From my own experience and from talking to many other gay guys in our smallish, very remote city, a consensus has emerged: there is an extremely slim chance of finding a husband from here who is my age.
In the past four years, I've met countless younger (and fantastic!) men but I haven't met a single early 50s gay guy who would have been remotely suitable as husband material. The reasons:
- When we were coming of age (1980 - 1984), our redneck, blue-collared town was very inhospitable to gays. The vast majority of young gay man escaped to big cities with welcoming gay scenes such as Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto or even New York.
- Coming of age as a gay man in the early 80s meant that large numbers of my generation contracted and died of HIV / AIDS.
- A great many of the other gay / questioning men in my town remained in the closet, married and had kids. I am messaged constantly by many dozens of these men, still married and in the closet.
- ________________ Can you think of any other reasons, Dear Readers?
Hey D _ _ _ _!
I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to you, but I'd like to say that I enjoyed our late-night walk enormously. You're a very smart guy; extremely funny and I admire how you are so devoted to your son. I also found you to be a very attractive guy with a face as smooth as a baby's bottom. Most remarkable! lol
I hope the walk wasn't too long for you, with your back issues? Also, I hope the medical procedure which you mentioned went well this week and that you will get good news from that.
I also enjoyed our conversation because I haven't spent enough time talking to really experienced gay guys like you, which I'm not. (really experienced, that is...) I would very much like to have you as a friend.
I have to say that after 18 years of marriage (the last half of those pretty hellish) and having been divorced for only 1.3 years, I cannot imagine a time which I will be want to get serious again with anyone. I'm sure that will happen one day but at this point, I couldn't predict when.
Anyway, I hope you and your son are well. :-)
Dungeon Dude responded with a pages-long, thoughtful e-mail. A few of his main points:
- It was "painfully obvious" that we had very different life experiences but we were more similar than I probably realized.
- Our five year age difference didn't matter.
- He requires a year or longer to mourn the passing of a relationship.
- It normally takes him a very, very long time to find a gay man who has the "emotional maturity" that he is seeking.
- Gay men of our age did not date in high school or even in their early 20s. They had no "relationship practice" and often reached their 30s before they learned how to share a life.
- Other gay men often point out to him that he shouldn't be lonely because he has a son and is heavily involved in his life.
- Dungeon Dude admitted that it really was only late at night that it was apparent that being single and alone was difficult for him. That's why he messaged me at midnight for our walk!
- He wrote: "I found you intelligent also and that has ALWAYS been a huge turn on... it's the imagination that is the most fertile playground."
- And: "I liked how you are also so happy... that's a bloody rare thing in this city's gay cummunity." He signed off with a virtual hug and kiss, and gave me his cell phone number.
Sweet! I will respond to his thoughtful message in a few days, but after that, I need to decide what is my next move to encourage a friendship but not an LTR. Another walk in the park, perhaps?