More on Spandex Skinsuits

While all my "gay drama"  is going on, the millions of us in the Sandwich Generation  face many other challenges:  demanding jobs, the running of households, responsibilities involving  aging parents and most importantly, raising teenagers. 

One of our  kids is a bit of a concern: a few school issues, occasional rudeness  and  (at  times) sullen behaviour.   We've seen this  typical teenage behaviour before,  in fact, and hope it is  not too related to our present situation.   

Since the kids spend time in each household (which is fair), a unified response between the two parents is needed.   I honestly think that we will be able to deal with parenting issues together very effectively.  Despite the  best parental responses, however, raising teenagers in our society will always be a challenge!


These concerns are weighing me down a bit.  If I'm alone, issues seem worse as I tend to brood.  The uncertainty of the outcome for all of us is always at the back of my mind.  I'm rarely sad or worried, but if I am to write this blog honestly, I have to share these negative feelings along with the positive.   

So, here is a post that is entirely "fluff"  to cheer me up.

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I feel like such a perve about the recent post about Spandex athletes, when my son and I competed in the Caribou Cross Country Ski Marathon in BC.  I want everyone to better understand what was like to have competed in a race with spandex-clad, sexy, elite athletes.

Let's examine again the guy in the orange skinsuit to the right.  He was a participant in my local race; there were many guys there just like him or even hotter.

Allow your eyes move up the curve of his well-muscled thigh; notice how the thigh muscle dips in at the top and then curves out again to form the perfectly tight, rounded buttock.  Then, imagine hundreds of hot spandex athletes like him an arm's length away, some of them even brushing your shoulder, panting and sweaty, grunting with exertion.

The irony is, none of these guys would be caught dead in a Speedo;  it would be socially unacceptable for the 18 - 35 year old guys.  Yet every one of them is willing, even eager, to put on a clingy  Spandex skinsuit which is every bit as revealing.  Skinsuits are almost sexier than if the guy had been stark naked.  I don't understand why these straight guys are so eager to dress like this!

Their appearance is only part of the equation.  The technique for skate-skiing requires an "open crotch" pose with the skis forming a "V" to the front.  Then imagine, as the hottie skies past you, those muscular thighs pumping, the tight spandex-clad buttock  thrusting forward, with the groin pumping with matching thrusts ....thrusting, thrusting, thrusting.    Gosh, what's a gay virgin to do?    I'll need to excuse myself now....

Progress

Bluebuck Underwear (http://www.bluebuck.net)

Just a couple of months ago, we talked on the telephone only about once a week.  Those one-sided conversations were full of anger, hatred, blame and abuse.

Since then, a transformation has occurred.  In the past two weeks, we've talked on the phone most days; often more than once a day.  I am shocked pleasantly surprised at  how  normal and friendly most of these conversations have become.  We have even recalled fond memories and shared a tiny bit of laughter, "Remember the time when we.......?" 


Our phone conversations are still much easier than  face-to-face encounters which I sometimes find tense.   Mainly, we talk business:

• The kids:  Johnny wants to do what(!!!) on Friday?
• Logistics:  I am out of town for work this week; the kids need to stay at your house.
• Household matters:  The car needs an oil change!

We have acknowledged (but just barely, in passing) the big issue about our financial future and division of assets. There is no need to rush into this discussion. We have to be a good place, communication-wise, to ensure the entire family ends up in the best possible place emotionally, financially and socially.

Recently, I've received a couple of emotional apologies for past bad (ie: abusive) behaviour, which ended up with each of us apologizing to the other.   During one face-to-face meeting, an unexpected, small act of kindness came my way.   I did wonder if it was motivated by guilt or perhaps orchestrated by one of the kids.   However, I shouldn't over-analyze things and just accept it;  I was touched and pleasantly surprised.

Although we are at a very early stage, I think each of us  sees a much happier future ahead in our separate households.  Without any prompting,  the kids have already commented on how much happier each of their parents have become.  I can only hope that this feeling of good will continues.

Random eye-candy:   This cute guy, although a bit young for me, has a lean, natural body with an acceptable amount of fuzz and a nice treasure trail.  I like this picture for a few reasons:  

1. I have a favourite red Speedo just like his. 
2. He reminds me of me, in my younger days.  
3. To me, that view up the legs (the open-crotch shot) is just irresistible!
4. I like the the way he has the drawstring draped around the side of his bulge.  I used to wear my Speedo's drawstring that way, back in the days when I had a girlish waistline and wore my Speedo in public.  No longer!

St. Patrick's Day Hotties

I was just preparing a post on how calm everything has been recently when an unexpected bit of spousal drama reared its ugly head. Eventually, the situation was resolved amicably.  I am just so done with all the tension!   When will it end?

In a nod to St. Patrick's day, here are some hotties in green.

I often have a hard time finding online pictures of hot, furry guys in the 35 - 55 age range.  Some of these guys in this set are overly-shaved for my taste and a few might be too young.  To be perfectly honest, however,  any of these guys could eat crackers in my bed, anytime he wanted.

Toronto Dominion Bank:  thank you for sponsoring Pride!!

Coming out Meme

I don't normally edit posts retroactively. I made two "faux pas" in this post (discussed in the comments) which I feel badly about and must correct.  I'll show the changes in red font.

At first, I was extremely hesitant about doing this meme from Cubby at Patently Queer.   I did it because (I assume) there are many bi/gay/married/closeted/middle-aged fathers who are reading this blog regularly and anonymously.

I know what it's like to be in your shoes.  By reading this meme, I hope that you will feel less alone;  you may even see some similarities with your own situation.

Name: Buddy Bear

Country: British Columbia, Canada

Age: 45

How old were you when you first realized you were gay? In my mid-30s, I first noticed an attraction to men.  I threw in the towel several months ago and admitted to myself that I was gay, rather than bi.  Who knows?  I might be bi, but I'm now exclusively identifying as gay.   It's not as though I am ever going to be alternating:  having sex with a woman one night, a man with the next!  Although I am a gay virgin, I am pretty sure that I have a strong preference for guys.

Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? I only have straight friends in my real life; I have quite a few (in fact more) gay friends online. It's only with my online friends that I can be completely honest about my thoughts, feelings and fears;  they are quickly becoming my true friends.

Biggest turn on? Furry torso and legs, nice ass, pleasant personality.

Biggest turn off?  Closed-mindedness, intolerance

Ever been harassed due to your orientation?  Never.  No one figured it out, including me!

Have you ever been surprised at the reaction of people who know you are gay?  The surprise was that it wasn't a big deal to them.

What is the worst gay stereotype?  That gays are promiscuous and all have HIV / AIDS.

Are you a stereotype? No.

Ever been to a pride rally? No - But I hope to go this June!

Do you go to gay bars? No, the nearest one is 400 miles away.

How old were you when you first told someone you were gay? 45 (several months ago)

Did you plan it? If so, how?  I just told them, flat out, at each of their homes.

What made you choose that person to tell? I  told my whole family (wife, two teenage kids, siblings, parents) and very close friends.  They're the only people that matter.

How did you feel?  That a  great weight  was off my chest.  Happier and freer.

Have you ever been snubbed by someone after coming out to them? No

Have you come out to your family? Yes, all of them.

Why did you come out at that point? Needed to explain why I was getting divorced.

Are you out at work? A couple of close colleagues, yes.  The entire organization, no.

If not, why not?  (1)  Biggest reason:  given the somewhat "high profile" nature of my job and my small town, it would basically mean coming out to the whole town.  I'm fine with that and in fact, look forward to it.  But I have to be sure that my kids would be okay with it first.  There's no rush!  (2) We never discuss sex at work, heterosexual or otherwise.  (3)  Being gay is only a very small part of who I am. (4) It's nobody's business by my own.

If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? It was willingly.

What does being out mean to you?   Living the truth.   Enabling the kids to understand why my marriage was so unhappy.  Ensuring the kids live in two happy households, rather than one household filled with tension and anger.  They have commented on the "happier households" already!

What advice would you give someone wanting to come out?   If you're a bi/gay/married father, consider the impact on your wife and children. You still have a responsibility to your family unit.  I believe that  the wives of closeted gay/bi men would want their husbands to come out to them as soon as possible.  This gives her the option of starting a new life with a "real man", while she is still young. By "real man", I only meant a heterosexual man who is 100% interested in having passionate sex with his woman.  A man who desires and lusts after his wife completely.  Although (I like to think) I was very good  at having sex with my wife, I was really just just going through the motions.  I think woman can always sense this difference. 

Gay men are very much "real men."  Having had to do battle all their lives, they are in fact courageous warriors.

  In time, the children will be perfectly okay with having a "gay Dad", but think carefully and (if you are still talking) discuss it with their mother before coming out to the kids.   Variables include their ages, peer group and the state of gay-acceptance in your community.  My kids were perfectly okay with my announcement.

If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? No changes.  I came out immediately when I acknowledged (to myself) I was gay.  This self-awareness could have occurred at a younger age, but it didn't.  I can't change history.  By figuring out I was gay later in life,  I did end up with two fantastic children;  not every gay man is that lucky!  Everyone's journey is different.

12 of 12: March 2011

Check out Chad Darnell's blog for other 12 of 12 photographs from amateur photographers from around the world. The idea is to post 12 pictures taken on the 12th of each month and then link the URL to Chad's blog.   I post every second or third day, so my pics are late  this month.

My town is in the middle of some of the most beautiful wilderness to be found anywhere in the world.  However, there has been a serious economic decline here for at least the past thirty years.

This town also suffers from serious social problems as well.  For example, we are in the top 10 for highest rate of violent crime per capita in Canada.  But since this is Canada and not the USA, the weapons of choice are knives, not handguns.

Driving around town today, I was struck how shabby the older commercial / industrial area;  decaying, full of abandoned businesses and industry, rusting equipment and piles of dirty, melting snow.  So this month, I took pictures of some less attractive things in town. 

Sexy Athletes in Spandex

Perv alert!   Perv alert!

My son and I competed in a major cross-country ski race in early February.   I’d done the 30 km event many times but never as a newly-out gay man.   Big difference!!  This time I obsessed over noticed the hundreds of superbly fit men in spandex tights and one-piece skinsuits.  Woof!!


The majority were lean and athletic with the  tight bubble butts and muscular thighs of a cross country skier.   The older guys... late 30s, 40s, early 50s were the most mesmerizing.  Their muscles were a bit beefier and better developed than the skinnier 20-somethings.  OMFG!!!!   Stunning!  (I’m getting hard just writing this account.)

As the race progressed with hottie after hottie zooming past me,  I had superb, close-up views of countless spandex-clad asses, crotches and beefy thighs. Breath-taking!   Incredibly, they all knew how to wear spandex... no sagginess here!  Every single one had his spandex pulled up snugly into his crotch, around each side of his bulge (no split packages!) and firmly into his ass crack.

How could the designer of these suits NOT have been a gay man?  The lighter colours.... yellow, white, powder blue highlighted every bulge and curve.  These colours also revealed the trickle of sweat which, on some, made its way down the small of the back and disappeared between  muscular butt cheeks.  Many suits had abstract patterns designed to accentuate a man’s curves.  My eyes were drawn involuntarily as the design snaked around the torso and bulge, and then disappeared between delicious inner thighs.
   
The ache in my balls got more intense as the day progressed.   I briefly considered taking... er... matters into my own hand in a Port-a-Potty but quickly abandoned that idea as they were  (1) freezing (2) with a huge line-ups of people outside of each (3) so disgusting... I wouldn’t even have used them for their intended purpose.

I wore a pair of black spandex athletic tights ....I think I looked pretty darned good as well!  Quite a few people checked me out but nearly all, sadly, were old ladies in their 50s to 70s.  I thought, “You’re barking up the wrong tree, ladies!!”   However, I was very sure that a number of guys checked me out as well.   During the race, I stepped aside (“gave track” - ski racer’s etiquette) as an early 50ish hottie zoomed by; stunning, lean, muscular body, hot ass, grey flavour saver facial hair).  He yelled, “Way to go!” as he zoomed past and then turned his head fully around and gave my front side the once-over as well. Gosh.... he could not have been more obvious!

At the finish line, I checked out an early 30s hottie standing alone in a black skinsuit.  He looked over for a moment and (I think) checked me out.  We locked eyes briefly, he flashed a beautiful smile and then I moved on.  I had son with me at the time and I’m really not yet ready for a hookup.  When I’m ready, I’ll know!

These pics will give you some idea of what I'm talking about; most are Olympians.  They're "okay", but mere pictures cannot compare to having these athletes standing two feet away from you, breathing heavily, filmed in sweat, manly chests heaving, butt cheeks clenching and unclenching.......

Collateral Damage

Ce Ce, a wife who has just been left by a gay husband after 18 years,  commented on my previous post.  She reminded us how painful the coming-out process was for the wife of the gay man.


The newly-minted gay husband  (like me) is excited, energized, empowered, horny as hell and full of visions of hooking up with hot guys.  He feels liberated from years of living a lie, that of  a "straight"  man;  years of carrying a secret that he didn't want to have.

At the same time, his former wife is devastated and sad.  She may be consumed with hatred and bitterness.  Ce Ce wrote,  "But mostly I am left utterly, completely empty.....  missing the man I still love and was planning on spending the entirety of my life with. 

Ce Ce, I also regret causing you more distress by posting, "To make things more difficult, his wife is aging as well and becoming less attractive to him, particularly if she has had a couple of kids."  After our kids were born, there was just no pleasure for me to be had.  I know that sounds harsh, but the whole point of this blog is to be brutally honest and that was my reality.

Here are some of the feelings of the "wife of....."

1. She is the most angry that the coming-out didn't happen sooner; she could have had a fresh start with another man.
2. She feels like she has been "living a lie" for her entire marriage.
3. She feels like she has wasted the best (most attractive) years of her life.
4. She has been caught by surprise.  "Honey, I'm gay!  Surprise!!!" ....while the gay husband had (perhaps) decades to get used to the idea that he is gay.
5. She blamed herself for years for the lack of intimacy in the marriage;  she wasn't attractive enough, sexy enough or slim enough and becomes enraged when she discovers it wasn't just her all along.
6. The love she once felt for her husband has now turned into hatred;  it's hard to fall out of love.
7. ____________________ Any others?

Fellow blogger Gay Christian Pastor  also discusses all this in his post Collateral Damage;  I borrowed the title...thank you!   


And yet... the gay husband's coming-out opens up the possibility of an exciting new life for the "wife of..."   

The Gay Christian pastor wrote of his wife being  “excited about the future” after his coming-out." His wife said, “If there is a possibility that I can eventually have the kind of love I’ve always wanted, then I’m excited to get out there and find it."   He added, "She desperately wants to be loved by a man who is passionately in love with all of who she is."

Another fellow blogger writing Conflicting Clarity wrote that his wife's new boyfriend is "curling her toes in bed in a way that I never did.   But this time she was talking about more than just sex.  She was talking about the other parts of her life.  Like she suddenly discovered what she was missing." 

In all this, my one deepest regret is the pain that I have caused my wife.   I can't fix it and make it go away;  I can't change history.   Twenty years ago.... even two years ago.... I never in a million years would have believed that I was gay. I'm hoping that in time, she will be able to move on as well.