Large Tony Revealed!

Here in the Great White North, it is a dreary, cold morning;  lightly snowing and several degrees below freezing. In May!!!!  Luckily,  something arrived in my inbox that brightened my day.

A dear online friend  (I'm not sure he wants me to use his name) pointed out that Large Tony who writes the blog West of Mayberry really does earn his nickname handsomely.   I posted about Tony previously.

For those who wondered what he would look like without the AussieBums,

luckily for us, Tony is a bit of an online exhibitionist. Check out Tony's very NSFW tumblr site .

Apart from his magnificent cock which appears in nearly two dozen pictures,  he is a fantastic physical specimen in other ways too..... slim hips, flat abs,
nicely muscled arms and thighs and lightly furred. A must see:  Tony shows us all the proper way to wear a kilt.   Fantastic!

Next step for Tony: wouldn't he look breath-taking, wet, in this pair Aussiebum swim briefs in white or ice blue?

One Step Back, Four Steps Forward

http://hairygods.tumblr.com/

Our home internet is working again!  Woot!!

Any newly-married straight couple will tell you that there is nothing like a good argument to get the juices flowing, literally.   At its best, a fair fight clears the air of any festering concerns and leads to amazing make-up sex.  I can't speak for gay couples but assume the same effect might occur.

For the first half of our marriage, we had some doozies usually involving yelling and on one occasion, the throwing of furniture.  (okay...okay....  it was a footstool and it wasn't thrown directly at me.)  These fights were always quite one-sided as I always remained calm.  All the crazy behaviour (self-described as "passionate") was on the other side.  We emerged from these early fights closer and more passionate than ever and somewhat sobered, having just pulled our marriage back from the brink.

So... I was quite accustomed to the verbal abuse alluded to in the previous post.   After a week of silence, this incident resulted in the most surprising discussion about our futures.   Of course, our marriage is over.  While each of us expressed care and concern for the other, we have both have fallen out of love some time ago.  This, I think, makes rational discussion easier.

We discussed the possibility of future marriages for each of us.   She laughed ruefully and said there is no one who would want her  (I strongy disagree, although I admit that any future husband would have to be an extremely special, understanding person... and of course... straight.)   I said that I wasn't going to rush into anything and that finding a compatible husband would be very difficult.  For the first time, I admitted that I certainly hoped to find some man to marry one day.  I would never have thought that we would ever have such a conversation;  never in a million years!  It happened so matter-of-factly, completely without drama.

What emerged very quickly was an agreement in principle that our number one priority was to keep our money and assets as intact as possible.  This is to ensure our children's financial future, as well as ours, in our separate households.  We will not be squandering tens of thousands of dollars on lawyers and costly litigation which could result in both of us losing our homes.

We have a proven track record on being able to cooperate.   We have have been slowly dividing our "stuff", items large and small, over the past several months and have achieved a relatively easy agreement on everything. It helps that I refuse to get emotionally attached to material possessions such as a chair or mixing bowl.  What am I going to do, take them with me in my coffin when I'm dead?

Many details need to be worked out over the next year as we consider many possible options;  there is no rush.  Ultimately, any agreement will be vetted by lawyers and accountants.   Our immediate task is to begin to separate financially;  bank accounts, credit cards and the like.  Next step: together and separately, we will carefully assess our financial needs (as opposed to wants) to live in our respective households.   This assessment will ultimately form the basis for our settlement and division of assets and incomes.

I know that we will continue to have a great many ups and downs as moods and emotions fluctuate.  However,  I'm fairly sure that today's events will prove to be a major a turning point in my our journey.

Offline




Love the fur;  also, he fills his spandex shorts beautifully!

  It's been a week of ups and downs, but for the most part, the ups won out.  The week started with me being on the receiving end of some verbal spousal abuse.  I'm accustomed to this sort of treatment (water off a duck's back!) but this time was different.... it was witnessed by the kids.  Throughout our marriage,  our arguments were properly conducted out of earshot of the kids.  When we got in the car to leave, my oldest commented, "Wow, that was unpleasant!"


This lead to an honest discussion about how that sort of incident had occurred frequently for at least the last 15 years.   I always try to provide a balanced view in my conversations with them.  I reminded them how tremendously difficult it would be for a wife to find out her husband is gay, especially after so many years if marriage.   I don't think that she will ever get over her anger towards me. 

By comparison, I feel freer and happier (most of the time) than I have in years. 
 As the weeks progress, I am finding the kids increasingly supportive and understanding of my position. They also have to deal with the same erratic behaviour as well, but to a much lesser extent. The kids also have a great sense of loyalty to their mother and work very hard to ensure that she is never alone.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My town is quite remote, even by Canadian standards and I live in a rural area outside of town. As a result, internet service at my house is tempermental, to say the least. People living in further out than me can only get dial-up internet. Horrors!


The internet service to my neighbourhood failed yesterday and might not be restored until the middle of next week.  As a result, my commenting on blogs, browsing on Facebook and responding to e-mails will be limited.  It is not possible to do any of these things on the network at work.  For one thing, the majority of these sites are blocked or red flagged.  All computer activity can and is monitored and any viewing of online sexual material in our workplace can (as has) resulted in the firing of the person involved.  In any case, we are far too busy at work for browsing online.


I am uploading this post at my "inner city" public library; not a hardship since the library is one of my favourite places to be. In Canada, every public library has free internet service for anyone to use. Not to sound snobbish (because I'm not), but all of the other dozen or so internet users here at the library seem downtrodden in some way, either poor, unemployed or on social assistance and a bit smelly. No hotties here, that's for sure!!


This break reminds me of life before the internet. I'm old enough to remember an office environment where you wrote important memos by hand and had them typed on an electric typewriter by a secretary. The memo was then send off in the courier, to be received a week later at the head office. Faxes didn't exist.


It has been a revelation to discover how much time I was spending online. Now, I have more time to do other things such as reading, yardwork, organizing, cooking and D.I.Y. and gardening projects. My online time was spent on:


-internet banking, paying bills and shopping
-answering e-mails, particularly work-related ones
-e-mailing online friends
-blogging
-Facebooking with friends
-work taken home from the office
-entertainment
-* viewing gay porn and.. er.. um.. well you know ...other activites


* (Gosh, I miss this one a lot!   As I previously blogged, it was my viewing online gay porn which launched me on the road to accepting the fact that I was gay)


However, after only a few days, I already miss my connections with the many supportive online friends I have made in recent months. This is my new-found community of incredibly supportive and understanding gay guys (and one gal) of every possible stripe.  My online friends include those who are single or partnered, closeted or proudly out, married to a woman, married with kids, married to a man (those lucky Canadians!), separated or divorced, celibate or sexually active, guys who always knew they were gay and guys who didn't figure out until their 40s.

I cannot imagine how terribly isolated,  confused and afraid I would have been as a (formerly) closeted married gay man if I had never had the internet to meet my online friends and supporters.  I love you all!

The last naughty Spo-shirt pic:  the well has now officially run dry!

The Real Buddy Bear, Part I

My wife and I  have seen each other several times recently and another encounter is happening tomorrow.  "It was the best of times;  it was the worst of times."  Sorry to be so cryptic, but I can't comment right now about our most recent little drama;  maybe in the next post.   

These recent events were a bit of an eye-opener for the kids and we  have had some extremely honest conversations about it all;  another step forward!   The kids and I are cautiously optimistic that things will be calmer by tomorrow evening.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A while ago, blogger buddy Jim in Dallas did a great post about his online versus real-life personality. Numerous bloggers such as Nice to See Stevie B  responded with thoughtful posts on the subject.   Now, it's my turn!   This post is all about me, me, me!!  Please believe me:  in my real life, I am nowhere near this self-absorbed and narcissistic.

My main goal is to be as honest and true-to-life as I possibly can on my blog.  Otherwise, what would be the point?  I hope that my real-life personality matches my blogging personality and for the most part, I think it does.

For privacy, I must limit the amount of specific detail provided while still providing a fundamental understanding of the situation.  I'm also finding it a challenge to blog my story without  revealing too many details of the other players in the story. 

I don't show my face and name on my blog and probably never will.   I admire the courage of  the many bloggers such as  Tom, Cubby, Sean, Kelly, Dr. Spo and Jim who use their pictures and names online.  If I revealed my identity online,  my blog would require serious editing, both in the pictures used (especially of myself!) and in my thoughts and stories that I tell.  My blog would have to become "G-rated"; that would be no fun at all!  

My personal situation would become infinitely more complicated if it was known that I was blogging my coming out, separation and divorce in real time.  If my blog became known to my employer and to those I serve in my job, it would be extremely embarrassing (to say the least.)  As well, this likely would result in a written caution from the organization which governs my profession.


My real-life personality which (I think) emerges in my blog:

• On the job, I am viewed as being extremely serious and diligent.  I am known for providing the clearest possible explanations and assessments of  any situation. I'm pretty sure that I am a very good writer.  When I'm with a receptive audience such as my closest colleagues, I can be extremely funny and even outrageous on a daily basis.

• I am not at all shy or self-conscious and spend my day speaking in front of large groups of people.  My largest audience was about 1,300 people who I addressed with no trepidation at all.  In most respects,  I am the least self-conscious and least self-aware person that I know.  Maybe this is why I don't mind posting half-nekkid pics of myself;  I just don't give a hoot what anyone else thinks!

• I am normally very positive, rational and optimistic with the strength to persevere through extremely difficult life situations.  I take the adage "Don't sweat the small stuff" to the extreme.   I was very lucky early in life because I was forced to learn that everything is small stuff, except for our health.  Everything else will work itself out;  eventually.  Throughout my adult life,  family, friends (both real-life and online), colleagues  and even casual acquaintances have constantly commented on this aspect of myself.  This character trait, I think, shines through in my blog.  

To be continued in the next post:  how my online and real-life personalities differ. Topics to include:

• my reluctance to reveal moments of anxiety and despair
• my online exhibitionism 
• my online ogling of hot guys
• my (future) descriptions of  hookups, assuming I ever have any!

Snowy Easter Weekend

We woke up to about four inches of wet snow this morning and it's still snowing heavily.   I love snow and winter and all, but really?  Snow at the end of April!!

Combined with the lousy weather,  I am going around with a huge knot in my stomach;   there will be a small family event later compete with a with a face-to-face meeting     I always appear to be outwardly  positive and optimistic, and I really am most of the time, but the reality is that my gut doesn't lie, I am still pretty tense in these situations.  I just want to be done with all of this!

I have nothing of substance to blog about and I have no half-nekkid Easter-themed pictures of myself  (next year, I promise!!).   So, one day early,  here are some Easter hotties to brighten your day.

The pic of this guy bones me up a little every time I look at it:  I think it's those beautiful thighs.

Jewellry designer Dean Harris

This boy will be a hottie one day, when he grows some fur.

I think men with a bit of salt-and-pepper are hot.  Several bloggers recently, BrettCajun and CB and a couple of others have discussed Just for Men hair dye. Don't even think it! You look fantastic just the way you are!!

Here's a shout-out to a new blogger, Mack, who is writing It must be around here somewhere which I've added to my blogroll.   

Mack is a early 30s, bisexual, married closeted guy with a story very similar to mine.   The main difference is that he is much younger than me and is childless. He is at a crossroads in his life and unsure of how to proceed. 

Mack, I suggest you read the blogs on my Gay/Bi Guys: Married / Divorced with Children blogroll (I'm sure you're already read some of them.)   Please regard each of these as a cautionary tale.  My unsolicited opinion:   no matter how strongly you might desire children, it would be terribly unfair to your wife and future family to bring children into this situation without your wife being told about your sexuality. 

The kids are all right.

2xist no-show trunk

My previous two underwear posts proved yet again:  "Sex sells."  For the past five days, this blog's daily  page views were two or three times greater than the usual, ranging from 150 to +250  views per day.   At one point, I became slightly alarmed  at being so "exposed."..... oh my gosh, what have I done?  This blog was supposed to be anonymous.... under the radar.   Who would have thought that  underwear would have generated such interest, so many lively comments?  Amazing!

I know these numbers do not represent unique visitors;   a click on each picture counted as a separate page view.  Also, many readers came back for repeat visits to read the many interesting new comments.  Thanks again, everyone!

Note:  the guy in the pic at left is not me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was just three months ago that:

1. I came out as a gay man to my children
2. Our marriage broke down and we moved into separate households.

You'd think these would be traumatic, devastating events for the kids.   Apparently, this hasn't been the case at all.  Since our split, my children have been doing exceptionally well; better than ever, in fact.  I have never sensed the slightest whiff of angst or any anger from them over the fact that their dad is gay.  At home, at school and with their friends, they seem happier and more talkative than ever before.

As well, both kids are noticeably more talkative with me than before.  Since all the kids are not with me all the time, I think that when we do see each other, there are more stories to tell.  The expression, "Absence makes the heart grows fonder" applies here, at least to me.  I miss them a lot when they're not with me.  Another big factor:  the kids are happier because their parents (in our separate households) are also happier than we have been in many years.

I asked my oldest the other day, "You kids seem to handling Mom and I splitting up really well.  You all seem perfectly okay with it."

The response,  "Well, Dad,  it wasn't like some huge, dramatic split, like an explosion blowing everything apart.... or like cracking an egg.   It was more like S-L-O-W-L-Y pulling apart a piece of gum ..... it was going on for years. "   We laughed our heads off..... what a perfect analogy!  Our marriage had indeed been a troubled one for a very, very long time.

We seem to have evolved into a living arrangement which is far too flexible to be called "custody."   I'm not sure how this happened, but it seems as that the  kids decide between themselves which one of them is staying with which parent.  Their overall objective, I think, seems to be that neither parent be left alone for any length of time  (ie:  longer than one night.)  For example, if my son needs to be at my house to work on a special project for a few days, he arranges for his sibling to stay with their mother, so she won't be alone.  I expect that in the summer, all the kids will be mainly with their mother, which will be sad for me, but I'm fairly sure that I will see them often. 

It helps that the kids started out being very responsible, well-adjusted, confident and intelligent..  I also think that both of us parents are, for the most part, intelligent, sensible, mature and committed to the well-being of the kids.  Don't get me wrong;  I still am faced with erratic, depressive behaviour at times and less frequently, displays of anger.  I still have grave concerns about my financial future.  But overall, things continue to calm down and are moving forward, however slowly.

Boxers or Briefs, continued

UPDATE:  Be sure to check the pics on the first post on this topic, Boxers or Briefs?

The comments on yesterday's underwear post were just incredible!!  Thank you all!  Everyone seems to have such strong preferences about their underwear choices.   I was the most surprised at the number of guys who like freeballing (or 'going commando' for the politically correct.).... and here I thought it was just me. 

Jockstraps:  Nothing makes me feel sexier than a wearing a jockstrap, especially under jeans or dress pants.  Great frontage support and the straps cupping under my ass feel great!   I love the feeling of my butt cheeks flapping freely as I walk (my butt cheeks don’t actually flap.... but it’s just knowing that they could flap ...... )

It seems that teenage boys and young men no longer wear jockstraps for sports which require  a protective cup;  it's UnderArmour compression shorts all the way.  Jockstaps, I think, will aways remain a favourite of gay men.  My black jockstrap (pictured at left) and my white one ( front and rear views) were bought for one dollar each at a clearance outlet!  Score!!!

Freeballing:   I never miss an opportunity to  freeball.   I think freeballing is best done with track pants or shorts..... much less chafing;  you must check out D@vid's magnificent freeballing in shorts picture.  During my regular work visits to college campuses, there are sexy college boys freeballing in trackpants and shorts everywhere.  It’s a major distraction, all those dicks flopping this way and that.  I wonder if those boys know how sexy they look while freeballing; I'm starting to think that they doing it just to tease. 

Although the boy pictured at left is not my type, I wouldn't kick him out my bed either.  I'm sure he'll look better one day when he grows some hair.  (from my fave,  The Homo Adventures of Ronny and Tito)


FACT OF THE DAY:  Did you know that the longer the pendulum (ie:  a cock), the slower it will swing back in forth?  When guys are freeballing in track pants or shorts, shorter cocks will swing back and forth very quickly while longer cocks will swing back and forth more slowly.   So... now you know.  Watch for it!

Thongs:  Here's me at work today (in a bathroom with a lock on the door!):  black blazer, black Tee, dark jeans, dress shoes and a thong.  I don't mind how I look or feel wearing it, but I have yet to get used to the string wedged up into my crack.

Thongs aren't my favourite thing and I don't think average men look particularly sexy in them.  I think thongs are at their best on a stripper on-stage or some well-built young guy with an amazing bubble butt. And thongs worn by tubby, middle-aged men... please forget that idea!!!  

Warning:  do not even consider a thong if you have to bend over or squat down a lot at your job.   The string sawing back and forth against your a__hole is incredibly uncomfortable... oh, the chafing!!!

Bikini briefs: I love wearing them as they make me feel darn sexy, especially under skinny jeans.  Please beware that with some styles, you spend all day picking the bikini wedgie out of your ass.... and some are as comfortable as wearing a tourniquet.

These Ginch Gonch  bikini briefs (purchased at a thrift shop) have fun patterns but they are very uncomfortable to wear all day.  They have no ball room at all and believe me, I'm not very big.  All the 2xist  styles are by far my favourites because they have the best pouches and are extremely comfortable to wear.