Sunday, July 28, 2013

Rude awakening

During my exciting eight days in Toronto, my profiles on GPS-enabled sites such as grindr and squirt.org were a-buzz with offers from hot guys of all ages.  The men included  a couple of nineteen-year-olds, several in their 20s, with the majority in their 30s or early 40s.

Fairly often, mutual work schedules, hosting difficulties and travel logistics prevented a meeting, but for the most part,  hookups were extremely easy to arrange.

My biggest discovery was that the Toronto airport hotels were a virtual Sodom and Gomorrah of gay hookups ... all those horny flight attendants, pilots, and closeted, married businessmen on stop-overs!  From the comfort of my hotel room, the GPS would indicate that some Hookup Guy was "a few steps away" and in fact, he was!..... usually across the hall, one floor away or in the hotel across the street.  Exciting!  And convenient!

My return to my smallish, remote town has been a rude awakening in the extreme:  I'm now receiving one-tenth of the messages that I did in Toronto.   The vast majority of them have been heavier, older guys in the 55 - 65 age range.... the sort of guys I'm really not attracted to.

 One particularly unattractive 60ish guy (who I had coffee with this winter) messaged me persistently on both squirt and grindr.  He proposed an overnight trip in his 30-foot boat to his cabin on an island some forty miles offshore.  Finally, I had to get sharp with him and told him to stop messaging me.  I would never feel comfortable going off with him, with no easy means of escape.

To make matters worse, I haven't had a message from a 22 year old in months!   I miss them so!

However, I'm not completely without offers.  In the three days I've been home, I've had three interesting coffee dates, one so-so hookup with a deeply closeted, 44 year old Italian construction worker and arranged a date with Spanking Dude tomorrow.  More on some of this later.

To further compound my Blah! mood, I received this private e-mail from a blog reader who said:

"I just get the sense your random hook ups seem like a desperate attempt to make up for lost time -- trying to recapture your lost gay youth."
 

While I wouldn't have phrased it as cruelly as that, there is a certain amount of truth to the comment.  I read blogs written by young 'uns like kenn-do on the exciting life of a young gay guy who said:  "One thing I've definitely realized in the gay world, being young is definitely a huge perk", and  I'm reminded how discouraging it is to be fumbling my way through this Brave New Gay World at the ripe old age of 51. *
 
*yes, it was my birthday last week.
 
 
 

26 comments:

  1. well, happy birthday, dear buddybear! I shall have to give you a birthday hug when I see you in a fortnight! :)

    I would pay no mind to the jealous trolls; they just need to bring someone else down since their lives are so damn miserable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't wait for that hug, anne marie!

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  2. The pics in this post were especially hot! As for the comment, I'm sorry to say but you're really not much different than any single, healthy, fit and attractive man of your age - GAY OR STRAIGHT. Your experiences do come with a lack of experience and a POV of someone exploring and living their new life but your blog is about much more then just sexual exploits. While too many men - gay or straight - are gaining weight, loosing flexibility, loosing interest in sex for numerous reasons you are enjoying life. And we all enjoy reading about it.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks again, Sean, for your kind, reassuring and experienced words!

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  3. Siiiigh...if only I had the balls to try the online hookups. I am fat (6'2", 340), unattractive (see previous), but experienced (I know how to please a guy), so I have no idea how that would go over. I keep comparing myself to you, BB. And coming up short.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    Replies
    1. Oh Jay! Don't compare yourself to anyone, let alone me. If there's one thing I've learned in my 2 years on the hookup sites is that there are men out there who are attracted to EVERY body type and age.

      Everyone is a unique individual, attractive in his or her own way. Young gay men in particular would be attracted to your kindness, emotional maturity, drama-free nature and (to be honest), your financial stability.

      To start, you need to find a gay matchmaking site which is well-used by gay men in your area, one which is specifically targeted to your needs. Grindr is out as it features only really young gays with six-packs. Bear411 or silverdaddies may be suitable.

      When you do set up a profile, be completely honest about your stats, height and weight, and what you are looking for. There's someone out there for all of us.

      Delete
    2. Jay, as an example, the hottest guy I ever was with, Hunky 22-Year-Old, was only truly attracted to men like you: older, larger, furry and bear-ish.

      Delete
  4. All these hookups and not one mention of an STD.....jut lucky or omitting some of the story?

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    Replies
    1. I'm not omitting anything: I tell all! And it's not a matter of luck: I practice safe sex and would NEVER do anal without a condom, for example, despite many requests from young gays for bareback sex. And I suspect that you've bought into the stereotype that all gay men are teeming with disease. Not true!

      I will admit to getting cum in my mouth on occasion, but I take the recommended precaution of not brushing my teeth or flossing for two hours prior to the event. In any event, HIV / AIDS transmission via oral contact is extremely low risk.

      Having said all that, just yesterday, I spoke to an employee of our HIV/AIDS organization in town as to the dates which the free, anonymous testing is done. I plan to be tested soon, but that will be the subject of another post.

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  5. I am afraid our "Toronto hook up" will be quite a disappointment to you, after all this activity! hohoho

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    Replies
    1. LOL. Not to fear! I am the most interested in your wit, charm, intelligence and lively conversation.

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    2. hohoho
      I think that is a compliment? :-)

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    3. I'm sorry for my lack of clarity. Yes, it most definitely was a compliment!

      Delete
  6. hey buddy bear, i am so sorry if i have offended you with my posts, i have realized i haven't been very kind to the older gay guys out there in my blog (i was dumb and thought that my only audience would be younger gay guys), and i have now grown very silent realizing that maybe some of these older gay guys are also new gay men just like you and me, and are probably scared shitless texting other people, and i feel bad for being really rude some times with my replies to the older guys out there. and yes, it's true that there are men attracted to all kinds of body size/age/ethnicity/etc.

    i read your hookup with the hunky 22-year-old. that was fucking fucking hot dude. it made me hard hehehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No need to apologize! You are far from 'dumb'.... you come across (in your writing) as thoughtful, intelligent and with a good moral compass.

      It's a fine balance when we receive unwanted messages and sometimes being rude or really blunt is needed.

      I've received many emails from men much older than me (mid 60s) AFTER I politely told them that I wasn't interested. In these cases, they just become annoying and creepy and deserve to be either told off, ignored or blocked.

      I'll be writing more about this in my next post.

      Delete
  7. It's your life. Live it and experience it as you want. Happy Birthday!

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  8. Sorry I have not commented for a while! So pleased that you had a good time in Toronto. Belated birthday greetings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. rjjs8878 and Lord Patrick: thanks for commenting and the kind birthday wishes!

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  9. In terms of love and sex, my 50s and 60s have been some of the very best years of my life. I feel so badly for guys who think they're washed up when they hit 50. It simply isn't true -- I know men into their 70s and early 80s who are having a great time and are still vibrant and desirable. I've begun to become very impatient with the whole age thing in gay culture, and admire the many younger men who aren't allowing themselves to be caught up in it.

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    Replies
    1. Inspirational words! Thank you!

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    2. Will - I agree with most of your comment but I guess it's become a pet peeve of mine that most, gay, straight or bi, will blame sex instead of gender. I don't think the age this is at all unique to gay culture - straight men and their trophy wives for one of many examples. Youth is very attractive and seductive to everyone.

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    3. Sean, I agree with you completely. I was discusing gay culture, not society as a whole. I have no problem with mixed-generation relationships in either the straight or gay worlds and also think that if older men and younger women or older women and younger men want to get together it is a) fine and b) not anybody else's business. Frankly, I dislike the term "trophy" wife in this context -- why can't she just be a wife?

      Delete
  10. Happy belated birthday! I am not too far behind you (48) and often feel the same way...but I do find that many younger guys find guys in our age group attractive.

    I can also relate to visiting a large city where hook ups are relatively easy, and then being back home where the same 5 Craigslist ads are recycled ad nauseum!

    Oh well...despite everything, I don't think I would go back...when I was 22 in the 80's I had very little experience, and very little opportunity to gain it! Now in my late 40's, I know what I like, how to please a partner, et cetera. I suppose it's a trade off!

    XO FFB

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    Replies
    1. "The same five Craigslist ads are recycled ad nauseum!" I howled at that.... truer words were never spoken for us gay guys in smaller centres.

      Thanks for the reassuring words. I agree with everything you said!

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  11. Happy belated birthday! We all come out in oiur own time. Lots of younger guys like older men. Your not alone.

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  12. If you need your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up) you got to watch this video
    right away...

    (VIDEO) Want your ex CRAWLING back to you...?

    ReplyDelete

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