Saturday, January 18, 2014

Gay versus straight hookups

One of my favourite places to be in the entire world is between a pair of beefy thighs, such as these magnificent examples from Man Thighs.

One of my best friends at school is a slim, attractive and very funny 48 year old woman who recently married a hunky Australian while on a teacher exchange.  It was her first marriage.

She's been endlessly supportive throughout my gay journey and I tell her practically everything except for the explicit details.  Of all my stories of the "under-the-surface" gay life in our small town, she finds the volume of offers I receive to be most shocking thing of all.

Despite being practically a dinosaur in the gay world (51), I get more offers on squirt.org  than I could possibly accommodate from men aged 18 to 65 years old.  I reply to most messages but turn down about 90% for various reasons, mainly because of work schedules, inability to host or the fact that I live far out in the country.  Many are from many guys who I hooked up with a year or two earlier.

She said:  "When I was single woman on the dating sites, I got no offers at all. NONE!  Okay, maybe I'd get the odd reply from some 75 year old man. Men my age are only interested in going younger.  And I had no younger men messaging me either, at least not in this town."

"Yet here you are;  a gay man my age and you're getting tons of offers from every age group.  I don't get it!"

I explained:
1.  Quantity does not equal quality.  I haven't met a single guy on the sites who was a "keeper", although many have been very special in many aspects, spectacular, even!  But I would never expect to find Mr. Right on an online hookup site and I'm not even looking for him right now, anyway.

2.  In the gay world, a big age difference does not matter as much as in the straight world.   In particular, many young gay men are looking for a "Daddy" .... and I'm perfect Daddy material!  I find an extremely wide range of men attractive and it seems that the reverse is true as well.

3.   Straight woman act as a gateway (or barrier) to sex with straight men. But when there are two men involved, there is just so much testosterone involved and there is no barrier.  When gay men want to have sex, they just get right to it!  There is no moral judgement or hesitation involved at all.

Right now, I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be gay.  In fact, I sometimes feel sorry for straight men of all ages who are confined to such a tiny box of  behaviour and roles are acceptable for men in our society.  As well, gay men just seem to have more fun.

I feel particularly sorry for many of the single 20-something straight (and very hot) men I see at the athletic complex.  Judging from overheard conversations, some of them seem to be getting very little sex at all. 

There seems to be such a huge amount of effort required for them to get into some young woman's pants.... if they were gay, they'd be getting all the sex they could possibly want. 

Thoughts?




22 comments:

  1. Still being unable to find the courage to post on hookup sites, I can't really say whether or not gay men have an advantage, but it does seem that way based on many of the blogs I read written by gay men of all ages. You are exactly correct: quantity does not equal quality, and I do agree that age differences probably aren't as much a problem (and that's based on my own experience, however limited it may be). But I will say, I'm having fun!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    Replies
    1. I think you should just be brave and sign up on a quality gay relationship site; use a faceless picture if you must. You never know who might be out there for you!

      Delete
  2. I'm really surprised at how many guys you connect with on Squirt. I've always thought of that site as sleazy. Fat old guys and many unsafe. I've never seen a hot 27 yo ballet dancer on there. Maybe that site attracts a different crowd in your area.

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    Replies
    1. I think the usage of gay sites varies hugely from one city to the next. In my smallish, very remote city, squirt is pretty much the only game in town.

      Over 1,000 gay guys are listed on it; most of the active gay population, I think, and a great many of them are young 'uns in the 18 - 30 demographic. Many of the young guys are super-hot (like the ballet dancer) and far out of my league.

      But other sites such as Adam4Adam and bear411.com only have a dozen or so local guys listed and scruff only has a handful.

      But when I was in Toronto, I found squirt to be populated mainly by older men with many of them not very appealing at all. I had to create a profile grindr to get in touch with a wider age range of men.

      Delete
  3. Good post. I too feel a bit sorry for young straight men too. It is way too hard to try and hook up with a woman than it is a man. It's the truth. I have always told my straight friends over the years, take how horny you are and double that and that is what you get with two gay men. Men (for the most part) are more sexual than women and when you are a man looking for a man... sex is more likely to happen, I think. it's not always guaranteed, but let's be real. I lived in the straight world for years and hooking up with a girl was much harder than it was hooking up with a gay man... just saying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's always great to hear from you, Kelly! You are 100% correct. I love your line:

      "Take how horny you are a double that...and that's what you get with two gay men."

      I plan to use it on my straight friends next week at school!

      Delete
  4. It was hard for me to be thoughtful here as the fellow in the tub with his backside in the air gave me the giggles.
    I think gay men are more in touch with The Lover archetype, and its positives - but also its negatives too.
    "There is no moral judgement or hesitation involved at all" - I think this is more true with gay men, but our upbringing has us by the short hairs more than we realize.

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    1. Oh Dr. Spo, that rear view only picture of the bathtub guy is so inviting... and insanely hot. If I saw him in real life, I'd be feasting on his magnificent ass, cock and balls.

      When you say "Our upbringing has us by the short hairs".... , I think that comment is reflective of your midwestern upbringing and your Puritan forefathers.

      There is nothing in my upbringing which suggests to me that enjoying physical pleasure is a bad thing.... I feel no guilt or regret at all about my activities with men. But I think that the Scandinavians in my background are a lot less uptight about pleasures of the flesh.

      Delete
  5. Brilliant post. I have to say, that I never felt desired or attractive. Until I started hooking up with guys. I realize now that I'm not as undesirable as I thought I was, and I'll tell you this, more sex is good. Really good. If the women in my past had been as obtainable as the guys in my present, I don't think I would have ever discovered this side of me, but at present, even in the closet, I'm sure glad I did!

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    1. Thank you! "Brilliant post" might be overstating it! lol I am so glad that you now find yourself desirable and attractive. You always were, you know. Enjoy!

      Delete
  6. So is that last image the one you post on squirt?

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    1. No, even though that last pic does resemble me a great deal, especially what I looked like 10 years ago. The main difference is that I was quite a bit skinnier and not as muscular as that dude: for example, I never had his biceps or pecs but my legs looked the same as his.

      Check out the "Pictures of Me...." section at the upper right. I've marked the pictures which I use in my online gay profiles with an asterisk *.

      Delete
  7. Thank God I am gay! Now how do I be gay again in my next life? LOL

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  8. I think women look on sex as making or requiring a commitment. Men don't need commitment to get laid. There's a physical attraction, a "hey, wanna have sex?" and it's done. If it's good and there's interest in another hook up, great; if not, no problem. Even in fuckbuddy relationships, and I'm lucky to have had quite a few of those, there are no strings attached, just the appreciation of each other's bodies, possibly a drink or two but no entanglement. It's so simple and uncomplicated and such a great way to live.

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    1. Hear! Hear! That's what I love about gay men: there's such an innate understanding of what we want (physical contact and the need to 'get off') that all of society's rules and restrictions don't ever enter into the picture.

      We just right down to it!

      Delete
  9. Generally, it's true that woman are more emotionally driven. Some of that's biology, after all women evolved with that biological imperative to bear and protect their young. But, that varies from woman to woman. Just like guys, they're not all the same and want and need different things at different times in their lives, just like guys.

    But, don't underestimate the influence of cultural pressure. Men, after all, are largely responsible for that by controlling all the important institutions that insisted women's sexuality wasn't very freely expressed. Would most straight guys really want to marry and have children with a woman who was half as free sexually as the average gay guy? I think not...

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    1. A very wise observation! Woman face a terrible double standard when it comes to sex. Men with many sexual partners are masculine, virile, admired and envied. Women with many sexual partners are sluts and undesirable.

      Your last sentence summed it up nicely.

      If a nice young woman in her 20s had as many sexual partners as I have had (ie: many dozens of them!), I can guarantee that none of the 20-something men would ever want her as a wife.

      The fragile (young) male ego could NEVER live with the fact that his wife has had thirty different cocks in her vagina. Especially since many of those cocks would have been bigger than his.

      Delete
  10. I feel sorry for my straight brother who has tried dating sites only to be asked about his job and living situations. The straight dynamic is so completely different to the gay one I wont even dare to comment.

    As for gay sites, if I had a dollar for every cockshot profile pic I ever saw... well you do the math.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't imagine what the straight online hookup scene is like but i'm sure the situation is the same here.

      I really dislike all the cock shots used as the main profile pic on squirt.org. I'm always asked for one and I reply: "Sorry, I don't DO cock pics. But I have had any complaints about mine!"

      Delete
  11. I was convinced when I turned 45 a couple of months ago, my prospects would start drying up seriously. But I can't tell you the number of young 20s I'm attracting now… I'm even attracting 18 and 19 year olds. 45 appears to be like catnip; I guess it's one of those magic ages. 43 and 44 did not seem so alluring :^] I'm actually not that into guys this young, but it's nice to know there's still a place for me as I age.

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