Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Came out to my parents today

You may have noticed a more "pared-down" style of blogging here.  I must also tell you that I might even have to stop blogging altogether for a while.   It might be hard to blog about a crisis while you are in the middle of it,  emotions being too raw.  Also, I must restrict my comments to be only about myself with limited reference to others;  making all these disclosures online may not be helpful in the short term.

In the last day, due to various events, it seem certain that we are heading towards the "big D" with a full range of emotions / feelings involved.   To warn my parents,  I had an honest conversation with them which lasted a couple hours, to tell them everything.  They had long sensed the troubles which we were experiencing and weren't at all surprised but expressed great compassion and sympathy for everyone involved.

The Coming-Out
I was confident that my parents would react very well to my news.  I started by saying that, "I have some really big news for you"  before telling them that I might be gay, maybe not 100%, but close. I then told them that at least 50% of the problem in my marriage was due to the fact that I have had an attraction to guys for at least the last 12 years.  I also said that I admitted it to myself only  very recently;  pretty much in the last year and more strongly in the last several months.... I just didn't figure it out before then!

My mother said "Thank goodness.... I thought you were going to tell us that you had cancer again or that somebody in your family was sick or something."  I teared up at that:  I think of my cancer experience all the times, but I had forgotten how deeply it affected by whole family.  For my mother to put into perspective like that, wow! 

My parents listened to my whole account without flinching or passing judgement of any kind.  They are the quiet type and didn't say too much, but I know they are behind everyone in my family 100%.  They agreed that maybe it was for the best;  the only way that we all have a chance at happiness to divorce.

On Friday, both of us have planned a conversation  with the kids (once they've finished their last exam), where I will tell them all about my gayness and maybe together, we can speculate what will happen to our family in the near future.  I am absolutely confident that they won't care about me being gay, but know they will be very sad and upset (maybe only in private) at what is happening to our family.


  1. Alan, a BIG STEP. My thought are with you my friend. I know how difficult this is for you.

  2. I'm glad your parents took it well, and I hope all goes well with your family.

  3. I'm so glad it went well with your folks. Good luck come Friday.

  4. I'm sorry you have to go through this but the only way out is through and living your life honestly will be worth it in the end, trust me. Be compassionate and caring and reassure your kids you love them and remind them what they already know...they have one hell of a Dad!

  5. I'll be sending good thoughts you way. We've all been there. Use your friends, that's what we're here for.

  6. I'm glad ur parents took it's nice to have someone supportive of you wen ur coming out...and wen it's ur parents, that's really awesome!

    Best of Luck telling ur kids! May it all work out for the best! :)

  7. I wish you and the family the best during this difficult, but ultimately triumphant, time. I have a feeling you may one day look back at these moments with tenderness and love, surprised that you had ever doubted it would be all right.

  8. Thanks everyone for your support! I knew my parents would be fine with my gayness.... but they were a 1000x better than I'd even imagined. We all lived through my harrowing cancer episode 28 years ago, so in comparison, this problem almost seems like 'tiny taters.'

  9. I am sorry to be late to the chorus; I too want to give support for your coming out process.


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