Monday, May 28, 2012

Mediation

Today, we left our two-hour mediation session with an agreement reached on every aspect of our separation / divorce.  It was  unbelievably stressful but our lawyer-mediator saw us through it. 

I left with the most profound respect and gratitude to our mediator;  a soft-spoken woman who was incredibly skilled in diffusing the raw emotions of the moment.  The lawyer was a master at explaining to my wife why her some of her outrageous demands were unreasonable or legally impossible.  She followed this with long silences while my wife digested the information and then backed down.

To be fair, my wife did make significant concessions throughout the process.  Our year of difficult discussions regarding our settlement helped pave the way to such a speedy agreement.  My wife behaved fairly well and only threw my gayness into my face once during the whole two hours.  As we neared the end of the session, the atmosphere became increasingly tense and both my wife and I were facing opposite walls in our swivel chairs.

In the end, my wife tried one final kick at the cat, refusing to pay her share of the lawyer's fee, saying, "Why should I pay anything?  .... our marriage breakdown is all your fault!!"   The lawyer looked at her impassively while I said two things to my wife:
  1. One of our earliest breakthroughs two years ago was when we agreed that we each shared 50% of the responsibility for our failed marriage.
  2. We've just come through years of difficulty, we've dealt with several million dollars worth of pension assets, spousal support, real estate and dividing up a lifetime worth of "stuff."   Do you really want to jeopardize the whole deal over $400?  Do you want this to drag out forever?  So, she agreed to pay her share of the fee.
What's next? The mediator will draft the divorce agreement and call us in for one more meeting. If we sign off on it and if my wife doesn't throw up any more roadblocks, we may or may not choose to have our own lawyers look at it. After that, we will jointly file for an uncontested, no fault divorce.  I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Now here are more sexy men in boots from bootedcowboys.tumblr.com/.

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12 comments:

  1. CubbyMay 28, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    Speaking of seeing light at the end of the 'tunnel'... Taint nothing sexier than a man in a G-string and viewed from below!

    I'm really happy you made it through the day. There is a recurring pattern here in which your wife freaks out, then you talk her down off the ledge, then she does the right thing. I suspect you are an expert in dealing with this pattern, correct? Sure seems so. I would not have remained so calm.

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    1. Buddy BearMay 28, 2012 at 4:08 PM

      Cubby, you're too funny! "Taint"is right!

      Yes, you're absolutely right in that we've seen this behaviour before. Been there, done that! But I am getting closer and closer to "escaping", closer to being done this all. But my wife and I will still be tied together forever because of the kids... and that is just part of our reality.

      Delete
  2. naturgesetzMay 28, 2012 at 5:10 PM

    One step at a time.

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  3. TimMay 29, 2012 at 4:04 AM

    Glad to hear your getting there, not far to go now. Love the Boots pictures, anything's good with Cowboys in it.

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  4. skierMay 29, 2012 at 5:12 AM

    So Pleased at the progress. I did have a thought though. Once you aren't married to her, who will "keep her in line" with the general public? I see a chance at a very lonely woman in the future. Not your problem of course but if I know you, it will hurt you as well.

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    1. Buddy BearMay 29, 2012 at 2:07 PM

      My wife has two good friends but mainly, she has antagonized almost everyone else; countless former friends, colleagues, neighbours and family members have removed themselves from her life forever. As well, unless she starts to behave appropriately on a more consistent basis, her relationship with our son is in jeopardy.

      I've long taken the view that I can't save her from herself.

      Delete
  5. AnonymousMay 29, 2012 at 6:07 AM

    Buddy is that you in the Blue G-String?!!!OMG it is so HOT!You look so sexy and you even made my idea better by adding the G-String.Dude you do have a nice ass..really just make this as your profile pic in you POF account.

    As for the thing for your wife,its nice to year this divorce process is going to end and both of you can move on .

    So are going to do the wet singlet with the outline thing?The G-String is giving me some more naughty ideas.

    B

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  6. anne marie in phillyMay 29, 2012 at 3:51 PM

    I wanna do EVERY GUY in this post! including Y-O-U, buddybear!

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  7. WillMay 29, 2012 at 5:34 PM

    Sounds as if the mediator was worth her weight in gold. I hope the tension is beginning to abate for you.

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    1. Buddy BearMay 29, 2012 at 5:44 PM

      It was well worth it! The session cost around $700. This is mere chicken feed compared to the cost of an adversarial divorce. Around here, contested divorces cost anywhere from $20,000 to into the six figures.

      Delete
  8. ArichNYMay 29, 2012 at 7:07 PM

    Congratulations! It's definitely a HUGE relief when the divorce is settled! And things get better! Hang in there!

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  9. JustAMikeMay 29, 2012 at 10:19 PM

    Oh God - I am so NOT looking forward to that stage (only we both have lawyers and we get to sit in front of a judge in an attempt to avoid actual court).

    Arrgghh! Give me strength!

    xo

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