Sunday, October 20, 2013
Survivor of childhood sexual abuse
But many distractions have prevented me from making much progress. Parents' Night is coming up next week and I have four sets of tests which must be marked this weekend. As well, my fridge failed yesterday and I had to clear it of dipping, thawed food.
And last night, just as I was preparing for a 21 year old "athletic build" gay-virgin university student to come over for some sexytime (he wanted to call me "Daddy!"), my friend Dave phoned to chat. He didn't sound well at all, so I cancelled my hookup with the horny virgin and drove into town.
I first met Dave nearly two years ago; he had messaged me on POF.com and we had a coffee date which I blogged about here. He is 48, part Aboriginal, not particularly handsome but extremely fit and he fills out his jeans beautifully. Since then, we've developed a friendship which I've never blogged about.
Dave has been HIV+ for the past 24 years and of the eighteen men he knew with HIV at that time, all the rest are now dead. He has a Masters degree in health administration and had an exciting career in that field in Toronto and New York. But Dave's relationship feel apart and he quit his career three years ago to move back to our hick town to look after his aging parents. He's been here ever since, unemployed and living a friendless (except for me) and sexless existence.
About once a month or so, Dave's depression gets the better of him or he's had too much to drink and he phones me; we get coffee and walk around our beautiful waterfront park. Our conversations are far too explicit .... and too gay.... to be had in the coffee shop, surrounded by little old ladies and young families.
Dave is extremely experienced in all things gay and is keen to offer me advice, and to hear my hookup stories. He's deeply depressed much of the time but can be wickedly funny and I enjoy our chats enormously.
He's asked me for sex numerous times and I've always declined, although he has a very hot body and I know that he would be extremely skilled. But Dave is the most damaged person I've ever met. In his words, throughout his childhood he was "fat, gay, Indian and ugly" and now he's HIV+.
This low self-worth and neediness made him a prime target for sexual predators starting with a Catholic priest when he was an 8 year-old altar boy. His second abuser was his school guidance counsellor when he was in Grade 10 and 11.
"Mr. Morris" * would page Dave to come to Student Services two or three times a week at 2:15 pm and they would have sex on the couch in his office. When Dave finally refused because it "just wasn't right", Mr. Morris threatened to tell his mother that Dave was gay. Dave finally broke free of this abuse after a few years but never did report Mr. Morris to the authorities.
* Mr. Morris worked at a local high school where I had my first teaching job but had retired before I joined the staff.
Last night, in great anguish, Dave told me his most shocking abuse story of all. When he was around 12 to 14, his father would force Dave to give him a blowjob when his mother was at Bingo. Every Saturday at 4:00 pm, Dave said, the TV would be playing "The Bugs Bunny - Road Runner Show" while he was sucked his father's cock. "All I wanted to do was watch Bugs Bunny!" he said plaintively. Sad.
This abuse ended at 14, when Dave was old enough to get an after-school job. He then spent all of his time either at school or at work and then at 18, escaped to attend university thousands of miles away. But 30 years later, he returned to care for his father, his abuser. Dave is now certain his father is bisexual but they've never discussed the sexual abuse.
Dave and I now have plans to do things other than have coffee, such as the occasional outing to the ski hill, gym or for a hike. It's a bit of a conundrum: I like him as a friend and not just because I feel sorry for him. But he's so messed up, I want to keep a certain distance as well.
at 6:00 AM