Monday, October 7, 2013


The audit of both our 2011 tax returns has pushed my former wife over the edge which is typical for her.  She can't cope with the slightest problem.

I texted her with a simple question about which parent had claimed which child as a dependent on our 2011 return.  In return, I was blasted with several pages-long texts, spewing out anger and bitterness.

I pointed out that most of her points were incorrect and were in fact, items which I had already finished.   I hand-delivered copies of my 2011 return to her just two days ago.  Had she lost them already?   I re-forwarded to her several texts from earlier in the week which she apparently had forgotten about. 

I spent much of Sunday in a state of high stress, searching for receipts, copies of tax returns and divorce agreements to submit to Revenue Canada and writing a pages-long letter answering their questions.  I delivered all this to my wife late in the day and she will review it for accuracy, add her own information and then review it all again with her accountant sister-in-law in Toronto.  

So.... I'm sure we will get through this, but my resolve is strengthened that I need to completely cut off communication with my wife for my own well-being.   Frankly, I'm starting to think that her emotional and mental health issues have gotten worse, not better, since our divorce.

Going into school last week, I noticed the poster (shown at right) posted in the grade 7 - 8 area.   My school is has middle school and high school operating in the same building;  I teach grades 9- 12.

I thought:  "Oh, no!  Not again!*  Fuck!"

Although I was very late and had much work to do to, I send a quick e-mail to our vice-principal.  I wrote:

RE:  Grade 7 / 8 cross-dressing poster
Hi _ _ _ _ _ _,

I noticed this poster in the 7/ 8 area coming into work this morning.  "Vote for Ben and Nik.  If we become president, we'll wear dresses the next day." 
Clearly, this won't be happening.  It is offensive on so many levels:   to transgendered people, cross-dressers and all LGBTQ people.  This sort of thinking should become offensive, in time, to straight people as well.  

Cross-dressing is far more common in our community that most people could possibly imagine.  An event like this would only increase the self-loathing and shame already experienced by many cross-dressers, present or future.  It would also signal to everyone that it is acceptable to laugh at those people who are different.  Frankly,  this is not a message that we should be sending to our school community and to a wider online audience.
But it will be a good learning experience for the students and teachers involved when they are made to understand why this is so inappropriate.  Thank you for attending to this.

Best regards,

I was rather proud at how well-written this was because I only a couple of minutes before the period one bell.  But I wanted to write it before I had a chance to cool down and I wanted to have the poster dealt with as soon as possible.  The posters disappeared immediately, of course, and to her credit, the vice-principal thanked me in person for pointing out "this learning opportunity" for the students and teachers involved.

Our VP is a fantastic lady who is highly supportive of me.  She was the first administrator I told about my coming-out and divorce drama.

As I was typing the original e-mail, I told a close colleague, Mike, about how upset I was with the poster.  He was highly supportive of me during my coming-out and divorce but remains quite uncomfortable when I gossip with other teachers about the gay happenings in my life.  

To my great surprise, I found out later that Mike went directly to our principal and told him how inappropriate the cross-dressing poster was.  Mike did it just to be supportive of me.   He didn't want me to be the only person complaining to the administrators.   I was quite touched by his gesture ..... and from him of all people!

*  Two years ago, some other teachers and I put a stop to a contest which would have seen our former principal (who was an old-school asshole) parade around the school in a dress if the student body raised a certain amount of money for charity.   What is this, 1972?


  1. You're lucky if these incidents put in mind of things where you were in 1972. Our Republicans and Tea Party extremists want to drag us back to the pre-Scopes Trial and Jim Crow laws era in the south, somewhere in the 1870s.

    1. Yes, all the right-wing religious shenanigans going on south of the border seem absolutely bizarre to me.

      As a science teacher, I appalled by the pressure on school districts to teach "Intelligent Design" in science classes, particularly in the southern states.

      This is merely a disguised version of the Adam and Eve version of creationism and completely ignores all the true scientific evidence gathered over centuries on the theory of evolution.

    2. Look how lucky we are! We got the Creation Museum!!!! Bet Canada can't beat this clusterf^ck!!!

  2. Pretty cool of you, and pretty cool of your administration. I don't know how our administrators would react here, given the extreme far righteousness that most people seem to exhibit.

    Peace <3

    1. I was absolutely confident that our administrators would be horrified by the poster and would react instantly and appropriately. The poster was put up by some goofy grade 8 boys without any evil intent and probably was not even noticed by the teachers involved.

      In my school district (except for the Catholic Boards), LGBTQ members of our school community are not just "tolerated" or "accepted", but celebrated. I truly believe this.

      This attitude starts right at the very top, from the director of education, superintendents and school administrators. It makes me enormously proud to be employed here and encourages me to be even more supportive of all our LGBTQ students.

  3. It's never a dull life you lead !

    1. I need a little more dullness in my life! Actually, I regard this tax problem as the last major hurdle in our whole divorce process; it's been hanging over our heads for the past four years.

      For the 2013 tax year, I will be again in complete control of my situation. I'll file my own return with no need to involve my wife in any way; we will each declare one kid as a dependent and that will be that.

  4. I am totally amazed by all the cross dressing men there are out there after I moved to small town Canada. All these big burly bi/straight men that want to have sex with other men while wearing panties and nylons. Who knew?

    1. Yes, you are 100% correct! I think that the large numbers of cross-dressing men in my town has surprised me more than anything else I've encountered since coming out.

  5. Well, cross dressing is very sick behavior. It should be laughed at and ridculed. As should all things transgender in nature.

    Sorry, I may be somewhat part of the LGBT community but, for me, the BT part can just get lost. Such mental illness should not be classfied as an orientation any more than any other psychotic condition.

    1. There are many degrees of cross-dressing. Countless women wear business suits / pants or 'carpenter-type' work pants every day. Would you describe Hillary Clinton as engaging in "very sick behaviour." . They are all cross-dressers.

      As to yourself, how can you be "somewhat" LGBT? One could argue that a person living in such deep denial such as yourself also has emotional and mental health issues.

    2. What causes you to say I am "living in deep denial"?

      I acknowlege a same gender attraction. Is there a litmus test? Do I have to prance around in a tutu and genuflect at the site of Ru Paul to prove that I am not a breeder?

      Not happening. The best thing about the corporate change at LOGO is that shows such as that are going to be history,

    3. And, BTW, I believe there is some doubt as to whether or not Secretary Clinton is actually female. Bill Clinton has been known to look elsewhere for such company. ; )

  6. BTW, Matthew Bourne -- a very out ballet choreogrpher -- has done a number of productions ("Swan Lake" is one of the most famous) where men dress up as women to perform the dances. The audience laughs, as he expects them to, because it is called a parody.

    Have we become so hypersensitive that we forget that to laugh is actually just as human as fucking -- even more so? And, unlike fucking (AIDS, STDs, unwanted pregnancies, abortions), no one suffers or dies.

    1. Yes, it is too early to laugh at cross-dressers since they are still an "underdog" group, secretive, mocked and not accepted in society. That is why the staple of modern sitcoms is to make fun of white males; they make such a safe target because they're not an underdog group.

  7. "You're only a member of an underdog group with your consent."

    You know I am digging deep when I have to resort to paraphrasing a famous (and, in this case, unbelievably physically repellant) Democrat.

    BTW, I am a white male, and am not sensitive -- AT ALL -- by humor targeting us. Phil Dunphy on "Modern Family" is a perfect foyle ... using your example.


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