TMI Thursday: The War on Christmas

This feature by Sean of Just a Jeep Guy was also completed by anne marie, Cubby,  John Thomas (a new addition to my blogroll) and I'm-not-sure-who else. 

Which religion or faith do you belong to?    I was baptized, christened and married in the Lutheran Church.  We even had all our three kids bapitized there too but I cannot imagine why!  I've only attended Sunday church service a couple dozen times my entire life and will never go again ... too many judgemental hypocrites!

What is your opinion on seasonal greetings?  I prefer "Merry Christmas." 

Holiday music on the radio?   I don't listen to music radio, ever, only news and documentaries on cbc.ca.   But during Christmas week, I play my only Christmas CD by Anne Murray.

What is your policy for exchanging gifts?    My most important Christmas presents are for my kids  and I always find them something they really want.  My oldest daughter loves to receive high-end cooking equipment or some cookbooks.  My ultra-organized middle daughter provides us all with her 'wish list,' mainly books.  My son only wants power tools, socket wrenches and the like.    

I usually give my parents a calendar of family photos, tickets for our community auditorium and "coupons" to a be exchanged dinner at my house with the grandkids several times a month.

DILEMMA:  I'm not sure if I should give my soon-to-be-ex wife a present.  I don't know if she's giving me one;  it's been a tumultuous year!  But last year, she gave me a laptop computer.  Maybe I'll ask the kids' opinions.

Gift cards/family update letters are...  I love receiving gift cards!  I use them at the after-Christmas sales and show the giver what I got.  I never receive family update letters

Christmas cards ... I send one Christmas card to my ex-mother-in-law filled with photos of the kids.  We love each other dearly and she remains hugely supportive of her gay ex-son-in-law. 

Snow is... beautiful!  It means it's time for all my favourite sports:  snowboarding, cross-country skiing, snowmobiling and outdoor skating.

Have you been a good little boy?  If  you mean "good" at giving pleasure to sexy 22-year-old men, I would say an unequivocal "yes."   I've been very good indeed.  ;-)

RAPID FIRE FAVORITES:
1. Food:  Roast turkey, wild rice stuffing, mashed potatoes and my favourite vegetable dish from my ethnic group, lanttu laatikko.  (click here for the recipe written in English)
2. Dessert:  Chocolate mousse, wild blueberry cheesecake, a molten chocolate cake with whipped cream... I love all desserts!    
3. Song:  The Huron Carol, a favourite of mine since childhood.     
4. Movie:  Miracle on 34th Street,mainly because of Dylan McDermott's blue eyes and the sexy cleft in his chin  
5. Tradition: Christmas dinner at my parents' house, which my wife has insisted the kids keep doing, even thought it means that she's alone every Christmas afternoon and evening
BONUS
Christmas sex: What have you done under the mistletoe? Have you caught daddy kissing Santa Clause? Have you done it a santa suit? Did you come down the chimney? Just how merry have you made Santa's helpers?   Sadly, none of the above.  I must add these to my bucket list.

"I like to be tied up"

My wife and her lawyer signed our 45-page Separation Agreement yesterday.  My signature will have to wait until after New Years' because my lawyer is out of town.  I could sign it before my lawyer's final look at it but that could compromise its integrity as a legal document should a dispute occur later.

Both my wife and I are very frugal and are committed to keeping our legal fees at a minimum.  So we refused to let our lawyer-mediator print off the five copies needed for which we would have been billed hundreds of dollars.   Instead, my wife had it e-mailed it to me and I printed it out at my workplace at the expense of my employer.... naughty!  

This may seem to be an inconsequential story but it speaks to the high degree of cooperation and trust which now exists between us.  We know of many divorces in which the parties seem intent on destroying each other.  But all they end up destroying are the family finances and the emotional well-being of their children.

Monday was to have been my "week off" from having my kids living with me but my son has extended his stay until Thursday morning.  And my daughter is coming out here tonight for a few days..... I had to cancel Old Dude yet again.  Darn!


In yet another missed opportunity, I was to join an sincere-sounding, masculine 54-year old gay virgin at his hotel after school yesterday.  But he arrived very late after a 300 mile drive along a treacherous winter  highway.  I had already returned to my home, some 30 km away.   

I was disappointed but mainly for him.  We agreed that it would be unsafe for me to drive to his hotel that late at night.  We plan to get together on his return trip two weeks from now ... I hope it happens!



But I'd never gag a guy's mouth.....

In other interesting hookup news, I've been messaged several times by a 35 year old cook.   He's 6'-0", athletic build and has some handsome self-pics posted on pof.com.  He seems very funny and polite and has invited me twice to his place.  Both times, I was unavailable but this is one hookup which I really want to make happen

He asked me if I liked being aggressive when I'm with a guy.  I had to think about before I answered: "Yes!"   Even as a gay virgin, I very much liked to be in charge.  If I'm with an aggressive guy, then I at least want to match his level of aggressiveness. 

Buddy Bear:  Why?  What do you have in mind?
Submissive Dude:  i prefer bottom and i like being a sub plus a lil bit of being tied up
BB:   Wow!   Hot!  Count me in!

I need to learn more about these dominant-submissive roles in sex play  ..... I know nothing about it.  But I must admit, just the idea of pleasuring a naked, handsome guy who's been tied up is quite exciting.  I'm getting hard just thinking about it.   :-)

Dogably Pawfect Saturday

Copyright: Stonehouse Photography

.... but a day late for Sean's weekly "Dogably Pawfect ..." feature.  All three pics bring tears to my eyes. 

Please read the story behind the first picture  which has gone viral online.  There's also an interview with the dog`s owner.  19-year-old Shep has arthritis and and finds relief in the cold waters of Lake Superior.

Not much to report as my life has been a little dull lately;  no drama at all! 

My parents and I ran into my wife at our local symphony orchestra's Christmas concert * (my daughter is a member) and she was polite to my parents:  no snubbing or spousal drama at all!  She's been appallingly rude to them in the past and then she wonders why my whole family doesn't like her.   

* Note to self:  I really must join some community group after New Years' so I can 'put myself out there' in real life rather than just online.  There were many lovely men at the concert and quite a few of them were clearly not straight.

In recent weeks, it`s been very slow on the hookup front, I must admit that.   Doug said it was probably the cold weather and the upcoming Christmas season which is causing the slowdown.  Perhaps... but it also might be that online, I'm starting to look like a piece of browning fruit that's been on the supermarket shelf too long.


Mr. Neill, who is terminally ill,  worries about his dog`s future.

My perennial problem has been that my son is here most of the time so I can rarely host.  But now, my  20 year-old daughter just told me that she's looking to buy a used car "so she can come out here whenever she wants" rather than just  on weekends.  She can't stay here during the week because we just have one car and our work / driving schedules don't match.

Yaaay! Even fewer opportunities to host!  Just kidding ... partly.  I am so lucky that my kids are comfortable with their gay Dad and consider my place as their primary home.  Soon, they will be on their own and maybe living in other cities so I need to enjoy their company when I can. 

Next week, I just have just two play dates planned, one at home with Old Dude who is, in fact, three years younger than me.  The second one is with a 54 year old guy travelling on business and staying in a fancy hotel.  He says he's very inexperienced but is eager to experiment.  He's also a masculine guy:  blue-collar job, 6'-2" and, judging from his picture, has lovely muscles and not too much fat.

I'm thinking of arranging another platonic date with Doug but I'm still unsure how I feel about him.  I had sort of an odd phone call from him yesterday and I'm concerned that he is going to become infatuated with me ....

I haven't had a message from a 22 year-old in weeks!  Darn!  Maybe that's the reality of 50 year-old-guys on these hookup sites;  everyone wants to go younger.  But there's a slight chance the young men are busy with their university exams which are in progress;  I've mainly been with university and college-age students. 

I might have to wait for the new school year for the next crop of young students to arrive, eager to experiment with old(er) men.  Sluurrp!!




UPDATE!   "A man embraces his dog as she receives saline from a drip from a veterinarian hospital financed by Sao Paulo’s municipal government. The hospital offers free health care for the pets of low-income residents in Sao Paulo, Brazil.";  FROM:  vjbrendan.com

Dick!

Ian, a handsome young man who writes the honest, thoughtful blog  Mind of  Mine,  has asked bloggers to help him promote an 'adult pantomime' comedy show in London.  The vast majority of my readers live in the USA but quite a few are British, so here it goes! 

"Brash, bawdy and very filthy, this cabaret-infused offering at Leicester Square Theatre is the most promising of this year's crop of 'adult pantos'. It features characters with names such as Sofonda Cox and Queen RUnt, places such as the Streaky Crack, and legends such as that of the 'bell-end'. You get the gist." - CRITICS CHOICE, Scoutlondon

For more information about the show click HERE.
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http://hot4hairy.tumblr.com/

Doug and I had a enjoyable coffee date but I still am not sure what I think about the whole thing.

He is an aboriginal guy, 47, reasonably good-looking with dark hair, brown eyes and honey coloured skin.  I am the most attracted to such darker-skinned men, whether aboriginal, Indian or Middle Eastern.  He has a  flawless, slim body;  5'-11". 

Doug was good to his jeans.  In fact, I was hard throughout much of our date.

He's intelligent and is capable of a lively, funny conversation as we exchanged stories about some of our more unfortunate encounters.  Interested in a super-masculine, early 30s firefighter who wanted to wear a diaper during a hot encounter?  (Doug's story)  How about a mid-30s guy who wanted to have sex in the inner-city bus station washroom and nowhere else?   (My story:  I said "no", as tempting an offer as it was...)

Three years ago, Doug returned to his blue-collar hometown after 25 years to look after his elderly parents.  This year, I'd been told several times that this is a hard town to be gay in and Doug agreed, calling it a "backwater."  He said that once he discloses he's HIV+,  he usually never hears from the guy again.  Doug said this never happened when he lived in Toronto or New York. 

I repeated Sean's and Cubby's comments:  I was at far greater risk having sex with any random guy who could have been lying about his HIV+ status or had never been tested.  Sex with him would be "low risk" since he made the disclosure, had a non-detectable viral load  and took every precaution needed.

I told Doug that he seemed even more depressed than the last time we met.  His new job as chief finanncial person at the only HIV/AIDS organization in town is an excellent one and his colleagues are great. 

But he finds his job draining as he's in constant contact with people infected with HIV / AIDS.   Sadly, the largest group of recently-infected people are homeless, uneducated, unemployable Aboriginal woman many of whom work in the sex trade to support their children.  The hopelessness of their situation was grinding him own and he was presently in counselling to learn coping strategies.

Doug said:  "All I want is a friend .... someone to go to the movies with, skiing or go to the gym a couple of times a month."  

I can relate!  Since leaving my old neighbourhood, I have no one nearby to do such things with either.  I used to do many of those things with my children but they are rapidly leaving the nest and have jobs and friends of their own.  In fact, I have very few friends, period.  Please read Dr. Spo's recent post on this. 

I told Doug that I wanted to be friends too and said that we would plan something in a week or two.  My major concern is that he will not be able to keep it "just friends" and will start to fall for me and want a LTR.  And it's not his HIV+ which a concern to me.

Having lived with a chronically-depressed person for the past 20 years, I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER become seriously involved with a someone with that condition, whether they seek treatment or not.   My gut instinct is that Doug is in that category and I'm not wrong about this. 

But I'm thinking that Doug and I might go to the gym together maybe two weeks from now and see how it goes.  I'm really not sure.

ps:  while writing this post, I received this POF message from him:  "Looking forward to seeing you and maybe sucking your cock and rimming that sweet ass of yours...."   Hmmm....
 

Slow but steady divorce progress

It is pretty cold, dark and bleak here.  How about some lovely beach men from dirty-speedo.tumblr.com/ to lift our spirits?

I'd like to thank everyone for their fantastic comments on my last two posts on World Aids Day and about my coffee date with the HIV+ guy.  I'm seeing him this evening;  details to follow. 

I'll continue the discussion about safe sex and hookups soon, but for now, I've thought enough about HIV, safe sex, and STIs! 

Our lawyer-mediator has been in contact with us several times this week as she needed our agreement on five items to finalize our draft Separation Agreement.   Some of these could have been a source of considerable conflict but after much e-mailing, texting and some compromise, my wife and I quickly came to agreement on all of them.

It has been nearly three years since my wife my found out that I liked guys ... and it's been a very long journey indeed for both of us.  We both are soooo anxious to get it over with.

My wife and I have reached a state of cooperation and trust which is just remarkable... and something which I never thought would happen.  Each of has been fulfilling the terms of our draft Separation Agreement since last June, seven months before we've even signed off on it.  This includes items such as spousal support (paid by me), jointly paying for my son's expenses and university tuition for our daughters. 
 
Soon, our final Separation Agreement will be printed out.  It will be reviewed and signed by my wife's lawyer and then by my lawyer.  THEN, we will meet again with the lawyer-mediator to sign it and to fill out the forms to start our joint, uncontested divorce.   FINALLY, one lawyer from the same firm will file for divorce on our behalf, probably by mid-January.   Our divorce should take about three months to make it's way through the courts.   

My hosting of guys at home has dried up to pretty much nothing.  My son has been living with me for nearly a whole month with only a couple of days at my wife's.   On Monday morning I said to him: "So!!!  I guess tonight you start your two weeks at Mom's!"   My son: "No, I still have another week here."

I knew that he's already been here for the alotted two weeks but I didn't say anything.  I don't want him to feel anything less than welcome here.   Our relationship and level of understanding between us just seems to be getting stronger as time goes on.  The horny hookup guys will have to wait!

Until our divorce is finalized, I just cannot risk having my wife find out that I'm having guys over to the house or dating openly.  I really don't think she will react well to it, at least initially, but she will get used to the idea soon enough.  But after out divorce, I will feel perfectly free in telling my kids, "I'm having company this evening.  Can you go to your friend's house for a few hours?"  And I know they will be okay with it too.

Coffee date with HIV+ Guy

If I happened upon any of these sexy sleeping guys, I'd have an irresistible urge to tickle their lovely cocks and balls.   (by the way, I'd never do it for fear of being arrested...)

In my last post, my reluctance about having sex with HIV+ Guy* generated a great deal of valuable discussion.  The state ments by Sean and Cubby that "you have already had sex with someone with HIV" are a bit jarring.

By sheer coincidence, HIV+ Guy* invited me for coffee on Sunday evening.  I couldn't go since my daughter had my car and I was stuck out in the country with no wheels.  But we made a date for later this week.

* By the way, I will call him "Doug" as it's highly disrespectful of me to name him for a probably non-detectable medical condition.

He's a very nice guy and anyone my age would consider him a "catch. "  We've met twice before in the very early days of my life on the online hookup site but to be honest, I wasn't quite feeling the chemistry. If we do meet, I intend to admit to Doug the honest truth about my (past) concerns about his HIV status and let the chips fall where they may. 

But we might not even meet;  he's proposed coffee dates a couple of times before but didn't follow through when I wasn't available on the first invitation

My main concern about Doug (other than his HIV+ status) was that he seemed a bit morose, depressed even, during our first two meetings.  I think the main trigger for this mood was that he is lonely and is constantly rejected by all the local gay guys because of his HIV+ status.  

Having lived with a depressed person for twenty-one years, this would be the biggest deal-breaker for me.   I have a positive, smiling personality that some describe as charismatic or vibrant.     "Depressed" is one thing that I'm not!

My even bigger concern is that I'm nowhere near finished my slut phase.  If I get involved with anyone too soon, I will be forever yearning for all the cocks that I didn't suck.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  We're just going out for coffee!  But I'm fairly sure that Doug will ask me out to the movies, dinner or just to the gym with him .... and I just not ready for "dating."  But if he invite me to his bed ... well... I just might say 'yes.'

World AIDS Day

From Corey's Dark Corner

Today is World AIDS Day,   December 1, 2012.

Very often, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had figured out I was gay as a young man rather than at the age of 48.  There's a strong possibility that I would have become infected in those early years and might now be dead. 

I was nineteen in June 1981 when the Center for Disease Control first reported on cases of Kaposi's Sarcoma and pneumocystis carinii pneumonia occurring in young gay men.  Within a couple of years, HIV / AIDS would be reported in 85 countries in the world representing all regions with many thousands of people infected.

From the ages of 22 to about 27, I was a lonely virgin, horny as hell, lacking in self-confidence but having no success with woman.  Hmmm... I wonder why?  I was living alone in or near "gay mecca" cities such as Vancouver, Toronto and Montreal. 

Had I had the self-awareness or courage to experiment with men at that time, I know it would have been unsafe sex.   At that time, very little was known about how the HIV virus was spread .... in fact, the term "unsafe sex" scarcely existed.

I was so starved for physical contact that any handsome, older and perhaps unscrupulous man would have been able to convince me to do just about anything.

Most alarming are recent statistics which show that 1 in 4 (26%) of new HIV infections in the USA occur in youth, between the ages of 13-24.   60% of youth infected with HIV do not know it and and can unknowingly pass the virus to others. As well, young people are among the least likely to get tested. 

At one point during my most recent hookup with Nerdy-Cute Student, in the heat of his sexual desire, he tried to stuff my condom-less cock into his ass.   I pulled away from his grasp and reprimanded him like some old school-ma'rm:  "We mustn't!  I need to put a condom on first!!!"  He shrugged and agreed .... but I strongly hope that he continues to use a condom with all his partners.  I don't want to have to worry about him.

As well, American statistics from 2010 show that some 67% of new HIV infections occur in blacks and Hispanics.   Researchers speculate that men in these groups are more likely to be closeted and  "on the down low," more likely to engage in unsafe sex and less likely to be tested.  Another good reason to be "out and proud", I suppose.

Most experienced gay men my age have a long list of friends and acquaintances who either have HIV / AIDS or have died from it.   Living as "straight" family man for twenty years, I didn't personally know (or know of) a single person with HIV / AIDS .... not one! 

Even in the past two years, I've only knowingly met two men infected with HIV, one of whom I blogged about last January after we had a coffee date and the week later, went to the movies.  These were pleasant enough experiences although we don't have too many common interests.

HIV+ guy still messages me on pof.com every now and then ...  he 'wants' me!   He's good looking, pleasant, very fit,  has lovely muscles and is extremely experienced.   In sort, he's exactly the sort of guy I should be seeing.  He could be the man I need (among other things) to take my sexual skills and experience to the next level, unlike all the 22 year old gay virgins I hook up with.  

But to be really honest and at the risk of getting some negative comments, I'm fairly sure that it's his HIV+ status which is holding me back from having sex with him.  There, I said it.

Moving on!  Here's a corny, safe sex video with cutie Brent Corrigan.  You can find the uncensored version on www.dcfukit.org/ which is much more interesting.