Monday, August 27, 2012
The Seven Year Itch
Jaysonstreet of Guys Like Me recently posted the best analysis I've ever read on the dilemma faced by gay and bi men who are married to women. Please read his post and this excellent NY Times article on the subject.
"They fall in love with their wives, they have children, they're on a chemical, romantic high, and then after about seven years, the high falls away and their gay identity starts emerging,"
Only the timing varies. I was in the third group described by Jayson, going into marriage at the age of twenty-eight with "no prior self awareness of an attraction to men." In seven short years, I went from having a true emotional and physical attachment to my wife, complete with feelings of lust, to having those feelings decline and eventually disappear altogether. As Jayson wrote, "Soon we find we are masturbating to thoughts or images of men, and then confirming our secret yearnings with porn." It's who I really was.
My first really obvious gay Ahah! moment came at the age of thirty-five (married exactly seven years!), sitting poolside at a big city hotel with my wife and kids, aged five, three and one. We were joined at the pool by a dozen or more young men who had been competing in an international soccer tournament.
I can't adequately describe the inner turmoil, my conflicting feelings of confusion, lust and fear as the French team settled down near us. They were all beautiful, athletic young men in their early 20s, with beefy soccer player thighs and flat bellies, all wearing black Speedos which showed off their delicious curves, front and back. I felt an unrelenting ache in my balls, a slight stiffening of my cock and my stomach which was twisted in knots as I tried to conceal my interest from my wife sitting beside me.
I could never have imagined that in 15 years, I would be having sex with young men like these (but perhaps less athletic) on a regular basis.
This Sex in the City II clip of the Australian rugby team brings it all back to me. I love watching those bouncing cocks... mesmerizing!
at 6:01 AM