Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Slow but steady divorce progress

It is pretty cold, dark and bleak here.  How about some lovely beach men from to lift our spirits?

I'd like to thank everyone for their fantastic comments on my last two posts on World Aids Day and about my coffee date with the HIV+ guy.  I'm seeing him this evening;  details to follow. 

I'll continue the discussion about safe sex and hookups soon, but for now, I've thought enough about HIV, safe sex, and STIs! 

Our lawyer-mediator has been in contact with us several times this week as she needed our agreement on five items to finalize our draft Separation Agreement.   Some of these could have been a source of considerable conflict but after much e-mailing, texting and some compromise, my wife and I quickly came to agreement on all of them.

It has been nearly three years since my wife my found out that I liked guys ... and it's been a very long journey indeed for both of us.  We both are soooo anxious to get it over with.

My wife and I have reached a state of cooperation and trust which is just remarkable... and something which I never thought would happen.  Each of has been fulfilling the terms of our draft Separation Agreement since last June, seven months before we've even signed off on it.  This includes items such as spousal support (paid by me), jointly paying for my son's expenses and university tuition for our daughters. 
Soon, our final Separation Agreement will be printed out.  It will be reviewed and signed by my wife's lawyer and then by my lawyer.  THEN, we will meet again with the lawyer-mediator to sign it and to fill out the forms to start our joint, uncontested divorce.   FINALLY, one lawyer from the same firm will file for divorce on our behalf, probably by mid-January.   Our divorce should take about three months to make it's way through the courts.   

My hosting of guys at home has dried up to pretty much nothing.  My son has been living with me for nearly a whole month with only a couple of days at my wife's.   On Monday morning I said to him: "So!!!  I guess tonight you start your two weeks at Mom's!"   My son: "No, I still have another week here."

I knew that he's already been here for the alotted two weeks but I didn't say anything.  I don't want him to feel anything less than welcome here.   Our relationship and level of understanding between us just seems to be getting stronger as time goes on.  The horny hookup guys will have to wait!

Until our divorce is finalized, I just cannot risk having my wife find out that I'm having guys over to the house or dating openly.  I really don't think she will react well to it, at least initially, but she will get used to the idea soon enough.  But after out divorce, I will feel perfectly free in telling my kids, "I'm having company this evening.  Can you go to your friend's house for a few hours?"  And I know they will be okay with it too.


  1. I'm sure the whole shock of it all has worn off, and therefore the proceeding are proceeding. It's really great that it's going so smoothly, I know what it was like to shepherd one of my best friends through her nasty, messy, not-her-fault divorce. You're a lucky man.

    The bonding with your son is awesome. He probably knows at some level that you're at least "dating" men, but it's great to hear that he comes first, no matter what. In an awful lot of divorces this is not the case.

    Good luck with the rest of it. I am sure you will be happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Peace <3

  2. I know a little bit about this journey. Although we had no kids, my divorce was finalized about 6 months ago. It's an emotionally draining process. Just remember, it gets a whole lot better.

  3. Jay M: Thanks for your words of support! It's tempting to go crazy with all the horny, hot men out there and abandon my responsibilities. But it would be damaging to my children, my settlement with my wife and to the widespread support I'm receiving from everyone. I'm trying to keep a steady course!

    John: thanks for commenting! I love your blog Freshly Gay by the way. When I have some time, I plan to read all your past posts. I like how your experience resembles mine but you are a bit ahead of me in your dating life.

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