.

    Just try to be honest. I can usually tell if a guy is too nervous to actually meet and just needs to ask questions or advise, and if I have the time or inclination, I'll indulge him. If not, I'll just disappear (thanks but no thanks) or tell him I'm too busy to chat now, so maybe another time.

    Bottom line, try not to be too judgmental. Internet dating and hookups have their own social rules, whether we like it or not, so as the saying goes, "when in Rome, do as the Romans do."

    Now go and get 'em Gladiator!

    PS. Based on your blog and experience, I too put up my profile on POF. Unfortunately, I have had NO hot 18-30 year-olds wanting to hook up with me, yet alone experiment. Must be a Canadian thing. Shit.

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  11. Will and Jack: thank you for your valuable comments. You've really increased my understanding the online behaviour which I've observed.

    By the way, I now believe that the beautiful-cocked 34 year old (in the first picture) must have been doing the sexy-talk with me as part of his coming-out journey / fantasy, but was too nervous to meet up with me in real life. He was so rattled, I think, that he has now deleted his POF account entirely.

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  12. I discovered I got the same underwear too....However I have more pubic hair,,,,,,,,,,,,

    ReplyDelete
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