Men in shorts

This will be another random collection of thoughts:

1.   We still have snow and chilly temperatures here but a few sunny days are hinting that spring might be coming soon. To my delight and amusement, all the young men in my town and at school have, all at once, started to wear shorts everywhere. It's nice to see their pale white, skinny, fuzzy, frat-boy legs once again but I much the prefer the more developed musculature of an mature man's legs, calves especially.

2.  All three of my kids have been with me in recent days, on and off, since my university daughter is back for the summer.  It's fantastic to see how close my kids are and how much fun they have together.

3.  Although they all love their mother, I constantly hear our kids talking about how difficult and annoying she can be to live with, some of the time.  This is the same sort of bossy, unreasonable, micro-managing behaviour which I dealt with throughout our marriage.  

"Being spammed by Mom" happens when my wife, who is lying on the couch watching TV, texts one of the kids upstairs to come down, make her a cup of tea and deliver it!  Annoying!!!  Especially when this happens dozens of times a day and when my wife doesn't lift a finger to help anyone else out.  And it's doubly annoying for the kids, having to deal with their mother's anger when she doesn't get an instant response. 

4.   We've been having some (as the kids called it) "northern redneck fun", with all of us out on the disintegrating ice, jumping from one floating ice pan to another.  What a hoot!  The chunks are about one foot thick and fairly safe but it`s easy to become temporarily stranded when the pan drifts too far out to safely jump back.  And occasionally, someone jumps on a ice chunk which is too small to support his weight or has a mushy edge which breaks off, resulting in a dunk in the icy water.  Check out the pic of me, below.

5.   I am extremely busy preparing for two full days of supply teacher coverage for my classes for my medical trip to Toronto later this week.  What a lot of work!  

6.  I am also planning for lots of fun gay activities during the four days I'll be there .... but I am not ready to blog about them just yet.   But I hope to push my gay journey forward into unfamiliar territory.

7.   I am getting quite apprehensive about my follow-up prostate checkup at the Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital but I can't wish it away. As John Wayne said: "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." 


This is me jumping across the floating ice pans in front of my house.

Overweight men

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Spring Break (up)

This is what I wore to school today.

All of the pics were taken today in my front yard.   The title doesn't refer to Spring Break on a Florida beach full of drunk, hottie frat boys.   It refers to the literal spring breakup ... of ice.

1.  Fierce winds have broken up the ice in front of my house.   It's exciting to have this first sign of spring although it's still freezing out.   But it's also sad because we have so much fun every day on the ice .... skating (early in the winter, when there was no snow), cross-country skiing, snowmobiling and walking our dogs off-leash out to the off-shore islands.

2.  In the springtime, a young man's thoughts turn to .... sex.   Most unusally, I've been messaged for sex this week by five horny young men, aged 19 to 25.  I would have been happy to oblige but the messages came at times which didn't work for me:  midnight, 4:00 am and in the middle of my working day.  Darn!  

But I'll have to wait patiently for them to message me again.  In my experience, young men need to be the ones doing the pursuing.  But in general, it's a hassle getting a young man into my bed.  Occasionally, I decide that I will only hook up with men closer to my own age.  Then another young man messages me and my resolve goes out the window.  It happens every time.

3.  Tonight, I'm leading an overnight camping trip with 30 grade eleven students from my school with two other teacher-chaperones.  We've done this trip every year for the past twelve years with very few incidents.  Usually, a fun time is had by all!  

Our fondest memory is of a 2:00 am cabin check where we found a group of students near the end of a game of strip poker.  LOL!  Too funny!!   To see students in that state of undress is a situation no teacher should ever find himself in. 

But the worst part was that, sadly, the students involved were mainly fat and unattractive.  Ewww!!!! It was like being stabbed in the eye.

4.   Next week, I will be in Toronto from Wednesday evening, May 1st to Sunday evening, May 5th.   Apart from a follow-up prostate checkup at the Princess Margaret Cancer Hospital, I hope to meet up with some friends, new and old, and in general have a Big Fat Gay Weekend!   But I haven't fully decided what I want to do.

Thighs wide open

Of all the ways that men can be photographed, I like the "open crotch shot" best of all ... a man with his thighs spread wide open,  either naked or clothed.  I can instantly imagine myself between those beefy thighs.

But today's post is a meme, The Unlucky 13,  which a couple of the cool kids already have done:   John (Rejected Reality) in Oregon  and   Ian  (Mind of Mine) in Dublin.

1. How long does it take you to get ready for work or a night out?
I can roll out of bed and be out the door in 10 minutes.  But I often look quite dishevelled, a "hot mess" as my colleagues tell me.  As a single, gay man, I now try to take more care with my appearance especially when I'm surrounded by all our hottie stuent teachers.

But I take well over an hour to get ready for an evening hookup unless it's a horny 22 year old who wants me there "right now!"   But all this time is spent on grooming.  I don't fuss too much when dressing for a hookup;  generally, our clothes are off in minutes. 

 2. If you could ask your favorite author one question about the book(s) they wrote, what would it be?
 I'd ask the famed Canadian writer Margaret Atwood about her next book.    

3. What is the hardest thing about growing up?   I first really felt "grown up" in my mid 40s when my own aches and pains suddenly became noticeble.   At the same time as my own parents (late 70s) really started to slow down.  It brings your own mortality into perspective.

 4. Who would you rather switch places with for a day: your favorite celebrity, or your favorite fictional character?   I wonder if a celebrity lifestyle is as glamorous as it's cracked up to be.  Instead, I'd choose to be Miss Jane Marple, Agatha's Christie's solver of mysteries.

 5. Who would you rather have point out a flaw that you weren't aware you had: a close personal friend, or a total stranger?   Neither!  I am hyper-senstive to criticism or to "helpful suggestions."  I was raised with frequent criticism and disapproval from my parents and I've had enough of it!

 6. Do you get jealous easily?  No, rarely.  In particular, I never get jealous about the "stuff" other people have such as cars and speed boats.  I couldn't give a hoot about any of that stuff!

 7. Which version of yourself would you rather have a conversation with: the one from ten years ago, or the one you turn into ten years from now?   I'd want to talk to myself in ten years. I'm sure that I will have a lot of interesting stories to tell!  Ten years ago, I was miserable, closeted and in a sexless, tension-filled marriage.

 8. Were you ever bullied in any way as a child? If so, how has it shaped you today?  I was never bullied, ever.  I don't know why ... I was reasonably self-confident and was among the taller and stronger of my peers.

 9. What is one fear you would like to overcome in your lifetime? I have no particular fears about anything.

 10. What is one food you haven't tried yet that you would like to?  I love trying every type of food.  But the expense of some famous delicacies such as foi gras or caviar has prevented me from trying them, but I'd like to!

 11. Is it easier to forgive someone for the wrong they've done you or to seek forgiveness from someone that you've wronged?  I find easy to forgive someone ..... it is just corrosive to stew about something you cannot control.  Let it go! Water off a duck's back!!

 12. Let’s go random: What did you do for New Year’s Eve for the turn of the millennium?
My family and I were at a fantastic winter sledding and hot tub party at a friend's country house, with my three kids (ages 3, 5 and 7) and my wife.  Fond memories!

13. What else around here have you noticed?   Last night, I had multiple offers for hookups from several very desirable men but I wasn't available.  Tonight, I'm home alone and I have no offers.

Warmth and helpfulness from my ex-wife

Today's pics from dirty-speedo.tumblr.com/  have nothing to do with the content of this post.  I was just in the mood to look at some hot men in Speedos.

In the 3.5 years since I came out to my ex-wife, I've experienced some pretty erratic behaviour from her:   much screaming, slamming-down of the phone, bitterness and obstructionist behaviour at every turn.  Some of her behaviour was just plain crazy*;  wishing I was dead, throwing furniture and threatening to burn down my house with gasoline.

*my wife's sister and late father were diagnosed with serious psychiatric problems so it runs in her family, I think.

It was my inclination to "hold the course" because my wife was basically a good person and would reverse her unreasonable demands after a few days.   Through it all, I enjoyed .... rather, earned .... enormous support from my wife's entire family, our three children and all her friends. 

I don't think my ex-wife fully understood how precarious her position was.  Had our divorce become adversarial, I'm sure that she would have been destroyed, financially as well as emotionally, and would have had little support from anyone.  But I would have been ruined financially as well.

As our divorce proceeded, our exchanges steadily improved as her hatred faded but there still was no warmth in her texts and e-mails.   Emotions were still too raw for us to talk on the phone let alone face-to-face since her hurt and bitterness would instantly resurface.

But since our divorce became finalized three weeks ago, there's been an unbelievable shift in our communications. We now talk on the phone several times a week and she's warm, friendly, cooperative, helpful and polite.... it's all "please" and "thank you."

We're very busy completing the final requirements of our divorce agreement such as dividing up our cell phone family plan for the five of us and finalizing our "reciprocal wills agreement."   But my wife's biggest task is to prepare both of our income tax returns for the past four years. This requires much cooperation and exchanging of financial information; receipts, income information and such.  (Yes, we haven't filed since 2008!  Yikes!!   But it's nothing to worry about....more on that later)

During our recent spring blizzard, my wife phoned at 8:00 am to urge me to NOT drive into work.  "I'd worry about you getting to an accident."   And later, "I care about you."  

It was a bit of an awkward conversation because I intended to drive into work come hell or high water.  She wanted to phone the Superintendent of Education (her friend) to convince him not to dock my day's pay; an offer which I declined.

In the end, she extracted a promise from me not to set out for work until the highways had been plowed and sanded even if I arrived an hour or two late and to text her when I arrived safely.  I followed her advice on both counts.

Throughout the drama of the past three years, our best friends have been predicting that my wife and I would end up "best friends" after our divorce.   I never would have believed it in a million year, but now I'm thinking that they might be right. 

It will make it so much less awkward when we run into each other at the kids' future events such as music recitals, graduations and even weddings.  :-)

Homophobia Workshop

For the third day this week, we're experiencing winter storm conditions with an additional foot or more of snow, howling winds and white-out conditions.

Last night before the snow started, I re-shot the picture from my last post, where I was wearing my Spider-man jammies. I deeply regret the bed-head, but otherwise, these pics look okay. I much prefer the picture at the bottom of this post which shows less of my pasty-white flesh.

Here in the north, we very rarely get a snow day where the schools are fully shut down.   If the public schools shut down completely, they would lose a great deal of their funding money!

On days like these, the school buses are cancelled and the city students who walk to school will normally skip out.  But we teachers are expected to drive through hazardous, treacherous conditions and to teach the three students who show up.  And if we don't show up, the bean counters at the Board Office would dock us a day's pay AND charge us the cost of a supply teacher;   a double whammy! 

As teacher living in a rural area, the only acceptable reason for me NOT to show up would be if the police shut down the highway due to unsafe conditions or if our city declared a state of emergency.  If punative action was taken, however, I could appeal it to the Superintendent with my union's assistance but who needs that frickin' hassle?   I'd rather drive into work.
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Recently, the 850 teachers in my school division ("Boards" as we call them here) received a notice of a national workshop for male educators being held in a far-away city.  The topics to be discussed include "sexism, homophobia, gender equality, healthy masculinity and positive role modelling."  The goal is for educators to foster "healthy relationships with young men" to promote "a new vision of manhood."

This is right up my alley!   In our vast region, one delegate was to be selected for the all-expenses-paid trip, selected by the professional development committee made up from teachers from all schools.   I wrote a 100 word essay on why I should be selected to go.    I said, in part:

"As a gay man, I have personally encountered homophobia and intolerance in my personal life as well as in the classroom.   I now regard the issues of gender equality, masculinity and acceptance (in particular of LGBTQ people) a topic of primary importance in my life.   I am keenly aware of the huge impact that I could have as a positive and strong role model for our students, straight or LGBTQ and indeed, for everyone in our school community. 

 

But to assist me on this path, I would benefit from more information and strategies to help all of my students in this regard, regardless of their gender and orientation.   I hope this workshop will provide the information for me to increase my effectiveness as a LGBTQ educator, leader and role model."

 

 

Prior to this, I was out to many of the teachers at my school and (I assume) some at my wife's former school.   But with this letter, I essentially outed myself to pretty much everyone in the school division, directly or indirectly.  

I hesitated for an entire day and then chided myself for my cowardace before I clicked "send."

I thought of the sweet little gay kids in my classes who are quietly out, courageous warriors in their own right.  I also thought of some former students over the past twenty years who had committed suicide and who we suspected (retroactively) did so upon figuring out that they were gay.

If my coming out as a strong, positive, happy and successful gay teacher saves one kid from suicide or even from living in fear or guilt over his sexual orientation, that may end up being the most important thing I do in my entire teaching career.

ps:  I was picked as the delegate for the workshop!







Hi ho!  Hi ho!  It's off to work I go!





Boston

My condolences to everyone touched by the horrible events in Boston.   I felt sicked by the photos of maimed runners and spectators at what should have been a joyous, celebratory event.

As a former "mid-pack" marathon runner myself, I normally would have been finishing at the time the bombs went off:  4 hours 9 minutes.  At every one of my past races,  my wife and three children were there to greet me at the finish. 

I can't imagine the horror experienced by the families with young children waiting for a parent to finish the race only to be faced with carnage, shrapnel wounds and people who've lost their limbs.  Just think of the anguish experienced by the runners still on the course, not being able to contact their loved ones at the finish line.

Two people from my school community ran the Boston Marathon on the day of the bombing:  our vice-principal (an early 40ish woman) and the father of one of my students who is also a former neighbour.   Luckily, both are very fast runners and had cleared the finish line long before the blasts occurred.

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On the day of the bombing, we experienced yet another April snowstorm which dumped nearly a foot of snow and freezing rain overnight and throughout the day.  These early-morning pictures were taken in my yard.  What a contrast to the beautiful pictures of the spring flowers in her backyard posted by my sweet blogger friend anne marie of philly!

Me with morning bed-head, flannel
spiderman jammies, hoodie and snowboots.  Sexy!



My little dog with his new spring haircut, lifting his
leg in some very unspringlike conditions.

 

Hookup with a military man

A few days ago, I hooked up with a 43-year old ex-military man, retired from the Special Operations Regiment, Canada's answer to the US Navy Seals team who attacked Bin Laden's compound.  

The sex was mediocre, actually, because I think he was pretty straight, but he was one of the most remarkable, memorable men I've ever met.  I'll blog about him soon!

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This meme is from John of Rejected Reality, a blogger who I would really like to meet one day.  

1 .Like the boy in this song, have you ever been in love with someone, but was afraid to tell them?
No, I've always been fairly courageous;  when my wife and I were courting, I was the first to say "I love you."  

2.Taylor Swift has been known to write songs about her real-life lovers. If you were to write a song about the most recent person you were romantically involved with, what would the title be?
I was heavily involved for about four months last year with a married man with four adult children ... my "Special Guy" who I've never blogged about.  At the time, I thought I was in love with him but it really was an infatuation.  It ended when he screwed around on me with other men and then was found out by his wife. 

I should have listened to this song's lyrics:  "Your friends tell you there's no future in loving a married man.." 

3.Ms. Swift recently turned 23 and has already won VMAs and AMAs and Grammys. What were you doing when you were 23? 
I was 23 in 1985.   I had just started my first chemical engineering job in the spectacular province of Newfoundland, Canada,  many thousands of miles from home.  I was away from my over-involved family for the first time and I couldn't have been more excited!   It was the start of a wonderful adventure that took me from one end of Canada to another. 

I was the ultimate virgin!  I had never been kissed, never held hands with a boy or girl and had never been on a date.  I had no interest in having sex with woman and had (as far as I recall) no particular attraction to men, either.   I lead a completely sexless, happy existence and thought it was perfectly normal.

4.When you were a child, did you sleep with a plush toy? (If yes, please include its name in your answer.)
I had a plastic doll named Kimmie.  When I was five, I used my mother's sewing machine to sew evening gowns for her.   Note: everyone apparently missed this early, screaming example of my gayness.
 

5.I'm making a Starbucks run. What can I get you?
I'd never buy coffee at Starbucks unless I was on a date.   It's pretty expensive and I much prefer the coffee I make at home:  very strong espresso mixed 50 / 50 with hot milk, rather like the coffee I so enjoyed on school trip to Cuba.   I drink a very large mug of it ..... there's probably enough caffeine in it to kill a moose.

6.It was 60 years ago that Clarence Birdseye first marketed frozen vegetables. Now it's your turn: Share something you learned recently.
Other than learning how the divorce process works in my province, I can't think of anything I've learned in a long while.  I'm in a bit of a rut!

7.In junior high, were you class clown, teacher's pet, a geek, a jock ... or did you just melt into the background?
None of the above:  I was slim, reasonably good-looking and fairly quiet but was well-liked by my fellow students and teachers alike.  I was polite, helpful, obedient, smart and a hard worker.  I was terrible at team sports but excelled at individual events such as skiing.

 8.Was your most recent ticket for parking illegally or was it a moving violation?
I haven't had a moving violation in 15 years or more but do get the occasional parking ticket..  I drive so cautiously that little old ladies pass me.   

9.Tell us about the last museum you visited.
As a teacher-chaperone three years ago on a school trip to Spain and Morocco, we visited countless museums, art galleries and historic sites such as the the Royal Palace museum in Madrid and the Prado Museum.

It was all very exciting but I was constantly troubled by the fact that all the opulence, gold and obscene wealth on display was obtained by the plundering of the New World by the Spanish conquistadores and the destruction of the Aztec civilization.

Sex talk with my kids

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What do you hate?

This Too Much Information feature is from Sean, Just a Jeep Guy. 

It's a pleasure to blog about something personal for a change rather than just about the men in my life. There's been quite a bit of activity on that front, not all of it postive.  But I will talk about that later. 

WHAT DO YOU HATE TO...?

"Hate" is such a strong, nasty word. I'm a pretty happy, optimistic person and never allow myself to hate anything.  To me, hate is like an acid which corrodes the vessel that it's in.  My ex-wife is in danger of allowing her bitterness towards me ruin her life and all the relationships in it.  But I hope time will help mellow her bitterness.

Having said all that, it might be necessary to feel hate in some situations.  Luckily, no one in my family has been involved insome horrible injustice such as a genocide or a terrible crime which would warrant "hate" as a natural reaction.

1. Smell?  A Christmas delicacy of my grandparents was lutefisk, dried cod cured in lye (a corrosive chemical similar to Draino.)  To cook lutefisk, it had to be soaked for several days and then boiled for hours, stinking to high heaven the whole time. 

I didn't mind eating the final product with its gelatinous texture and a bland taste.  But I really think we just enjoyed the delicious  cream sauce served with it, flavoured with allspice and white pepper.

 2. Taste? The other day, I drank (but didn't swallow) some Javex which I was using to bleach out some cups.  I mistook it for a nearby glass of lemonade.  TIP:  don't do this.

 3. Eat?  As a child, I hated eating head cheese, yet another ethnic delicacy of my grandmother's. But I'm fairly sure that her version was made with pork hocks and did not contain actual brains.

I equally hated the old beef liver my mother regularly cooked during my childhood, wildly overcooked and tough as an old boot. But now I do love eating calves' liver, properly cooked to a delicate pink inside.

 4. Clean?  I recently cleaned out a small freezer which contained some rotted meat.  My ex-wife left it unplugged when she moved from here 1.5 years ago.  Nasty!  But Javex can deal with anything. 

 5. Cook? There are several packages of lamb's kidneys in  the freezer which I've been avoiding. (I occasionally buy a whole lamb and have it butchered .... I LOVE lamb!)  But when I cook kidney, the pee smell wafting through the house puts me off my grub. 

Maybe I'm not cooking it correctly and plan to keep trying; I understand the British love eating kidney dishes such as steak and kidney pie and devilled kidneys.

 6. Watch on TV?  I could never watch a horror movie; I do hate them!!!

 7. Do for your significant other?  After nine months of marriage, my wife had me apply antibiotics to the healing scar where her va-jay-jay tore into her perineum during childbirth. Nasty!  It was the biggest turn-off in the world for a young husband, especially for one who didn't know that he was gay! 

BONUS
 Do sexually? I will never again hook up with a guy if he won't kiss men, unless it's just a basic back seat blowjob.  Also, I will always say "no" to all the requests from guys who want me to insert objects (other than my cock) up their rectum:  monster dildos, golf balls (!) and the like.   Ewww!!  And yes, I`ve had all of those requests made of me.

 

 

Nudist Erections II

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The men won't stop calling!

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D.I V.O.R.C.E.

I had planned to just post this video and let it speak for for itself.  But when I watched Tammy singing this country classic, most unexpectedly, I started to cry.  It sounds ridiculous and embarrassing to admit but there it is. 

It's early morning and I should be hauling my sorry ass out of bed and waking my son up so we're not late for school. Instead I'm cuddled here with our dogs, sobbing like some foolish schoolgirl.

One month ago, our 'desktop divorce' was granted.  The judge signed the decree in his office without any lawyers present rather than in open court.  After a 30 day waiting period, our final divorce certificate became final yesterday.

I thought of the incredible gay journey which I've been on:

• 45 years spent living in the deepest denial about being gay
• being miserable in a loveless, sexless marriage .... at least for the last 10 years of it.
• that horrible moment when my wife discovered gay porn on my laptop, 3.5 years ago, which I've never blogged about.
• coming out to my kids and parents
• having suicidal thoughts (brief ones, which I've never blogged about.)
• receiving incredible support from everyone including my ex-mother-in-law
• losing my gay virginity
• enduring years and years of hatred, bitterness and frankly, crazy behaviour from my wife
• coping with health problems; a serious spinal problem and an on-going prostate cancer scare
• negotiating our divorce settlement
• having sweet encounters with dozens and dozens of fantastic men.
• steadily increasing my sexual skills and self-confidence as a lover of men.

And yet here I am ... I survived!  I'm living in a spectacular setting with my kids (with me most of the time) in a beautiful home, working at a job which I absolutely love, meeting my financial obligations and spending sweet time with as many sexy, interesting men as I could possibly want.   I'm as happy as a pig in shit!!   :-)

I'd like to thank everyone for reading this blog and for the hundreds of supportive comments and e-mails.  It would have been a desperately lonely, frightening journey without you. 

Of course, I cannot post without at least one picture of a sexy guy.   The Handsome Blowjob Guy is coming over again tonight and I'm looking forward to it enormously.  And yes, he looks EXACTLY like this guy (but with less defined abs.)   As well, he's smart, charismatic, very nice and deeply appreciative of my skills.   Sweet!!

Demolition

As a nod to Easter, here is a picture of an adorable, curvaceous Easter bunny. 

After days of spring-like weather, we celebrated Easter Sunday with heavy snowfall, howling winds, freezing rain and temperatures of -11 C. As much as I love winter, I've had enough of it for this year!

This weekend, I've been chatting with several extremely interesting men my age.   We are actively planning to get together.  (separately, I mean)  If these meetings happen, each will be another milestone on my gay journey. Details to follow!

As well, I will be seeing Handsome Blowjob Guy again tomorrow evening and I am looking forward to his visit enormously! Our first encounter was my hottest, best-ever experience in giving a blowjob.

My son and I have had a four day weekend (woo-hoo!) so we started a major demolition / renovation project which I will blog about as we progress.  

A nasty front porch will be removed and our living room will be gutted from the inside, re-wired and insulated properly.  The windows facing the water will be lowered by a foot or more and one will be replaced by an exterior door.  As well, the door to the extreme left in the last picture (the former front entry) will be plastered over and replaced by a small window.

This part of the house has no basement under it so the existing floor is very cold.  We need to install a false floor framed with 2x6s so that lots of insulation can be used. Wish us luck!



A view towards the kitchen, with the front porch to the left.

Front porch demolition in progress.

Demolition completed, but much debris to be removed.