Friday, April 13, 2012
Dr. Jekyl and Ms. Hyde
All pics from bigbeautifulbulges.tumblr.com/
Thank you for all your supportive comments and fantastic advice on my most recent post! Every comment has an element of truth. I wasn`t surprised at my wife`s behaviour: the kids and I have seen it all before!
Despite our harsh conversation, our agreements basically remained intact. Numerous friends and close colleagues have advised me to "hold a steady course" and not to overreact to this cyclical, erratic behaviour. Much of the time, my wife is very reasonable, given the upheaval that has happened in her life.
As I expected, two days later, she phoned and we had a very long, mature conversation about our 15 year old son. (trouble at school!) Once again, I marvelled at our ability to come to a easy agreements when discussing parenting issues: damn, we're good!!
I'm expecting (or perhaps hoping) that the present "calm" lasts until April 30, at which point I will get full ownership of my waterfront home. By law, all divorcing couples in my province must undergo a couple of hours of mediation with a lawyer before the divorce can proceed. Our mediation session is scheduled for May 8th. The majority of our settlement has already been agreed upon but if there is any last-minute flip-flopping, I will cancel the session!
To answer a few questions from the last post:
CoryJo: The cyclical behaviour may very well be caused by bipolar disorder. My father has been gravely concerned about my wife's changeable behaviour for years. She has several close family members with psychiatric problems.
The problem is, when a person is in the middle of an emotional / mental health problem, they are not always able to acknowledge that they have a problem. My wife will never seek help unless she's forced to by some major crisis. Even during the best times of our marriage, she would use bullying tactics and manipulative behaviour (usually on others). Due to her crushing lack of self-esteem, she had to get her own way all the time.
Anonymous: Even if I'd have been straight, our marriage had no chance of lasting. Now that I'm on my own, I couldn't imagine living with someone who was that bossy, angry and micro-managing. How did I do it all those years?
Cubby: My wife does not know that I am seeing someone. I know that she already has extreme difficulty with just the thought of that happening..... it will be along time before she finds out, I hope!
Skier: yes, I'm not sure my wife is ready to "let go." But, there is nothing left to hang on to.
TwoLives: "Calm but firm." Excellent advice!
at 5:01 AM