Some of the responses to my online profiles have really shocked me. I hadn't the slightest idea of the sexual interests which existed in this boring little town.
The most persistent guy (8 messages) claimed to be a married heavy-equipment operator living nearby, aged 32, married and very deeply closeted. He proposed an initial meeting in a large auto-parts store where we were to "signal", but not speak. Forget that idea! His pic revealed a sweet, slim body. He said later that he shaved his pubes, balls, cock and ass. I asked him, "How do you shave your own ass?" ... which he ignored.
After receiving numerous e-mails full of spelling errors, I asked him, "What do you want?" He outlined the usual activities and then added that he's never had a guy's cock in his ass .... he wanted to do that with me. I asked, "Don't you have to practice with a dildo first?" He looked pretty small and with my... er... girth, I just didn't think it would work.... especially since we were both anal virgins.
He responded: "My wife uses a strap-on dildo on me all the time .... feels soooo good. I just want to see what a real cock in my ass feels like." His wife has a strap-on dildo...really? OMFG... REALLY!??! He messaged me the next day, "I hope I didn't freak you out about the dildo" and I haven't heard from him since.
Another hot guy (36), outlined the usual range of things he would do with me. He then added that he was into trannies and cross-dressers. He would bring an outfit for me to wear, if I wanted. Problems:
- I wouldn't fit most dresses as my shoulders are so broad... and an off-the-shoulder gown just wouldn't suit
- Do they even make cha-cha heels in size eleven?
- I'd be the ugliest cross-dresser in the world.
I ignored his message. Why would think he that I would ever be interested? .... my profile indicated very clearly my 'plain-vanilla' tastes.
There were about eight other responses from married, closeted guys who seemed to be fairly normal. Most liked my profile pics, especially the ones of my ass. Some shared their own similar experiences and expressed elation at finally discovering their gay side. Others were supportive and still others admired my courage, saying they were deeply closeted and "trapped" in their marriages. I haven't responded to any of them... I might never respond. Who has the time?
I've also chatted many times this week with a sweet guy my age. Last night, we had a webcam chat.... what a hoot... we had such a fun conversation!
Married and closeted, * he is the father of four adult children and first hooked up with a guy last summer. His experiences so closely paralleled mine, it was like we were them same person. Each of us had many questions about the other's gay journey and present life. We have a coffee date at a bistro in our town's most expensive hotel tonight. Classy!
I'll tell you all about it in my next post!
* the fact that he is closeted might be a deal-breaker. Now that I'm finally out of the closet, I don't want to be dragged back in.
"Now that I'm finally out of the closet, I don't want to be dragged back in." I am so happy to read that!
ReplyDeleteI think any one who wants to feel a dick in their ass has already put some things up there - fingers, veggies, you get the idea. While size does matter to a degree, when the top knows what he's doing it's good for all. A small to average dick can be more painful than long wide dick depending on the top and on the bottoms mindset.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that you have so many men with similar experiences to talk about but don't limit yourself to them. They aren't where you are in your life and as we both know change becomes less likely with age.
To use a baseball analogy, you're a rookie who can really benefit from a more experienced mentor. Think about how clumsy teenage sex first is and how it gets better as you learn. Of course being in love with the person transcends the act but there's a lot to be said for the excitement, freedom, danger?, spontaneity of hookups. My flavors expanded past vanilla because of the men I met and was open to new exp. and know some of those experiences are part of my repertoire and others never again. You can always say and know how to say no.
cha-cha heels? I can't see you wearing these.
ReplyDeleteIf I only lived closer, you'd have your Certificate of Completion in your gay training by now. I really need to make you an instructional video.
ReplyDeleteCubby: Yes, my journey is going in one direction, more "out."
ReplyDeleteSean: Thank you for taking the time to provide such the thoughtful, experienced advice. I will very much take it to heart.
anne marie: I couldn't see myself wearing any of that stuff, either. That's why it seemed so ridiculous to me, although I must not mock LGBTQ folks who have different tastes than me.
RG: Yes, I really wish you lived closer... I'm always open to the video, however!
Oh, so Jealous! You're web camming with another guy! Well, I take consolation in the fact that I was your first.
ReplyDeleteSo, I think your "date" was yesterday. How did it go?
I wouldn't get too hung up on the other dude being closeted.
There are many paths to the top, but once there, the view is the same.
Just remember, nice girls don't wear chacha girls
ReplyDeleteSorry, Will, I tried to delete one of your comments with the typo in it, and I accidentally deleted all of them!
ReplyDeleteYour comment was:
"Hmmmm . . . I thought the whole purpose of setting up profiles on hook up sites was NOT being "nice!" "
what can i use besides dildos and my finger to pleasure myself?
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Great blog. A lot of guys coming out are going to find this helpful. Unfortunately you are going to be messed about with no shows and guys who don't call back. That's just the game.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I have had literally hundreds of guys at the end of my dildo whether in a BDSM scenario or straight guys who book me as an escort only. Some of them need coaxing to get over their 'homophobic' fears. But when they try it they love it. It's such an erogenous zone. So gay or straight the ass is a wonderful toy.
Best of luck in your search.
Violet Ivy
Author
Lucky Girl - How I Survived the Sex Industry
Thanks for your comment and your great perspective. I love hearing from people who really know what they're talking about.
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