Our texted conversations were some of the most unusual I'd ever experienced. He was heavily into leather ("Mr. Leather _ _ _ _ 2009!), S & M and bondage.
In fact, he had a fully equipped dungeon in his basement complete delightful items such as whips, paddles, ball gags, harnesses, restraints, a nail bed and a vast wardrobe of leather and chain.
He occasionally brought in dominatrix women from a far away city to conduct workshops and demonstrations on S & M and boasted of "hundreds" of local men who used his services.
And then, in the middle of our S & M conversation, he would interrupt himself: "I have to run now! I am taking my son to the swimming pool. It's his 11th birthday party!!" Wow! What a disconnect!
I later found out Dungeon Dude had sole custody of his son (who was actually his second cousin), adopted as a toddler from a highly dysfunctional family. Dungeon Dude was an extremely devoted and excellent parent.
Flash forward: two nights ago I was in bed when my phone chimed an squirt alert at midnight. Dungeon Dude was up and asked if I would like to go for a walk with him in a wilderness park in our town; after a year of chatting, he wanted to meet me face-to-face.
I thought: "What the hell! Why not!" and within 30 minutes, we were walking in through the deserted wilderness park.
Dungeon Dude was:
-extremely handsome with brown eyes and hair and a face as smooth as a baby's bottom.
-a lot slimmer than I'd imagined, having lost 35 pounds this year to fit into 34 waist shorts.
-very chatty, intelligent and extremely funny
-very experienced, having come out at 19 in our (then) rather redneck, intolerant town
-courageous and a somewhat militant, having "done battle" with social service agencies and other bureaucracy, as the first gay, single man in our town to adopt a young child.
-despite all the leather gear, he was quite feminine and "gayer" than I would have imagined.tive
We walked, talked and laughed for over two hours, increasing my knowledge of inflicting and receiving pain for sexual purposes. We walked some two miles until I realized that he was getting slower and slower due to a chronic back injury which he hadn't mentioned.. I drove him home and returned to my bed at 2:30 a.m!
The bottom line: Dungeon Dude was in a relationship for sixteen years with a closeted elementary school teacher but was dumped several years ago. He is actively seeking a regular boyfriend and an LTR; that's why he wanted to meet me.
On the positive side: he's smart, employed, funny, handsome, owns a house, is extremely devoted to his son, has been in a very long term relationship and has a fairly attractive body.
On the negative side: I'm not keen on the "dungeon" aspect of his life although he assured me that he is quite happy to be "vanilla" as well.
But if I was looking for a deal breaker, it would be his chronic back injury. My entire life is devoted to physical activity: swimming, walking, snowboarding, cross-country skiing, kayaking and running, which I plan to resume soon. I need (not just want) a partner who can join me in all these activities and he cannot do any of them.
I want to send him a little messaging thanking him for our enjoyable walk. I wouldn't mind being his friend! But I need to be clear to him that I am NOT ready for a LTR with anyone. Suggestions?