I've just experienced one of the most exciting and overwhelming weeks in my life, save the births of my three children and my own wedding. I am still trying to process in my own mind all that has happened and what the future might bring, if anything. I constantly remind myself that it has only been just one week ....
I'm certainly not ready to blog about it other than to say that after three evenings together, two at my home, I've experienced intimacy which went far beyond the mechanical. It was intimacy unlike anything I've ever experienced, even with my wife during our 20 year marriage. Tonight, sleeping single in a king-sized bed suddenly seems very lonely. Sadly, geography, work and family commitments will prevent us from seeing each other whenever we'd like.
A few other updates:
1. Given a strong family history of prostate cancer, I had my first-ever PSA test last month. The 6.9 result was slightly high. A follow-up test had a result of 5.0, still a little high. Another more definitive test of the ratio of free PSA over total PSA had a value of 0.13. This was in a "grey area" but is very close to the < 0.1 value which would strongly suggest cancer. It is nothing to panic about, but the tests will be repeated in April along with a digital exam.
I told my family doctor that I was just beginning my "Gay Slut Phase" and it was of primary importance that any treatment for prostate cancer not affect my ability to have get erections or have sex. She understood completely and said that the "old school" invasive and debilitating surgery was far from the only option. In fact, doing nothing might be the best option. Other treatments might include the implantation of a radioactive pellet(s) in lieu of traditional surgery and externally-directed radiation treatments.
2. Today I saw a leading oral surgeon in another city for second opinion on my wisdom teeth. The concern was that the radiation treatments I received on my jaw and neck as a cancer patient 29 years ago might have caused "radio-osteonecrosis" of my jaw bone. This would make a simple wisdom tooth removal a potentially risky procedure.
This second specialist shared this concern and referred my case to Canada's leading cancer centre. I don't have to travel there; rather, all my X-rays and radiological reports will be sent for a third opinion. This is good news: I am confident that in the end, I will be receiving the best possible advice.
wonderful news, buddybear; I am so happy for you! don't worry about not blogging the details; sometimes the less said the better. savor the tender moments close to the vest!
ReplyDeleteI'm seriously feeling very happy for you Buddy.May you endure many of these moments throughout your life.I pray an hope I will also have these moments of intimacy one day.
ReplyDeleteAnd the pics especially the last one is damn hot.Isnt it funny,there's no penetration or any form of sex in the pics but seeing two men just kissing is so mind blowing.yhat shows intimacy or plain kissing with the one you love means a lot compared to sex and physical connection!
-James
You refer to this as your "gay slut" phase, but the experience you had that moved you so much shows how deeply you need and want to have that closeness and intimacy with a man - and can get a kind with someone that soars up there higher than most of your significant life experiences! Wow, that is so wonderful for you, and also reveals how repressed you had been and hungry for the kind of sexual and soulful all body experience you have long sought in your imagination. The kissing and caressing is for many men who are trying out their male urges perhaps the most stunning revelation - and it seems by your allusions and choice of pictures that really hit you!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the world of passion with men. It can go way beyond the pleasure of orgasm and you have been touched by another man in a way that unlocked you. It could have been otherwise - I had my own share of "mechanical" sex when I first braved internet dating after 24 years of marriage, but I also discovered with several men the total soaring release you refer to.
Now I hope you can use this time of exploration and experimentation to find one special man with whom to build something together.
And I totally get why you are reluctant to provide details of what occurred - it may have felt almost too sacred to want to write about. But at least share some of the feelings you had, and how this makes you think more clearly about what you are ultimately searching for.
Hmmmm.....I can't see myself confiding to the doctor that "I'm in a gay slut phase." Good that you have that kind of relationship with the doctor.
ReplyDeleteThat's great you had such an incredible experience! I can't wait to hear about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd that takes balls - I can't imagine telling my doctor I'm in my "gay slut phase."
anne marie: thanks, sweetie! You're always so supportive!!
ReplyDeleteJames: I'm sure you will find intimacy one day. It may be harder to find among younger gay men, but just believe that it will happen for you.
JaysonStreet: thank for the wonderful, experienced, thoughtful response. It deserves an entire post to properly respond to it as there were so many truths expressed. Yes, all the pictures could have been us; that's why I picked them.
RB and Mike: I came out to my doctor at the same time I came out to my wife. She is an amazing, intelligent, hard-working woman in her early 30s. It is essential that gay men come out to their doctors. Who else can you talk to about specific gay mens` health concerns such as HPV vaccinations? And yes, "gay slut phase" were the exact words I used with her. I tell her everything and have this idea that I am expanding her knowledge about gay guys who came out late in life.
It all sounds exciting, especially the intimacy, Keep in mind intimacy hurts and is damn scary.
ReplyDeleteI love sex, I top mostly but have loved bottoming with the right guy who'll be patient while I get things relaxed. Oral both ways is wonderful, BUT
ReplyDeletelong, passionate kissing, holding, talking softly, laughing, touching, kissing again and again* sessions are THE BEST! So happy you found this with him!
*particularly, for me, when he's bearded.