TMI is a weekly feature by
Sean of Just a Jeep Guy. I always enjoy
answering the questions but some of them require much more soul-searching than
others.
I have a clear idea of who a true friend is versus what I call "good-time acquaintances." I have very few true friends (but hope to find some more) and quite a few good acquaintances.
TMI: You gotta have friends.
1. Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? No. In my early
childhood, I had lots of real kids to play with; primarily, my brother, a
cousin who lived nearby and the four kids who lived next door.
2. Are you still friends with your BFF or anyone from your youth? My
best friend, RB, was born in the same week as me in 1962 we were neighbours for
the first two decades of our lives. We've been endlessly-supportive friends
ever since; through the deaths of both his parents before he left high school
(one from cancer, one from a heart attack), my years as a cancer patient, our
marriages and births of children (3 for me, 2 for him) and now, both of our
divorces.
Due to our various life dramas and the fact that I spent most of my 20s living thousands of miles apart, at times we haven't seen enough of each
other. But this situation has improved recently.
3. Who is your best friend now? RB, my best friend mentioned
above.
4. Do have same sex friends of the opposite orientation? Yes, my friend
RB is straight. I have a number of "good -time acquaintances" who are all
straight as well.
5. Ex's as friends? Presently, my ex-wife and I are not friends
but she has mentioned several times that she hopes to be one day. That is
dependent on her shedding her bitterness and anger towards me and dealing with
her own emotional and mental health issues.
Frankly, I doubt that we will ever be friends. Given her
history of erratic behaviour, I can't imagine ever trusting her.
I don't really have an "ex" who was a gay man, but I do have a few
guys who I hooked up with who I do non-sexual things with, such as going on a hike.
6. Do you have any non-human BFFs? I've been extremely close to two dogs
(now deceased) whose lives revolved around me, especially towards the end.
Studies show that dogs can experience real love towards a human but I'm not sure
this actually qualifies as "friendship" according to my definition of the
word.
7. Are you friends with any relatives? For the first +30 years of
our lives, my older brother was my best friend.... we were inseparable and are
stilll highly compatible. But my ex-wife started a major conflict with my
brother and his wife which made this extremely awkward. My brother and I talk
a bit more now but his wife still seems to be hostile towards me so thus remains a gap in my life.
My father (79) is another best friend right now;
we discuss every detail of our lives and look to each other for mutual support and advice. One
exceception: although my father knows that I'm gay, I don't plan on discussing
my hookups with him.
My father was extremely critical of me in my youth but he
has mellowed hugely in old age, especially after I had cancer and after my
coming-out and divorce drama.
8. Friends at work? My closest confidant is a teacher colleague (a
straight man) to whom I told every detail of my gay / coming-out /
divorce journey. Mike gave me invaluable support regarding my wife's erratic
behaviour and told me countless times: "Don't over-react. _ _ _ _'s a good
person; she will change her mind in a couple of days."
I presently work with the most fantastic, funny, supportive, dedicated group of friends / teachers ever. Some days, we leave school with our cheeks aching from laughing so much. Please read the blog "Welcome to the Middle Ages" and Robert's
excellent answer to #8 regarding the cameraderie which can exist between teachers. He gets it!
9. What's your Facebook number? I'm not on Facebook, thank
goodness!
10. What's the worst thing a friend has ever done to you? Are you still?
Maybe I am looking at the past through rose-coloured glasses, I can't think of
a single example. I think it's a hold-over from my days as a cancer survivior but my life motto is: "Don't sweat the small stuff." And I always add..."Except for your health, it's ALL small stuff."
A true friend would never do anything
like that to a friend. If anyone treated me badly, I would conclude that they
weren't a true friend and take the advice of my grandmother who would have
said: "Let shit go!" I wouldn't have spent another moment worrying about
it.
BONUS:
Friends with benefits?
I would welcome having a friend with benefits but so far, a suitable
candidate has not yet emerged, in terms in availability, sexual compatibility
and someone who I find sexually attractive / skilled. But I'm not sure if such a relationship would work if / when the parties became emotionally involved.
I've had many, many
married men (on squirt.org) want to establish a "friends with benefits" relationship with me. They're
looking for a buddy to go golfing, fishing and hunting with, and having sex on
the side. If that means I'd have to pretend I was straight in the presence of
his wife and children, I say "No thanks!"