Friday, December 7, 2012


Ian, a handsome young man who writes the honest, thoughtful blog  Mind of  Mine,  has asked bloggers to help him promote an 'adult pantomime' comedy show in London.  The vast majority of my readers live in the USA but quite a few are British, so here it goes! 

"Brash, bawdy and very filthy, this cabaret-infused offering at Leicester Square Theatre is the most promising of this year's crop of 'adult pantos'. It features characters with names such as Sofonda Cox and Queen RUnt, places such as the Streaky Crack, and legends such as that of the 'bell-end'. You get the gist." - CRITICS CHOICE, Scoutlondon

For more information about the show click HERE.
Doug and I had a enjoyable coffee date but I still am not sure what I think about the whole thing.

He is an aboriginal guy, 47, reasonably good-looking with dark hair, brown eyes and honey coloured skin.  I am the most attracted to such darker-skinned men, whether aboriginal, Indian or Middle Eastern.  He has a  flawless, slim body;  5'-11". 

Doug was good to his jeans.  In fact, I was hard throughout much of our date.

He's intelligent and is capable of a lively, funny conversation as we exchanged stories about some of our more unfortunate encounters.  Interested in a super-masculine, early 30s firefighter who wanted to wear a diaper during a hot encounter?  (Doug's story)  How about a mid-30s guy who wanted to have sex in the inner-city bus station washroom and nowhere else?   (My story:  I said "no", as tempting an offer as it was...)

Three years ago, Doug returned to his blue-collar hometown after 25 years to look after his elderly parents.  This year, I'd been told several times that this is a hard town to be gay in and Doug agreed, calling it a "backwater."  He said that once he discloses he's HIV+,  he usually never hears from the guy again.  Doug said this never happened when he lived in Toronto or New York. 

I repeated Sean's and Cubby's comments:  I was at far greater risk having sex with any random guy who could have been lying about his HIV+ status or had never been tested.  Sex with him would be "low risk" since he made the disclosure, had a non-detectable viral load  and took every precaution needed.

I told Doug that he seemed even more depressed than the last time we met.  His new job as chief finanncial person at the only HIV/AIDS organization in town is an excellent one and his colleagues are great. 

But he finds his job draining as he's in constant contact with people infected with HIV / AIDS.   Sadly, the largest group of recently-infected people are homeless, uneducated, unemployable Aboriginal woman many of whom work in the sex trade to support their children.  The hopelessness of their situation was grinding him own and he was presently in counselling to learn coping strategies.

Doug said:  "All I want is a friend .... someone to go to the movies with, skiing or go to the gym a couple of times a month."  

I can relate!  Since leaving my old neighbourhood, I have no one nearby to do such things with either.  I used to do many of those things with my children but they are rapidly leaving the nest and have jobs and friends of their own.  In fact, I have very few friends, period.  Please read Dr. Spo's recent post on this. 

I told Doug that I wanted to be friends too and said that we would plan something in a week or two.  My major concern is that he will not be able to keep it "just friends" and will start to fall for me and want a LTR.  And it's not his HIV+ which a concern to me.

Having lived with a chronically-depressed person for the past 20 years, I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER become seriously involved with a someone with that condition, whether they seek treatment or not.   My gut instinct is that Doug is in that category and I'm not wrong about this. 

But I'm thinking that Doug and I might go to the gym together maybe two weeks from now and see how it goes.  I'm really not sure.

ps:  while writing this post, I received this POF message from him:  "Looking forward to seeing you and maybe sucking your cock and rimming that sweet ass of yours...."   Hmmm....


  1. I wish I lived closer. I would love to be a friend to Doug. He sounds like the type of person I would like to hang with. If a relationship developed so be it. But that is just the way I am I guess. I can understand not wanting to be with someone fighting depression, but I can say from experience that it is quite different when the person knows it and is working on it. They are usually more understanding of the people around them as well.

  2. I would like to point out that not everyone's depression is the same. Symptoms can be as varied as the people who suffer. Don't make judgements based on the fact you think this guy might be depressed. Yes, you lived with someone who was depressed, but Doug might not be remotely the same in how he acts/deals with it. Get to know him. If you find you do like spending time with him, good enough. If you still aren't interested in anything romantic with him, he'll respect that if he's worth having as a friend.

    Also, I tend to do weird stuff I regret later when I get really down, so maybe don't read too much into his message on pof. Reserve judgement until you get to know him better. Maybe he is just desperate for any guy to show interest, or maybe he was just in a lonely place and felt he had to send some sort of message.

    1. I wasn`t `making judgements` about his depression, exactly. He told me all about it. In any case, depression in men is quite different because women`s can be tied to their hormonal cycles. My wife`s chronic depression was exacerbated by the `baby blues`, post-natal depression, pre- and post menopausal depression etc.

      I`m not looking for a relationship with him or anyone right now, but hope that we become friends. As to your last sentance, I agree, I know that he is lonely and craving to be with another man.

  3. I can understand your hesitation to get involved with this person and think trying the gym and friend route makes a lot of sense. All the well-intended advice from your readers will never take the place of following your gut. After all, its your life and you would be the one in the relationship - not us.

  4. How could anyone be in your presence and then not want to suck your cock and rim that sweet ass? Besides, you don't think he noticed you were hard the whole time?

    Sounds like you could have the possible beginnings a friendship. Maybe you should explore this additional part of your life along with your slut phase. Friendships are harder to cultivate the older we get and with other gay men in remote-ish areas are likely to be even harder. Just because someone lusts after you doesn't men you have to sleep with him. If he becomes aggressive/insistent/obsessive then he won't be a good friend.

  5. BosGuy: Yes, follow your `gut feeling`is excellent advice! I`ve done this most (but not all) of the time during my gay journey. My gut is telling me that I want a gay friend like him .... but to proceed cautiously if it ends up between the sheets.

    Sean: Thank you! And Doug hadn`t had the advantage of seeing all the bare-assed pics which I post on this blog. I agree that having a real-life gay friend is something that is important and I should squander this opportunity.

  6. Spo's post made me very emotional. That is all.....

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