Thursday, December 4, 2014

Top ten reasons NOT to hook up

I hugely enjoyed the many sweet times I've have with sexy, horny men, but I still entirely rely on guys making offers for sex on the various sites: Grindr, or

I just couldn't be bothered messaging guys for sex;  it would be too much effort to message perhaps 20 guys just to arrange one hookup.

Although I NEVER initiate chats, so far, I get more offers than I can accommodate.  Of the offers I do receive, I turn down about 80% of them.   Here are top ten reasons why I turn down offers for sex, in no particular order.
  1. He wants to be raped,  tied up, spanked or peed on.  Such requests are made more often than I ever would have imagined.
  2. He's a "total top" and refuses to do anything else.  I rarely bottom these days.
  3. He does not kiss during a casual hookup.
  4. He's a married guy, but I do make an exception if he's extremely hot and / or in his 30s.
  5. He's under 21  (but I've broken this rule several times)
  6. He's either a former student, had attended my school or is "the father of..."
  7. He's an old, really fat guy*.   By "old", I mean my age, +50.  
  8. The offer comes later than 11:00 pm.  Us old farts need our beauty sleep!
  9. He's 58 or older.  (I'm not saying I wouldn't hook up with older; but so far, I haven't)
  10. He comes across in the chat as total asshole or someone who is "all chat, no action."
*  I have a terrible double standard: I hook up with heavier guys in their 20s and 30s all the time and enjoy them a lot.  But I find older guys in that condition extremely unattractive.

As a result of this lazy approach to hooking up, some weekends, I entertain gentleman callers three nights in a row and the next weekend, I have none.  This week, I had late night hookups two weeknights in a row and right now, I'm exhausted!

Hookup #1 was with an Aboriginal dude, 38, who has a management position with a First Nations band several hours to the north.  We had been texting for weeks and finally, he was in town for meetings.  Jim was quite handsome,  a bigger dude (350 pounds) but he carried it well.

We chatted in his hotel room for well over an hour, drinking the wine I brought and chatting about all aspects of our lives, careers and sexual histories.  A year ago, he had been cheated on by his life-in boyfriend and had been badly hurt.

Jim was soooo shy and eventually told me:  "I have a very hard time in asking for what I want, sexually."  But I waited it out until he finally got brave enough to make the approach.

He turned out to be extremely passionate, a great kisser but refused to take his shirt or boxer shorts off.  After some time and much persuasion, I got them off!  I love lying on top of a heavier guy as long as he's not completely jelly-like:  it's like lying atop of a warm, wonderful waterbed.

Jim hadn't been able to get an erection in his last several times with a guy.  It was a vicious cycle and he was obsessing about it which only made things worse. But after a very long time and thanks to the many cock massage techniques taught to be by Rick of Torn Jeans, he ended up with a beautiful erection and a nice orgasm in the end.

As I left, he looked like the cat who swallowed the canary.  Clearly, he was very pleased with his regained erection and also added:  "That was the first time I've ever had my shirt off in bed with a guy!"  Too funny!

Jim and I plan to see each other again.  I certainly would hook up with him again but I'd rather have him as a casual friend.

The very next night, I was messaged by a 27 year old hottie on Grindr who was just too sexy to say "no" to.   Alex was 6'-2", 130 pounds, skinny jeans dragged tight over the thinnest legs I'd ever seen, a flop of streaked hair over one eye with the rest fashioned into a "man-bun" in the back.  Alex was very swishy and flamboyant: not my usual type of man.

He was was strikingly handsome, with high cheekbones of and almond shaped eyes;  hotter than any Super Model. It turned out that his father was aboriginal and his mother was German and his exotic features combined the best features of both.   I'm coming to prefer aboriginal men over uptight white guys.

He turned out to the sweetest, funniest, most cuddly man I've ever shared a bed with.  As well as the most passionate and vocal.  Not to going into too many details, I pounded his skinny ass for what seemed like an eternity and in every which way. I ended up feeling like the best top in the world!

The downside to Alex: he doesn't have a car and lives 30 km away.  That's a lot of driving for me!  But he wants to see me again:  we'll see.


  1. Amazing! You got him hard! He must have be totally surprised! Besides being a good teacher, you are a good student as you remembered what I showed you! Again, from all the postings, you have an amazing life out in the middle of no where. You are far from bored. Thank you for mentioning me! Hugs!

    1. He was very pleased. :-) In fact, he's texted me numerous times since then, but I'll talk about that in my next post.

  2. I think rules can be broken (but not laws!). I think I told you my "boy" is 19. It's not a sexual relationship (yet), but that's OK. I saw him and his mother tonight at a concert he performed in!

    Good on you for making sure your guy had a great time! You probably helped him more than you can know. Awesome!

    Peace <3

    1. My list certainly aren't "laws" and they are not even "rules." They are just actual reasons as to why I have turned down guys in the past.

      Human attraction and character traits are hugely complex and variable, so what (and who) I am willing to do is constantly evolving.

    2. I wonder if your "boy" knows that you are hoping to have a sexual relationship with him?

      Do you know how he regards you now? (ie: as a mentor, older male buddy, bromance, father figure?

  3. Completely unrelated to your post, but I gotta say-- and I know I've said this before-- you have really awesome taste in porn.

    1. Thank you! I love lightly hairy, beefy, masculine, non-twinky men with nice asses and bulges. I always enjoy hooking up with guys like this in real life and posting pics of them to decorate my blog.

  4. The action in the gif defines the term "torrid." The guy wading in the water is close to my absolutely ideal man: mature built, uncut, bearded and body haired, and intense in his commanding glance.

    We both "take care" of the men we have sex with, you and I; it's one of the reasons they want to be with us again and again. I agree with Jay M. when he said that you have probably done much more for him than you know; men want sex but they also want to know that they can be fully functional and present in the encounter. You gave him that and he won't soon forget.

    1. The scene in the gif is one which I've re-enacted, and more, many times. Will, I agree that we have the same taste in men and love to "take care" of them.

      There have been more developments with the 38 year dude who I helped out, but I'll save those for my next post.


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