Tuesday, July 15, 2014

S & M

I've been messaged on squirt.org a numerous times over the past year by a handsome French Canadian guy in town.  He was in my age range, 47 years old, but at 5'-9" and +250 pounds, he was way too chubby for me!

Our texted conversations were some of the most unusual I'd ever experienced.  He was heavily into leather ("Mr. Leather _ _ _ _ 2009!), S & M and bondage.

In fact, he had a fully equipped dungeon in his basement complete delightful items such as whips, paddles, ball gags, harnesses, restraints, a nail bed and a vast wardrobe of leather and chain.

He occasionally brought in dominatrix women from a far away city to conduct workshops and demonstrations on S & M and boasted of "hundreds" of local men who used his services.

And then, in the middle of our S & M conversation, he would interrupt himself:  "I have to run now!  I am taking my son to the swimming pool.  It's his 11th birthday party!!"   Wow!   What a disconnect!

I later found out Dungeon Dude had sole custody of his son (who was actually his second cousin), adopted as a toddler from a highly dysfunctional family.   Dungeon Dude was an extremely devoted and excellent parent.
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Flash forward:  two nights ago I was in bed when my phone chimed an squirt alert at midnight.  Dungeon Dude was up and asked if I would like to go for a walk with him in a wilderness park in our town;  after a year of chatting, he wanted to meet me face-to-face.

I thought:  "What the hell!  Why not!" and within 30 minutes, we were walking in through the deserted wilderness park.

Dungeon Dude was:
-extremely handsome with brown eyes and hair and a face as smooth as a baby's bottom.
-a lot slimmer than I'd imagined, having lost 35 pounds this year to fit into 34 waist shorts.
-very chatty, intelligent and extremely funny
-very experienced, having come out at 19 in our (then) rather redneck, intolerant town
-courageous and a somewhat militant, having "done battle" with social service agencies and other bureaucracy, as the first gay, single man in our town to adopt a young child. 
-despite all the leather gear, he was quite feminine and "gayer" than I would have imagined.tive

We walked, talked and laughed for over two hours, increasing my knowledge of inflicting and receiving pain for sexual purposes.  We walked some two miles until I realized that he was getting slower and slower due to a chronic back injury which he hadn't mentioned..  I drove him home and returned to my bed at 2:30 a.m!

The bottom line:  Dungeon Dude was in a relationship for sixteen years with a closeted elementary school teacher but was dumped several years ago.  He is actively seeking a regular boyfriend and an LTR; that's why he wanted to meet me.

On the positive side:  he's smart, employed, funny, handsome, owns a house, is extremely devoted to his son, has been in a very long term relationship and has a fairly attractive body.

On the negative side:  I'm not keen on the "dungeon" aspect of his life although he assured me that he is quite happy to be "vanilla" as well.

But if I was looking for a deal breaker, it would be his chronic back injury.  My entire life is devoted to physical activity:  swimming, walking, snowboarding, cross-country skiing, kayaking and running, which I plan to resume soon.  I need (not just want) a partner who can join me in all these activities and he cannot do any of them.

I want to send him a little messaging thanking him for our enjoyable walk. I wouldn't mind being his friend! But I need to be clear to him that I am NOT ready for a LTR with anyone.   Suggestions?

23 comments:

  1. Well, your hesitations about dungeon life certainly do not seem to inhibit your taste in pics that this kinky guy finds very stimulating!

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    1. Thank you! I love the smell, look and feel of leather, especially on a hunky man. I own a few pieces myself. But I don't think I ever would get accustomed to inflicting pain on another person, nor would I want to.

      I LOVE the fully-naked, hunky dude in the middle picture with his wrists, ankles and mouth bound. What a fantastic, perfect body! Woof!

      Delete
  2. First, YES! To the hunky dude in the middle picture.YUMMY!
    Second, I think being honest is best; temper it with compassion and kindness. Especially if you like him for a friend.

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    1. You're right! I would like him as a friend. In the small gay world of our town, word spreads fast if a guy behaves like an asshole. I'll be kind!

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  3. Never been a leather fan myself. but he seems like a nice guy. Take care on those midnight walks Buddy,

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    1. Thanks for your concern! It may seem odd to be walking around at 2:00 a.m. with a total stranger in a desolate, wilderness area, but I felt no risk at all from him. In fact, we were at greater risk from bears or the new wolf-coyote hybrids and that risk was slight.

      We've been chatting off and on for quite a long time and in fact, had mutual gay friends. I knew his full name (and that of his son), his son's school and had his full face pic.

      So we went into it sort of "knowing" each other.

      Delete
  4. "I need to be clear to him that I am NOT ready for a LTR with anyone."

    It looks like you answered your own question!

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  5. You've always been able to be honest and compassionate in your "turn downs". This should be no different. You can honestly be vague about things like the back injury, but clear that you don't want an LTR. And you might make a good friend out of it! Plus, I'm sure you're ready to help raise another boy!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    1. Thanks for your comments, Jay! Dungeon Dude has been rejected by numerous other gay guys, potential "Mr. Rights", because they did not want to get involved with someone who was raising a kid.

      That would be so cool, being partnered with a man who had the sole custody of a kid! I'd love to be a Dad again. But that view is theoretical; I'd have to interested in the other guy first!

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  6. BB, I applaud that you want to be honest and candid right out of the gate! I know dating and flirting are a game, but I'm one who prefers some brutal honesty rather than game playing. Good luck, I know it's not easy to tell someone that they are not the perfect match, but quick and clean is how I prefer it anyway.

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    1. I'll be honest with him but I hope not "brutal!" How about "gentle honesty?"

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  7. Yep, dude #3 has as close to a perfect body (for me) as them cum.

    If you quote yourself (with some editing by me), "Thank you for our enjoyable walk. I'd like being friends but I'm not ready for a LTR with anyone." then you'll be doing both of you a favor.

    You could request a few 'lessons.' A lot of bdsm is NOT about the pain its self but about trust and control or the surrender of control. It's a mind set for those who make it a part of their sex life, for the rest, it adds some occasional flavor and verity.

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    1. I wrote this comment before the comment I left one the Bondage post - now I'm posting all your pics from both posts tomorrow with credit. Thanks for the ummm inspiration. ;)

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    2. Thanks for your valuable advice, as usual. You're a font of gay knowledge, Sean!

      Delete
  8. This should not be a big problem: You know what you want and don't want. You like the guy who is obviously a smart and caring human being. You are both family men. You've always said, if I remember correctly, that you'd like to have gay male friends but that it's not yet time for a LTR. Tell the man that. Then see what happens.

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    1. Yes, thanks Will. I tend to over think these things. I'd like Leather Dude as a friend, that's for sure, but probably not as a bf.

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  9. Always be frank and honest. Nothing wrong with saying it exactly the way you said it in your blog.

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    1. Yes, you're right! Honesty is the most important thing!

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  10. I'm bit late to enter my two cents here...just wanted to say that a physical problem never should be the reason to not pursue a relationship.
    You saying you aren't ready, you aren't attracted to him, you don't feel interested - these are reasons.
    His back...not so much. This is something that can happen to any of us any day and nobody wants to be rejected because of something he can't change. I know you want to have a partner, who can do the same sport activities as you do. But is that really the most important thing?
    Sometimes it's good, too, when you don't do everything toegther, if it's okay when you go hiking and he does something else. And you can find other friends for that. Living in each others pockets isn't the best way for a healthy relationship anyway.

    Okay...I don't mean you should try a relationship with him if you don't feel it, but ruling it out because he can't do everything you want a partner to do...that is kind of .... well...
    I would honestly assume that him going vanilla is a greater obstacle because that's more a personality trait ...

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    1. Hey Kat, it's not too late at all! Thanks for your thoughtful comments!

      Yes, it does matter to me, that he could not join me most of what I do. I spend most of my non-working time doing physical, sporting activities. Over much of our marriage, I would do activities with my kids such as skidooing, sailing, skating, hiking and snowboarding but my wife never did any of those things.

      When the kids became teenagers, they gradually did those sporty things with their friends, I ended up going snowboarding (or whatever), always ALONE. I was and am tired of it not having a significant other join me, so it is not unreasonable or shallow of me to seek that now.

      What I want most of all is companionship, to be able to have common interests and activities with my future husband.

      Also, if I was married and committed to someone who later became disabled or developed an illness, of course I would stick by him. But I have a wide choice of Mr. Rights and at this point, I would probably not CHOOSE someone who was heading down that path, health-wise.

      And yes, Mr. Leather, S. & M and Dungeon Dude is really not a good fit for me. He claims that he can also go vanilla and perfectly happy, but I don't believe him! Even for our simple walk at midnight, he was decked out in leather armbands with studs etc. lol

      Delete
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