One Step Back, Four Steps Forward

http://hairygods.tumblr.com/

Our home internet is working again!  Woot!!

Any newly-married straight couple will tell you that there is nothing like a good argument to get the juices flowing, literally.   At its best, a fair fight clears the air of any festering concerns and leads to amazing make-up sex.  I can't speak for gay couples but assume the same effect might occur.

For the first half of our marriage, we had some doozies usually involving yelling and on one occasion, the throwing of furniture.  (okay...okay....  it was a footstool and it wasn't thrown directly at me.)  These fights were always quite one-sided as I always remained calm.  All the crazy behaviour (self-described as "passionate") was on the other side.  We emerged from these early fights closer and more passionate than ever and somewhat sobered, having just pulled our marriage back from the brink.

So... I was quite accustomed to the verbal abuse alluded to in the previous post.   After a week of silence, this incident resulted in the most surprising discussion about our futures.   Of course, our marriage is over.  While each of us expressed care and concern for the other, we have both have fallen out of love some time ago.  This, I think, makes rational discussion easier.

We discussed the possibility of future marriages for each of us.   She laughed ruefully and said there is no one who would want her  (I strongy disagree, although I admit that any future husband would have to be an extremely special, understanding person... and of course... straight.)   I said that I wasn't going to rush into anything and that finding a compatible husband would be very difficult.  For the first time, I admitted that I certainly hoped to find some man to marry one day.  I would never have thought that we would ever have such a conversation;  never in a million years!  It happened so matter-of-factly, completely without drama.

What emerged very quickly was an agreement in principle that our number one priority was to keep our money and assets as intact as possible.  This is to ensure our children's financial future, as well as ours, in our separate households.  We will not be squandering tens of thousands of dollars on lawyers and costly litigation which could result in both of us losing our homes.

We have a proven track record on being able to cooperate.   We have have been slowly dividing our "stuff", items large and small, over the past several months and have achieved a relatively easy agreement on everything. It helps that I refuse to get emotionally attached to material possessions such as a chair or mixing bowl.  What am I going to do, take them with me in my coffin when I'm dead?

Many details need to be worked out over the next year as we consider many possible options;  there is no rush.  Ultimately, any agreement will be vetted by lawyers and accountants.   Our immediate task is to begin to separate financially;  bank accounts, credit cards and the like.  Next step: together and separately, we will carefully assess our financial needs (as opposed to wants) to live in our respective households.   This assessment will ultimately form the basis for our settlement and division of assets and incomes.

I know that we will continue to have a great many ups and downs as moods and emotions fluctuate.  However,  I'm fairly sure that today's events will prove to be a major a turning point in my our journey.

Offline




Love the fur;  also, he fills his spandex shorts beautifully!

  It's been a week of ups and downs, but for the most part, the ups won out.  The week started with me being on the receiving end of some verbal spousal abuse.  I'm accustomed to this sort of treatment (water off a duck's back!) but this time was different.... it was witnessed by the kids.  Throughout our marriage,  our arguments were properly conducted out of earshot of the kids.  When we got in the car to leave, my oldest commented, "Wow, that was unpleasant!"


This lead to an honest discussion about how that sort of incident had occurred frequently for at least the last 15 years.   I always try to provide a balanced view in my conversations with them.  I reminded them how tremendously difficult it would be for a wife to find out her husband is gay, especially after so many years if marriage.   I don't think that she will ever get over her anger towards me. 

By comparison, I feel freer and happier (most of the time) than I have in years. 
 As the weeks progress, I am finding the kids increasingly supportive and understanding of my position. They also have to deal with the same erratic behaviour as well, but to a much lesser extent. The kids also have a great sense of loyalty to their mother and work very hard to ensure that she is never alone.


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My town is quite remote, even by Canadian standards and I live in a rural area outside of town. As a result, internet service at my house is tempermental, to say the least. People living in further out than me can only get dial-up internet. Horrors!


The internet service to my neighbourhood failed yesterday and might not be restored until the middle of next week.  As a result, my commenting on blogs, browsing on Facebook and responding to e-mails will be limited.  It is not possible to do any of these things on the network at work.  For one thing, the majority of these sites are blocked or red flagged.  All computer activity can and is monitored and any viewing of online sexual material in our workplace can (as has) resulted in the firing of the person involved.  In any case, we are far too busy at work for browsing online.


I am uploading this post at my "inner city" public library; not a hardship since the library is one of my favourite places to be. In Canada, every public library has free internet service for anyone to use. Not to sound snobbish (because I'm not), but all of the other dozen or so internet users here at the library seem downtrodden in some way, either poor, unemployed or on social assistance and a bit smelly. No hotties here, that's for sure!!


This break reminds me of life before the internet. I'm old enough to remember an office environment where you wrote important memos by hand and had them typed on an electric typewriter by a secretary. The memo was then send off in the courier, to be received a week later at the head office. Faxes didn't exist.


It has been a revelation to discover how much time I was spending online. Now, I have more time to do other things such as reading, yardwork, organizing, cooking and D.I.Y. and gardening projects. My online time was spent on:


-internet banking, paying bills and shopping
-answering e-mails, particularly work-related ones
-e-mailing online friends
-blogging
-Facebooking with friends
-work taken home from the office
-entertainment
-* viewing gay porn and.. er.. um.. well you know ...other activites


* (Gosh, I miss this one a lot!   As I previously blogged, it was my viewing online gay porn which launched me on the road to accepting the fact that I was gay)


However, after only a few days, I already miss my connections with the many supportive online friends I have made in recent months. This is my new-found community of incredibly supportive and understanding gay guys (and one gal) of every possible stripe.  My online friends include those who are single or partnered, closeted or proudly out, married to a woman, married with kids, married to a man (those lucky Canadians!), separated or divorced, celibate or sexually active, guys who always knew they were gay and guys who didn't figure out until their 40s.

I cannot imagine how terribly isolated,  confused and afraid I would have been as a (formerly) closeted married gay man if I had never had the internet to meet my online friends and supporters.  I love you all!

The last naughty Spo-shirt pic:  the well has now officially run dry!

The Real Buddy Bear, Part I

My wife and I  have seen each other several times recently and another encounter is happening tomorrow.  "It was the best of times;  it was the worst of times."  Sorry to be so cryptic, but I can't comment right now about our most recent little drama;  maybe in the next post.   

These recent events were a bit of an eye-opener for the kids and we  have had some extremely honest conversations about it all;  another step forward!   The kids and I are cautiously optimistic that things will be calmer by tomorrow evening.
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A while ago, blogger buddy Jim in Dallas did a great post about his online versus real-life personality. Numerous bloggers such as Nice to See Stevie B  responded with thoughtful posts on the subject.   Now, it's my turn!   This post is all about me, me, me!!  Please believe me:  in my real life, I am nowhere near this self-absorbed and narcissistic.

My main goal is to be as honest and true-to-life as I possibly can on my blog.  Otherwise, what would be the point?  I hope that my real-life personality matches my blogging personality and for the most part, I think it does.

For privacy, I must limit the amount of specific detail provided while still providing a fundamental understanding of the situation.  I'm also finding it a challenge to blog my story without  revealing too many details of the other players in the story. 

I don't show my face and name on my blog and probably never will.   I admire the courage of  the many bloggers such as  Tom, Cubby, Sean, Kelly, Dr. Spo and Jim who use their pictures and names online.  If I revealed my identity online,  my blog would require serious editing, both in the pictures used (especially of myself!) and in my thoughts and stories that I tell.  My blog would have to become "G-rated"; that would be no fun at all!  

My personal situation would become infinitely more complicated if it was known that I was blogging my coming out, separation and divorce in real time.  If my blog became known to my employer and to those I serve in my job, it would be extremely embarrassing (to say the least.)  As well, this likely would result in a written caution from the organization which governs my profession.


My real-life personality which (I think) emerges in my blog:

• On the job, I am viewed as being extremely serious and diligent.  I am known for providing the clearest possible explanations and assessments of  any situation. I'm pretty sure that I am a very good writer.  When I'm with a receptive audience such as my closest colleagues, I can be extremely funny and even outrageous on a daily basis.

• I am not at all shy or self-conscious and spend my day speaking in front of large groups of people.  My largest audience was about 1,300 people who I addressed with no trepidation at all.  In most respects,  I am the least self-conscious and least self-aware person that I know.  Maybe this is why I don't mind posting half-nekkid pics of myself;  I just don't give a hoot what anyone else thinks!

• I am normally very positive, rational and optimistic with the strength to persevere through extremely difficult life situations.  I take the adage "Don't sweat the small stuff" to the extreme.   I was very lucky early in life because I was forced to learn that everything is small stuff, except for our health.  Everything else will work itself out;  eventually.  Throughout my adult life,  family, friends (both real-life and online), colleagues  and even casual acquaintances have constantly commented on this aspect of myself.  This character trait, I think, shines through in my blog.  

To be continued in the next post:  how my online and real-life personalities differ. Topics to include:

• my reluctance to reveal moments of anxiety and despair
• my online exhibitionism 
• my online ogling of hot guys
• my (future) descriptions of  hookups, assuming I ever have any!

Snowy Easter Weekend

We woke up to about four inches of wet snow this morning and it's still snowing heavily.   I love snow and winter and all, but really?  Snow at the end of April!!

Combined with the lousy weather,  I am going around with a huge knot in my stomach;   there will be a small family event later compete with a with a face-to-face meeting     I always appear to be outwardly  positive and optimistic, and I really am most of the time, but the reality is that my gut doesn't lie, I am still pretty tense in these situations.  I just want to be done with all of this!

I have nothing of substance to blog about and I have no half-nekkid Easter-themed pictures of myself  (next year, I promise!!).   So, one day early,  here are some Easter hotties to brighten your day.

The pic of this guy bones me up a little every time I look at it:  I think it's those beautiful thighs.

Jewellry designer Dean Harris

This boy will be a hottie one day, when he grows some fur.

I think men with a bit of salt-and-pepper are hot.  Several bloggers recently, BrettCajun and CB and a couple of others have discussed Just for Men hair dye. Don't even think it! You look fantastic just the way you are!!

Here's a shout-out to a new blogger, Mack, who is writing It must be around here somewhere which I've added to my blogroll.   

Mack is a early 30s, bisexual, married closeted guy with a story very similar to mine.   The main difference is that he is much younger than me and is childless. He is at a crossroads in his life and unsure of how to proceed. 

Mack, I suggest you read the blogs on my Gay/Bi Guys: Married / Divorced with Children blogroll (I'm sure you're already read some of them.)   Please regard each of these as a cautionary tale.  My unsolicited opinion:   no matter how strongly you might desire children, it would be terribly unfair to your wife and future family to bring children into this situation without your wife being told about your sexuality. 

The kids are all right.

2xist no-show trunk

My previous two underwear posts proved yet again:  "Sex sells."  For the past five days, this blog's daily  page views were two or three times greater than the usual, ranging from 150 to +250  views per day.   At one point, I became slightly alarmed  at being so "exposed."..... oh my gosh, what have I done?  This blog was supposed to be anonymous.... under the radar.   Who would have thought that  underwear would have generated such interest, so many lively comments?  Amazing!

I know these numbers do not represent unique visitors;   a click on each picture counted as a separate page view.  Also, many readers came back for repeat visits to read the many interesting new comments.  Thanks again, everyone!

Note:  the guy in the pic at left is not me.

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It was just three months ago that:

1. I came out as a gay man to my children
2. Our marriage broke down and we moved into separate households.

You'd think these would be traumatic, devastating events for the kids.   Apparently, this hasn't been the case at all.  Since our split, my children have been doing exceptionally well; better than ever, in fact.  I have never sensed the slightest whiff of angst or any anger from them over the fact that their dad is gay.  At home, at school and with their friends, they seem happier and more talkative than ever before.

As well, both kids are noticeably more talkative with me than before.  Since all the kids are not with me all the time, I think that when we do see each other, there are more stories to tell.  The expression, "Absence makes the heart grows fonder" applies here, at least to me.  I miss them a lot when they're not with me.  Another big factor:  the kids are happier because their parents (in our separate households) are also happier than we have been in many years.

I asked my oldest the other day, "You kids seem to handling Mom and I splitting up really well.  You all seem perfectly okay with it."

The response,  "Well, Dad,  it wasn't like some huge, dramatic split, like an explosion blowing everything apart.... or like cracking an egg.   It was more like S-L-O-W-L-Y pulling apart a piece of gum ..... it was going on for years. "   We laughed our heads off..... what a perfect analogy!  Our marriage had indeed been a troubled one for a very, very long time.

We seem to have evolved into a living arrangement which is far too flexible to be called "custody."   I'm not sure how this happened, but it seems as that the  kids decide between themselves which one of them is staying with which parent.  Their overall objective, I think, seems to be that neither parent be left alone for any length of time  (ie:  longer than one night.)  For example, if my son needs to be at my house to work on a special project for a few days, he arranges for his sibling to stay with their mother, so she won't be alone.  I expect that in the summer, all the kids will be mainly with their mother, which will be sad for me, but I'm fairly sure that I will see them often. 

It helps that the kids started out being very responsible, well-adjusted, confident and intelligent..  I also think that both of us parents are, for the most part, intelligent, sensible, mature and committed to the well-being of the kids.  Don't get me wrong;  I still am faced with erratic, depressive behaviour at times and less frequently, displays of anger.  I still have grave concerns about my financial future.  But overall, things continue to calm down and are moving forward, however slowly.

Boxers or Briefs, continued

UPDATE:  Be sure to check the pics on the first post on this topic, Boxers or Briefs?

The comments on yesterday's underwear post were just incredible!!  Thank you all!  Everyone seems to have such strong preferences about their underwear choices.   I was the most surprised at the number of guys who like freeballing (or 'going commando' for the politically correct.).... and here I thought it was just me. 

Jockstraps:  Nothing makes me feel sexier than a wearing a jockstrap, especially under jeans or dress pants.  Great frontage support and the straps cupping under my ass feel great!   I love the feeling of my butt cheeks flapping freely as I walk (my butt cheeks don’t actually flap.... but it’s just knowing that they could flap ...... )

It seems that teenage boys and young men no longer wear jockstraps for sports which require  a protective cup;  it's UnderArmour compression shorts all the way.  Jockstaps, I think, will aways remain a favourite of gay men.  My black jockstrap (pictured at left) and my white one ( front and rear views) were bought for one dollar each at a clearance outlet!  Score!!!

Freeballing:   I never miss an opportunity to  freeball.   I think freeballing is best done with track pants or shorts..... much less chafing;  you must check out D@vid's magnificent freeballing in shorts picture.  During my regular work visits to college campuses, there are sexy college boys freeballing in trackpants and shorts everywhere.  It’s a major distraction, all those dicks flopping this way and that.  I wonder if those boys know how sexy they look while freeballing; I'm starting to think that they doing it just to tease. 

Although the boy pictured at left is not my type, I wouldn't kick him out my bed either.  I'm sure he'll look better one day when he grows some hair.  (from my fave,  The Homo Adventures of Ronny and Tito)


FACT OF THE DAY:  Did you know that the longer the pendulum (ie:  a cock), the slower it will swing back in forth?  When guys are freeballing in track pants or shorts, shorter cocks will swing back and forth very quickly while longer cocks will swing back and forth more slowly.   So... now you know.  Watch for it!

Thongs:  Here's me at work today (in a bathroom with a lock on the door!):  black blazer, black Tee, dark jeans, dress shoes and a thong.  I don't mind how I look or feel wearing it, but I have yet to get used to the string wedged up into my crack.

Thongs aren't my favourite thing and I don't think average men look particularly sexy in them.  I think thongs are at their best on a stripper on-stage or some well-built young guy with an amazing bubble butt. And thongs worn by tubby, middle-aged men... please forget that idea!!!  

Warning:  do not even consider a thong if you have to bend over or squat down a lot at your job.   The string sawing back and forth against your a__hole is incredibly uncomfortable... oh, the chafing!!!

Bikini briefs: I love wearing them as they make me feel darn sexy, especially under skinny jeans.  Please beware that with some styles, you spend all day picking the bikini wedgie out of your ass.... and some are as comfortable as wearing a tourniquet.

These Ginch Gonch  bikini briefs (purchased at a thrift shop) have fun patterns but they are very uncomfortable to wear all day.  They have no ball room at all and believe me, I'm not very big.  All the 2xist  styles are by far my favourites because they have the best pouches and are extremely comfortable to wear.

Boxers or Briefs?

UPDATE:  Be sure to check out some even hotter pics on the second post on this topic, Boxers or Briefs, Continued.

This a popular (and ridiculous!) question asked breathlessly of male celebrities on talk shows and is the subject of a boxers or briefs website.

My answer would be all of the above.   Throughout my 20s and 30s, my underwear choices were strictly functional.   I had the ugliest pair of chocolate brown briefs which for some bizarre reason I decided were my “lucky underwear.”   I wore my tattered lucky underwear at every important event for over 15 years such as during many exams,  job interviews, important personal and work events and at my wedding.

Anyone snooping through my underwear drawer over the past fifteen years would  have noticed a major transformation in the types of underwear to be found there.  It was the biggest development of my early gay journey, although a hidden one because most people don't see your underwear.  As my gayness emerged,  my underwear choices became sexier and more varied.  I developed an increased body awareness and started to think about how my ass and bulbous groin region looked in underwear.  Surely I wasn't the only closeted, married gay guy to gradually develop an interest in sexy underwear?

Some types of underwear made me feel attractive;   I knew that a new pair of underwear were particularly sexy when I got an erection when I tried them on.  (a bit weird, perhaps, but it’s the truth... I still use the same criteria when deciding which pair of jeans to guy)

Boxers:   I like to sleep in boxers as there's ample ball room.  I don’t like them for daily use as the boys can get a bit sore, just hanging there without support.  Also, how do you stuff all that fabric into fitted pants?   I sometimes wear boxers with ‘relaxed fit’ jeans or jeans that are too big.  The extra fabric grabs onto your jeans and keeps them from heading south.

Union suits:   Worn very infrequently.  I only wear this one when it's very cold out and I will be outdoors all day, either working or doing winter sports such as ice fishing.  They keep your lower back nice and warm since there is no gap which occurs when you bend over wearing two-piece long underwear.  This union suit is over 50 years old;  it used to belong to my grandfather!  They can be very sexy but only if unbuttoned down to there.

In response to Cubby's comment:  Union suits were created in Utica, New York and first patented in 1868.  For years,  I have wanted to get  a red union suit which was the traditional colour.   These have a reputation as an old man's underwear but I see them occasionally on some young, cool guys who wear them under distressed jeans but have the top half of the union suit serve as their shirt.

Boxer Briefs: My commonest everyday underwear.  Great support and I like how they feel on my thighs.  They never ride up into a wedgie: Bonus!.  They look great as long as they legs fit snugly onto your thighs.  They look especially good on guys with big, beefy thighs, which I don't have.





This post to be continue in two or three days, with briefs, freeballing and jockstraps.  I might comment on thongs for men, but I won't be posting a pic of me wearing one.  Thongs are not a good look for middle-aged men!

Day of Pink against LGBT Bullying

News report:  Day of Pink - Kelowna, British Columbia, 2010

At the risk of being boring, I will tell everyone yet again how unique Canada is in the world in its acceptance of LGBT folks.  This is absolutely true!!  Canadian students aged 4 to 18 are at the forefront of this acceptance by participating in national events such as today's Day of Pink.

This year's Day of Pink, April 13, 2011, is the International Day against Bullying, Discrimination and Homophobia in schools and communities.

It is a Canadian initiative which was started a few years by a group of high school seniors in support of a grade 9 boy in Nova Scotia who was harassed on his first day of school for wearing pink.  I'm not sure how "international" it is, but the Day of Pink exists in the UK, Australia and New Zealand.   I'm not aware of any organized events in the USA.   However, one year, Ellen DeGeneres did a segment on the "Day of Pink" on her talk show.  (update:  The Day of Pink is recognized in some school districts in the USA;  some of the  more enlightened ones obviously.)

For some reason, Canada has several "pink" anti-bullying days, Pink Shirt Day in late February and another one, I believe, in November.  I think these days are run by different organizations who can't agree on one date.  Today's "Day of Pink" is different from the other days because it is specifically an LGBT event.


In Canada, Day of Pink is a very big deal in many non-Catholic* elementary and secondary schools.  Anti-LGBT bullying initiatives, and anti-bullying initiatives in general are being pushed into the spotlight by Ministries of Education all across the country.  I wonder if the media reports of  LGBT youth being bullied and committing suicide have heightened this sense of urgency?   In my small, very remote, blue-collar town, the hoopla is amazing!    Here are a few highlights of this week's events.  I've also described events which occurred during last year;  at the time of this posting, this year's Day of Pink hasn't happened yet!

• At my kids' high school this week, daily announcements were made explaining the importance of this day.  Unlike in past years, no attempt was made to downplay the fact that it is an LGBT initiative.
• The Canadian flag in front on the school was taken down, replaced by the Rainbow Flag.  Would this happen anywhere in the USA?
• Students and staff were encouraged to wear pink clothing or a pink ribbon.  Last year, participation rates were over 70%.
• The incentive this year:  the home room class with the greatest percentage of participating students will win a party featuring pink-frosted cupcakes.
• LGBT community representatives were invited by our school district head office to speak to students at school assemblies about LGBT bullying. Amazing!
• TV and radio stories and interviews on the Day of Pink were broadcast nationally.
• Across Canada, pink-clad students and teachers posed for a group photos to be posted online.
• Student groups all over the country posted YouTube videos and did pink flash mob dances.
• At our provincial legislature, all the Liberal members of provincial parliament wore pink.
• In many provinces, the provincial Premier or the Minster of Education spoke publicly on the importance of ending LGBT bulling.

I find this amazing,  just f*cking amazing!!

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* the Catholic schools, of course, mainly pretend that gays and lesbians do not exist.  Would we expect anything else from them?

You know I had to get some eye-candy in here somehow!

Purple Speedo Guy

As a neophyte gay guy, I have no experience at all in the art of the gay pick-up.  Looking back to my 20s and 30s, I now can recognize several incidents in which I might have been on the receiving end of an attempted pickup.  "Pickup" might be an overstatement;  it might have been a subtle signaling of an possible invitation from a gay guy.  I don't know.

But being in denial and clueless about all matters gay, it would never have occurred to me that another guy had any sexual interest in me at all.  I certainly had an appreciation for an attractive man.  However,  I never questioned this interest or let alone gave the slightest thought about what it signified about my sexuality.

One day in my early 30s, I was by myself at the community pool with my two kids, aged 3 and 1.  I was wearing a black Speedo (a sign of my hidden gayness?).   I told myself that I wore it because it gave freer leg movement for swimming, but none of the straight Dads would have been caught dead wearing one.

At that time, I had a perfectly flat stomach and was lightly furred. I wasn't heavily muscled but the muscles I had were well defined;  I was very slim.   I gave no thought at all about whether I was sexy or whether anyone else found me good looking.  Completely non-reflective!   Looking back as objectively as possible, I think quite a few gay guys would have found me attractive especially wearing that Speedo;  a classic DILF.

http://www.internationaljock.com

I was sitting poolside ready to go home with the kids.  A young man (mid 20s) walked by wearing a bright purple Speedo;  we were the only two guys in the place wearing them.  Mr. Purple Speedo was much cuter than the guy in the picture to the left;  dark hair, a little bit of  fur on his chest, a treasure trail and was just lightly muscled.... just a natural guy.  (By the way, I don't find the guy in the picture the slightest bit attractive... too plastic and arrogant looking)

As he walked by, I checked out his package.  (I was probably staring pretty blatantly... no subtlety there at all!)   Gasp!!  The outline of his circumcised cock head was clearly visible through the spandex, even more clearly than the one in the photo.  Years later, I wonder if he had cut the front lining out .... his vpl was so obvious. Advertising?

As he walked by, to my discomfort, he locked eyes with me and flashed a beautiful smile and kept on walking.  I thought... boy, he is friendly..... and I assumed he was smiling at my cute kids.  I thought, but why would be a young man like that be interested in babies?

About 15 minutes later, the kids and I were heading out the front door.  There was the Purple Speedo hottie sitting there in a chair by the door in tight jeans and bomber jacket in a slouched, open-crotched pose.  I had an idea (which could have been wrong) that he was waiting for us.   Again, he locked eyes with me as I hurried past with my snotty-nosed kids in tow.

For the first time I wondered, was he trying to attract my attention?  What did he think I would have done with the kids even if I wanted to hook up?

This is just a trivial little story but it shows how much I have changed.  If this incident happened today, I'm absolutely certain that I would be brave enough to pursue it;  perhaps return the smile, say 'hello' and see what developed.

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Blogger friends, don't worry, I'm not going to start running around trying to pick up guys!  For one thing, I can never tell who is gay or not and I would never risk getting beat up.   All I'm saying is that right, now, if some reasonably appealing, non-creepy guy locked eyes with me or smiled, I would do the same and maybe engage him in conversation.  If this happened in a place where there was no doubt that the other guy was actually gay (such as in a gay bar or at a Pride parade), so much the better!   I feel I owe it to myself, as part of my gay evolution. 

Casual Friday Hotties

A headless, pantsless and charmless Spo-shirt pic:  a pale imitation of the sexy original.

Recently, I was at my wife's house making a delivery.  I had hoped to just leave immediately but, instead, was invited to stay for supper. It was the first time the four of us sat down at a dinner table since my coming out and our separation three months ago.

The meal was extremely tense, but I think most of the tension came from me.  After years of relentless criticism,  complaints and blame, I was like a kicked cat ...  twitchy and nervous.  However, the meal passed without incident and I did appreciate this small opportunity for normalcy in our family.  Another small step forward!
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For the first time, I am now starting to think what it would be like to put myself "out there", to make new gay friends, attend gay events and even begin dating guys.  I'm not ready for all of this just yet but I know I will be, one day.  For now, perving on hot guys will have to do.

In my workplace, we regularly get university students as interns.  At present,  we have seven interns, one woman and six young men in the 23 - 30 age group. Five of the six guys are very hot.  In fact, two of these interns are working under me.... Sean!   RG!   get your minds out of the gutter!!  They're under me...but are not actually ....  under me... well, I wouldn't mind if they were under ... er... oh, you know what I mean .....
 
As if by design,  every one of these beautiful young men showed up yesterday in jeans and dress shirts for Casual Friday.  All the jeans were some very cool brand, some distressed and all were accented by impeccable dress shoes.   Since when did small-town 20-something young men wear such tight(ish) ass-hugging, bulge-accentuating jeans?  Eye-candy at the photocopier!!  They were all slim of hip with flat abs and lovely legs.... just great!

In the past, we've had our share of male interns who were gay, either fully out or more private about their sexuality.   Earlier this year, one hot intern in his mid 30s was, I'm very sure, in deep denial about his gayness..... it takes one to know one!!!  More on him in another post.

I've always enjoyed my conversations with the gay ones in particular;  they probably suspect that I'm 'one of the family.  I'm fairly sure that most of the present group are hopelessly straight;  still, it is a great pleasure to be working closely with them.

We do get some young woman as  interns.  Generally I find them uninteresting :  they are so serious, they try too hard and always have to "prove" something.  Unfair, I know, since I am a gay man, but I find the young men more enthusiastic and a lot more fun to be around.

Spo-Shirt in the Bathtub

Dr. Spo commented recently, "Buddy Bear is sure getting his money's worth with that shirt!"  It's made several blog appearances so far: the shower shots, front and rear, and the Spo-shirt strip tease.

It is a beautiful shirt made with quality fabric, bright colours,  the coolest pattern and impeccable workmanship. (Dr. Spo, you're quite the seamstress!!)  More importantly,  it represents an community, a bond between guys (and now one gal!) all over North America to which now I belong.  Very exciting!!

I had a great deal of fun wearing it and taking pictures in many different settings.  The Spo-shirt arrived during a very difficult week with some upsetting custody issues, so it served to cheer me up enormously.  Things have settled down once again and it ended up not being the "all or nothing" arrangement which it initially seemed. To be perfectly fair and realistic, we now have an arrangement which closer reflects what everyone in the family needs, rather than just what I want.

Here is the where the Spo-shirt has been so far.  The list below was borrowed (with permission) from Erik who is adorable, very funny and a total hottie.

• The Journey Starts: Spo at Spo-Reflections
  
• Stop 1: Cubby (and Raven and JohnBear) at Patently Queer
  
• Stop 2: Blobby at Blobby's Blog
  
  
• Stop 3: AJohnP at I got somethin' to say
  
• Stop 4: RG at Dulce Y Peligroso
  
• Stop 5: Sean at Idle Eyes and a Dormy
  
• Stop 6: Hanuman Das at Ashram at Pooh Corner
  
• Stop 7: Ron at Retired in Delaware
  
• Stop 8: The Cajun at On Transmigration
  
• Stop 9: Rodger (and Mac and and Mark) at Rodger Dodger
  
• Stop 10: Mark at This Little Record
  
• Stop 11: Jim at Jim's Stuff
  
• Stop 12: Will (and Fritz) at DesignerBlog
• Stop 13: Erik Rubright at Gambrinous with Griffonage
• Stop 14:  Buddy Bear (me!) at One Step at a Time
• Stop 15:  The shirt has now been received by Birdie at Strelitzia.   In the words of Dr. Spo:: 

"She is a Warrior Queen. An amazing woman - straight - who has done more for gay rights and championed our causes than most gay men I know. I am honored so she is part of the fundraiser!"

 This post was composed during our morning rush so I'm completely out of time!  I will post just one pic now and the rest tomorrow.   I attempted to recreate studly Daniel Craig's famous naked-in-the-bathtub pic.

This pic of Daniel Craig is from Love is the Devil... a "must-see" gay-themed film.

Snow Day

Here's the view from my front door this morning... about one foot of new snow.  Woot!  This means some of our favourite winter sports might last until the end of April!  (most people here won't be happy about this, however.)   It is not unusual here to get dumps of snow right to the end of April.

It's not actually a "snow day" since all schools and businesses open for business.  This amount of snow isn't a big deal for us;  our town is well equipped to handle it.

I do love looking at all the springtime pictures on other blogs:  flowering bulbs sprouting, green grass, hotties in shorts, nursery workers with hot asses (I had to get some perving in here, somehow!), trees in full bloom.... we won't see any of that until late May - early June.

tapthatguy.com

Canada a Generation Ahead of USA on LGBT Rights

Gay Pride, Toronto 2008

Yesterday, blogger friend Tom Rimington from Virginia quoted from a post I wrote in January about Canadian Gay Friendly High Schools.    Thanks Tom; it's pretty exciting to be recognized!   Tom's observation was (I think) that the USA is far behind Canada in LGBT acceptance.

Since I wrote that post three months ago, I have gradually come out to many family members, friends and close colleagues.  From this personal experience, I am more convinced than ever that there is an incredibly high degree of acceptance of  LGBT people throughout Canadian society.  I haven't had a single negative response!

The provocative title of this post is just my own opinion, but I'm sure that I am right.    As I posted a couple of months ago in Canadian Same-Sex Couples Celebrated 10th Anniversary, Canadian gays and lesbians have had full marriage rights for over 10 years.   This means full rights, not just the partial rights of a "civil partnership" which exists in many European countries and  a few states.  Since one generation is usually thought to be 25 - 30 years long, the USA is already nearly one-half a generation behind Canada.  Does anyone think that every LGBT citizen from every American state will achieve full marriage rights in 10 - 20 years?  Not likely!!


Canada, in fact, has been a world leader in LGBT acceptance since the 1960s.  On Dec. 22, 1967, defending the decriminalization of homosexual behaviour, Pierre Elliott Trudeau famously said:

"The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation."    

In the USA, there are states such as Texas which have sodomy laws still on the books, although these laws are generally regarded as being invalid by a 2003 U.S. Supreme Court decision.

In 1992, Canada was one of the first nations in the world to  lift the ban on gays and lesbians serving in the military.   Every study on the effect of lifting this ban, including some major US ones, have shown that there have been no negative effects whatsoever resulting from lifting the ban on military gays.  Every one of the USA's military allies agree:  allowing gays in the military is a non-issue.

Today, in fact, Canadian same-sex military personnel occasionally get married on armed forces bases with the ceremonies officiated by senior officers.   The Canadian military now has members participating in Pride parades.  The main objective is to raise the Canadian military's profile as a "employer of choice" among all Canadians including those in the LGBT community. 

Nearly 20 years later,  Obama is still farting around about DADT.  As my grandfather used to say, "Take a shit, or get off the pot!!"

I have always been enormously proud of my country based on the treatment of all its citizens.  This feeling is reinforced every time I travel to other countries, including the USA, when I observe the conditions under which others live.  My "coming-out" has just intensified my feelings of Canadian pride.  My Canadian citizenship is one of my proudest possessions!

Canadian Military at Toronto Pride 2008:  look at how much fun they're having!  Proud soldiers!