"Are you seeing someone?"

This amazing "beefy guy pic"
borrowed from Dan in OK City

The moving-in date for my wife's new house is November 19th.  We will start to show my house, finished or not, in just over one week and hope that we all end up moving into our new homes near the same time.

The decluttering and fixing-up of my our home is going full steam ahead.  I am mainly doing all this work by myself while doing my regular job during the day.

T.he kids help out a bit, but my oldest is in a demanding school program and they have many other commitments all week.   My wife hasn't been able to spend more than a couple of hours here in her former home:  she either gets angry, or weepy or becomes sick to her stomach. 

As a result, I am working nearly continuously from 6:00 am to 12:00 pm, seven days per week. 

My wife phoned me up yesterday to ask me, "Are you seeing someone?"   I said, "NO!  ARE YOU INSANE!!!   When would I have time to see anyone?  I'm working eighteen hours a day.  I'm so stressed-out, exhausted and sore, I can hardly walk, let alone go out dating!   What in hell ever gave you that idea??"  

http://bigbeautifulbulges.tumblr.com/

She said that she often tries to phone me to talk and I'm out every evening.   Duh!   Either I'm on an errand to get more house supplies / paint from Homo Home Depot or I'm hauling truck loads of stuff to be stored at a neighbour's house some 35 minutes away. 

She accepted that explanation; it was the truth.  If I had been dating guys, I would have told her.  I know she would have said that I was free to date guys but would have asked me to be discrete.  She's still worried about my son being teased about having a gay dad. 

Hello Sailor!

About three weeks ago, my daughter and I visited the Maritime Museum of the Atlantic in Halifax, Nova Scotia.  As a sailing family, we wanted to see the collection of historic sail boats.  The Titanic exhibit was very moving as well;  did you know that 87% of the men in Third Class (Steerage) died while virtually all of the women in First Class survived?

However, what I really wanted to see was  Hello Sailor!  Gay Life on the Ocean Waves., the first exhibit of its kind in North America.

This exhibit examines the "unique subculture created by gay men working as stewards on British ocean liners from the 1950s to the 80s."    At that time, homosexuality was illegal, and there were few places for gay men to be safe.  On board the mainly British ships, homosexuality was celebrated.   In fact, many of the men had "straight lives" with wives and children ashore.  While they were on board ship, they lived as openly gay men, some in long term relationships with other men who worked on the ship.

For me, there was big "ick - factor" about the exhibit.  It featured much pink memorabilia and many life size photos of the homeliest men imaginable in drag.  It was all men in silk stockings, high heeled shoes and pink frilly gowns.

It was just the polar opposite of the gay man that I imagine myself to be... I like to think that I'm a fairly masculine guy.  I know for a fact that I'd be the ugliest drag queen in the world!   The pictures made me uncomfortable as they were so stereotypically 1950s gay.

Compounding my unease was the fact that my daughter surprised me by spending a very long time scrutinizing every detail of the exhibit with interest.  I ended up just walking through going, "Ewww!"  Although all my kids seem perfectly comfortable with me since coming out to them seven months ago, my daughter and I haven't actually discussed my being gay.  

As an aside, there were several cute gay couples who were checking out the exhibit as I was checking then out them;  two couples in their 20s (stylish, very slim and in love, or at least in lust ... just adorable!) and a couple in their 40s (much pudgier, but also very attractive with very nice facial hair.) 

Agreements

http://jacksockman.tumblr.com/

Our chilly winter weather is setting in, so here are some pics of hotties in socks.

Arghh!!   My computer is not letting me comment on my own blog!  It's probably due to corrupted cached files or cookies or something, so I'll "restore factory settings" and that should fix it up.

To Will:  you are very wise!.  As our nest emptied out, I doubt our marriage would have survived.  We've had difficulties for a very long time. 

My response to Cubby's comment from yesterday: Yes, we do deal with some erratic behaviour. However, but there has been much improvement in this regard recently as my wife looks forward to moving into her beautiful little house.

We've come to some remarkable agreements about practically every aspect of our settlement with considerable concessions made on both sides.  While I don't want to post the details of our settlement here, I've been shocked at how easily we've agreed on things and how fair they are.

http://guysnsocks.tumblr.com/

As to the timing, I think everything is proceeding along at a meteoric pace.  Our house will be placed on the market  in a week or two, "as is."   When it sells, the deed of our waterfront house will be placed in my name only and I will buy my wife out for half of its value.  The agreed-upon price that I will pay her hasn't changed for our past three meetings, so I think that is settled.   My wife's house purchase has an "indefinite" closing date, so we don't know when she will be able to move in, but ASAP, we hope.

When we are finally living in our separate houses, we will be financially separate as well, with separate bank accounts, salaries and debt.  After my wife retires in June 2012, I will provide her some income support.  We agreed that all alimony payments from me will stop when I retire in about eight years.  At that time, our pensions will be around the same amount.  

All of our "stuff" will be divided by then as well;  much of this work is already completed as we declutter our house.  Since my wife and I each owned a house prior to marriage, most of our stuff is either hers or mine... or came from one of our grandparents.   Very little of it is "ours" which makes the division much simpler.  Neither of us expects any problem in this area.

Since the kids will continue to move freely back and forth between our houses, there will be no discussion of custody payments.   This has worked out very well since February.  It is starting to look like the kids have some sort of an agreement between themselves to switch back and forth between our homes, although they haven't admitted us.    Although my wife and I enjoy a day or two of "alone" time, neither of us is completely alone for any length of time.

After one year's separation in February 2012, we are eligible to get divorced;  we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  We've too much to think about right now! Getting divorced is a long, complicated process.

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The drama with my psycho, druggie sister-in-law continued.  As my wife had predicted, her sister showed up on her doorstep late last night, rambling and incoherent, demanding a place to stay.  All by herself, she had driven the 500 miles from her town along one of the most remote northern highways in Canada.

To her credit, my wife refused entry saying, "You are not capable of making rational decisions.  If I let you in, you would place me and my children at risk" and closed the door.  Her sister left in a huff, saying that she knew someone else she could stay with.  In fact, she knows no one else in our town except me.

My wife then phoned the police for assistance and then phoned me, warning me that my crazy sister-in-law might show up.  My daughter and I spent the evening with the lights off and the doors locked, but she never showed.   After 24 hours, there has been no word as to my sister-in-law's whereabouts.  *


* Update:  sister-in-law showed up safely back in her small town, having driven the 500 miles back by herself..  My wife received a call from her  sister's ex-husband (physically abusive and arrogant when they were married, but he seems very supportive now) who has arranged for her to see a doctor on Monday morning)

"I want to be friends"

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Out at work?

http:/gear-bulges.blogspot.com/

I  couldn't complete in our local triathlon last month due to my spinal problem.   As a consolation prize, here are some pics of some lovely young men with wet spandex clinging to their bulges, thighs and asses.

Two days ago, I posted about running into Mary, a work colleague at another division.  At 40, Mary came out to her husband and two kids.  When I told her that I was gay, Mary admitted that she already knew.   This was a shock because she is the first outsider who knows I'm gay. 

I'm fairly sure that my wife wouldn't tell just anyone that I'm gay.  She asked my permission to tell three of her closest friends;  she just needed to talk about it with someone!   I suspect that Mary is friends with one of my wife's best friend, so maybe that's how she found out.

My wife is worried about our 14 year old son being teased about having a gay father.  I'm not at all worried as I'm fairly sure it won't happen.  If it does, he not the sort of kid to be bothered by it.  But since I haven't directly asked my son his views on this (not wanting to rock the boat), I agreed to be discrete for now.   As we are in the middle of our divorce negotiations, I need to keep the peace.  I don't expect this "being partly in the closet" situation will last for long.

Cubby asked:  "I wonder, does everyone at your workplace know you're gay yet? I suspect the younger folks there don't give two shakes about it. I'm curious about the ones your age and older. "

I'm quiet sure that no one in my workplace yet knows I'm gay.  However, I have enough "gay" mannerisms that I'm sure that some of my closest colleagues won't be completely surprised when I do come out.

I am anxious to be completely out in all aspects of my life, especially at work.  I want to shout it from the rooftops!  I know that I would be a positive role model for all sorts of LGBT folk in my workplace, in the community and especially among the young clients we work with.


In my workplace, the majority retire at the age of 55 - 58.   There are mainly young 'uns working here including several who are out.   In fact, of the 90 people working at my division, there are only about five people who are older than me;  I'm one of the old farts!

I do not have the slightest concern about being out at work;  not one.  It will be the greatest fun sharing that big part of my life.  There will be no repercussions from anyone.  I know that my closest colleagues, regardless of age, will be happy for me and supportive, or at least neutral on the subject.

Generally, Canadian society is very positive about LGBT folks, I think.  In our line of work, my employer is the leader in our province in being proactive on the fair treatment on LGBT staff and clients.  In fact, I (arguably) believe that my employer ranks in the top two in all of Canada on its LGBT initiatives.   I'm very lucky!

This boy is barely legal, but this pic is a lovely example of wet spandex.

Pants-less and Undie-less

While packing, I uncovered another treasure from my past.  Labatt's Blue was "my" brand of beer when I bought this muscle shirt in 1985.   I thought it was the coolest shirt ever because the graphic glows in the dark.

A fellow blogger who writes Gay Married in the Midwest posted about his "going commando" day recently.   What do you call a pants-less and undie-less day?  To be honest, I wasn't in that condition all day since some of my kids were here.

I ran into a former colleague, "Mary",  today at the grocery store.   We had worked closely together for several years and our families had visited back and forth.   We've lost contact since she moved to another division but Mary, my wife and I still work for same employer.

About four years ago at the age of forty, Mary told her husband and two boys that she was gay.  Mary and her husband have divorced quite amicably.   She's been in a LTR for the past three years with a young woman about twenty years her junior.  Mary, her partner and her ex-husband often go on family outings together with their two teenage boys.

I said to Mary, "I guess you've heard that _ _ _  and I are getting divorced."    She said that she'd heard this news.   I took a deep breath and took the plunge, "I think you can relate to this, but have you heard the reason that we're getting divorced?   That I figured out that I was gay?"

To my shock, Mary admitted that she had already heard this.  Wow, I guess I'm really "out" now!  This was the first confirmation that someone who wasn't family or a very close friend knew that I was gay.   My reaction:  "Excellent!  I want everyone to know!!"

Mary introduced me to her partner, compassionate, beautiful young woman and we quickly compared notes about our amazing similarities of our journeys.   She said, rolling her eyes, "The signs were there all along... how could I not have known?.... the deepest-buried denial!!"

We just howled with laughter (again, in the grocery story aisle) about our coming-out experiences.  I told her about losing my virginity with Hottie Nurse and how most of the hits generated by my online profile were from guys twenty years younger than me.  Mary and her partner explained that a big age gap was much more of  an issue in heterosexual relationships than in homosexual ones.

Both Mary and her partner were highly supportive, positive and very funny about our situations.   While I have lots of such support from online friends, they are the only two real life gay friends with whom I've discussed my gayness face-to-face. (except Cubby and Greg, last July)

It felt really good!   Once things settle down for me, I have a feeling that with a tiny suggestion from me, I will be able to socialize with them every now and then.   It would be great to meet others in their gay social circle.

Freeballing

It's been difficult making progress on preparing my house for sale.  Both our jobs are extremely demanding.  My wife's job in particular is extremely stressful.  Also, the kids' activities such as band, football and helping with homework are in full swing.   I've been on the go from about 6:00 am to midnight, seven days a week.

Since our new homes are somewhat smaller, we've sold many items, donated some to charity and thrown out much junk.  Our motto, "When in doubt, throw it out!"

To declutter our house for showing, I've stored most of my stuff at my parents' and elsewhere.   On the positive side, we;ve had extremely few conflicts about who gets what as we divide up our possessions.

The house is beginning to look great!  We still hope to begin showing it in a couple of weeks. However, we are finding it difficult to find reliable "paid help" who will show up when they're supposed to and who will do an acceptable-quality job.
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A few weeks ago, I enabled "Let search engines find your blog?" for the first time.  It has been fun seeing some of the bizarre Google searches which bring readers to this blog.   To my surprise, the biggest number of hits came from the word "freeballing" and variations such as: 

• men's short shorts freeballing.
• college jocks freeball
• freeballing men
• freeballing in tight pants.
• men caught freeballing.
• guy freeball.
• military prep school freeballing
• freeballing frat boys

I apologize for these twink pics.   It's been impossible to
find freeballing pictures of hairy, mature men.

I haven't mentioned freeballing too many times, have I?   In real life, I do keep a sharp lookout for freeballing men in track pants, fleece shorts and unlined nylon shorts. It doesn't matter if it's a big cock, slowly swinging back and forth, a smaller one jiggling quickly or, rarer still, a "pointer", a cock that is sticking straight out. I love looking at them all!

To keep everyone happy, here are some more pictures of beautiful freeballing men, and a few twinkish boys. 

Jockstraps

Our bumpy conversation last week "cleared the air" quite a bit and we were able to come to an agreement about just about every aspect of our separation / divorce.  My wife made several (financial) concessions which surprised me.  Of course, there will be a few more hiccups as we proceed, but I know these will be overcome.

Recently, we have been able to speak to each other with an honesty which we never were able to achieve during our marriage.  We are all working very hard in preparing our house for sale;  it's to be listed in two weeks.  It won't be quite ready to show, but we are all anxious to settle into our new homes.

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For today's eye-candy, the theme is "jockstraps", the sexiest underwear of all.   Nothing makes me feel sexier than wearing a jockstrap;  I love the way the pouch supports my equipment and the feeling of the straps curving around each buttock.

I've posted several pics of me wearing a jockstrap: a front view in my white Bike jockstrap in the shower.  The rear view, above, was taken at the same time.   Here are both the rear view and front view of my black jockstrap, all previously posted.  

These sexy guys are wearing the same "BIKE" jockstraps as mine. 
They are just oozing sex!   Doesn't the black jocksktrapped guy remind you of Sean?

Here's a young 'un wearing the same white BIKE jockstrap.  Hot!!

Sadly, I understand (from my football-playing son) that today's young men have completely abandoned jockstraps for sport.  They all wear UnderArmor compression shorts instead.

9/11 Firemen

On this, the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I will abandon my usual self-absorbed account of my gay coming-out and my posting of pictures of sexy men with big bulges. When compared to the horror of that day, my pissy-assed little journey is a non-event.

Ten years ago, some of us in our small Canadian town felt curiously isolated from the events nearly a continent away in New York.  As the events unfold on TV, it all seemed very unreal.

No one from my town died during 9/11 attacks.  I've never met anyone who knew anyone who died in the Towers. The chance of a terrorist targeting our small, remote northern(ish) town was, and still is, virtually zero.

The only direct effect of the attacks occurred when the North American airspace was shut down for four or five days following the attacks.  Two passenger planes were forced to land at our local airport   Civic officials across Canada scrambled to find accommodation and food for around forty thousand stranded passengers.  In one small town, Gander, Newfoundland,   nearly forty planes were forced to land.

Several members of my family have jobs in rescue or protective services including my brother, who is a fireman.  While I sometimes always envy his shift schedule which gives him blocks of four days off for every four day work cycle, I would never actually want to do his job.  I don't know what big-city firemen do, but as a small-town fireman, my brother routinely:

• carries unconscious people out of burning buildings
• retrieves dead, bloated bodies from the river in the springtime
• administers the Heimlich maneuver to choking victims
• uses a cardiac defibrillator on people having a heart attack
• uses the Jaws of Life to cut open cars after highway accidents to remove the mangled, bloodied bodies.
• puts out fires all the time, mainly grass fires in the spring and fires caused by wood stoves in the winter.

As well, my brother got to drive the firetruck down Main Street during our town's Christmas Parade last year. Such small town excitement! That was very cool.

When reflecting on the 343 courageous firefighters who raced to their deaths into the burning towers, I think of the gaps in the lives of those left behind:  parents, siblings, wives, girlfriends, partners and children and especially their children who had not yet been born. I think of the lovers and sexual experiences they never had and the babies they never conceived.

I especially think of the 30 - 50 firefighters among the dead who would have been gay,  I would imagine that many of them were closeted or only partially out or uncertain of their sexuality.  I've heard that firehalls can be a particularly macho, testosterone-fueled environment and not all are tolerant of gays.

These men will never experience the joy and freedom of living a life of truth, of finding a true connection with another man in every way, emotionally, sexually, romantically and socially.   To me, that is the saddest thing of all.

When a man becomes a fireman his greatest act of bravery has been accomplished.  What he does after that is all in the line of work.  ~Edward F. Croker

Bought a house ....

Things are moving along quickly here... my wife was finally successful in buying a beautiful, medium-sized home in a safe neighbourhood.  My town routinely makes the "Top Five" list for violent crimes in Canada although the robberies and assaults are done using knives, not handguns. There are plenty of areas in town where I wouldn't feel safe.

Due to our overheated real estate market, my wife had to make an offer about 10% higher than the asking price.  We think she clinched the deal by also offering the sellers an unspecified closing date since they are still looking for a house to purchase.  This gives us a little extra time to prepare one of our homes for sale.

The sale of one of our homes will  clear all our debt  with cash to spare.  I will then get a bit of a mortgage to pay my wife half the value of our second home and assume sole ownership. At this point, the division of our assets will be essentially complete.

We  probably will sell our big house in town and I will assume ownership of the our country house (it's a waterfront property), about six miles out of town. The house is very nice but needs much TLC ... but the coastline is absolutely spectacular!! We've had some very tough conversations about the price but seem to have hammered out a tentative deal.  We must put in writing, however and soon!

Now... the task is to finish packing up our big house, trying to finish countless undone projects, hiring outside labourers and "staging" it for sale. An impossible task to accomplish in four weeks, but we both are working extremely hard at it.

It's the first time in years that we've worked so cooperatively together. My wife's aggressiveness is being channeled towards something positive instead of just using it to criticize me....  a nice change.

This guy is doing some work around our house.  Poor guy...
his ass is so big that he can't find shorts big enough to fit.

Five on the Fifth

Steven Chapman says:

"Take 5 photographs on the days leading up to the 5th and publish those on your own blog and then add the link to my blog,  State of the Nation UK so that others can see your images.


This month's 5 of 5 pictures were all taken by my daughter and me.  We had a fantastic, memorable day hiking in a spectacular wilderness setting, frolicking in the surf and picnicking.   Can anyone guess where these pictures were taken?  Here are a few hints... the location is:

• in Canada
• on an ocean
• National Geographic Traveller  placed it on their "Top 10 Drives of a Lifetime" list.
• The Lonely Planet described it as "one of the world's most spectacular trips ."

Rinsing off in a beautiful waterfall.

We bodysurfed in the waves:  exciting!

Peek

All pics from http://bananasling.tumblr.com.

To continue the short shorts theme from the previous post, one day in the early 80s when I was sixteen, I was alone in my parents' car and stopped at a red light.  A early 20ish hottie (similar to the guy on the left) pulled up beside my car window on his bicycle wearing very short cut-off denim shorts.

His midsection was just a foot away, framed in my car window. I saw ... oh my gosh!.... one of his low-hanger testicles was hanging way below the bottom of his shorts.  I just thought it was very funny, as he was so unaware of his exposure.  All that wrinkled skin!  Did he not feel a breeze?

That's what the 80s short shorts gave us, some of the time anyway, peep shows everywhere you went.  Fun times!   Does anyone have any any "peep show" stories they wish to share?

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My wife has missed out on a few houses which she was interested in because the successful buyers offered 10 - 20% higher than the asking price.   Our local real estate market is insanely hot right now, so for the next house, we agreed that she will have to offer higher than the asking price.We had a face-to-face meeting, our first in several weeks, to try to finalize our settlement negotiations.  My wife was in a bad mood going into the meeting.  She tried to manipulate the outcome (as is her habit) by being, in sequence,  aggressive, bullying, angry and then self-pitying, "I wasted 14 years of my life so deserve this money.... "

My visit to my lawyer strengthened my  resolve so I became aggressive right back, reminding her repeatedly, "We're here to talk about the money... this is only about the money..."

Although I was on the receiving end of a fair bit of anger, blame and name-calling,  it turned out to be highly productive meeting.  I forced the discussion and we came to an agreement on most of the contentious issues ... but my wife abruptly left as the discussion was becoming too emotional and difficult for her.  Only a couple of more items to go!

Here's what will happen: there will be a "cooling down" period of a few days,  Then my wife will phone to continue the negotiations in a much more pleasant frame of mine.... been there, done that!

Nipple Action

http://thickgoat4u.tumblr.com/

I am over 2000 miles from home (3300 km for the non-Americans among you.) and will probably not have access to a computer for six days ....  at least, not a computer on which I could look at gay porn sites.  A timer was used to post this page and the following two posts.

My daughter and I will assist my mother-in-law after some routine surgery. I will also help my daughter to set up the house she rented in her university town .(hottie frat boys everywhere!  Woot!!)   I love to travel and am very excited about this simple little trip with my daughter!   Also it will be fantastic to get away from all the hard work and the stressful negotiations with my wife.

It's a bonus, as well, to visit with my sweet mother-in-law.  She has been most consistent supporter in the past twenty years, despite the fact that I ruined her daughter's life by admitting that I was gay, twenty years into our marriage.

Since I will be with my daughter or mother-in-law most of the time, I don't think I'll be able to have any sexytime with some hot guy during this trip as I did last month... darn!   I won't rule out that possibility entirely but it's highly unlikely that anything will... ahem... arise.
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Much gay porn shows one guy sucking another guy's nipples.  The "suckee" is invariable shown with his head back in the throes of exstacy.

I don't get it.

Hottie frat boy seems underwhelmed by this nipple play.

Hottie Nurse spend considerable time sucking my nips and I didn't feel a thing.  Maybe I was standing behind the door when "male erogenous zone:  nipples" were being handed out.

During years of breast-feeding, my wife's nipples had been chewed on, bitten till they bled, cracked, stretched out and infected countless times.  At the end, she declared, "My nipples are no longer sex objects... I think they're dead!!"   (Sadly, as an in-denial gay guy, I never thought of them as sex objects at any point in our marriage either.)

I think her statement applies to my nipples as well.  Any experiences on "nipples as a male erogenous zone" that you'd like to share?