Monday, February 21, 2011

Broken Gaydar

Now that I am officially gay, I check out every guy to see if he's gay (and hot.)  I can only hope that I'm doing this discreetly enough.   Unless a guy is flamboyant and really "out there", I'm the last person to figure out that he's gay.  My Gaydar is not only broken, it is non-existent, probably due to a life-time of non-use. Help me out by taking the Gaydar poll, above.

At the age of 28, if asked, I would have said that I had never met a gay person.  I really was that clueless.

No, my dentist didn't look like this.
In fact, I grew up surrounded by gay guys and only figured it out decades later;  my dentist, a few teachers, class mates, several shopkeepers and several "confirmed bachelor" colleagues of my parents.  During that time (1960s to 1980s), by necessity, gay guys in my town probably could not be out at all.   "Out" gay characters were never seen on TV shows and very few (or no) celebrities were out.

The rare gay stories in the media were generally negative ones.   The first and biggest gay media story I remember occurred in 1977.  A 12-year-old Toronto shoeshine boy in Toronto,  Emanuel Jaques was sexually assaulted and brutally murdered.  In the aftermath, many massage parlours, saunas and adult magazine shops  were raided and forced to close.

It's no wonder that previous generations of gay guys felt they had to remain in the closet for their whole lives.


  1. I don't have a working gaydar either, but I'm pretty sure mine doesn't work for an entirely different reason than yours (as reason which I will not publicly say). I can't take your poll because I don't know.

    I think you are very much normal for someone in your position. Trial and error will teach you, but be careful about the errors. I made an error when I was a kid and got punched out.

  2. Thanks Cubby, for the warning! Being "careful about the errors" is something I worry about.

  3. I may wonder about someone I see in public, so unless they are really obvious I assume they're straight. Or at least a little curious by holding eye contact longer. But a good way to find out is by just being yourself. If you get a chance just say hello and introduce yourself, and then see where the conversation goes.

  4. I hav an hit-n-miss friend Ryan's gaydar is one spot....the arse kne i was gay a little while after talking to me...i nvr back then i nvr suspected tht i wud ever get to meet a real gay guy! :p

  5. I'm not going to answer the poll, because I think that all of these things are things a gay guy may be a bit more likely to do, but none of them except the hair is a giveaway.

    In part it may be a matter of being aware of something. After my first visit to relatives on Prince Edward Island, I began mentioning the place, and it was amazing how many people had some connection.

    Same with gaydar. When you aren't thinking about who's gay, you don't notice. Once it becomes a matter of interest, you begin to be able to notice. But I think for lots of us, it's far from perfectly clear. We get an impression, but can't be sure. And I think sometimes it can be wishful thinking, rather than true gaydar.

    Word verification: chancy — Ain't that the truth

  6. Very interesting blog. I just read thru some of your most recent posts; can't imagine what life w/o porn must have been like -LoL-... not that I had much access either but none?

    Also, good luck with your training. I'm no marathoner, but I've been including fitness updates on my blog; one of my goals was to get into better shape and to be more mindful of my health.

  7. Jim: very sensible, experienced advice which I plan to take!

    Naturgesetz: your comments are always excellent, again based on experience! Only very recently, being "gay-obsessed", did I start to scrutinize other guys for their gayness. Lots of wishful thinking as well!! LOL.

    BosGuy: I agree... now that I look at porn daily, how did I do without for so many decades? Good luck with your fitness goals. My marathon training is going well; by stating it as a goal on my blog, it motivates me to actually haul my ass off the couch and do it. The pressure is on!

  8. My gaydar is very good but this is merely having keen intuition and lotsa practice. There is nothing magical about it; it is something we all have and can nurture if you want it to be.

  9. My Gaydar is burned out. It used to work, but working around all these hot, blue collar guys, their muscles rippling, pushing were we talking about?

  10. Ur-spo: that's good to know...I'd better continue to practice!

    RG: it sounds like a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

  11. I accidently crimped the wires on mine, so it only works intermittently. Make sure you have the appropriate battery backup so it works during a power outage.

  12. My first anonymous comment! You're a funny guy!!


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