Monday, October 3, 2011

Worried about our Best Friend

Early Saturday evening, one of our three little dogs (my son's) suddenly seemed disoriented and was panting and shivering.  By bedtime, he seemed unable to hear us and was having difficulty walking.  Overnight, he developed a high fever so we brought him to the walk-in veterinary clinic early Sunday morning.

He seemed to have lost most of his neurological functions;  it was like carrying a limp bag of bones.  The vet speculated it was spinal meningitis or encephalitis.  At present, our little doggie is having a sleepover at the vet's and is on an IV receiving massive doses of steroids and antibiotics.  This is the last thing my son (or the entire family) needs to deal with right now.
Lucky Doggie!

In the entire history of our marriage, there were two aspects to any problem.  The first and easiest part was dealing with the problem itself, such as fixing the flat car tire or leaky roof.   The second and far more difficult part was dealing with my wife's hysterical over-reaction to everything.

With trepidation, I phoned my wife and she, in true form, immediately to blamed me.  (she blames me for everything).   There was something that I had done, or didn't do, which caused this.   I let the dog wander around the yard unsupervised and he ate something toxic or I didn't get him vaccinated for Lyme disease.... and on an on.

Then she started screaming at me over the phone, "Well, your son has enough to deal with, having a gay father!   If that dog dies, it will be up to me to pick up the pieces!!" She throws my gayness in my face every time she's angry ... she's the only one who hasn't yet accepted our situation.  

While not yelling back, I said very extremely firmly, "The dog being sick has nothing to do with me being gay.  _ _ _ _ _ couldn't care less about my gayness  ... we get along better than ever.  Also, aren't you being just a little bit arrogant?   Do you seriously think that you are the only parent who can provide emotional support?   Your emotions are so out of control, what the f*ck makes you think you can help anyone?  You can't even help yourself!"

She demanded that our son immediately come out to her house, so she can fly into her "Big Mommy" act.  I put him on the phone but he refused to go .... and so ended our conversation.

I'm not concerned about what my wife said ... same old, same old.  We'll discuss it calmly tomorrow.  In the meantime, we are worried sick about our sweet little dog.


  1. I'm very sad to hear this and hope your best friend has something less serious and makes a full recovery.

    I think the worst part for my dogs if they were to need hospitalization would the separation. During our nine years together, Truvy has only stayed with family or friends when not with me - maybe a total of 4-5 months.

    Surprisingly, Tramp goes into a deep depression if both Truvy and I leave him alone even when he's with my family - truly heartbreaking to see.

  2. Oh no! That sounds terrible. Are the other dogs still ok?

  3. Words fail.

    Prayers for your son and his best friend.

  4. This distresses me SO much. PLEASE, you four-legged furry beauty, please get better. I send over gentle strokes, along with positive vibes.

  5. I am so sorry to hear about your dog. There is something about the love from animals that humans simply can’t match—as your ex so eloquently proved with her reaction. You’ve said that she comes from an unstable family and often when you grow up in a family where it’s important that blame be securely placed before anything constructive can take place, it’s a hard habit to get over. BUT she’s in her 40’s, she’s a grown woman and she’s reacting like a 4-yr-old. I’m not surprised your son didn’t want to go to her place. Because Big Mommy Act is not about him, and he already can see that.

    I truly hope your dog will recover. One thing I did during a cat’s long illness was take him home from the vet at night. They wanted him to get fluids, but he was so distressed being there, he twisted his line and didn’t get anything. They had no staff there at night. So when he was needing that extra therapy, I’d take him in the morning and pick him up at night. When your dog gets a bit better, that might work for him.

    You are extremely patient and adult dealing with your ex.

  6. I am sorry to hear about your dog and even more sorry about the reaction of your wife. She is still obviously angry and I hope that eventually she will move on and learn to accept it.

    How is your son feeling about the both the dog and the situation between you and your wife.

  7. I feel your pain, my friend. Truly, I do. Having an ill pet, or losing a pet is just truly gut-wrenching.

    Tell your soon to be ex-wife, to fuck off. Seriously. Those words: FUCK. OFF.

  8. Here's hoping all will go well with the dog and with you and your family.

  9. Thank you for your concern, everyone!

    Our little dog survived the night; his fever increased but is now slowly coming down. It is a good sign that the antibiotics and steroids might be working. We agreed to keep him there for one more night because of his IV lines.

    We visited him and he seemed pretty much out of it, mentally. We're not sure he recognized us.... a pretty bleak visit for our son especially. The concern is that he might be brain-damaged in some way or had seizure or stroke.

    Sean: our other dogs miss him terribly, especially his brother. They've never been separated before ever since being in the womb together.

    Cubby: our other dogs are fine, thank you. My house backs onto a vast wilderness area, so we get lots of wildlife in the yard. The sick dog has the disgusting habit of eating wild turkey and deer poop in our yard and rolling in the mountains of bear poop. The vets speculated that me might have picked up an infection from that.

    Anonymous: thank you for the perceptive comments about my wife's unstable upbringing. Actually, she's 56, so I don't think she will ever get over her emotional turmoil. Yes, the kids often find her behaviour tiresome. I am always trying to get them to be kind to their mother, to cut her some slack. I emphasize to them how difficult it is for her to find out her husband is gay, especially at this late stage of life.

    Mind of Mine: yes, my wife is very angry and it rears its ugly head every now and then, but a lot less frequently than it did eight months ago!

    My son is being very brave. Like 14 year old boys everywhere, he is not one to talk about his emotions. We lost one pet a few years ago, but it was a very peaceful, natural death due to extreme old age. This is very different!

    RG: thank you. I know that you lost your dog recently and it is something that you never really get over. As to telling my wife to fuck off, I know that wouldn't be helpful at this stage. She will phone in a day or two with a tearful apology. I guarantee it.

  10. anne marie in phillyOctober 3, 2011 at 4:10 PM

    sending good vibrations and karma your way that your doggie buddy will heal quickly.

  11. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this now. There is nothing like a good of my dogs died suddenly two years ago, and it was hard for all of us to deal with. I hope all turns out well.

  12. there is nothing like the death of a pet. Nothing. A sorrow like no other, and it often makes people quite unhinged. I am sorry for your stress.

  13. All I can do is offer a cyberhug of support and hopes that everything turns out OK for all of you.

    As for your ex, she seems to have gone to the same school as my ex. Not pretty. My daughters and I have "solved" the situation by essentially having nothing to do with her. I had always hoped they could have as normal a relationship with her as possible but she's rendered that impossible. At least you guys seem to have a good perspective on the problem. I know you will, but please give us updates on how the dog is doing.


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