Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Closeted DILFs

Things are slightly calmer here. There hasn’t been any yelling, blaming or name-calling for a while, although the underlying bitterness remains, which may be forever. Our infrequent conversations are now business-like, if quite chilly, centred on the kids and have dealt with minor issues only. All have ended with an agreement and a "Thank you." Baby steps! However, we are nowhere near ready to talk about any of the really difficult issues.....more time is needed!  Many difficult challenges lie ahead.
My neighbourhood is full of hottie DILFs, all 35 - 50 years old. The majority are incredibly fit and sexy. As is typical in British Columbia, the DILFs are triathletes, runners, hockey players, skiers, long-distance cyclists, the lot.

A bonus: these athletic DILFs have reached the age where they are not shy about wearing spandex tights or shorts for their athletic activities or even Speedos for triathlon training. Eye-candy galore! Also, a major distraction as you drive by in the car, keeping one eye peeled for any jiggling action.

As a "hockey dad", I’ve attended countless games and neighbourhood events for many years surrounded by the DILFs. It has only has been very recently with my heightened "gay awareness" that it is suddenly obvious to me that at least a couple of them are in the same married/gay/bi/with kids category as me.

How can I tell the closeted DILFs * are different from the straight Dads?
  • They wear tighter-than-usual jeans, cut to accentuate the bulbous groin region and ass. These jeans are always the coolest, sexiest ones such as Diesel or some Italian label (hard to come by in this hick town). The straight neighbourhood Dads only wear the cheapest possible saggy-assed "Dad jeans" from stores like "Bob’s Bargain Basement."
  • The closeted DILFs are incredibly well groomed in every area, especially hair, while the straight Dads usually sport a rumpled look and probably forgot to brush their hair that morning.  Sometimes, the straight Dads suffer from rampant nose hair.
  • Although they are often with their kids and lumpy little wives, the closeted DILFs are constantly checking out the other guys. Since I am also checking them out, we have, on occasion, locked eyes.... but in more of a nervous, deer-in-the-headlights manner. The wife and kiddies are near by, after all!
Last month, I passed one of the sexiest, youngest, closeted DILFs in the grocery store.... he with his snotty-nosed kids in tow. We locked eyes very briefly as we passed in mid-aisle. Seconds after passing, we both simultaneously turned around to check out each other. Gotcha! His checking-out of me was very blatant, almost aggressive and absolutely unmistakable. He twisted his neck and torso around so sharply I thought he might give himself whiplash........ it made my day!

Will I ever hook up with one of these sexy, closeted neighbourhood DILFs?  NO!!!!  The expression, "Don’t shit in your own bed." applies here.

* some of these observations may be based on wishful thinking, but I don’t see how I can be entirely wrong.
http://bulgesandbutts.tumblr.com

12 comments:

  1. "Seconds after passing, we both simultaneously turned around to check out each other. Gotcha!"
    I love it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Guilty on all three counts - I do have a pair or two of Diesel jeans, but not too tight and best with no underwear; well groomed, there too; and I check out almost all the guys that walk by. Too funny.

    Unfortunately, my gaydar is broken. I even had sex with a closeted DILF (he was the bottom) and I still think he might be straight. He said he was and just wanted to experiment. I guess he is now a DIDF (Dad I Did F___).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for commenting, guys! MiddleMan: lucky you to have had sex with anyone. DIDF!! LOL! I'm still the ultimate gay virgin and I don't see that changing any time soon!

    Also...my gay underwear confession: my favourite type of underwear to wear at work is nothing. I love the feeling when I'm freeballing. (I dislike the politically-correct term "going commando.") Second best is when I wear my jockstrap... love the feel of my bare ass especiallly in dress pants.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello my friend, Your site is great, good job you do.
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    ReplyDelete
  5. That's a good mantra to live by! Just fantasize.... Good posting! We all see the soccer DILFs and maybe hope that someday we'll see them out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. hehe, this made me laugh! I don't think your gaydar is broken at all!

    -- a lurker who's been enjoying your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  7. kh20111, your blog looks great: beautiful pics of sexy guys! Sorry, I don't want to list it as I want my blogroll to show only "slice of life" blogs; gay guys telling their personal stories.

    Jim: thanks! It would be a horrible mistake, to hook up with some closeted, married with kids guy who is a neighbour! Asking for trouble!!

    WCS: I'm also a lurker on your great blog! I must start commenting on it. As Dr. Spo said about gaydar, "keen intuition and lotsa practice." I'm working on it!

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Hockey dad or mom is a term widely used in Canada and northern U.S. states including Alaska, in which fathers (and mothers)often take their children to ice hockey rinks for their games." ie: Sarah "Hockey Mom" Palin

    ReplyDelete
  9. Gawd! Now I have to fly all the way to BC and show you how to pick-up and play with a DILF. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  10. If both of you turned around at the same time, which one of you smiled, blushed, and looked away FIRST?? Or acted like you were CAUGHT??

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmmm.... neither of us smiled. I think both of us acted like we were caught and both just quickly kept on moving. Anonymous, why don't you e-mail me to say "Hello?"

    ReplyDelete

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