Monday, July 22, 2013

Debauched, hedonistic and self-destructive lifestyle

Sorry, it's been a very long time since I've blogged.   This big-city gay lifestyle of debauchery,self-destruction and hedonism is really taking up all of my time.

I have been extremely busy in Toronto and decided not to let the blogging of my gay journey interfere with actual real-life experiences.   My temporary job has been quite demanding but sorting the many offers on and grindr has taken up most of my time.

Most unusually (I think) for gay guys online, I respond to all messages, if only to thank the guy and to politely explain that I'm not interested in what he was offering.   Of the messages I receive, perhaps half of them half are of some interest to me and of those, probably 80% never materialize into an actual skin-to-skin contact. 

Online gay guys are notorious for flaking out and the vast majority of young guys in an expensive big city cannot host.  And  yes, all of the guys contacting me have been younger.  And if a hookup does materialize, it often involves an hour of travel on Toronto transit.

I will be blogging about some of my gay adventures in the days to come, but of the (many) hookups which have materialized, some have been fantastic / mind-blowing / life-changing and some have been "okay."    But every guy I've been with has been polite, respectful, thoughtful and appreciative of my efforts.  Nice Canadian guys, all.

This comment appeared on my last post which I had to address:

Just curious. While you lived a straight life -- e.g., before getting married -- were you also a slut with women? I know this sounds like me passing judgment (I am a virgin in his 50s so I can get away with that, actually), but I am wondering why -- with kids and income issues -- you chose this hedonistic lifestyle? If is is consistent with what you did in your 20s, fine. But, if it is not, it seems you're trying to live up to some sort of gay stereotype. Odd, and, in the end, possibly self-destructive.
  1. I am a single man who is enjoying a normal, healthy sex life.  I am highly respectful of all my sexual partners at all times.   The word "slut" is inappropriate.
  2. I was a virgin (gay and straight) when I married my wife.  Looking back, the main reason was that I never would have considered the possibility that I was gay and I did not have a strong desire to have sex with a woman.
  3. I cannot imagine a 50-year-old virgin such as yourself having any understanding of sexual desire.  Seriously?  You remind me of the Pope or some Catholic nun preaching about the "evils of the flesh"  as though a judgemental attitude will cause your body to stop producing it's sex hormones.
  4. This has nothing to do with income.  I am in Toronto to earn money to pay the bills and am being extremely frugal otherwise.  My hookups cost nothing;  I'm not paying for sex although if someone offered me money to have sex with them, I'd probably do it!
  5. My kids know that I have a normal, healthy sex life and that I see other men.  I consider myself to be an important role model to them with regard to my sex life.  As to the specific details, they don't need to know.
  6. I am not "living up" to any gay stereotype.... I am living my life how I choose to at this moment.  Will I doing this 10 years from now?  Probably not, but that will be my choice. 
  7. The gay stereotype is defined externally by judgement people like yourself.  If you take 1000 gay people, I've learned that you will find 1000 different individuals who are living their lives in their own way and those lives will be very much like the lives of straight people.
  8. Who are you calling odd?  I'm getting more and more pissed as I read your comments. 
  9. I am extremely safe in my sexual practices as are (as far as I have experienced) my partners.  I am extremely confident about the situations and in the guys I choose to meet.  I turn down far more guys than I accept into my bed and I am "in charge" at all times.


  1. Great response! The man is stuck with his gay issues and denies himself to have fun! Too bad. At least we dealt with our issues the best we can and move on

    1. Don't need or want you sympathy. I have "fun" well in hand. Don't need the melodrama that comes along with psycho-sexual relationships with flawed, morally compromised humans. BTW, being sexually promiscuous is not "dealing with your issues" but, is in fact -- very much like drug use (also rampant in society) -- a way of avoiding them and masking the pain. Good luck with that.

    2. Wow, Rick, you really seemed to have struck a nerve! Thanks for commenting!

  2. While I completely agree with your response to this man (?) I will say that someone reading only one or two of your posts might get the wrong impression.

    What is more odd that a 50 year old virgin? Even priests have more sex then this guy.

    I'm pretty sure most online people, gay, straight or otherwise, tend to flake out.

    Finally, I think you present one of the strongest and healthiest examples of a what a great parent is and should be. The best way to raise happy and healthy children is to show them a happy and health and HONEST adult.

    1. Yes, Sean, I certainly admit to using the work "slut" to describe myself countless times before you steered me right. And yes, I do describe my sexual escapades with great delight and detail.

      By the way, I love your comment about "priests have more sex than this guy." LOL! Too funny!

      And thank you for your my kind words about my parenting. Hugs!

  3. Your answer in Point #2 was sufficient. It explains a lot. You asked for input (e.g., "tell me what you're thinking"). I gave it. No need to be emotionally distraught over it. Unless, some small part of you doubts the morality of your choices. But that is between you and your God. Me? An anti-Papist from my mother's womb, I was far more offended being compared to the Pope than anything anyone said about my sexual lifestyle choices. Peace of the Lord be with you, sir.

    1. First - no one was responding to YOU ANON! This is the first one. We responded to BuddyBear.

      I made no mention of god I referred to priests because what other humans are so well known for being "celibate?" Thus the comparison.

      No one is distraught, emotionally or otherwise, just humored by your comment and supportive of our friend.

      Finally, why make comments, especially negative ones, on a blog you clearly shouldn't be reading.

      "Now begone before someone drops a house on you!" - Glinda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz

    2. Dear Mr. Anon. It's very exiting that you had a chance to speak to God. What did he look like?

  4. WTeverlovinF, anonymous? 50 year old virgin (rolls eyes); who ya saving it for...prince charming? he doesn't exist.

    keep on keeping on, buddybear; do it til you're satisfied! ain't no stopping you now! ignore the trolls; they are just jealous!

    1. anne marie! You're so funny!! I love you, sweetie and thanks for the support!

  5. Truly amazing. Someone who has NO experience with sex trying to tell someone else how they ought to live. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    I don't feel sorry for him. Having sex IS a choice, and if he chooses to pound down one of man's most primal urges, then fine. But I have to wonder if he spews the same sort of spittle at Catholic blogs where they defend their reactions and actions to the abuse scandal.

    Unlike some readers here, and some politicians in my state, I believe, as do 5 or 6 of the Supreme Court, that non-rape, non-exploitative sex between two consenting adults is FINE. I'm guessing this guy thinks, though he doesn't say it, is that sex is only for procreation, otherwise you should join him in his self-imposed monastery (or he's so personality challenged that no one will HAVE sex with him).

    I also can't figure out what gives him the right, as a 50-year-old virgin, to pass judgement on someone else? If you are religious, I firmly believe in the verse:
    Matthew 7:1-3, (KJV)
    1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
    2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
    3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

    If you're not religious, ye ought to obey this anyway! Still reading, Anon?
    Peace <3

    1. BTW, BuddyBear, I knew from the title of the post, this was going to be a good post!

    2. Thanks for the great comments, Jay, and the support. And I'll leave all the Bible quotation to you!

  6. Can you block him, or would that block all anonymous commenters, many of whom would not be as toxic as he? I think we all agree that you're doing just fine, doing it safely and sanely, and not exploiting anyone.
    Now Keep Calm and Carry on Shagging! :-)

  7. Where to start? There is so much pithy stuff here. First, my comments were merely observations, not condemnation. I happen to support marriage equality and all that. To each his own. If the blog owner was shagging women this indiscriminately, I would consider that spiritually destructive as well. The majority here feels otherwise; fine. Let the depravity continue in earnest!

    The attacks on my CHOICE to be celibate are interesting and entirely predictable. You cannot defend your own behavior so you choose to attack the person you perceive is attacking you. So very human. So, in order:

    Anne Marie in Philly: Being celibate is a personal choice. I am not saving it for anyone. Like anyone would be worthy anyway. Not on this earth.

    Jay M.: Bingo! Sexual intercourse has only one biologically justified function -- procreation. Since I have never had an interest in being a father, well, fill in the blank.

    Lastly, I have never heard of anyone dying from a lack of sexual encounters / relationships. We cannot say that about those who have been repeatedly compromised by what they choose to do with that organ between their legs. That said, glad to hear you are all playing safely.

    Vaya con Dios!

    1. Biologically, you are correct. Psychologically, there's a lot more to sex. Intimacy with another person, pleasure with another person...far more than simple coupling to make babies! What exactly is so wrong with that?
      Peace <3

    2. To Anon with no name: if you truly feel that no one on this earth is 'worthy' enough to have sex with you....then why why WHY are you stooping so low into the 'depravity' of this blog to even make comments? Do you take showers with anti-bacterial soap to wash off all this after you visit the blog? What do you wash out your eyes with? What do you cleanse your mind with?
      If you are so pure....hummmm then maybe again you AREN'T after all since you are visiting blogs of this nature in the first place. You are no better than anyone else. You just think you are.
      Please fly away on your man made strap on angel wings.
      Tim from MO

    3. Thanks Tim! Oh, denial is a powerful force, isn't it?

  8. This "conversation" is getting to be fun. Now, anon has a messianic complex: "Like anyone would be worthy anyway. Not on this earth."

    Hey, Dr. Spo, where are you? We need you!

  9. Wow. What floors me is the idea of being a 50 year old virgin "by choice." Speaking as a 62 year old virgin, I have to admit that I have been pretty envious reading about Buddy Bear's many encounters, especially with younger guys. There is a lot I don't understand about this, that is for sure. Why are women hitting on me all the time and men never? What has Buddy Bear (and all the rest if you for that matter) got that I ain't got? I'll give Anon the benefit of the doubt, that he is not just playing the Fox and the Grapes.but it still confounds me that someone will reject as worthless what I so fervently desire.

  10. I am visiting this blog because the owner, unlike many others in the cyber universe, is an intelligent individual who has something to say and says it well. His adventures with his ex are fascinating. Whatever pains he endures, he deserves, and I like the fact that he is being accountable and taking his lumps like a man for his past decisions. I find that rare in the queer community where the only rule seems to be have fun today, fuck what happens tomorrow. As the AIDS crisis taught us (I had a beloved older brother -- he would have been 57 a month from last Monday -- who died as a result of his hedonistic lifestyle choices), actions ALWAYS have consequences. I am ending my part of this conversation (sorry, David) after this post. I do not have a messianic complex. I simply do not possess a libido that requires validation by another without a larger, spiritually enhancing purpose. I believe in the Christian ethic that humans are part animal and part divine. When we serve our base instincts first, we are serving the animal part. I prefer to aim higher and, if that offends others, so be it. Obviously, I am not trying to win a popularity contest. Again, to all my "fans", take are God bless.

  11. "hedonistic" "lifestyle" "choices"

    Wow! A response to these words, as deployed here, could take a whole chapter in a book if not the book itself.

    Having sex with someone you love, like or simply attracted to is a very human thing to do. "Hedonistic" has become an anti-gay buzz word used in condemnation of a:

    "Lifestyle" which has become an anti-gay buzz word used to dismiss the very possibility that homosexuality even exists, but is a simple, temporary, selfish behavior that one puts on and takes off when one wants to indulge one's self and is therefore a:

    "Choice" which has become an anti-gay buzz word to deny what every gay man knows, which is that one is born gay, proven particularly by the huge number of gay men who experienced their first male attractions long before adulthood (age five, here) and before they even really knew what sex was, but just knew that feeling that when it did repeat in adulthood they finally knew was sexual attraction.

    As to "the only rule seems to be have fun today, fuck what happens tomorrow" the famously virtuous, totally monogamous, scrupulously moral heterosexual majority has never behaved in such a manner, ever, anywhere, anyplace in the world.


    1. Will, you go girl!!!

      I could never have penned such an articulate, devastating response as you did.

      However, our 'anonymous' friend will never change his attitude towards us. My Toronto friend, Jeffrey, has received a great deal of hate e-mail on his blog, The Gay Groom. He pointed out that there is no arguing with these closed-minded, Bible-quoting zealots. Presenting a rational argument just enflames them even more.

    2. Thank you, BB I totally understand what you say and mostly don't respond to provocation. But this time, I just had to and IT FELT GOOD!

  12. Hey Anonymous!

    Thanks for the compliments! That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me, to describe me as an "intelligent individual who has something to say and says it well"

    But then you veer off the cliff by saying, "Whatever pains he endures, he deserves." WTF? Do you have a cross handy that you can nail me to?

    Another classic line is: "Taking his lumps like a man for his past decisions." What past decisions? My gay journey has been going on all my life and the biggest (bad) decision I made was getting married to a woman. But at that time, I didn't know I was gay and so can be forgiven for that.

    Otherwise, I was never physically unfaithful to my wife and in fact, did not experiment with gay sex for nearly a year after we separated.

  13. One good mind blowing and toe curling blow job and I think Mr. Anonymous would change his tune!

    JW in Miami

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