Thursday, March 8, 2012

Exclusive (or not)

At an early stage in our relationship  (yes, we are using the "R" word, as in "building of...." , my regular guy and I would discuss our hookups with other guys (or potential hookups) each day, either by texting, phone or on a chat site. He often offered suggestions which would lead to good experiences for me: "Why don't you try hooking up with _________ or __________?"

Very shortly thereafter, we were discussing my sweet hookup with the 22 year old gay virgin and the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head. He was feeling insecure and became a bit upset . We very quickly agreed that we would no longer discuss our other hookups with the other. However, I never said I would be exclusive to him.

My regular guy says (and I believe him) that he is presently not seeking out any other hookups on pof.com or squirt.org and is only having sex with me.    He is less than a year more experienced than me and says that he finds our time together completely fulfilling, emotionally, physically and sexually. 

Since then, the topic of exclusivity has come up numerous times in a indirect way.  He teases me, "I'm sure all those 22 year olds are keeping you busy on our days off!" or says "I feel badly for you sometimes that we met so early in your gay experience.... I've taken you way from having hookups with all sort of hot guys."    To these comments, I don't respond.... I haven't had the courage to tell him that, no, I didn't say I would be exclusive and yes, I am still hooking up with other guys.

On the other hand, he suggested it would be okay if I hooked up during my Toronto trip. I said, "It's okay to hook up in Toronto, but not in our own town?   He said, "Well, I just don't want to hear about the ones in town."  Still later, he floated the idea of going on a trip together, such as a gay cruise.  I said I wondered how much fun it would be as a couple rather than as a single gay guy.  He said, "we
We could always meet someone for a threesome.."   Mixed signals, for sure.
As usual, Will provided some excellent advice on this topic in his comment to my post two days ago on Acquiring skills between the sheets.

"My guess is that your regular boyfriend's compliments on your new skills, along with being cool enough not to ask "Hey, where did you learn THAT?", indicates that he's aware on some level that you may have other outlets and that he can handle it. .... there are a lot of experiences still to have that will add to your skills and ability to deal with disappointments as well as successes. And when a man comes out late, he generally needs a little "catch up" time. "


So, my plan is this: I will continue to seek outside sexual experiences with other guys as time permits... and my time is extremely limited. When I've had enough of random hookups, I  will be the first to know.

I find that I am getting more and more selective as I proceed and as my skills increase.  I continue to get more offers from guys that I can possibly accommodate. There are a lot of fantastic guys out there and I've yet to have an hookup experience which was not positive in some way.

I am afraid that if I cut short my "gay slut phase" too soon, I think I would come to regret it later.  This is my time!

14 comments:

  1. You made some very persuasive points, especially your last paragraph. But Buddy, it seems obvious to me at least that your regular sees in you the potential for a long term relationship and he doesn't want to risk losing you. The more guys you hookup with in your town the higher the risk you will find "someone better" than him.

    May I suggest, for your own sanity, that you don't try to hookup behind his back. Tell him that you are being sexually active with others and that you need to do so because you need to build your experience and skills. Tell him you will not be exclusive, but neither will you rub it in his face. If he gets mad and tells you no, then you've learned a valuable lesson about him early on and can end this before it turns into a mess.

    Do you not have years of pent-up sexual frustration needing to be released? Have some fun!

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  2. anne marie in phillyMarch 8, 2012 at 5:50 PM

    me likey the bear in the first pix!

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  3. I think if you really wanted to be exclusive with your regular you wouldn't think twice about it. While this may be your slut phase (1st please stop saying gay - seems to be demeaning and 2nd Were you ever a straight slut or what male straight sluts are called - Stud?) it is also your time to be on your own in over 20 years. Besides finally living out your sexual fantasies, it is your time to really get to know and adjust to your new life as a gay man and a single father. That's a lot of balls to juggle - testicles included.

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    Replies
    1. Sean, my apologies. I will never again use the "gay" adjective to describe my slut phase. And no, I wasn't a straight slut in my 20s.... I was pretty prudish which I now regret.

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  4. I can relate to exactly what you are going through. My special guy is hinting about the exclusive thing. I am NOT ready for monogamy. And yes, it would be a deal breaker. I like having a regular friend but, the idea of only him just isn't going to work. He has been out for years. I am just starting to explore this new wonderful world. I think he is starting to understand. I don't mean to sound mean, but while I enjoy the emotional attachment, I also like the "school" of learning. And though I felt guilty at first, I don't now. Not at all.

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  5. At this stage in your gay journey you have to explore and experience as much as you can. I don't think it's right just yet for a relationship = when it is you'll know!

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  6. your slut phase was intense but apparently coming to its end? Soon it will be marriage again?

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    Replies
    1. Definitely one day, I plan to get married. But "soon?" Highly unlikely!

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  7. I've been out for 14 years and I'm still waiting for my "slut" phase to abate.

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  8. Fuck/Suck anything that walks - or breathes for that matter. Also, I find your "steady" a tad bit controlling and manipulative. He's ready for a wedding - you're ready to jerk off a hot cock in each hand, while simultaneously sucking cock as your ass gets pounded into tomorrow.

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  9. Thanks everyone, for your valuable comments and advice! That is the main reason why I make (with some trepidation) this highly personal post.... to see what all you more experienced gay guys had to say about it.

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  10. I honestly think we need years and years of 'experience'. I found that sex was as natural as breathing and after my first time with a man I had most of my repertoire - which is extensive, by the way - down pat ;) My only suggestion with the friend is be honest. And don't be surprised if he decides to take a powder. When I was single I dated a few guys at the same time and none of them put up with it for long. But like you, I preferred to be single at the time so that was - as they say - life in the big city.

    As for gay cruises, I've done a couple (one for our honeymoon) and they're great... though I've only down them as a married guy - but from I saw the singles were having fun too. I really can't comment on threesomes :)

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  11. Oh for gods sake? What the fuck is wrong with these gay men? It is so hard to find a guy that you can emotionally connect with and consider for a relationship and you want to throw it all away for a piece of 22 year old tail?

    Shit tell your partner to give me a call! Ill treat him better than that!

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  12. BongaCams is the most popular live sex webcam website.

    ReplyDelete

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