But bathhouse etiquette leaves me mystified. Dear readers who know this scene, please offer your opinion on these weighty matters:
- Why is there no talking? Would be a huge mistake to talk to another guy in the bathhouse hallway?
- Is all communication done through eye contact or body language?
- How can you communicate sexual preferences / desires without talking?
- When naked guy brushes his shoulder against you deliberately in the hallway, is that an invitation? What is the proper response?
- Does an open cubicle door always mean, "come on in!".... for sex or to watch?
- Also, in the privacy of the cubicle, is talking allowed?
- If a guy is giving you "the eye", how does one tell when it's time to initiate physical contact?
I was only there to sleep and to also test my comfort level following my first, overwhelming visit there. At that late mid-week hour, Steamworks was quiet but there were still a dozen or so men roaming the darkened halls. ALL were amazing physical specimens; for the first time in my slut phase, I felt a bit dumpy and middle-aged. Many of the men were in their early 20s, probably boys from nearby Ryerson University.
Another first: walking by an open door, I saw a muscled man strapped in a sling rocking back and forth in anal sex with a standing-up hunk. Ewwww!!! I had to avert my eyes. I noticed several of the frat boys were walking around and around the hallways; they seemed even more unsure of how to proceed that me.
This time, I felt extremely comfortable since I knew what to expect. I soaked in the hot tub with five other men.... beautiful eye-candy but no conversation or hanky-panky going on, had a shower and went to sleep in my cubicle. I brought industrial-style ear muffs to wear, so I slept like a log until 8:30 am.
In the morning, I was well-rested but felt sick to my stomach with anxiety. My appointment to find out my biopsy results was in two hours... (and as I said in my last post, the results were negative!)The shower room had four glass walls so as I showered, several guys instantly appeared on the other side of the glass, apparently to watch ..... and one hunk with a perfect body joined me. It would have been hot lathering him up (and I think he was hoping for some action), but I was NOT in the mood for anything. I quickly dressed and headed off for the Prostate Centre.
The bathhouse / sauna scene is always a touchy subject because for some it is a great way to shag around without cooking breakfast and being a lot cleaner than public toilets not to mention a good deal safer. It retains that secret/anonymous allure and mystery which for some is something worth craving. For others, including many on the outside or out big old gay/bi community, it is the dirty, sleazy, promiscuous distasteful side of gay life!
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, they are all pretty much the same the world over, some better than others, but in essence the very same.
Bathhouses are amusement parks for tops and btms are the rides and the rides out number the tops at least 5 to 1. As a top, you are in control. You want someone, he's yours. Go up to him and put your hand on his ass and then lead him to where you want him - your room, the showers, a play area. Then do what you want - push him down to blow you or to get fucked or both. Kissing? Go for it - in the hall anywhere. Groping too. You are in control. If after a few minutes he's not what you want, move on. You are in control. If you are not what HE wants or is looking for, he will let you know as well.
ReplyDeleteMen are there to have sex - and lots of it. Talking isn't forbidden as much as it is unnecessary. Think animals on the prowl - predators and prey, only in this case they prey want to be devoured.
As a top, you can play with as many men as you want - most btms will want your load but experienced tops know how to pace themselves and will have numerous encounters before cumming and will even revisit a btm from earlier in the evening. Just because someone blows you or you fuck them, doesn't mean you have to come - experience men know and expect this.
Open doors lead to what you want them too and are usually controlled by the btm. A guy face down/ass up is taking all tops and is usually not very discriminating. If two or more guys are going at it with the door open, then lookers are welcome and a second or third top is as welcome. If they don't want/like you they'll wave you off.
BE CAREFUL! Safe sex is becoming more and more optional and stealthing (faking using a condom or putting a hole in it so it breaks) is very common, more by tops but also by btms.
There are a significant number of men who go just to watch and you'll figure them out easily.
Now about the hunk and muscleman in the sling. Why the ewww? Was it the sling? Don't knock it 'til you try it. When you think about it, it's really just the missionary position elevated and without the headboard banging.
Thanks, Sean! That's exactly the sort of information I was looking for.
DeleteI was talking about you to a mutual friend Saturday. Could you sense it? We both decided you're a hottie! Have fun in the bathhouse. Perhaps we'll meet there next summer?
ReplyDeleteYes, our friend messaged me on Facebook about your meeting. It`s great that you two got to meet. Thanks for the compliment!
DeleteI'll be in Toronto again in mid-April for my next appointment but I plan to visit Steamworks then. I hope to got to Toronto Pride in June as well.
I will be the voice of reason/caution and the spoilsport - this all sounds too dangerous and silly to boot.
ReplyDeleteI vote no more bathhouses - try Scuff or something like that, so you can communicate your wants.
Dr. Spo: thanks for your concern and your wise advice. Since the nearest bathhouse is 1000 miles away, it is likely that I'd be going to one often, if ever again.
DeleteI'd LOVE to go on Scruff but as of yet, I don't have an IPhone. But I get plenty of offers on POF.com; I turned down four young guys in their early 20s this week (all satisifed customers seeking round 2 with me) because my kids now seem to be with me all the time.
Only bathhouse I ever did was in Budapest, one of the classic Ottoman-era Turkish baths. It used to be quite THE place for gay men, but had been raided by the police (in a clean-up initiative by the government to make tourists feel more comfortable--go figure) a month or so before we got there. The atmosphere was poisonous with fear and clandestine groping but no action whatsoever. Very sad. I get all the action I need at sweat lodge gatherings with friends, and it's much more fun.
ReplyDeleteI have been going to bathhouse for 20 years and I also am mystified at why guys are unwilling to talk that much in bathhouses. We are all there for the same reason to get off and to get someone else off. I think often if a guy is not interested in you then he is afraid to say anything because you may think it is a come on. Guys are more willing to talk when you get them back to a room and close the door. Older guys are more inclined to chat a little, probably because we are not getting as much as they young buff guys. lol . Enjoy the posting - thanks
ReplyDeleteHi Buddy Bear --- First, I'm glad your biopsy turned out negative for cancer.
ReplyDeleteSecond, Bathhouse Etiquette ---
My first bathouse experience was also at a Steamworks, but this was in Berkley California. This was in the late 1990s...I was a late bloomer. I like to talk. So it was just so weird to see all these people moving around and there was no talking. I didn't think of asking the guy at the front and they didn't ask if this was my first time at a bathhouse; althought it was very obvious. After wandering about and checking out it out (as you described) I finally stopped some random guy in the hall and asked him. He stared at me for a few seconds and then walked away. I stopped another guy to did give me the basic explaination and then went about his business. I finally figured out the glory holes and took a turn on both sides of the wall and then had to leave to catch my plane.
My second experience was much better. It was at the Watergarden in San Jose, California. It is more of a restort/spa kinda place.
I was still kinda lost but the horney angles were looking down on me :-). I asked a random guy and he turned out to be a fellow Bostonian a cop matter of fact. So he took me under his wing. Which was great. He told me I wasn't his type. He told me even if I wasn't his type, hanging out with a buddy at a bathhouse is nice because at least you heave SOMEONE TO TALK WITH in between sex. :-)
And he was right. He told me that he flaunts the whole "etiquette" thing. He talks to people all the time, if they don't talk back he moves on, If they do talk back he either befriends them or be-beds them :-). So, that's what I do now, I talk and follow his guidance. I actually enjoy the baths --- I really only go when I am traveling. Here in the Boston area, I need to travel an hour to Providence, RI where there are two. I guess I shouldn't complain. I have made some "friends" that I am still in contact with today. One guy and I connected at the bath in Hillcrest area of San Diego. Neither of us had a room. So we started to get playful, really HOT, in the showers. We were asked to take it someplace else :-)
After looks of kissing and kum we cleaned up and went to a late dinnder together. We still write... :-)
Oh --- the rooms --- yeah --- it's like having a kiosk in the mall. You get to rent a space and show your whares :-) you might be selling ass, cock or blow-jobs :-) And it's another place were you just go with the flow. Matter of fact it is all "go with the flow" --- If you approach someone for more then just talking and then indicate they are not interested nor want to hang out... then move on. Some guys are nice about it... others are just ugly about it and I fell sorry for them. Karma is a bummer if you don't understand it...
So, buddy --- you are a much better looking, built and younger guy then me... and I have fun (most of the time...sometimes it is empty)
PLAY OFTEN!
PLAY HARD!
PLAY SAFE!
REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT :-)
Don
your right there isn't any talk going around... How I saw old timer with a large frontal tattoo of an octopus and even his penis was tattoo too....I told his I love the design,,,,and he like my dark spots penis... and he knew I was tourist..And had to go....Hope to see him again the the world of nudity.....
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