Platonic Date:
Last week, I had a coffee date with Dave who had disclosed that he was HIV+. He was very discouraged when I told him that we would never be intimate. He used to that reaction; when local guys find out of his status, he never nears from them again. In two years back in town, he`s only had sex twice.
He had been stood up for the previous four coffee dates. I said I would never be that cowardly; if I didn't want to go out with him, I would at least tell him.
I invited him to attend a local film festival with me last Sunday. I already had two tickets but my daughter was not able to attend. We met for coffee an hour before the event. Dave was much less nervous than our first meeting; last time, he was visibly trembling.
This time, we had a lively gay-themed conversation. At 19 (25 years ago), he was outed to his family by his "roommate's" mother. As a result, he has very strong views on allowing people to come out on their own terms and timing. He's lived in major cities all over the world and has had a vast experience in all matters gay.
Do you want to know about gay guys in different ethnic groups? Well, he's had 'em all! Guys with the biggest cocks and balls? Spaniards. The most passionate guys in the world, capable of giving you the greatest pleasure, especially if you're a bottom? Brazilians. (No surprise there!)
At the crowded film festival, I met a dozen people that I knew in the first five minutes. We said "hi" in passing but I didn't introduce Dave. They might have wondered what I was doing there with a guy, but frankly, I didn't give a damn what they thought!
As to the film festival, I loved it but the films weren't Dave's cup of tea at all. He was very polite about it, but after two hours, we both had had our fill. It was only half finished, my back was sore and I wanted to get home to my daughter.
I dropped him off at his parents', a 700 square foot house in a pretty rough neighbourhood; he lived in a tiny attic room. He shook my hand and said he had a great time; he said that it was good for him to get out. We said we'd get together again in a week or two, maybe go to the gym. Two days later, I received a confusing message on pof.com from Dave. He later apologized for the message, saying he was"drunk and horny" when he sent it. Oops!
Another 20-something chat:
Fresh off my sweet encounter with Trey, I received another pof.com message from yet another a 25 year old who claimed to be "seeking a woman' in his profile. He wrote:
How sweet is that? How could I possibly say "no?" I'd practically be doing a public service, launching these questioning young men into an exciting life of gay sex. This new guy and I chatted for about a hour. He seemed as sweet as my first impression of him but I was "playing it cool" ..... just reeling him in.
With these guys, it is best to let them get their courage up, for them to make the first move. Sadly, I had to go to work so we cut our chatting short. It's been two days and I've had no communication from him, despite several opportunities to do so. Sadly, I think he's yet another 20ish "straight" guy who is just not ready to take that next step.
Rimming:
My regular guy and I had discussed rimming .... I said that I wanted to experience what it felt like. Then why was it such an unexpected (and delightful) surprise, when, after hours together, he flipped me onto my stomach and dove right in? I didn't know what to expect, but the warm, ticklish , entirely pleasurable sensation sent shivers throughout my body. It wasn't orgasmic or anything.... I'm not sure what it was supposed to even feel like. But mainly I laughed out loud at his boyish enthusiasm, his delight as he dove right in.
I look forward to being rimmed again. I've come a very, very long way in three weeks, but it will be a while, I think, before I actually do the rimming. It will take a bit of time to get my head around that one. When I'm comfortable with the idea, I'll be the first to know!
I too was unsure about rimming, but after my first time I was totally into it. Of course cleanliness is important. I love to rim and be rimmed. I love to hear and feel the reaction of my partner when I am feverishly licking his hole. Are real turn on for me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I do rim, the 2 times I have, the guy has to be really hot, seem normal, and of course clean. Otherwise the entire idea turns me off
ReplyDeleteHow big of a jump is it really from going down on a woman and rimming a man?
ReplyDeleteI'd like to you do some more research or talk about dating a HIV+ man. It sounds like Dave has issues with it and may not be the best person to talk it over with. Over 25% of men who are + don't know it. So who is it safer to have sex with? A + man will probably be on meds which probably means that he has very little viral load and is possibly (not all docs agree) less able to infect than a + man not on meds who can have a high VL and be much more infectious.
I've dated (not just hooked up with) two + men (and I'm sure I've hooked up with many who didn't disclose or didn't know). The first I met on a DC AIDS Ride and it was a brief but intense love affair. We parted on very good terms. He was healthy then and is today, 15 years later. The second guy told me on our second date and HE never called me. We bumped into each other a year or so later and he told me that he didn't call because he was freaked that I wasn't freaked that he was +. Much like Dave he had only had negative reactions to his disclosure.
If you haven't experienced it yet, you probably will meet men who won't date you because you were married and or have children. It's not the same but it is rejection.
Sean: I am with you on your comment on HIV+ guys. I was in a relationship with one for almost 3 years. He took his meds (I never had to remind him) and also took care of me... There were always cautionary rules... We parted ways, after living together for 2 years, for other reasons, but I would never remove another + guy from a real partner list, just because of his status.
DeleteGreat comment Sean. I guess the way I look at it, I'm interested in people, and we all have our issues, baggage, health problems, flaws, whatever. Some more serious than others, but at the end of the day, if you're a great guy, that's what counts and whatever comes with making it work is worth it. My hubby married me before I was diagnosed with a disease that altered our lives and sex life and am still dealing with to this day, so I'm sensitive to the act of discounting people on what they may be dealing with as opposed to who they are. Acknowledging the fear is one thing; giving into it is another. I have been with men who are +, some I knew about, some I'm sure I didn't. I'll take a sane pos man with a sex precautions over a psycho neg man any day! Again, loved your comment. Thanks for weighing in.
DeleteMmm, rimming.
ReplyDeleteI get to be the spoilsport here (medical man that I am). Rimming is has the most chance of getting all sorts of diseases, from hepatitis to E col infections etc. So please be careful and wash thoroughly if you are going to do this.
ReplyDelete