Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Courage

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A slow but steady trickle of serious potential buyers has been looking at our house so my wife and I decided to "stay the course" and continue to try to sell it privately.  The main reason is to avoid the + $25,000 realtor's commission.   Despite the problems in our marriage (the biggest one being my gayness), we always have been remarkably compatible in our attitudes to nearly everything.

I don't see how any divorcing couple can go through this process if their relationship was in any way adversarial.  So much trust and cooperation is needed and amazingly, we have achieved this for the most part.  We still have our regular ups and downs but we always move past them with the air clearer than before.

Emotionally, my wife has had a difficult time spending so much time in her former home where we raised our kids and had so many good times.   A few days ago, she phoned me, sobbing, "I just can't do it anymore!"  I said:   (1) Yes, I know it is extremely difficult for you;  it takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing.   (2)  No one asked you to be the saleswoman here;  it was your idea to do this and you can also choose not to do it.  (3)  If you don't want to show the house anymore, I'll do it or we'll hire a realtor.

In the end, my wife decided to continue to show the house herself.   I admire her for her courage.  She really is exceptionally good at selling and dealing with potential buyers ...  far better than I would be. 

By the way, I came out to about ten of my closest work colleagues this week. Everyone was hugely supportive and excited for me.  After everything I've been through in my nine-month journey, this coming-out was tiny taters;   a total non-event.   I'll describe this in more detail in my next post.


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10 comments:

  1. anne marie in phillyOctober 26, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    OMFG, I am going to have sweet dreams tonight based on the last 2 pix! thanks, buddybear! :-b

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  2. I hope some of those potential buyers start making serious offers very soon.

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  3. I admire your compassion toward your wife. It's great that you continue to work together for a successful conclusion to your shared life. I think it's a very positive parenting image you are providing to your kids. Best of luck selling the house.

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  4. Tiny taters. I though maybe you were talking about my junk!

    Jack.

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  5. I am glad you are getting nibbles. That usually means a sale will be sooner rather than later. I do have to quibble with one of your comments though. " Despite the problems in our marriage (the biggest one being my gayness)" Saying it that way makes it sound so much like it is your fault. ANYONE reading this blog would have to agree that isn't the case. Your being gay may have been the straw that broke that back, But it wasn't like you were having a regular marriage with sex and happiness. I think the is starting to realize that this divorce is the best thing and that you have been more than fair with her. Just my opinion. Maybe I am projecting a bit due to my situation.

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  6. Your wife now may understand that emotions have a dollar value -- in this case, her share of the $25,000 realtor's fee that you both will realize if she completes the sale. She is working for and will eran her share of that fee. I'm glad that you bolstered her up and offered her the opportunity to opt out. While the former home represents the end of a part of your lives together and it is understandable that there will be sadness since the mouring of that is incomplete, can she see that the home offers possibilities for other younger families entering that part of life (ie can she see her role in this not as a part of loss, but as a part of helping others start a new life)?

    PS The "peek" shot got my attention and has me going.

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  7. Thanks for commenting, everyone! Yes, we are anxious to sell the house and know that it will happen eventually. At this point, it is just a question of price.

    Cubby: hmmm... maybe I should start a new feature, "Testicle Tuesdays." I'm thinking of doing a revealing self-pic like that but I'd have to shave my ball first.

    Mike: Thanks! As you well know, it takes a lot of work and self-restraint to achieve this. The kids are watching our every move and are well aware of the differences in how my wife and I are handling this. As a result, the kids are sometimes quite unsympathetic towards their mother and seem unwilling to cut her any slack.

    Jack: I'm sure your junk is just fine. It seems to be getting lots of use, anyway.

    Skier: I think I'll address the "blame" issue in future post. Thank you!

    Will: That is a very wise observation. I am moving onto an exciting new life; my wife is free to do the same but only if she sheds her bitterness and allows it to happen.

    Our beautiful house is now part of our past, and I'm okay with that. I hope some other young family will raise their babies there and love it as much as I did.

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  8. These days coming out is frequently more problematic for the gay person than for the family, friends or colleagues. Society is evolving so quickly that many if not most people are not only prepared to accept the person who comes out, a large number are already aware that (s)he is gay.

    When I came out, I heard a lot of "we already knew that" to the point that I said in mock frustration to one colleague, "you know, it takes some courage to do this -- you could at least act a little surprised!" We both broke up laughing and hugged each other.

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  9. It sure is nice to be out at work :-) Those last 2 men made me weak in the knees, mmm.

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