Packing

Lard Arse

You must check out these self-pics posted by sexy-hot bloggers Rob,  D@vid , Bartlebi, and Kelly  (check out Kelly's eighth picture of him in the shower!  Woot!!)  You guys are inspirational!

I've stolen their idea and have posted a few pictures of myself. Right now, I'm easily 25 pounds heavier than my marathon training weight.  All that extra weight is around my middle, so there will be no shirtless pics of me for now!

I've been extremely busy working dusk-to-dawn preparing my house for sale, decluttering, moving boxes to storage, completing countless jobs and coordinating the work of some paid help.   The plan is that as soon as my wife finds a little house in town to buy, mine will go up for sale.

The real estate market here is absolutely booming and most houses are selling very quickly, sometimes at prices higher than their asking price (due to bidding wars.)  Insane!   The problem this creates is that my wife is having a great difficulty even finding a suitable house to look at.

We want to get this buying and selling of homes over with as soon as possible so that all of can us get settled into our new lives. Also, there is a concern that our real estate market might cool down with all the bad economic news in the world.

It will be said to leave the home where I've lived for over 20 years and raised our kids.  However, if our present verbal agreement holds, my new home will be in an absolutely spectacular location.   Very exciting!!!


Before any of these real estate transactions go ahead,  we need to meet with our mediator-lawyer who will help us negotiate our final separation / divorce agreement.  This will be stressful and something, I think, that we are procrastinating about.

Cooperation

For eye-candy today, how about two more of my favourite red Speedo pics?  It's been a month since my last red Speedo post.  Love the pits on the first guy!

So far, we've had about four private meetings and several phone calls to discuss the details of our divorce.  In addition, I met with a lawyer to find out about everything we need to agree upon. (more on that later)  It's a very complicated process.... a real eye-opener!

The first couple of meetings were highly emotional and stressful with a fair bit of acrimony and name calling. (with me being on the receiving end)  With each meeting, we were able to come to a firm agreement on at least a few items. We were then able to build upon those agreements during subsequent meetings so the degree of cooperation steadily improved.

About 90% of the items have been agreed upon. Very soon, we will together see a different lawyer-mediator who will ensure that all items have been addressed and put into writing. For the final stage, we will each see our own lawyers who will draft the final separation / divorce agreement based on the mediator's recommendations.

Throughout this process, a most remarkable transformation has occurred. There is an air of cooperation and even friendliness coming from my wife. This afternoon, my wife phoned me a couple of times and sent several texts. All of these exchanges were warm, friendly and helpful;  she even sent a compliment my way.  Unexpected, to say the least, especially considering some of the bitterness and hatred I've seen over the past seven months.

It's been a very long time since we've been able to speak such a friendly way. This is a very welcome change indeed, but I also experienced a wave of sadness. I am again starting to glimpse the vibrant woman I feel in love with twenty years ago. The sadness is for our failed marriage and the retirement we won't get to have together; my gayness made a future together impossible.

Be careful what you ask for...

The Untamed Man

Recently, I've been in the middle of "The Perfect Storm" of many stressful events all happening at once.  All of this is taking it's toll on my spine, my health in general and my usual positive, sunny disposition.  

Everything will resolve itself just fine, I'm sure.  I just need to keep pushing ahead, however frightening and uncertain it might be.  There is no turning back, that's for sure!!!

Lest you think I'm boo-hooing.... "Oh gosh, poor me!",  my wife is even more severely affected by all this.  She became sick to her stomach after each of our settlement conversations so we are taking a week or two off from any further discussions.  She is not nearly so confident about having a happy, exciting future as I am.


So... since I'm too bummered out to think of anything original,  I am ripping off this post from Erik Rubright, that sweet, sexy tattoo artist / blogger from Arkansas.

Ask me a question about EACH (or any) of the following and I will post an answer:

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Religion
5. Love
6. Blogging 

The Untamed Man

Ask me anything and I will answer it.  I challenge some of the lurkers readers who have never commented to ask a question or two.  Please, I'd really love to hear from you!

Negotiations

http://karetu.tumblr.com/

After seven months of separation, we've had several meetings to discuss the details of our divorce.  It's something that I've been dreading for a long time and has been highly stressful for everyone.

Much hatred and bitterness still exists and will probably always be there. At the first meeting, there were many recriminations and the re-hashing of ancient history but no name-calling.  As emotions were so raw, we limited the time of each meeting. Tears were shed on both sides but overall, it went fairly well.

By the third meeting, it was "all business."   We came to a firm agreement on most items including all the major ones.

I recognize my wife's anger, sense of betrayal, her hurt at being abandoned at middle-age, the idea that her life has been destroyed.  This damage is something which I can never undo.  I don't think a coming-out, formerly closeted gay husband can ever truly imagine what it is like for the jilted wife to go through this.


In our province, mediation is required for every couple embarking on a divorce.  A lawyer recommended that we start with these face-to-face discussions as the cheapest path to divorce. Once all our issues are discussed between us, we would then work with a mediator to finalize the details.  One lawyer would draft the final divorce agreement, acting for both of us.  We both are in strong agreement that this is our only option to preserve our assets for ourselves and our kids.   In fact, fewer than 20% of divorces in my town ever reach a court room.  In adversarial divorce, there are no winners, only different degrees of losers.
Our settlement involves:

• several houses changing ownership
• the purchase of house and the sale of another one
• the division of much "stuff" such as furniture, mainly complete
• everyone moving to a different home (sort of a swap)
• inheritance (some already received and some potential) which has been removed from the table
•  pensions and retirement income
• discussion of a future marriage (for me, with another man)
• university costs ....   a big topic!

http://karetu.tumblr.com/n

There are no child support or custody issues as the kids are older and already go back and forth freely between the two homes.... a perfect arrangement .  They all have excellent summer jobs and are earning much of their own spending money anyway.

Divorce never comes cheaply and this will be the biggest cost related to my coming-out.   I have no doubts at all that it will be worth it;  being finally free to live a truthful life.