Thursday, February 7, 2013

Self-image (NSFW)

I imagine I look like this......
In the mirror, I look like this..
After doing some lane-swimming yesterday at our community pool, I caught a glimpse of myself in in the change-room mirror.  What I saw was a torso that looked like the picture, above right.   It was a bit jarring and fairly depressing because I had an idea that I looked more like the guy, above left.

I know there are people who find older, hairy guys with big bellies attractive but I most certainly do not.  Sorry!  It didn't help that most of the men around me were hot including some amazingly-fit men in the 55 - 65 age range.

I suppose the setting didn't help;  the harsh, unforgiving fluorescent lighting, bare concrete floors and walls really accentuated my pasty, flabby flesh.  My torso picture from last week didn't look that bad but it was taken with the advantages of soft candlelight and a flattering pose


In the past couple of months, I've been trying to lose some of the twenty or more pounds gained during my three-year coming-out / divorce drama.   Starting at my heaviest weight of 195 pounds at Christmas, I weighed in at 185 pounds several weeks ago.

I did this by walking daily, four miles or more, and watching my diet very strictly:
  1. measuring portion sizes
  2. limiting my eating between meals
  3. eating mainly vegetables  (steamed green beans, anyone?)
  4. reducing fat;  butter especially
  5. limiting the amount of meat, sweets and carbs eaten
 But in the past two weeks, I fell off the weight-loss wagon for various reasons:
  1. Stopped daily walking because of our bone-chilling -30 C temperatures
  2. Ate in restaurants more often because of my new dating activities
  3. Spent several days at home marking exams, preparing report cards and (over-) eating as I worked to meet some crushing deadlines.
  4. My 16 year old son had been living with me quite a bit recently, so I cooked (and ate) many of his favourite foods such as pizza, burgers, home-baked bread, apple crisp and poutine.  Horrors!
Just a moment ago, I got very brave and stepped on the scale;  190.4 pounds.  Depressing!!!   Starting right now, I'm back on the fitness wagon again.  Wish me luck!

10 comments:

  1. I bet the reality is more like you see yourself as the right but really look like the left. I don't think anyone see himself/herself in the mirror as good as we look to others. Besides, as far I you've told us you're clean-shaven. ;p

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  2. We're always much harsher on ourselves than the reality. Your torso picture from last week proves that the relatively small weight gain you've experienced wouldn't have you looking like the big-bellied guy on the right.
    Cheer up, get back to walking, or keep hitting the pool for laps and you'll shed those 5.4 pounds in no time.

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  3. Buddy Bear - if you lived in my neighborhood I wood be knocking at you door to get a much closer look for myself... I might need to use my hands... Also my tongue...

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  4. Too many pics of you on blog when you were heavier to ever believe you look pot bellied. Relax fitness is a journey not a destination. I've lost sixty but the last 20-25 are. Difficult. BUT I'm not discouraged. And don't beat my self up. From 44 to 36 in waist isn't bad. I'm almost sisty. If I have guys ogle me, we KNOW you turn heads. Esp with your smile.

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  5. Good luck Buddy. I use a great app called Lose it! on my i-phone. It measures each the calories I take in and what I burn if I exercise. It actually makes it fun for me to watch what I eat, because I LOVE to scan those little bar codes on everything.

    Hope that helps. Good luck

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  6. Good luck, Buddy. BTW, I happen to like the one on the right.
    xoxo

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  7. Thanks, everyone, for all your support and kind remarks! I have to say again that I looked pretty appalling in the change room mirror, but I'm blaming it on the harsh fluorescent lighting....

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  8. Yes, that flat glare can make anyone look bad. Gay men are generally aware of the lighting that makes them look best, as in almost all of your pictures. You look great and don't sweat it too much. But do be aware that over a certain age -- and you have now passed the great divide in that respect, the metabolism slows and weight can be more difficult to lose. Just be aware of portions and ingredients and you'll be fine.

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  9. It's true: men think themselves better than they are, while women think they are worse than they are.

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