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Thank you everyone, for all your support and concern after my Debbie Downer post from yesteray. Since coming out and separating from my wife, I've received tremendous, unequivocal support from everyone I've encountered:
- online friends
- parents and siblings
- children
- work colleagues
- my real life friends (I don't have many)
- medical professionals
- my wife's best friends
- and, off-and-on, genuine support from my wife.
I think this support has largely come because of my own personal qualities and behaviour. I've behaved with compassion and integrity throughout. I have worked very hard trying to meet the needs (present and future) of me, my children and my wife in a fair way.
I've even received indirect compliments from my wife who told her best friend that "_______ is always present. You can always count on him to be there when you need him." The best friend also complimented me for not engaging in "sleazy behaviour." I know if I went around sucking every cock in town (as much as I would want to), the support I enjoy would disappear very quickly.
Keep in mind that this blog tells my side of the story only; my wife's account would be very different, I'm sure. The fact remains that my wife has struggled with emotional and mental health issues for a long time but these really took over after the birth of our third child. These include varying degrees of severe depression, anger management issues, A.D.D. and a crushingly low self-esteem. She comes by it honestly; her father had a severe psychiatric disorder for the last 25 years of his life. An early Christmas memory involved her mother during a "nervous breakdown", smashing all the Christmas ornaments on the tree while the she and her siblings hid behind their father. Her sister is presently is dealing with emerging psychiatric problems as well.
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Sadly, she has consistently refused to seek professional help for her problems.
I'll address the points from yesterday's comments here:
Sean: You are right in that I am contributing to the situation by accepting the abuse. Now, the verbal attacks are very infrequent. I think our new strategy of discontinuing any "difficult" conversation and continuing it the next day via e-mail will work fine. Keep in mind that we are nearing the end of a very stressful process. In three weeks (if all goes according to plan ... by no means an certainty), my wife will have moved into her new home and I will have the waterfront home in my name only.
To Everyone: I have the very best team of medical professionals looking after me who are all aware of my situation. I am focusing on my own health and well-being. I am very good at de-stressing although even this has been difficult recently.
Will J: Yes, I need an experienced mentor to bring me up to speed on my gay sex life. Volunteers, anyone?
WCS: Yes, I get the greatest pleasure from my visits with Hottie Physiotherapist. We've decided I will have a weekly session for the rest of the year, at least. He has a great and funny curiosity about people. We spent our last visit discussing our childhoods, siblings and what sort of traditional foods our mother's cooked.
Having a masculine, sexy man run his muscular hands all over my body is an added bonus. During my last appointment, I lay on my back in an open-crotched position, he took a firm grip way up high on my inner thigh with his hot, beefy hand while pressing down hard on my hipbone. ... both hands inches from my cock. Wow! Very pleasant!!
Skier: Yes, my wife's behaviour and acceptance of me has increased hugely over the past nine months. I don't think us formerly-closeted, gay middle-aged men can fully understand the devastation that a wife feels when her marriage (and indeed) entire life has been torn apart. Compassion is needed, for sure.
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My daughter and I picked up some pumpkins at a local farm for her teen-agers' pumpkin-carving party. There were many hot Dads there (early 30s) with their little kids..... all of them a bit rumpled looking, slim, scruffy-faced but as sexy as hell. I find these Dads far sexier that guys who aren't; I don't know why. Fantastic eye-candy!!
I'm so glad that you recognize the virtues and qualities you have and how they've affected this process. You're a really great man, and are handling this difficult situation with real grace. You deserve to be a "Debbie Downer" sometimes. Cripes, your brother dying is a serious life event. I'm glad you know how much you are loved and supported.
ReplyDelete{{{{{hugs}}}}} across the miles; that's all I can do from here.
ReplyDeleteI've said it before, 2011 has been a tremendous journey for you. I know I would be totally exhausted by it all! Hope you'r planning some vacations in the near future...
ReplyDeleteHappy Booo-Day!
Hugs
Jon
Mack: Thank you for your positive comments. Everyone is pretty optimistic that my brother will be receiving the best possible care and will have a positive outcome.
ReplyDeleteanne marie: Hugz back at you!!
Jon: A vacation is a great idea! We'll see what I can afford once the house sells. Maybe a solo gay "slut-cation" to Las Vegas would be just the thing.
I would volunteer to help you with you getting up to speed with the gay sex thing. However 1) you probably wouldn't survive and 2) you'd have to travel to Boston.
ReplyDeleteI would volunteer for the sex as well. AND unlike those who would require you to travel, I would be willing to travel. LOL As for vacation, remembrer you have the invitation to come with us to Sweden. Or just to local ski resort. Thanks for the comment to my response in last post.
ReplyDeleteI'd never say "no" to you RG, you know that.... and while I might not survive the experience, what a way to go! Just the thought of it might be an incentive enough for me to run a qualifying time to get get into the Boston Marathon.
ReplyDeleteCubby: Yes, I will, I promise. Right now, we all are so exceedingly unsettled and busy but once we are settled into our new homes, some hookups are on my "to-do" list.
A trip to Montreal's gay clubs is on my bucket list, that's for sure. I know Montreal fairly well, but not the gay part, because I lived just north of there for a couple of years when I was in my mid-20s.
Skier: a tempting offer indeed!
Hmm, we could meet in Montreal! I've never been there.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Thank you for your insight into the straight spouses feelings. They are very different than what the LGBT partner experiences. I am also glad to hear that you will get to see your sexy physiotherapist every week. How exciting for you! I am glad that you have people who support you, sometimes in all of this we straight spouses forget how much you are loosing too. Thank you for reminding through your blog. I am happy for people like you who share your life with people like me. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAWILTAGM: You are one classy lady! Thank you for all your kind words and support.
ReplyDeleteWhile it is fantastic that you are hugely supportive of your husband, keep in mind that you need to ensure that your needs and wants are looked after too.... eventually. All of this will take time.
Your kindness and compassion comes through clearly with all your support of other bloggers in the same situation, and it’s not surprising that it extends to your wife. I really admire how you have kept your cool and remembered not only how difficult it is for her, despite her unwillingness to seek professional help, but keeping the best interests of your children as your top priority. Even if you were the type of person to have a terrible fight with her, you restrain yourself and are patient. You don’t put your kids in the middle and that’s one of the best things you can do for them. I hope one of these generous offers of gay-mentoring comes true for you and you can have a great hot time. You truly deserve to.
ReplyDeleteciel