|2xist no-show trunk|
I know these numbers do not represent unique visitors; a click on each picture counted as a separate page view. Also, many readers came back for repeat visits to read the many interesting new comments. Thanks again, everyone!
Note: the guy in the pic at left is not me.
- I came out as a gay man to my children
- Our marriage broke down and we moved into separate households.
You'd think these would be traumatic, devastating events for the kids. Apparently, this hasn't been the case at all. Since our split, my children have been doing exceptionally well; better than ever, in fact. I have never sensed the slightest whiff of angst or any anger from them over the fact that their dad is gay. At home, at school and with their friends, they seem happier and more talkative than ever before.
As well, both kids are noticeably more talkative with me than before. Since all the kids are not with me all the time, I think that when we do see each other, there are more stories to tell. The expression, "Absence makes the heart grows fonder" applies here, at least to me. I miss them a lot when they're not with me. Another big factor: the kids are happier because their parents (in our separate households) are also happier than we have been in many years.
I asked my oldest the other day, "You kids seem to handling Mom and I splitting up really well. You all seem perfectly okay with it."
The response, "Well, Dad, it wasn't like some huge, dramatic split, like an explosion blowing everything apart.... or like cracking an egg. It was more like S-L-O-W-L-Y pulling apart a piece of gum ..... it was going on for years. " We laughed our heads off..... what a perfect analogy! Our marriage had indeed been a troubled one for a very, very long time.
We seem to have evolved into a living arrangement which is far too flexible to be called "custody." I'm not sure how this happened, but it seems as that the kids decide between themselves which one of them is staying with which parent. Their overall objective, I think, seems to be that neither parent be left alone for any length of time (ie: longer than one night.) For example, if my son needs to be at my house to work on a special project for a few days, he arranges for his sibling to stay with their mother, so she won't be alone. I expect that in the summer, all the kids will be mainly with their mother, which will be sad for me, but I'm fairly sure that I will see them often.
It helps that the kids started out being very responsible, well-adjusted, confident and intelligent.. I also think that both of us parents are, for the most part, intelligent, sensible, mature and committed to the well-being of the kids. Don't get me wrong; I still am faced with erratic, depressive behaviour at times and less frequently, displays of anger. I still have grave concerns about my financial future. But overall, things continue to calm down and are moving forward, however slowly.