Friday, February 22, 2013

Toothless blowjob

Thanks to everyone who voted for your favourite picture of me on my February 20th post.   I'll leave the poll open for a few more days and then submit the winner to Aussielicious.

 I've had my share of fantastic hookups with sexy, horny men, mainly in their early 20s.  But on Thursday night, I had a hookup which could only be described as "unfortunate."

I'd been chatting on pof.com with a nice, normal-sounding 47 year-old divorced  tradesman.   Although he said that he was bi and that he did not kiss guys (my #1 requirement for a hookup), he offered to drive some 45 minutes along our winter highways to my house for a late-night hookup.  I agreed.

He was lean but amazingly fit as his profile promised:  5'-5", 130 pounds with a sexy, boyish figure.  But he was rather .... er.... plain-looking with a beaky nose, bucked teeth and a fringe of shoulder-length hair circling his completely bald head.  He looked exactly like Mr. Burns of the Simpsons except with longer hair.

We sat down on my bed to start our fun when he reached into his mouth and removed a full set of false teeth and placed them on the bedside table, ribbons of saliva running onto the table top.  Ewww!!!  Whatever stirring I felt in my cock whithered away.

Generously, Mr. Burns offered to kiss me. "Weird!  Stubble!!", he said.  Although he didn`t enjoy the kissing at all, he was pretty good at it.  But without his dentures, his sunken-in face  reminded me of my grandmother's.   A major boner-killler. 

During his blowjob on me, the feeling of his gums on my cock, I must admit, felt amazing (!!!) but he only did it for a little while.  At this point my erection was mainly gone and it wasn't coming back. 

I did a blowjob on Mr. Burns as well. For a skinny little guy, he had a beautiful above-average length cock which was so fat it made me gag, a rarity for me.    I would have paid money to see that cock wrapped in a Speedo. So hot!!

 I sucked on his cock for a very long time but, to his chagrin, his cock did not go beyond a `semi`  erection.  Mr. Burns said it was probably a side-effect of a powerful prescription drug he was on and that had never happened before.  We tried and tried but it just wasn`t happening.

Eventually, we just gave up and cuddled and had a most interesting conversation about the many similarities in our marriages and hookup experiences.  Mr. Burns had been with his ex-wife, his childhood sweetheart, for over thirty years. But it was her bipolar disorder which led to their divorce since she refused to stay on her meds.

Now, he is looking for another woman but all the ladies our age on pof.com seem to weight 200 pounds!  Mr. Burns also gets lots of messages from men in their 20s (as I do) but is only interested in sucking a cock just every now and then.   He finds the young men highly unreliable as they often do not show up to a hookup. 

He said that his primary goal is to find a woman with a sex drive which was as strong as his;  something his did not have during his marriage.  Mr. Burns then asked "Why do you call yourself myself gay?  Why not bi, after  twenty years of marriage and three children?  I explained to him that I had no desire at all to have sex with a woman although I certainly could "do the deed" if the woman was young, hot and aggressive.  But I just don't want to.

We had a great conversation and I found him an most interesting guy ... but as hookup material, never again!  The main reason:  I don`t think Mr. Burns was really into guys.  I think he was bi but leaning ,more strongly towards women than men. 

Except for his face and hair, Mr. Burns looked exactly like the hotties pictured below.


15 comments:

  1. OMBWTFBBQWOW! nope, the ick factor is just too gross. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I was in total shock, watching him take his teeth out!! But he was EXTREMELY hot otherwise, with a body, cock and balls that looked exactly like the last picture.(the guy on the left) That made up for some of the grossness!

      Delete
  2. Funny I have similiar issue. People say I MUST be bi. At one time I would have liked to claim bi. But I'm not going through that again. I'm gay and I'm fine with that. Finally. Lol

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I hear that "You MUST be bi!" comment ALL the time. In particular, older, experienced gay guys cannot seem to accept the fact I now identify as gay because I was formerly married and am the father of three.

      Delete
  3. Many men have been married and fathered children but they were never straight and doing that doesn't make them bi. Just because men have sex with men in prison or for $$, that doesn't make them gay or bi.

    My ex used to call men like "Mr Burns" butt-a-face.

    I was in a strip club in DC with a friend and this one dancer had the best body, was the best dancer, great dick and very sexy as long as you didn't look at his face. No one was paying him any attention. I had had a few so I was feeling good and started talking to him. He was very nice and without saying exactly why, I went and bought him a leather mask (there was a place next door) to wear while dancing. That was all it took for everyone to start noticing him and he quickly had the biggest crowd. After his shift he showed my his appreciation at his place. I had him leave the mask on.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just be careful with men who have partials. Sometimes when they are really getting into sucking your cock the partial will slip, and when it goes back into place a little of your skin gets pinched. It feels just like a bite.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ugh... that story was enough to even make me a bit ill just reading it. You're under no obligation to have sex with someone - even someone who drives 45 minutes to see you; that was their choice not yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But on the plus side, he was a really nice guy, had a smokin' hot body and was freshly showered. I wasn't TOO grossed out by the teeth ... I was just recounting an unusual story. It wasn't a hardship for me to have some nekkid, full-body contact with him.

      Delete
  6. It sounds like you had fun after all...

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  7. what an interesting life you lead !

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  8. I agree with BosGuy - don't feel obligated. There is nothing wrong with saying no if you aren't attracted to someone. I have a weird teeth fetish and couldn't have done it.

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  9. It happen to me too...We where both showering and he was washing me....Than it happen........I wasn't even attracted to him.... My penis stayed limp........ He finally stopped sucking and life went on........

    ReplyDelete
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