Monday, January 17, 2011

My Gay "Red Flags"

It seems that many gay guys had unmistakable signs during childhood that they were gay. Scrutinizing my childhood and teenage years for ‘gay red flags,’ I couldn't find too 'red flag' list is pretty lame!
Gay Red Flags - I should have known I was bi/gay because.........Opposite of Gay Red Flags (not sure what to call this list --- non-gay indicators?)
My earliest movie memory at the age of 4, is of watching a gladiator movie on TV. The only thing I remember is that the gladiators were wearing leather skirts (kilts?) and had beefy thighs.....

Click to make bigger.
(This one is really embarrassing) At the age of 4, my mother got me a doll named “Kimmy.” Once, I made a dress for it while my mother was sewing a dress for herself. (I’m now wondering if my mother had wanted a girl; she had only boys.) Other than that, I don’t remember ever playing with that doll.

At age 5, I started cooking: simple things like cookies, cakes, and scrambled eggs. By age of 14, I cooked everything.   This might just have been self-defense rather than a gay trait: my mother was a terrible cook. How is it possible to burn fried eggs? How about cabbage, first boiled to a mush and then fried and burnt in a frying pan? Yum!

For my 6th birthday party, I invited 12 girls from my class and no boys... hmmm.

Flash forward: My first male teacher was Mr. S in grade 7. Mr. S, wore early 70s polyester pants and I remember noticing his bulge.... not being mesmerized by it or dreaming about it, I just noticed it.

All I remember about my phys.ed. teacher (gr. 9 -12) was his muscular, lightly furred legs in his 70s short shorts.  I didn't even think about what was in residence further up in his shorts. I just remember thinking he had nice legs.... but it certainly wasn't a crush... at least I don't think so.

Me, age 3, playing with myself....some things never change.
Me in plaid shorts, age 5, playing with myself some more.
Other than my 6th birthday party, I played only with boys (cousins, brothers, neighbours) and we did only “boy” things like fishing, making tree forts, building things in my father's wood shop, fixing and "souping-up" our bikes, and riding them.

The gayest picture of me ever, age 10.  I loved my Bay City Rollers plaid pants (all the rage!)   If only I could find a pair that fits, I would wear the same pants today.  And that pink shirt!!     My mother picked it out.... honest!
Starting in grade 1 for all the years of my education, I always had a “crush” on a girl in my class. This crush changed a few times per year but I never had a crush, ever, on any boy in my class.

I enjoyed playing hockey at least until age 13, until it started getting too violent for me.

No sexual experimentation at all with guys during my growing up year;  didn't experiment with girls either, for that matter.

For my entire school years, from grades 1 to 12, I was never bullied and called slurs like “faggot”, “gay” or “fruit.” I think many gay guys had really rotten times during their school years, especially in middle school;  their peers could just sniff out their gayness.... but apparently, no one ever sniffed out mine.


  1. Thanks for stopping by, Nik. Looking through all the old family pics was a hoot... and quite the eye-opener!

  2. What makes it difficult for us to be sure what are the red flags is that we don't know what was going on in the minds of the boys who turned out to be straight. For example, noticing the exposed legs of men maybe perfectly normal. Fixating on them may not be. Cooking: idk. It could be a way of staying close to one's mother. I was always interested in cooking, but Mom did well enough that all I did was help.

    Wanting only girls at your sixth birthday sounds pretty unusual.

    To maybe put your noticing of men's legs in perspective, let me tell you about my fascination with chests. We were at my paternal grandfather's for Christmas. I was probably about three. Gift plaid flannel shirts for Dad and Gramps had been wrongly tagged, and they went to the dining room to exchange them. I watched as they took off their shirts. Dad was bare-chested. Mom and a grandmother shooed me away. Did that cause or result from a fixation? Dunno, but from then on, I was always fascinated by bare chests, but had the idea that it wasn't something I should talk about.

  3. Your two columns are interesting and I have done a similar thing in my head, trying to weigh signs of being gay vs signs of being straight. Ultimately, I don't think anyone will fit into a particular category 100%. In fact, there are some very masculine, "all-man" type of guys who are gay.

  4. The great thing is that we all have own stories to tell. Each one is as different as we are. Often similarities, yet also differences.

    Thanks for sharing.

    P.S. Perhaps we can swap recipies sometime. There are a lot of "guy" things that I don't do well (donn't ask me to fix stuff), but I think I am a pretty good cook!

  5. Hi Alan: I read somewhere that your birth order in relation to your brothers have a significant impact on your sexuality. From Wikipedia - The fraternal birth order effect is the strongest known predictor of sexual orientation, with each older brother increasing a man's odds of being gay by approximately 33%.

    It is from the Internet so it must be true.

    Since I am the youngest of 4 boys in my family, I guess I have a 100% chance of being gay. Thanks mom and dad. LOL.

  6. Your 6th birthday party sure was suspicious. I had a big party for my 8th and invited all the boys in the class, and no girls. I wanted to invite the girls very much, but I learned on TV that young boys were supposed to hate girls, so I played along even though I liked playing with the girls more.

  7. Thanks guys, for all the visits from all over the world and great comments! Overwhelming!!

    Naturgesetz: "We don't know what was going on in the minds of the boys who turned out to be straight." Wow! That just about says it all, doesn't... from the voice of experience. I'm so clueless, that would never have occurred to me.

    Pastor: Thank you! I wonder if it is a tougher position (certainly more confusing!) not fitting neatly into one "category" or the other.

    SC Guy: I'll do a "recipe post" one day, when I run out of other ideas. Not to sound immodest, I am a multi-talented guy with a lot of skills: excellent cook and gardener, but also built my own house (with family help) including all framing carpentry, roofing, wiring , plumbing, drywalling, and painting. As well, I do quite a bit of car repair - although cars these day are getting too complex for a do-it-yourselfer.

    Middleman: I'm so pleased you commented! Yes, I'm also the youngest son and the scientific evidence on this is pretty solid. There's a biological explanation, but I don't quite remember it: after squeezing out all those boys, I think Mom just runs out of testosterone early in the "gay" pregnancy.

    Cubby: Yes, that party was suspicious, wasn't it? I can't remember any of it, but the photographic evidence doesn't lie. All my other parties was "all boys", however, and I only played with the boys at school, never the girls.

    Guys, I might not post for a couple of days as I am extremely busy (work and home related) as well as feeling a bit ill. Next post will continue with some stories of gay red flags in my teens and early twenties. Again, thank you very much!!

  8. Oh well, see there you go - it was the plaid pants all along!

  9. We live life going forward, but only understand it looking backward. If I'd known then what I know now . . . . .

    But then

  10. Your first comments RG and Bear! Thanks for visiting! ps I think those were my all-time favourite pair of pants.... I'm 'on the hunt' for a pair which will fit me now.


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