Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Growing up Without Porn

Would I have figured out that I was gay sooner if I had had access to gay porn at a younger age?   


My friends, cousins, brothers and I grew up in an environment in which pornography was just about absent.  We rarely saw it, never talked about it and indeed, barely knew it existed.  We lived in a small, rural town where everyone knew everyone else and porn was completely off the radar.  Where would you get it without everyone knowing?  Strict puritanical laws in our state strictly controlled all "immorality";  no Sunday shopping, restaurants not allowed to serve alcohol and no porn publicly displayed in shops.

My only childhood memory of porn was in grade 5, a back-and-white photo of a woman, naked from the waist up, being passed around.  "Funnel tits," we called her.  I couldn't see what the other boys were so excited about, especially since I grew up in a family with a very casual attitude about family nudity.  Naked breasts and penises galore were things I'd seen 'in the flesh' countless times before.

At 24, living in a major city on my own, I wandered into a porn shop and looked at my very first gay porn magazine, "Torso" or "Inches" or something.  Although I was obviously curious and drawn to look, I never once thought why I wanted to look.  I was completely oblivious;  absolutely non-reflective! 

I found the pictures themselves just gross and I left immediately, never to return!!  The models were mainly skinny, homely boys with huge grossly swollen members.  Ick!   These were the first erections I'd ever seen, except my own.

At 26, in another city's public library, I saw the book The Joy of Gay Sex on the shelf.  Again, I was compelled to look inside and was instantly revolted yet fascinated by the line drawings.  Men were engaged in things I'd never imagined such as anal sex and cock-sucking.  It was just disgusting and I put the book away quickly.  I'll admit, however, that I did pop an erection while looking at it.  Again, "the lights were on but no one was home."   I didn't even once consider what my curiosity might signify.

In my early 30s, married with two kids, and enjoying (...no savouring... wallowing in....) frequent sex with my wife, we got our first internet service.  At first, I only looked at straight sex... penis in vagina, the juicier the better ... in fact, I still love looking at this. To this day, I cannot look at video clips of anal sex or pictures of assholes without feeling nauseous.  

Fairly quickly, I moved on from straight sex to looking at naked men alone, but never men-on-men.  For the first time in my life, I had unlimited access to pictures of naked men.  My attraction to men was something I could no longer ignore.....

13 comments:

  1. Buddy... Thanks for the comment on my anniversaries... Much appreciated...

    I have a little secret... I still like straight porn too (as long as I get to see the guy's cock sliding in and out)... maybe I need to turn in my gay card?

    Keep on writing man, you got the knack...

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  2. "The guy's cock sliding in and out"...it's the best part! ....I'm so relieved to hear about your "little secret" about liking straight porn... I'm not the only one, then. I'll go a step further: I think that having sex into a nice self-lubricating vagina is way more natural than anal.... the gay Gods can strike me down now!!!

    Thanks for complementing my writing! I am finding it extremely difficult to balance telling the stories I want while still not revealing self-identifying personal details.

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  3. I admit I'm a little straight curious. I don't mind watching straight porn as long as the guy is good looking and it not just focused on the woman the whole time. (I'm only a little curious, looking at str8 porn won't turn me will it?) LOL

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  4. My former roommate loved straight porn and he was as gay as they come, no pun intended. LOL

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  5. I got started on straight porn at an early age (dad had all sorts of magazines). I focused on the guys in the straight porn. Then when I found gay porn, there was no turning back to anything else!

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  6. and there are so many varieties!
    When I was growing up, 'porn' meant the models in catelogues, displaying the underwear.

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  7. Ur-spo, I totally forgot!! .... Yes, we all flipped to the very front of the Sears and Eaton's catalogues, but, I will admit, I only looked at the men's section. And how about all those National Geographic magazines?

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  8. I find straight porn revolting because of the soft, flabby females breasts and totally disgusting vagina. I must have been at the head of the line when the gay cards were being passed out. I find nothing even remotely sexuality stimulating about a naked women. I like them as friends and that's it. I guess this is why I'm not a bisexual and have never had sex with a vagina...er woman in my 69 years. Maybe there is such a thing as a bisexual after all. I know I'm not one.

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  9. "... penis in vagina, the juicier the better ... "

    In the immortal words of [Auntie] Mame Dennis: "How vivid!"

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  10. Maybe I shouldn't be so graphic.... about the "juiciness", I can tell when I've been really successful "down there" with my tongue and fingers when there ends up being a wet spot on the bed about two feet in diameter.

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  11. Very interesting idea. I'm going to write a post of my own based on this.

    Would you have reached your self-awareness sooner had you been exposed to porn earlier? I think yes, but not only porn would do it. For me it wasn't porn as much as it was seeing semi-clothed men on TV and clothing catalogs.

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  12. Ron: thanks for expressing so clearly the disgust a truly gay man feels about a naked woman's girlie bits. I had no idea!! True straight men (I'm not one!) practically worship and idolize female breasts and the vajay-jay.

    Cubby: I agree. If I had access to some really explicit online gay porn in about grade 7 (rather than just looking at the Sears catalogue), surely I would have figured out my gayness sooner.

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  13. Thanks for the link to your posting. Again, a lot of my same thoughts...

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