One Step Back, Four Steps Forward

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Our home internet is working again!  Woot!!

Any newly-married straight couple will tell you that there is nothing like a good argument to get the juices flowing, literally.   At its best, a fair fight clears the air of any festering concerns and leads to amazing make-up sex.  I can't speak for gay couples but assume the same effect might occur.

For the first half of our marriage, we had some doozies usually involving yelling and on one occasion, the throwing of furniture.  (okay...okay....  it was a footstool and it wasn't thrown directly at me.)  These fights were always quite one-sided as I always remained calm.  All the crazy behaviour (self-described as "passionate") was on the other side.  We emerged from these early fights closer and more passionate than ever and somewhat sobered, having just pulled our marriage back from the brink.

So... I was quite accustomed to the verbal abuse alluded to in the previous post.   After a week of silence, this incident resulted in the most surprising discussion about our futures.   Of course, our marriage is over.  While each of us expressed care and concern for the other, we have both have fallen out of love some time ago.  This, I think, makes rational discussion easier.

We discussed the possibility of future marriages for each of us.   She laughed ruefully and said there is no one who would want her  (I strongy disagree, although I admit that any future husband would have to be an extremely special, understanding person... and of course... straight.)   I said that I wasn't going to rush into anything and that finding a compatible husband would be very difficult.  For the first time, I admitted that I certainly hoped to find some man to marry one day.  I would never have thought that we would ever have such a conversation;  never in a million years!  It happened so matter-of-factly, completely without drama.

What emerged very quickly was an agreement in principle that our number one priority was to keep our money and assets as intact as possible.  This is to ensure our children's financial future, as well as ours, in our separate households.  We will not be squandering tens of thousands of dollars on lawyers and costly litigation which could result in both of us losing our homes.

We have a proven track record on being able to cooperate.   We have have been slowly dividing our "stuff", items large and small, over the past several months and have achieved a relatively easy agreement on everything. It helps that I refuse to get emotionally attached to material possessions such as a chair or mixing bowl.  What am I going to do, take them with me in my coffin when I'm dead?

Many details need to be worked out over the next year as we consider many possible options;  there is no rush.  Ultimately, any agreement will be vetted by lawyers and accountants.   Our immediate task is to begin to separate financially;  bank accounts, credit cards and the like.  Next step: together and separately, we will carefully assess our financial needs (as opposed to wants) to live in our respective households.   This assessment will ultimately form the basis for our settlement and division of assets and incomes.

I know that we will continue to have a great many ups and downs as moods and emotions fluctuate.  However,  I'm fairly sure that today's events will prove to be a major a turning point in my our journey.