Monday, September 23, 2013

Schoolboy Crush

The other day, Jack, a grade 12 student (sitting front row, centre) spend the class alternating between staring at me intently and then glancing down at his notebook . I asked him: "What`s up?" but he said, "Nothing."

By the way, Jack is 18, openly gay, 6`-2", blonde, blue-eyed, cute, very smart and rather gawky.

At the end of class, he presented me with the drawing shown at left. Except for the hair (I don`t have a curlicue of hair down my forehead) I think that the drawing looks very much like me.

To the bloggers who have met me, what do you think of the likeness?

But I thought, "Oh, my!".... and the "student crush" alarm bells started ringing in my head.   The next day, Jack was absent from school and on his return he told me, "I missed you."  He could have said he missed being at school or missed the class but he missed ME.   Again, yikes!

Student crushes are an occupational hazard of being a teacher.  I`ve been the object of a great many such crushes over the past twenty years and the majority have involved young male students.

Early in my career, I found these crushes extremely awkward because, well, it seemed so weird that a teenage boy would feel this way about me. It was just unnatural!  I was 10 - 15 years away from any self-awareness that I was gay. But somehow, these young men sniffed out my gayness anyway.

I can usually spot the signs that a crush is developing.  The young man often chooses to sit front-row centre in the classroom, as close as possible to where I teach. 

Routine conversations include much stammering and nervousness with frequent glances at my bulbous groin region.  The student may make frequent visits to where I`m sitting at the teacher`s desk to ask for help, sometimes standing too close or even pressing against me a bit. 

I generally ignore such behaviour and take care to never be alone with the student in the classroom.  In our province, the repercussions for a sex scandal involving teachers and their students are severe.

With more serious crushes, I have had male students invite me out to lunch dates, evening parties and fun activities such as laser tag, paintball and bowling. In these cases, I always say the same thing: "I'm sorry, I can't. If I had been 16, I would have been thrilled to be invited. But as a teacher, I just can't attend events with students. It`s just not possible. But thanks for the invitation."

The young men seem to receive this explanation well and the crush usually runs its course, or the student graduates. Occasionally, a former student with a crush will resurface such as the gorgeous young man who told me "You look hot!" or the student who groped me at Pride this year and pestered me for sex. 

But, there's always another student crush coming along.   I used to think that as I became a decrepit, worn-out old fart, these schoolboy crushes would stop.  But so far, this hasn't happened.


  1. Replies
    1. Yes, I really like it, especially when you consider the short time he spent doing it! I plan to frame it and hang it in my kitchen. :-)

  2. Students having a crush on a teacher is very common. Now, with progress being made on the acceptance of LGBT's it would only make sense that more male students are more obviously attracted.
    It sounds as if you handle the situations well, though!

    1. Thank you! I have anywhere from 140 to 180 students every year and it's safe to say that I have a student crush or more developing at all times. It really is very common.

      Our younger, hotter teachers are the object of student crushes at a much greater rate than me.

  3. I believe it's because your becoming "a decrepit, worn-out old fart" hasn't happened. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you and probably never will, but it is obvious to me from your how you describe your life these days that you're still desirable to a fairly broad spectrum of gay men age-wise.

    I had a crush on a teacher in Junior year of high school. Brother Francis was tall, silver-gray haired, with a languorous southern accent, very handsome. I thought I wasn't conveying a crush but there was one incident that told me he knew. We both remained very cool about it.

    1. I said the "decrepit old fart" comment only slightly tongue-in-cheek. But the reality is, no matter how young I feel and act, my face looks all of its 51 years, especially to a teenager.

      But I'm certain that it's my personality rather than my looks which the gay boys are attracted to. My son tells me that all of his friends (who've been in my classes tell him that I am "the coolest teacher in the school", very relaxed and a lot of fun.

      The "once incident" with the handsome Brother Francis? You're teasing us!

      And, Will, "never" is a very long time.... we just might meet one day. I do get around, you know.

  4. Sounds exactly what I have to be aware of and careful about with the LGBTQ group I work with. We have strict rules, and I follow them to a "T" - pretty much the same as yours: no social media, no interaction outside the organization's activities, don't be alone with youth, etc. They protect all of us!

    Peace <3

    1. Wise advice for us guys (gay or otherwise) who work with young people. I forgot to mention that I also do not communicate with students or parents on Facebook, Twitter, private e-mail and the like.

      Our union runs mandatory workshops on "Professional Boundaries" fairly often. .

  5. I remember I had several crushes on many teachers. Yes, this happens !

  6. Sorry my friend, but I studied the drawing carefully and I just can't see you in it. You are, however, definitely the coolest teacher in school. Remember I told you that in Buffalo a couple years ago. I would have loved to have you as a teacher.

    1. My daughter agrees with you! Check out her comments in the first paragraph of my next post.

  7. I very much respect the boundaries that are required to protect young people. However I have no regrets with hooking up with my Biology teacher when I was a kid. Man that dude was hot.

    1. Fond memories for you! But how times have changed! It's hard you imagine you as the "victim" in that situation but that's how it would be regarded now. Thanks for sharing!


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