Monday, April 11, 2011

Purple Speedo Guy

As a neophyte gay guy, I have no experience at all in the art of the gay pick-up.  Looking back to my 20s and 30s, I now can recognize several incidents in which I might have been on the receiving end of an attempted pickup.  "Pickup" might be an overstatement;  it might have been a subtle signaling of an possible invitation from a gay guy.  I don't know.

But being in denial and clueless about all matters gay, it would never have occurred to me that another guy had any sexual interest in me at all.  I certainly had an appreciation for an attractive man.  However,  I never questioned this interest or let alone gave the slightest thought about what it signified about my sexuality.

One day in my early 30s, I was by myself at the community pool with my two kids, aged 3 and 1.  I was wearing a black Speedo (a sign of my hidden gayness?).   I told myself that I wore it because it gave freer leg movement for swimming, but none of the straight Dads would have been caught dead wearing one.

At that time, I had a perfectly flat stomach and was lightly furred. I wasn't heavily muscled but the muscles I had were well defined;  I was very slim.   I gave no thought at all about whether I was sexy or whether anyone else found me good looking.  Completely non-reflective!   Looking back as objectively as possible, I think quite a few gay guys would have found me attractive especially wearing that Speedo;  a classic DILF.

I was sitting poolside ready to go home with the kids.  A young man (mid 20s) walked by wearing a bright purple Speedo;  we were the only two guys in the place wearing them.  Mr. Purple Speedo was much cuter than the guy in the picture to the left;  dark hair, a little bit of  fur on his chest, a treasure trail and was just lightly muscled.... just a natural guy.  (By the way, I don't find the guy in the picture the slightest bit attractive... too plastic and arrogant looking)

As he walked by, I checked out his package.  (I was probably staring pretty blatantly... no subtlety there at all!)   Gasp!!  The outline of his circumcised cock head was clearly visible through the spandex, even more clearly than the one in the photo.  Years later, I wonder if he had cut the front lining out .... his vpl was so obvious. Advertising?

As he walked by, to my discomfort, he locked eyes with me and flashed a beautiful smile and kept on walking.  I thought... boy, he is friendly..... and I assumed he was smiling at my cute kids.  I thought, but why would be a young man like that be interested in babies?

About 15 minutes later, the kids and I were heading out the front door.  There was the Purple Speedo hottie sitting there in a chair by the door in tight jeans and bomber jacket in a slouched, open-crotched pose.  I had an idea (which could have been wrong) that he was waiting for us.   Again, he locked eyes with me as I hurried past with my snotty-nosed kids in tow.

For the first time I wondered, was he trying to attract my attention?  What did he think I would have done with the kids even if I wanted to hook up?

This is just a trivial little story but it shows how much I have changed.  If this incident happened today, I'm absolutely certain that I would be brave enough to pursue it;  perhaps return the smile, say 'hello' and see what developed.


Blogger friends, don't worry, I'm not going to start running around trying to pick up guys!  For one thing, I can never tell who is gay or not and I would never risk getting beat up.   All I'm saying is that right, now, if some reasonably appealing, non-creepy guy locked eyes with me or smiled, I would do the same and maybe engage him in conversation.  If this happened in a place where there was no doubt that the other guy was actually gay (such as in a gay bar or at a Pride parade), so much the better!   I feel I owe it to myself, as part of my gay evolution. 


  1. I think it's cool that you remember that encounter so well all these years later. It must have gotten your adrenaline pumping for your brain to imprint that memory so well. But still, you were clueless about it.

    Do you still where speedos to the pool?

  2. Yes, I remembered it in great detail because it was the first of a very few incidents like this. I think it was my emotional reaction to the incident: the shock and embarrassment of being caught ogling a guy's cock outline and then to have him give me a sort of "come-hither" look... caused a mixture of fear, shame, confusion, temptation and pleasure... and yes, a variety of physical reactions.

    No, I never wear a Speedo to the public pool anymore, but in private, I love wearing them.

    1) I'm too thick around the middle to look good in a Speedo... just being realistic.
    (2) It has become totally unacceptable to wear one. Now, even the hot lane swimmmers hide their Speedos under their board shorts and remove them a second before they slip into the water. Back then, there would have been a half-dozen or so guys in Speedos.
    (3) I was new to town and nobody knew me... now, many of my kids' friends work there. My wearing a Speedo would be the talk of the neighbourhood and not in a good way.

  3. I wore a black Speedo and occasionally a purple one. Maybe it was me! Nah...although I (used to) fit the rest of the description, I never cut the lining out and my d-head is not prominent enough to have made that kind of impression - lol.

    I used to justify the Speedo by saying I wanted a good tan and freedom. Truth is, I just felt sexier and more attractive. Those days are not quite over, but I can see that they are numbered...sigh.

  4. Will: Amazing how similar our experiences were! I also used to "tan" excuse to myself, but really, I felt as sexy as hell wearing Speedos... and still do. I'm sure your Speedo-wearing days are not over... it's just a matter of picking the right audience. At a Bears' pool party or cruise, you and your Speedo would be very popular!

    Cubby: On reflection, it was at this time that I was making the transition from "clueless" to "denial."

  5. B.B. - Re your end note - "I can never tell who is gay or not....", I was going to say that we ought to see about getting your 'Gaydar' tuned. But you are quite correct. Bitter experience has told me (not recently, I might add) that even though someone you just KNOW is gay he might well give a very hostile reaction. I think this happens when he has internalised self-hate, which he'd prefer not to admit to, rather than not finding the 'proposer' attractive. In the latter case any self-respecting, decent gay guy knows how to refuse politely but firmly without causing offence (though not so easy to do when the other one has had too much to drink!) No, you are right; you can never be sure that you won't be at risk of a violent reaction.

  6. I dunno - IMHO from Undie Monday you're still OK for speedos (good legs, good chest of a mature grown man, a bit of a treasure trail). Don't let others' define who you are and how you live.

  7. But you HAVE to wear a speedo - it's the law dammit.

  8. Raybeard: the voice of experience!

    Will: Thank you!

    RG: I enjoy wearing a Speedo as often as possible, but not normally when there are teenagers around.

  9. trust me you do not have to be a neophyte! I still don't get it even today. I missed out on that class.


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